Archive of Our Own

how could you be so stupid and fall for him? oh god, the trouble! you should know better than that, honestly! loid never even touched you if you weren't in public. sure, you two talked a lot at home, and he was really sweet, and a great father, but you should know better than that.

but then again... can you really control these things?

the best you could do now was to keep pretending everything was fine, normal as usual and ignore how badly you wanted to run your fingers through his hair and kiss his entire body.

sigh.

you took another sip of wine from your glass and watched as the group of men laughed at something loid said. you didn't hear, but it was probably really funny and charming - loid himself was funny and charming. more charming than funny. and handsome. god, was he handsome! you tighten your grip on the glass and finished it in one last gulp as if you could drown these thoughts on wine and make everything ok, but you knew that wouldn't happen. so you put the glass down, determined to not drink anymore because that was your second glass and you could not give the impression of having a drinking problem - specially at the people from anya's school. you had to look cultured, funny, smart, the greatest mother ever - you know, the job loid hired you to do.

fucking perfect loid forger.

"what is a pretty lady like you doing all alone?"

you lifted your eyes to find a man next to you, the same man you notice that had been watching you from the moment you entered the place with loid two hours ago in what was supposed to be a fun party for the parents of the school, to forget the responsabilties a little and have fun, but it was obviously just an excuse for people to judge each other beyond their parenting skills. loid insisted you went, so of course you did. you left anya with a baby sitter, put on one of the many beautiful dresses loid bought you and your best smile, and you were ready to go. you hated socials and being around shallow and superficial rich people who never had to work hard for anything in their lives, but you tried. for anya, you tried. for loid. and he was perfect at it. you know he told you he didn't like them any better than you did yourself, but he was a better actor.

"well, kind sir, i'm waiting for my husband to remember i came with him tonight, but he seems to be really into those gentlemen." you laughed at your own horrible joke.

"oh, so you are married."

"well, yeah! isn't everybody in this room?"

"not everybody. i'm sam, by the way. widow. nice to meet you."

"oh, i'm sorry! i didn't-"

"it's ok, it was a long time ago."

"i'm sorry anyway. it must be... hard. for your child specially."

"it was, in the beginning. things are better now."

"i'm glad to know. how old is your...?"

"daughter. her name is camilla. she's six."

"so is my anya." you smiled. "my husband's ex-wife passed away too... he raised his daughter by himself for a while."

"until he found you, i imagine. lucky him."

sam couldn't seem to take his eyes off of you, and you felt your cheeks burn a little, which you tried to hide by fixing your bangs.

"have you been married for a long time?" he asked, when the silence was too long.

"no, erm, for about four months i think."

"only four months? and he's already leaving you all alone at parties to hang out with his friends?"

"no, it's not like that, he-"

"all i know is that if you were my wife i would never leave you alone."

his gaze was intense and you felt breathless for a second. maybe you could have that - a normal life, with a real husband, and not just pretend. someone who found you attractive and would take you on dates not only to make people believe you loved each other, but because you actually did. but... where were guys like sam when you needed a boyfriend so that your brother would relax, knowing that you wouldn't die alone, or so that those mean women from work would shut up about how weird and unloveable you were?

"y/n."

it was loid's voice. your eyes met his blue gaze immediately, clearing your head. you felt your cheeks burn a little as your heart beat strongly in your chest. you'd be lying if you said you didn't feel guilty, almost as if loid caught you doing something extremely wrong.

"loid, hi!"

loid smiled charmingly, putting his eyes on the man standing beside you.

"hi, nice to meet you. i'm loid, the husband. and you are?" he introduced himself extending his hand to sam, emphasizing the word husband.

"i'm sam, the friend. glad to meet ya." sam joked, in the same tone loid used.

you laughed a little at the joke, and loid's eyes didn't miss that.

"are you ready to go, darling?" loid asked, offering you his arm, that you accepted.

"yes! sam, it was nice meeting you."

