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Usher pounded in your ears.
Well, not literally of course. That would be a weird image. In fact, I don't actually know how to describe that. But the bass was loud enough that it felt like it- Like a little Usher was banging on your eardrums with a mallet.
"THE DJ GOT US FALLING IN LOVE AGAAAIN-" The sea of drunken clubgoers echoed the lyrics, and it felt like someone had inserted a subwoofer into your ribcage. You couldn't even hear your own thoughts, much less see any of your friends through the neon lights.
It was Noughties Night at The Shining Diamond, one of the most popular and opulent clubs in the city. Yoon Jeonghan, one of your "captors" (I.e best friend) knew a guy who had a sister, who had a cousin, who dog-sat for someone who could pull a few strings to get you all in tonight. Now, you were wishing he hadn't. This was nothing like any party you'd been to before. Proms, homecomings, even birthday parties- There had all been a relative sense of safety. Knowing who was around you, knowing where you could go to breathe. There was always someone in the corner playing UNO instead of dancing. But this. This was like a whole new world. It wasn't bad necessarily- But in it too long, and it felt like a panic attack. You couldn't see anyone faces, didn't know who anyone was in the swarm of gyrating sweaty bodies. It smelled awful, a mix of horny and sweaty drunks. Not to mention all the lights were strobes flashing fast enough to give you a migraine.
"J-Jeonghan?!" You'd lost them a little while ago. It hadn't been like this the whole time-You loved being able to dance around like a crazy person with your closest friends, but this was all getting too much too fast. "Seungkwan!!" You yelped into the void. Somewhere between a J.Lo song and the fifth rendition of Hips Don't Lie, you felt the familiar feeling of overstimulation. Everything was just too much- The sounds, the smells, the lights. It felt like you were being swallowed up by a pit of snakes.
Not really how you'd wanted this to go.
Your head whipped all around, trying to find a way out. Somewhere you could breathe for just a second, where the subwoofer just wasn't so loud and the lights didn't make you want to cry. Your eyes finally managed to zero in on a spot that looked brighter than the rest. Fluorescent lights. Not as many people. Not ideal, but certainly better than this. You forced your feet to move forward, through the sea of sweat and clouds of cherry-flavored vape. Your eyes watered as you reached the finish line, still on the lookout for any familiar head of hair. Your vision tunneled. There was a seat, an open seat. Your pace quickened and you slid in before anyone else could snatch it up. You shut your eyes tightly as you sat down, breathing in and out slowly in an attempt to control your heartbeat. It was still loud, and it was still shitty- But it was better. You felt your hands grip the bar in front of you- That's where you were then. The bar.
The countertop was sticky and unpleasant, but it was grounding you more than shimmying in a pack of sardines. You continued to breathe slowly, just as you had practiced. Your brain could be a bitch sometimes, but you tried to understand it the best you could. You knew it was just a survival instinct that had turned to a 100. You knew it was all connected but you couldn't think that hard right now. You couldn't think at all really. A new song came on and it got even worse. They were doing that thing in substep where the beat climbed and climbed, eventually leading to a drop- An explosion of beats in the music. But it hurt, badly. The drums sounded like bombs in your ears and your anxiety just increased. YOur breathing shuttered and you shut your eyes tight once more, hands going up to cover your ears so hard it hurt. But that's what this did. This episode, this panic attack- The height of this overstimulation.
You didn't care if you were getting looks from other patrons. You'd been here before, this panicked state. You'd never see these people again- All that mattered was that you kept yourself going, and found a way to calm down. Find Seungkwan, or Jeonghan, get some air. You didn't want to ruin their night- You'd probably be able to come back, maybe with a meal in your system and some noise-cancelling earplugs. A dress that didn't itch so uncomfortably. Just something that-
You felt a hand on your arm.
Your eyes flew open, panicked. Someone was close, behind the bar. You heard his voice dimly, lowly through the music.
"Would you like some headphones?"
"W-what?" You choked out. Your hands still on your ears. The person came closer, his head next to your ear. In any other situation, you would be as red as a tomato. He was careful not to yell it seemed. His voice calm as he asked again. "Would you like some headphones?"
Headphones? He had probably seen you covering your ears like your brain was about to burst. You nodded quickly, shutting your eyes once more after seeing thevpair of gray over-ear headphones he held. YOur joy was shortlived however as you realized you'd have to remove your hands in order to put them on. You chewed your lip at the thought of hearing that music fully once more. But you didn't have long to contemplate.
