Work Text:
aspen has created a group chat
aspen has renamed the chat to we are at war
aspen has added reyna, angie, and noah to we are at war
aspen:
hello comrades
reyna:
never call me that again.
aspen:
i am gathering you all here today to ask you all for a giant favor
noah:
does it involve drugs
aspen:
not officially but probably
noah:
then i kind of dont want to be here
reyna:
who even are these people?
aspen:
everyone here is from the same college so don't panic. introduce yourselves ig before i go into the details. you all know me already, so someone else step up
angie:
k well i'm angie blue, dunno what the fuck i wanna do with my life so i'm an undecided major
reyna:
reyna navarra. law student.
aspen:
ew law student
reyna:
do you want me to break your teeth in?
noah:
uhhh hi im noah nirvan, i think i want to go into education haha? not really sure though ｡^‿^｡
angie:
if he uwus at me im calling the cops
noah:
what's an uwu
aspen:
glad you're getting along swimmingly. anyway as i said before i need ur help
reyna:
what makes us entitled to helping you in the first place?
aspen:
because you love me
angie:
personally i just use you for weed
aspen:
and also because i think half of you would find it funny
angie:
i'm intrigued?
aspen:
so i'm in a predicament because i am currently at war with marlow
noah:
who
reyna:
who
angie:
who
aspen:
she's another junior
brown hair
kinda mean
would punch you for fun
defo has a knife on her at all times
surely you've seen her on campus
angie:
you're at war with an emo??
noah:
what is an emo
aspen:
i wouldn't call her emo but yeah anyway i fished her
angie:
you CATFISHED an emo girl??
reyna:
he does not have the looks to pull that off.
aspen:
hey what the fuck
anyways no its not a catfishing thing i literally fished her
noah:
like with a hook??
aspen:
yes
i was bored and on the roof and one thing led to another and i fished her.
reyna:
and this started a war why...?
aspen:
well she stole my last bucket of TNVOJ as revenge and i have no idea where it is now
angie:
YOU LOST THE FUCKING TNVOJ??
aspen:
see this is why we're at war.
reyna:
you engineering students are so bothersome
aspen:
shut up you play ace attorney
noah:
wait so what are we doing to get back at her
does she have a, uh, bucket of her own for us to take?
aspen:
no we're gonna. steal something different from her
angie:
what's that something gonna be
aspen:
finley
angie:
that kind of sounds like a person
aspen:
that's because it is
noah:
we're gonna kidnap someone??
aspen:
i don't know where any of her treasured possessions are but i do know shes friends with that one guy so i am going to take him.
angie:
why him
aspen:
blonde
angie:
makes sense
aspen:
also because if i stole one of her knives she'd probably kill me and i don't want to die
reyna:
you are terrible at lying
aspen:
ok i do want to die but not at the hands of a psychopathic knife wielder
noah:
can we go back to the kidnapping part what are you going to do.
i dont wanna get in trouble???
aspen:
it's not kidnapping
angie:
mm yeah it's just forced adoption right
aspen:
right
angie:
wait i was being sarcastic
aspen:
i wasn't.
noah:
how do i leave
aspen:
you don't! i need you <3
noah:
literally what am i supposed to do, aspen
aspen:
provide comedic relief
noah:
what
reyna:
so how do you want us to take this person
aspen:
u were once a military trainee right
reyna:
yes
aspen:
so can you just. lug him over ur shoulder
reyna:
how tall is he
aspen:
like under 5'6"
reyna:
consider it done
angie:
how did you go from military trainee to law student
reyna:
i was too powerful for the army
aspen:
still can't believe you sliced a tank open with a scythe
reyna:
like i said i was too powerful
angie:
oh
angie:
wait a sec wtf am i supposed to do in the plan again
aspen:
you distract marlow by screaming bloody murder while we take the kid
angie:
i fucking love screaming bloody murder im in
aspen:
i figured
creep
angie:
fuck off
noah:
...am i actually just here for comedic relief
aspen:
worst case scenario we throw you at marlow
noah:
why do you hate me
aspen:
ur just throwable.
reyna:
when is this all taking place
aspen:
uh i think her next free period is in an hour. the finley kid likes to make flower crowns in the courtyard and she's usually with him so we go there, distract marlow, and then yoink the kid
then we bargain for my TNVOJ
angie:
you really have nothing better to do do you
aspen:
i mean you Could shotgun a bong with me
angie:
im down
reyna has left we are at war
aspen has added reyna to we are at war
aspen:
are you afraid of the bong reyna
reyna:
you are insufferable.
stop blowing it in my face.
aspen:
my b
noah:
good attempt though?