"you too, y/n. hopefully we get to see more of each other soon enough."

loid's arm was wrapped around your waist now, but you still smiled and nodded.

he guided you to the car in silence, opened the door for you in silence, and drove all the way to your house in silence. you turned on the radio to fill the uncomfortable silence. loid didn't usually like music on, but he didn't seem to bother today. you didn't dare to say a single word until you stepped inside the house.

"my feet are killing me!" you took off your heels the moment loid closed the door behind you. "you'd think these expensive shoes would be more comfortable."

you went straight to anya's bedroom while loid paid and dismissed the sitter. she was sleeping peacefully, hugging director chimera, not a care in the world. you tucked her in and kissed her on the forehead before making your way to your bedroom. as you grabbed the things you would need for a good shower before bed, loid came in, leaning on your door step.

"did you have fun tonight?" he asked.

"i suppose. though i can't really find these things entertaining. boring music, bad food, shallow people..."

"you seemed to like that sam guy. i saw you laughing a couple times."

"he's alright i guess. did you have fun?"

loid didn't answer, what made you look at him.

"he's alright?" he asked.

"i mean... we didn't get much time to talk, so i don't really have an opinion. i guess we'll have to wait and see."

"oh, so you plan on spending more time with him?"

ooh, that sounded like a tricky question. loid took two steps in your direction while waiting for your answer.

"no?" you tried. "i shouldn't? his daughter is the same age as anya, we'll probably see him a few more times. it may be nice to have a good relationship with him, just in case they become friends..."

"you're probably right."

there it was, that awkward silence again. you drew your attention back to the towel in your hands, but when you opened your mouth to tell loid you were going to take a shower he cut you off.

"you know, i don't care if you feel the need to flirt with other guys, just don't do it in places where people believe we're married. we have a reputation and image to protect. for anya."

"i know, i don't- oh!"

suddenly it hit you: loid was mad because he thought you were flirting with sam. but you weren't! right? or were you?

"i wasn't flirting."

"you obviously were! it was really embarrassing to see my wife melting for another man like that, when i was two feet away the whole time."

"that wasn't flirting! he was nice, he noticed i was alone and-"

"you weren't alone. i would never leave you alone."

"well, you weren't talking to me..." you muttered low enough so only you could hear it.

"what?"

"it's fine, loid. i'm sorry! maybe i gave him the wrong idea, and i'm sorry it seemed like i was flirting with him, i wasn't. it wasn't my intention. i could never do that to Anya."

"y/n..." he said your name like it was a warning.

"and i'll make sure you're not around when i feel like flirting with someone."

before you could laugh at your own joke loid grabbed you by the arm and pulled you so close you had to look up to see him. he was furious - you could tell by the flames dancing in his eyes and the way his eyebrows almost met each other.

"it was a joke, i'm sorry!"

"i don't wanna hear it! you can't flirt with anyone besides me. i am your husband!"

"f-fake husband." you corrected, trying to lighten to mood, but completely out of timing.

"i have a paper that states otherwise. and the ring on your finger. you're my wife. my. wife."

you closed your eyes at the sound of those words, your whole body suddenly aware of how close loid was. when you opened them again loid had a confused expression on his face.

"yes. yes, i am, loid. i'm sorry, i really am."

loid's eyes wandered through your face, lingering on your parted lips more than he should, then back at your eyes.

"i am your husband." he repeated.

you simply nodded, not knowing exactly how to act. this was so unlike him. but you'd be lying if you said you weren't quite enjoying it - he was so close you felt inebriated by him. all you had to do was lean forward, at the tip of your toes and your lips would meet.

"please... please, don't flirt with anyone else."

you nodded again feeling your stomach agitated and getting your hopes ridiculously high with his words before you could even think about it rationally. he was probably asking you to not flirt with anyone because someone could see and that would ruin the image you've worked so hard to build, but maybe, just maybe... maybe he was jealous. maybe a little part of loid did thought of you as his wife and that's why he would hate if you flirted with other people. just maybe, but that was enough to make your heart race on your chest.