"May I?" His voice was close once again. You just nodded. At this point, you'd agree to anything to stop this pain.
You felt the headphones slide along your head. You could smell the man's cologne too- It wasn't fumy, or smelly, or sickly sweet. it was... comforting, weirdly enough. He adjusted the plush vinyl over your ears gently, covering your fingers still pressed onto them the noise dulled significantly, and you could no longer hear the drunken joyous scream singing of the crowd behind you. Your eyelids fluttered open, feeling gentle fingers on your wrists. He was holding them, tugging so slightly to tell you you didn't have to hurt not to hear anymore. Your ears felt immediate relief as you let go, letting the headphones fully cover them as your hands were gently guided to the bar.
"Better?" Plush lips mouthed the word in front of you. You could somewhat still hear his voice through the headphones but...God, those lips. You nodded slowly, finally feeling like you were able to breathe at least a little bit. He smiled. "Here- Drink this." He handed you a bottle of cold water, the condensation a welcome distraction for your nerves. "Thank you." Your voice croaked, a hoarse whisper. "Slowly." He chastised with an amused smile; This guy knew you too well for having just met you. You were about to chug the whole thing. A glimmer of a smile spread across your lips, grateful for the stranger's help. Did this happen to many people? How did he know just what you needed? His head turned to the side, hearing something you couldn't. He turned back to you, a hand back on your own. It was large. Strong, stable and steady. How were they so soft?
"I'll be right back. Sip." He whispered to you. You nodded. He was like a buoy in this sweaty, tumbling ocean of overwhelming. You watched his back as he walked away, your vision a little clearer and your mind a little quieter. He wore a tight black shirt, stretching satisfyingly over built muscles. His back and shoulders were wide and sturdy, leading up to a fluffy head of bleached blonde hair, a silver tint in the soft strands that could've just been the light. He turned, facing a patron at the bar and you took in the beautiful bridge of his nose, and the thick lashes of his glittering eyes.
....Or something. You shook your head slightly out of your sudden stupor, your panic quickly subsiding and being replaced with a heat in your cheeks. You refused to be embarrassed, taking a sip of your water. This was something that happened to you, and you lived with it; Picking up tools from friends and therapists and doctors to try and make it easier. It was a part of your life, and anyone who couldn't handle that wasn't worth being with.
But he was handling it~ The little voice in your head whispered. Without even a question! God, can you imagine what waking up to that strong, broad back would be like-
SHUT UP. You screamed internally. Of course, it didn't. It was a little quieter though. You continued to sip your water, and at some point, a small bowl of pretzels appeared in front of you. You munched happily on them, little bites with little sips eventually turning into normal ones. Along with normal bites came regulated system, and you felt much, much, better, incredibly grateful for the help of one kind bartender.
You stared off into space, when a body entered your vision. You blinked once, twice, smiling when you saw who it was. "Hi." You said, voice finally at a regular decible. "Hey." He smiled back, and good lord it was a sight to behold. He leaned closer, and it took you a split second to realise that no, he wasn't leaning in for a kiss, but to speak to you. "I think the noise might be a little better now. Do you want to try taking them off? It's okay if you don't." Your eyes widened and you contemplated it for a second before finally nodding your head and reaching up to remove the coverings over your ears. You cringed in anticipation of the loud noise, but as you removed the headphones you were met with no rib-shaking subwoofer. It was still loud of course, but over by the bar it was much quieter than it had been. People weren't yelling to speak to each other anymore either, a much more relaxed atmosphere entering the bar area.
"Woah." You looked around before narrowing your eyes at him. "How did you do that?" The man blinked as if he hadn't expected to be caught. "Ahh. Uh. It was nothing. It was so loud it was actually...over ordinance. Yeah, the uh, sound ordinance. It's a thing." He rubbed his neck with his hand before nodding sagely. "Ah." You responded, playing along. "Of course. The ordinance that is very much real."
He nodded, a twinkle in his eyes. "Oh yeah, definitely. Totally a legal thing."
You smiled back. "Not at all having to do with the person freaking out at your bar." "Pssshh, no way." He smiled. "I know the DJ- he gets uh...carried away sometimes. In fact, I can't believe his ears still work." "It is a miracle." You joked, taking another sip of your water.
