Archive of Our Own ^beta

SPARROW VON VARLEY, age 19, is an ideal candidate for your [university/part-time job], and these are the reasons why. He is

…

He is imaginative He is resourceful. Like someone who handles stressful situations well. Stressful situations are… very, very easy for him to handle. And he is… good with his hands? What’s a word for that, that you can use here? Dexterous? No. Crafty? Sounds wrong. Well-versed in… in… hand-type activities? No, absolutely not, that's ridiculous!

Uuuuuugh. That’s enough busywork for Bernadetta in one day. If this file were a door, she’d be slamming it shut. Breathe in, breathe out, let the frustration fade away… ah, well. At least, Bernadetta has thusly fulfilled her daily obligation: to make at least some effort. That should keep her parents out of her hair for another lull.

And it is with another such gasp of time that Bernadetta can finally come alive. She can get back to dedicating herself to the things that really matter. To her purpose in life, her calling. Her destiny. Her very reason to live.

That, of course, is guzzling media and nattering about it online.

Lo, there’s not a second to waste! In fact, as she logs on, Bernadetta can already see chat notifications to be attending to. What a travesty, that her friends should have been made to wait for her! But that’s the end of it – Bernie is here now.

#grey_mane_13

- Hello

- Oh, you’re not there

- Sorry

Meet grey. IRL name Marianne von Edmund, a good friend of Bernadetta's. They originally met several years and at least two fandoms ago, and their bond has persisted since then. Not that they’re out of common interests these days, either, however. Far from it; most of the time these two spend together, they’re bonding over this one videogame series, a franchise that recently clambered up to yet new heights of popularity in Fódlan. Have you perhaps ever heard about… Pyral Guardian?

#cephalottie

it’s okay! i'm here now :D -

i just didn't see the notif earlier is all -

what’s up? -

#grey_mane_13

- Hi

- So

(grey_mane_13 is typing...)

Yep, that’s Marianne – sometimes, she’ll be locked in this apparent trance. But don't be fooled by how silent this process seems to her conversational partner. This is, in truth, a fierce din. A barrage of keystrokes, ever more frantic the more time lapses. Type type type, delete, type type, reword, type type type, oh there’s a typo, type type type, Goddess above nevermind delete the entire thing, type type type, delete, type type hurry uuuuuup type type there’s another typo well who cares send it anyway!

#grey_mane_13

- Is your location naer Mozghuz

Awful. Just awful. Marianne bets this still sounds exactly as creepy as she’d feared, even after all that effort to mitigate it. Not to mention the typo – it glares.

But how does this wretched message find Bernadetta, anyway? It doesn’t seem to have made her uncomfortable, and she hasn’t even spotted the typo. She is, however, quite unsure as to what grey seems to be getting at; quite unsure as to what sort of response would be appropriate.

#cephalottie

mozghuz is like… closer to here than new enbarr is, i guess? -

or did you mean something else? -

sorry i'm dumb aaaaa >.< -

#grey_mane_13

- No no it's okay

- I'm just asking because

(grey_mane_13 is typing...)

Come on! Two in a row?!

Let’s take this time to understand just how deep the issue here runs. You see, Bernadetta is always eagerly looking forward to the messages that her dear grey sends her. When those messages are coming right in, Bernadetta’s anticipation is rewarded. But at times like these, when the messages stop, it isn’t so. The longing turns instead to agony. It makes Bernadetta's think of a thirsty dreg crawling through the desert, waiting for a drop to water to drip down off the edge of a bucket.

(Don't think too hard about why it is that thirst comes to mind in this situation. Just don't. See, she's not thinking about it at all. Not at all.)

#grey_mane_13

- There's a con

- It's going to be in Mozghuz

Con (noun, countable, informal): short for "fan convention", a con is an event that brings fans – fans of many sorts of things – to gather. Attractions typically include panels, sale of merchandise, or even the simple pleasure of socializing with like-minded people.

Socializing. That's what makes this concept so hard for Bernadetta to grasp. She would've sooner figured that any given nerd would be, much like herself, not very interested in the idea of going outside to begin with. And going outside to do nerd stuff? Nonsense.

