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Zephyrus was gone. Their match was finally over, and Zephyrus had fled, too weak and unready to face Apollo's true form after he had threatened to show himself. Apollo stood his ground, breathing heavily with exertion, and all was still. As the ringing in his ears finally subsided, all was silent as well lest for... oh. All was silent lest for the quiet, badly muffled sobs of Hyacinthus, who still sat behind Apollo, where he'd been thrown not minutes before. Apollo turned around to face him, and the other immediately scrambled back, wincing from the actively swelling injury on his ankle and pulling up the tattered fabric of his tunic in a feeble attempt to hide what laid beneath. In the moonlight Apollo saw, and his eyes widened with realization.
The unblemished olive skin of Hyacinthus' abdomen, for which Apollo had so fiercely pined, dipped on the sides into an hourglass. His hips, having been hidden under the loose tunic that Zephyrus had ripped, were just wide enough to give away the truth. His chest was bound with silk and Apollo could see the bruises, old and yellow and freshly blue and purple alike, peaking out from beneath the wrapping. Apollo exhaled shakily, putting his hand to his mouth. He did this. This was his doing. He'd done this, and had subjected poor, lovely Hyacinthus to a lifetime of suffering.
It is said that the origin of Hyacinthus' condition, shared by so many others, involved a lot of spirits and a certain god of the sun who is, at this moment, feeling incredibly remorseful for that which he cannot take back.
"Thamyris!" Hyacinthus cried. "Please, I can explain. I can- I can explain. This- This is- I-"
Hyacinthus' eyes welled with tears once more and he hiccuped, wiping them away. Now Apollo could see how the droplets caught on thick, long lashes and slipped down that beautiful, feminine face that he'd fallen for. Hyacinthus sobbed, and Apollo realized he had to say something, but his tongue was lead in his mouth and all he could do was stare. He loved this human so dearly that it ached within his chest. Apollo loved Hyacinthus as naturally as a fish loved the sea. As an eye loved the socket to which it belonged, Apollo loved Hyacinthus: so easily and so naturally that it felt like second nature. The memory of Hyacinthus' cheek was carved into Apollo's hand, the perfection of that caress making him feel like his fingers were meant for nothing else. How could he explain all this to Hyacinthus, who looked as though he thought Apollo would disappear at any moment? How could he explain that in the many, many years he'd been alive, he'd never found anyone like Hyacinthus? How could he explain this without revealing his own awful truth?
"I cannot make you understand," He choked out before Apollo could say anything. "I cannot make anyone understand what is happening inside me. I cannot even explain it to myself. But... But I cannot fix this. I am a man with a woman's body. It has been ingrained in me since my birth and will persist, I am sure, until my demise. I am sorry for deceiving you. If- If you want to leave me, I promise that you'll never see me again. All I ask is that you tell no-one what you've seen. I will become a ghost to you as long as you give me that."
"Hyacinthus," Apollo said finally, his voice weakened to just a whisper. He took a step forward, pausing when Hyacinthus tensed. "Oh, Hyacinthus. However could I leave?"
Hyacinthus choked on a sob and Apollo quickly closed the gap, pulling his lover into his arms. Hyacinthus' skin was cool to the touch, his hair tangled with the leaves and twigs it had picked up upon being thrown to the ground. He wrapped his thin arms around Apollo and gripped the soft fabric of his tunic, burying his face into the exposed flesh of Apollo's neck. Apollo could feel the hot tears running down his freckled skin, but he made no move to wipe them away, his priority being the man in his embrace.
"I'm so sorry, darling," Apollo murmured as Hyacinthus hiccuped on sobs. "I love you. I'm so sorry. My love. My light. My sun and stars. I'm sorry."
Hyacinthus sniffed and pulled back slightly, enough to look Apollo in the eye. His own gaze was clouded with the fog that came from crying, and Apollo was incredulous to find that there was concern- concern- in Hyacinthus' brown eyes. Even as he was, cried out and exhausted, Apollo thought Hyacinthus was the most beautiful creature on the planet.
"You needn't apologize, Thamyris," He said, putting a hand on Apollo's cheek. Apollo winced at the name, looking away- another reminder of his own ruse. Hyacinthus began to pull his hand away. "You.. flinch from my touch. Do I... Do I truly repulse you?"
"No!" Apollo immediately denied, taking Hyacinthus' hand into his own. "No, you do not repulse me. I care not about what body you inhabit. I love you as a man loves a man, and nothing about that will ever change."
"Then why do you recoil? What is wrong?"
Apollo sighed and looked back up at Hyacinthus.
"Your deception was not the only one," he said. "I am terrible. I have been tricking you all along even if it was not my initial intention. I beg your forgiveness, Hyacinthus, for both this ruse and for what I have done to you in the distant past."
"Done to me?" Hyacinthus cocked his head. "My love, we've only known each other a month. There is no distant past for us to speak of. You have done nothing. And as for your ruse... I know you. Names mean nothing- it's the soul that truly speaks when one is true. And I have seen your soul, exposed to me in every way. Who you claim to be means nothing to me- I already know who you are."
"But you don't know!" Apollo cried softly, pulling his face away from where it had been so close to Hyacinthus'. "You don't know who I am. You don't know what I have done."
"Then tell me," Hyacinthus said, as always so patient. It had always been his strongest attribute, his patience, in Apollo's opinion. He grimaced.
"You will despise me."
"I won't."
"If I tell you, you will despise me, and you will be right to. But I can't- I cannot lose you, Hyacinthus. That is why I have hidden myself."
