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Shouto Todoroki was not expecting it, how could he? How could anyone predict a panic attack to lead to something so… wonderful?
How did he get to this point? One second, he was lying on the tile floor of the bathroom, crying, shaking, hyperventilating, feeling death creep itself up upon him. The next, he was wrapped in a sole crushing hug and rocked by a person whispering in his ear. Not being able to hear a single thing they were saying only feeling their breath brushing against his ear. Strong arms draped around him holding him as still as possible, tying him to reality.
He had forgotten he wasn’t alone in his apartment. But had Hanta over for a movie date, one they had both been looking forward to for some time now, with how busy they had both been doing their jobs it was rare they got the same day off.
When the realization hit that he wasn’t alone and had ruined their date night everything just got a lot worse. From the breathing to the shaking and crying, it just did not stop, the feeling of death did not stop.
He tried to apologize for the date being ruined and how much of a burden he had been to the boy he liked, really, really liked. But when he opened his mouth the only thing that came out were gasps for air.
Sero had stood up to get a glass of water from the kitchen for the sobbing boy on the floor but was stopped by an arm warping around his leg.
Shouto didn’t want him to leave, he didn’t want to lose him after all this was over, he was sure Hanta would leave and never want to see him again after all he had put the boy through.
Had his dad been right was he too broken to be loved? Was there a point to waste Sero’s time that he could be spending with someone who was damaged? Someone he could move forward with instead of holding him back. That’s what Hanta deserved, not Shouto… Shouto did not deserve someone so caring.
“Hey, hey I’m coming back, promise.” Sero crouched down in whispered to the fragile boy so as not to make things worse. “Just getting you something to drink.”
And once again Shout was alone with the weight of the world on top of his lungs.
--
When Hanta got back Shouto had calmed down a bit. Just sitting there sat up against the bathroom counter staring at the wall. He hadn’t even noticed Hanta in the doorway tell he said something.
“Hey, Roki you are doing a little better?” Shouto did nothing but look at the boy standing there with water in his hand. Why was he there in the doorway and with water? Shouto had been sure Sero would just take off and leave when he saw what he was in for while dating him. Everyone else did, why didn’t he just save himself the trouble?
“Here, try drinking some water okay,” Hanta said trying to hand him the glass, but Shouto just looked at him like he had hung the stars in the sky.
Sero silently just put the glass down on the sink counter and helped Shouto stand up walking him into the bedroom.
Hanta slowly laid him down and covered him with the blankets. Then silently walked over to the other side of the bed and crawled in too pulling Shouto close to his chest and just letting him rest his head on him.
Shouto didn’t know it before, but this was exactly what he needed. The warmth, the feeling of someone else heart beating against his ear, the comforting words being whispered to him. It had been exactly what he needed at that moment. Not just for anyone to hold him this way or to rock him back and forth on the bathroom floor. But he needed Sero.
The boy with the silly silky black-haired mullet, Shouto wanted to run his fingers through. The boy with the smile that could light up any room he was in, oh how Shouto loved that smile. The boy with the most enticing eyes he could just stare into forever, and forever sounded nice. The boy that he would stay up all night reading their favorite manga or watching movies with. When they weren’t doing that, they were texting each other about how their days went, everything from the good, the bad, and the ugly. The boy he trusted with his life on the battlefield and at home.
He was in his arms… Shouto was in Hanta’s arms. He was safe.
It felt nice to be held like this, in his strong arms. It felt nice to be told to take deep breaths, while the other did too. It felt good not to go through all this pain alone like he usually had to.
To go through something so painful with someone else to confide in. To rely on someone, you loved, that kept you safe, even from yourself.
He loved him…Shouto Todoroki loved Sero. He loves Hanta Sero.
And how had he not realized this until now? The warmth the other boy brought to his chest. How hot his face would get when Sero would laugh, that giggle he had. How there was never a dull moment when the boy was around, always having to be the life of the party. How he always knew what to say or do to make Shouto feel better.
God how he was lucky to have Hanta in his life. There weren’t many times when he had felt luck in his life, but this was one of them. Hanta was his lucky heads-up penny. Hanta was the rare shouting star that only came around once in a lifetime. Hanta was the wishing well he would though a coin in wishing to be any other than the home he was always trapped in. Hanta was what he would have wished for on his birthday if he ever had a cake with candles to blow out.
He wanted to tell Hanta just how lucky he was to have him in his life, just how much he loved him, just how much Hanta had saved him in a lot of ways.
So, through the tears and shaky breaths, he did.
“Han-Hanta.”
“Hey, Roki, Shh…shh don’t talk now, I’m sure it hurts to breath let alone speak right now.” He whispered in Shouto’s ear, pushing back some of the hair that was stuck on his forehead through all the tears and sweat of the night.
“But I have something to say”
Todoroki didn’t quite know how to start, how do you tell someone you love them when you’ve only been dating for a few weeks, was that even an okay thing to do? Was it weird to love someone so early on? Or was it ok because they had known each other for years and had been through so much together? He was never good with these types of things, that’s what Hanta was best at, ‘feelings’ and sheering them. He was good at telling Shouto exactly how he felt about the boy from the very begging. That was just another thing he loved about Hanta how much he cared and made it known.
“I’-I’m sorry, sorry I made-ma- you worry about me.”
“No hey you’re okay, I’m okay, everything will be okay, I promise.”
“I-I love you; I love you so much it hurts sometimes,” Shouto said through still shaky breath.
“Me too Sho, I love you too,” Hanta whispered lowering his head down to kiss Shouto’s forehead.
"I feel so lucky to have you in my life," Shouto said in a soft voice only a little higher than a whisper.
"No, I'm the lucky one Sho," Hanta said leaning his head down and pressing a soft kiss on Shouto's lips.