Chapter Text
The divergence of two paths implies inherently that there is a justification for either. Certainly, there are correct and incorrect answers. And it is true regrettable decisions arise and dwindle with each passing moment. However, as history has proven, justification can be falsified and the mind can play tricks on itself to try to justify its wrongdoings. This is a crude form of justification in and of itself, but it counts. As Sunny learned the gravity of his mistakes, he chose to take the path of hiding from his problems and sealing away the truth. He thought this was the only way he could prevent the destruction of everybody’s health and wellbeing. He locked himself in his head; and thought of a different world where people were not affected by his negativity and malice. The separation of Sunny’s body from his mind, the dissolution of the communication between his brain and his heart.. This simultaneously the cause and the consequence of Sunny’s daydreaming. To him, that was just the way things were. People generally believe that morals should be entwined with one's decision making process, and not doing so is selfish and unfair. In times of tragedy, however, self preservation takes over all reasoning, like a parasite.
Sunny loved his friends. Unlike most things he thought, he was certain this one wasn’t a lie. After the murder of Mari, and after Basil helping him stage it as a suicide, he was shellshocked. That was simply too much to dilute for a 12 year old boy. He never meant to kill Mari, and he regretted the petty argument that resulted in him pushing her down the stairs. But he couldn’t tell everyone what really happened. Often, the sealing of a crime is even worse than committing it. Perhaps he could’ve told the true story immediately after the death, and his friends would’ve been alright with it. Maybe he could’ve even saved Mari if Basil hadn’t hung her, by getting help from parents or police. But his friends could never know now, two years after the incident. That is too long to keep a secret of such magnitude.
In headspace, however, he didn’t have to hide away. Mari was alive, and could remain a sister figure to everyone, and a girlfriend to Hero. Aubrey, his childhood crush, “loved” him (whatever his interpretation of love was), and he didn’t have to worry about hiding his feelings towards her because they were reciprocated. Basil wasn’t traumatized from the events that took place the day of Mari’s death, and kept up his passion for growing flowers and his impressive photography. Kel was still happy-go-lucky as ever, and despite being a bit…. Oblivious and blunt sometimes, he was still a great friend and put smiles and laughs on everyone’s face. Hero still had Mari, his girlfriend, to rely on, and pursued cooking, sometimes preparing meals for the party. Hell, even the franchise that had shut down in Captain Spaceboy, and the now-retired singer of Sweetheart were immortalized as characters he could encounter. Everything was going to be okay.
Could you blame him? The guilt, the trauma, the suppression of thought that the death of Mari brought on him.. He didn’t realize it would be so hard to get over her death. Maybe he didn’t do a good enough job as a brother. It was an accident, and he knew it, even though he was in the process of trying to suppress it. He didn’t want to believe it was his fault, and here, it wasn’t.
One could say he shouldn’t be coping this way, but Sunny (or Omori, he couldn’t tell anymore) was oblivious. Maybe it was too late to save his friendships, but was it too late to try?
“NO. Focus. You have to know this by now. Your friends are gone. That dream died a long time ago.”
It was right. Sunny took a deep breath, then closed his eyes again. In, out, in, and out. Focus on keeping your feet still… Now your legs…. Stomach….. Arms…..
WELCOME TO WHITE SPACE.
YOU HAVE BEEN LIVING HERE AS LONG AS YOU CAN REMEMBER.