Chapter Text
The light purple room was encased in a dim blue light, the faint humming of a fan in the background. Other than that, the room was bare.
in the middle of it Huening Kai stood, holding a shattered glass shard and staring with dull eyes. An anonymous ache in the center of his chest slightly to the left. It felt like he was in purgatory. Like he was dead and stuck in the next steps before the afterlife.
The room glowed red, a bathroom mirror and sink on the side, the silhouette of a blonde boy appearing, tightly grabbing the sides of the sink before turning around, eyes red with rage
"Why'd you do it? Why?! I had everything! Everything and you just fucking took it from me like it was nothing?! Was it that bad? So bad you needed to ruin my life? You're sick Huening kai."
Taehyun was hurt, obviously. Which is why Kai didn't say anything back. He couldn't. Like someone had sewn his mouth shut. Forced him to listen.
"I'm sorry."
Empty words he spoke from an empty heart. As much as it hurt to admit, he wasn't sorry at all. He'd done something wrong. Ruined his best friends life and to top it all off he couldn't even feel bad. It was worse when he forced himself . Forced himself to cry, apologize, repent. Worse enough to make him admit that he was wrong.
"Of course you are." Taehyun spits. he grabs the shard out of Kai's hand, stabbing him straight in the heart. Once again, that ache in his chest resumed as Taehyun slowly faded to purple, the room returning to normal.
He turns to the window, a sunken Yeonjun stands, gripping another glass shard.
"I get it Kai. Maybe it wasn't really your fault. Maybe you had a reason. I don't hate you, I just, I just need space."
He was too kind. What Huening Kai had done to him deserved a more aggressive reaction. He actually would've preferred it if he yelled at him like Taehyun did.
- but Yeonjun just frowns and looks away. Admitting fault but not taking the blame.
"Why?" Is all Kai asks
"Why what? Why aren't I more angry? Huening Kai, Why should I blame you? When I was the one who fell for your trap. When I was the one who made the mistake of trusting you. Next time, if any, I won't be so naive."
- and he smiles. Yeonjun smiles at him. He walks up to his old friend and once more Huening Kai is pierced in the heart; watching his friend fade away. Not staying to hear his apology or last words. He didn't seem to care.
Kai snaps out of his daze when he hears sobbing in the corner. A man huddled up, clutching his knees and his face covered in tears and snot.
"I'm sorry I'm so sorry I'm so sorry I tried so hard to protect you and your head and you still got hurt. You still hurt."
Soobin cries. Kai doesn't know why he cries but maybe it's because Soobin actually did try to shelter him, to fix him. He must've felt ashamed for letting him break. So kai speaks up,
"It's not your fault."
and he means it. He was broken from the start and overtime he forgot his past and continued living in the present thinking it was normal.
"You, You hurt people kai. And I-I tried to help you but in the end you just hurt me as well."
Soobin's eyes were glazed over. He'd been clutching his heart the whole time, the glass shard piercing his skin, stained in his own blood. Soon Huening Kai's blood would stain it as well.
"What did you want from me? Did you want me to be the perfect friend, what did you expect?"
Kai couldn't help the spite that coated his voice he'd put up with Soobin's condescending nature for far too long, he was slightly glad it had come to an end
"Too much Kai. I expected too much. I guess I forgot who you truly were"
- and with that, another shard pierced him. This one stung. The dull ache fading slightly.
then the worst one appears. closing the door silently a chair appearing behind and in front of him. They both sit down before he talks.
"Hey."
Beomgyu smiles. His kind smile. The one Kai had seen multiple times before, even after everything he did. Beomgyu was the first person to ask if he was okay yet deep down Kai wonders if he ever really cared.
"Beomgyu."
"Huening Kai."
and it's silent again. The slience hurts. Unlike the others who had varied reactions. Beomgyu says nothing and smiles. No pain or grief in his eyes not even happiness.
Somehow the silence grows louder, the ache in his chest grows softer, the pain of the shards grows stronger and Huening Kai finally breaks. tears drop, one after another, sobs wrack his body and he leans forward in pain.
"Forgive me."
He begs, Kai begs. He begs for his friends to reunite without him. He begs for himself. Begs to be normal. Begs to FEEL like what he did was wrong. He begs to feel sorry.
- and Beomgyu stares and smiles. No words spoken, silently watching his friend sob before him. He doesn't move, doesn't react. And Huening Kai hates it. Hates the silence, hates the pain, hates himself.
Instead of stabbing him, Beomgyu softly grabs his hand placing the shard on top gently. A single tear falls from his eyes, and for the first and last time, he speaks.
"It’s your own fault."
He fades, and Huening Kai screams. He screams and begs for all of them to come back. He aches. He knew he wasn't supposed to feel hurt after what he did, knew he was being selfish, but he had finally felt it.
When the dull ache in his heart faded and the pain of the wounds set in he finally felt it, the pain. Their pain. The pain he put his friends though. The aches in all their hearts as they tried to find room to forgive him and move on.
He was sorry, and this time, he meant it.
— and I waited for you to come back, but you didn't.