"Are you doing a little better now?" He asked. The question was genuine and you could see the real worry he held for you in his eyes. "Oh! Yes, i- Much better. Thank you so much. I'm sorry I-"
"Don't apologize. There's nothing to be sorry for." His word felt final and when he said it you believed him. A rare thing to be told and believe. "Well. Thank you" You took another munch of pretzel before asking the question that had been swirling around your brain. "How did you know just what to do when I came up? Does this happen often?"
He picked up a glass and began drying it as he spoke. "Not often, here. But sometimes. And...I didn't really know what to do. I just sort of followed my gut. You looked like you needed to breathe." He paused. "Sorry if I overstepped-" You quickly waved your hand. "No, not at all! You're right, I did need to breathe. Overstimulation will do that." You chuckled
"Is that what happened? Overstimulation?" He asked- There was no malice behind it, just genuine curiosity. He wanted to help, to educate himself.
There was nothing sexier.
You nodded. "In a sense, yeah. An episode like that could happen for any number of reasons. I didn't eat much, didn't drink enough water- Or it could be the environment. I'm not used to the noise, or the people, or the inebriation. If I feel really anxious one day, or something is just off it could happen. Believe me, I could get overstimulated in a Mellow Mushroom if the conditions were right."
"Sometimes it's more of a panic attack. Others, it's this. Where everything becomes too bright, too loud, too smelly, and too hot. It's like everything is on fire."
He looked at you, hand pausing on the cup and a bit of a shell-shocked look to his features. You immediately started to backtrack. Sometimes you forgot that it didn't happen to everyone else, and the things you dealt with daily were not the same for everyone. "Sorry if that was-" You started to apologize.
"Wow. You're really strong." You sat up straight in your chair, his words unexpected. "And you know what to do when that happens?"
He continued to ask questions. He didn't turn away, or steer the conversation somewhere else. So you answered him. "Sort of. I have tools, right..."
An hour passed, and you still sat at the bar. His name was Seungcheol, and you were half in love with him already.
"...It's taken a lot to get me where I am now; Help from my friends, family, and doctors. I'm proud of it. Of myself." Seungcheol smiled genuinely. "And your boyfriend? Does he know how to help you?"
If your expression could turn into a question mark, it would've.
"Boyfriend?" He nodded again. "Yeah, I saw you come in with some guys. I figured..." You smiled. "Just friends, Seungcheol. Not everyone is as readily accepting of mental health stuff, especially when it comes to relationships." You added. "That isn't to say no one is, I just...personally haven't found...anyone." You trailed off, taking an awkward sip of your water. There weren't a ton of guys in your immediate dating pool who were educated or even open to learning about neurodivergence or how to help someone who struggled with panic attacks.
"Hm."
"Hm?" You repeated. "What does Hm mean?"
"I mean, they obviously don't deserve you if that's how they behave." He grumbled. "Of course they'd be stupid enough to lose a catch like you if that's how they act." He wiped the glasses with a little more force than necessary.
Your face heated. "Th-thanks, Cheol." "It's a good thing you didn't get with them anyway. Idiots couldn't treat you well enough if they tried." You giggled as his anger for you, less embarrassed and more amused by the second. "Mhm. Gotta find my own Seungcheol to treat me right." Saying it was like sending a risky text that you'd throw your phone across the room after. But you meant it. And life was too short to say things you didn't mean.
"I know someone that just might be up to it." He replied, almost offhandedly.
You nearly choked, but you kept up your act. "Oh?"
Seungcheol smiled, a mischievous twinkle in his eyes. "Yeah. He works here, actually. His favorite thing to do is help beautiful girls having panic attacks." You snorted through your flustered state. "Ohh. Do I have competition then?"
"Nah," He started. "He hasn't been able to take his eyes off you since you came in."
You could feel your heart pounding in your chest. The subwoofer was back, and it came as your vital organ.
"W-well I'd love to meet him. What time does he get off?"
Those doe eyes flicked to a clock on the wall. "Ten minutes- I can tell him to meet you outside if you'd like, by the front?"
You grinned, big and genuine and happy. His eyes locked onto it, a happy and hungry look. He was in awe of you.
"It's a date." You stepped off your stool, putting a five-dollar bill on the counter for the food. You looked back at him. He still had that hungry look in his eyes, watching your every move. "See you soon, Seungcheol." One attempted wink later, and you were off.
KARAOKE BITCHES
(Y/N): so uh..........may not be home tonight. I'm safe love you
seungkwan: .....IS THIS WHAT I THINK IT MEANS
jeonghannie: if u get kidnapped i know a guy <3 love you