"You cannot know what I will feel. That is my own decision. I will not despise you, Thamyris."
"That is not my name. I am so sorry. That is but another instrument of my deception," Apollo bit, anger directed only at himself. "I cannot live knowing that I have hurt you. I cannot go on knowing I have caused you so much pain."
"You have given me the best nights of my life."
"I have given you the body of a woman!" Apollo cried finally, the truth tumbling from haphazard and overwhelmed lips. He ducked his head, face burning with the shame.
Hyacinthus froze. His hand stilled where it had been reaching out to caress Apollo's face, fingers curling in shock. Without even looking up Apollo could see the look on Hyacinthus' face: thick eyebrows knitted together in confusion, eyes narrowed, lips parted. His organs felt like they were twisting with the guilt, tangling and tying themselves together in retaliation for his sins.
"Your affliction." Apollo spat, his eyes filling with tears of remorse. "It was my doing. Years and years ago, before you were even a babe, I caused this affliction in a drunken stupor. I was not in my right mind, but that is no excuse for what I did to you and to so many others. There is no undoing it."
"Who... Thamyris, who are you?"
Apollo pulled away fully. This time, Hyacinthus didn't try to stop him. Something within Apollo broke at that, but he stood anyway and took a step back. He allowed his disguise to melt from him: freckles lightening to pale yellow on steadily darkening arms, face, shoulders; straw-colored blond gaining a health and luster that should have been impossible, white roots and blood orange tips. His skin became painted with markings- sunbursts around his eyes, on his back and on his hips beneath his tunic; between his eyes appeared a simplified version of the sun, its rays points around a lighter circle middle. The same thing appeared on his back, and when he finally opened his eyes to meet Hyacinthus' shocked gaze, his irises shone molten gold.
He knew how he looked- he was divine and resplendent, radiant as the sun and glowing similarly. He felt like a monster.
"I am not Thamyris of Thrace," he reiterated, his voice clear and almost melodic as it always was in this form. "I am Apollo, hailed from Mount Olympus; son of Zeus, brother to Artemis, and god of the sun; light; medicine; art."
There was silence for just a moment before he continued.
"What say you, Hyacinthus? Would you see me cast away for my deceptions and my awful sins? Do you recoil in disgust at the sight of my horrible truth? Do you fear this godly form?"
Apollo was afraid to look at Hyacinthus for fear of what he would be met with. Was he right and Hyacinthus watched in horror on as he revealed his godly truth? Was the shock still there from earlier, only layered and more awful than before? He couldn't bear to fully destroy the image of Hyacinthus' love for him. He didn't want to look.
After a while's quiet, Apollo heard Hyacinthus exhale shakily. He finally brought himself to look up at the man he loved.
"Apollo," Hyacinthus breathed. His eyes were wide in awe, that dark brown shining gold in the light that Apollo emitted. His cheeks were dusted pink in much the same way they did when Apollo flirted or complimented Hyacinthus, and every breath seemed a challenge, catching in his throat. Hyacinthus swallowed with noticeable difficulty and opened his mouth once more to speak. "You're beautiful."
Apollo's own breath caught at that. He searched Hyacinthus' expression for any pain or disgust or even sadness and found nothing but adoration and an overflowing of love. He frowned, the corners of his lips twitching as his eyes welled with tears.
"You should hate me for what I've done to you," Apollo choked. "You should hate me. Why don't you hate me?"
"I could never hate you," Hyacinthus immediately rebutted. "Never. No matter what."
"But I caused you so much turmoil."
Hyacinthus looked askance, expression turning conflicted for just a moment before he seemed to reach a decision.
"It is worth it, for without this torture I would never have met you."
Apollo pursed his lips, trying to blink away tears that had begun to put pressure behind his eyes. The guilt in his body loosened some every time Hyacinthus spoke. His soul was warmed with each word, his heart healed by his lover's wonderful voice.
"Hyacinthus..." He said the other man's name as if it were a hymn, as if it were the last thing he would ever speak.
"You can atone for your mistake by loving me as you have this past month. If you do that for me, I will forgive you. As a man loves another man, I want you to continue loving me."
"Hyacinthus..." He said it as if it were the only word his tongue could form; as if his lips were made with the sole intention of uttering his lover's name like a prayer.
"My love. Come here," Hyacinthus said, holding his arms out. "I cannot stand on my ankle, so you must come to me. Let me hold you. My Apollo."
Apollo's breath hitched. "Hyacinthus," He said again, his soul knowing nothing else, and he once again gathered Hyacinthus into his arms. Only a few tears fell, but they were interrupted by incredulous laughter.
"You could have chosen anyone," Hyacinthus said, voice colored with disbelief. "You could have chosen anyone and they would have loved you, and yet you chose me. How lucky I am, to have you in my arms."
"I would not have chosen anyone," Apollo said, pulling away and placing his hand on Hyacinthus' calf, looking down at the ankle that he could now see was either sprained or fractured. "The love I have for you is beyond anything I have felt. Your soul called to me, Hyacinthus. It was over before I even met you, spoke to you; our love was weaved into fate from my very creation. I am yours by design."
He leaned down and, so gently, planted a kiss upon Hyacinthus' ankle. Immediately, the slight twist it had adopted righted itself, a golden shimmer surrounding it as the swelling instantly reduced. Any bruising faded, revealing that unblemished skin that Apollo loved so dearly. He then looked up to Hyacinthus with a small but overwhelmingly genuine smile as the other watched his ankle in amazement. He met Apollo's eyes. There was so much love there.
"I have always been yours."