"i can't take it anymore, y/n. i can't."

what is it that he couldn't take it anymore? you? the fake marriage? anxiety washed over you while your mind raced through your memories trying to find where you could've gone wrong besides today, when he thought you were flirting with a complete stranger, but you couldn't find anything. maybe you really were unloveable, and that's why the only man who ever agreed to be with you only did it because he was desperate for a woman to pretend to be his wife to get his daughter in that fancy school, but even in that situation he couldn't stand you. you lived your whole life giving excuses as to why you were alone - your work, your brother, how shy you were, other priorities - but maybe it really was because no one wanted you.

"i-i'm really sorry, i promise i'll-"

"i love you." loid confessed.

his voice was so low and he spoke so fast you could've just imagined. you felt your cheeks burn and your heart seemed to want to get out of your chest. loid loosened his grip in your wrist and took a step back.

"i've loved you for some time now, you're all i can think about. it's maddening and i don't understand it, but i want to be close to you at all times. i can't pretend i don't care anymore and simply watch as other man hit on you when the mere thought of someone else holding you makes my whole body shivers. i can't be in the same room as you without wanting to take you in my arms."

loid's eyes never left yours, so he noticed when you froze. he thought you were panicking, completely terrified. you were panicking, alright, but definitely not terrified. you just didn't know how to act, what to say, what to do. loid took his eyes off of you and focused on the door.

"now i understand if you don't feel the same and want to leave, which is completely fine. we can figure out what to do with anya and the school, and your brother of course. i really didn't think this through, i wasn't counting on losing it today."

"loid, i-i love you."

loid looked back at you instantly, turning his body in your direction.

"you do?"

"yes!" you laughed. "i thought it was obvious because anya knows! i felt so pathetic. this wasn't part of the deal."

"no, it wasn't."

loid made his way back to you and stopped when he was close enough to touch, but far enough to give you space and an option in case you didn't want him that close. now that you both confessed your love it seemed you didn't know how to act with each other anymore, it felt a little awkward, but probably because you were so nervous.

"i'm going to kiss you now." he warned you.

"o-okay!"

"i may be terrible at it." he confessed. loid hasn't kissed many people in his life, he can actually count how many on one hand, and all of them were strictly for missions, never because he intended to. this was all new to him.

"okay."

loid examined your face to make sure you were comfortable, and leaned forward, touching your lips with his. you felt energized, as if his lips released an electrical discharge through your body, and you wanted more. you wanted to be completely taken and filled by him, needed to feel him everywhere. your hands moved on their own to his shoulders and you pulled yourself closer to him. loid's tongue shyly brushed against your lips before you opened them and allowed his tongue to caress yours. a soft moan escaped you, which made him smile - apparently he was a good kisser after all. his hands cupped each side of your face as he deepened the kiss, then traveled down the sides of your body, landing on your waist and he pulled you impossibly close, fingers indenting their shape on your skin.

"mama..." anya called from her room.

loid broke the kiss, but didn't let go of you, instead resting his forehead on yours while you both panted.

"she'll go back to sleep, i'm sure." he only hoped he was right.

"she's been having bad nightmar-"

loid's lips captured yours in a passionate kiss before you could finish your sentence, only letting you breathe when anya called again.

"i better go see if she's ok." you said, collecting your hands for yourself.

"yes."

he kissed your forehead and finally let you go. when your feet reached the doorstep, before you left to anya's room he called your name, making you look back at him.

"stay with me tonight. i'll wait for you in my bedroom."

"okay." you replied with a smile.

"but you don't have to go, there's no pressure. i just want to be close to you, nothing else."

"it's ok. i'll see you soon."

you swear you heard him chuckle before you left.

so you entered the room of your daughter to make sure she was okay before meeting your husband in his room. life can be really wonderful sometimes.