#grey_mane_13

- I've been wanting to go, since there's going to be a big Pyral Guardian cosplay meet there

- So I was just wondering if you might happen to know your way around the area

- Sorry if I'm being a bother though

Ah, how could I have neglected to mention it earlier? To cosplay (verb, transitive or intransitive, informal): The act of donning a generally hand-made costume, generally pertinent to a fictional character. It's another common fixture of cons, whether there happens to be a specific cosplay event or just many people cosplaying.

Curiously, that topic in particular is one that Bernadetta takes more kindly to. It is, after all, related to a hobby of hers, one that’s otherwise unusually unrelated to pop culture: sewing. Seeing people talk about the process of making a costume always catches her artisanal intrigue. Still, don’t go getting the wrong idea from this. Fascination is one thing, but Bernadetta would never go as far as making a cosplay herself, no sir. What would she do with something like that? Wear it? In front of other people?! As if. As if the great outdoors aren't mortifying enough when one must go there dressed normally, and not like Blorbo From Their Shows.

… Ah, how could I have neglected to mention it earlier? Blorbo (noun, countable, informal), from one's shows, is--

#cephalottie

ooooh, so you cosplay? :o that's so cool!! -

aaaa i don't really know that much about mozghuz though -

sorry i just. don't go out a lot XD -

The "XD" here comes laced with a hidden bitterness beneath the apparent mirth. Bernadetta is, as we’ve well observed by now, no great fan of the outside world. Yet, despite how that place is full of lingering gazes and treacherously open air, she still sometimes finds herself yearning for some piece of it. Gazing out her tiny window onto the sprawling grass – all the way to the overly-precise lines of trees of the suburb, lines that further isolate her palace of isolation.

#grey_mane_13

- Oh um

- I've never cosplayed before actually

- But

- Last year I went to a con in my town

- There were all these people in cosplay

- I guess I want to give it a try now

Marianne's de jure hometown is Hatimopolis, Edmund. De facto , however, all the time she's spent commuting to Derdriu, Riegan – actual site of the aforementioned con – has made that city familiar enough to rate as a second hometown. In short: yes, her dad lets her have two towns.

#grey_mane_13

- Oh but it's fine if you don't have any tips

- I was just asking

- And also

(grey_mane_13 is typing...)

A third one? Why does this keep happening today?! The trances may not be all that uncommon of an occurrence, but… this many in a row?

In such times of doubt, Bernadetta has an instinct that always drives her through: assume danger, and assume it’s her fault. Yet, even for this medal-worthy mental gymnast, the premise is challenging. Can Bernadetta find a way to blame herself for her friend's reticence? Her brain is working hard, but the objective remains tantalizingly far!

But what's this? A breakthrough! Yes, yes – here's how Bernie can still be the fuckup! It’s simple, truly: grey must be stunned, just stunned, that her friend wouldn't even know about– ah, nevermind, there's her message.

#grey_mane_13

- I was thinking that you might want to see the con yoursefl

- If it's near there

It is actually because of Bernadetta that Marianne is typing so poorly today, as it turns out. In fact, so too is Bernadetta the whole reason why Marianne even considered taking a trip half across the entire Fódlan Federation – to bring her along with. Yet, even with all of the time and effort she has put into this so far, she only managed to bring herself as far out as that limp, noncommital half of an invitation. Such a brutal challenge the girl faces!

But now, the cat is at least up to pelvis length out of the bag; therefore, all that remains is for Bernadetta to give her answer. Yes, or no! … Alternatively, she could just implode.

An invitation? Was that an invitation?! Of course, ordinarily, Bernadetta would meet any invitation to leave the house with, at best, raucuous laughter followed by a polite, but direct "no". To take Bernadetta outside normally requires not an invitation, but a threat. But this? This is different. This is grey we're talking about.

This is grey, who Bernadetta would hate to refuse. grey, of whom Bernadetta knows – by experience, even – the quality of making even shoddy activities become enjoyable. grey, whose wise, calming words have kept Bernadetta's head from spinning off its socket many times, of which still many were far more drastic than this. grey… for whom it might be worth going the distance.

Going the distance? But where to – to making the whole world aware of a great ugly nerd Bernadetta is?! And how to, for that matter? Mozghuz is not far away, but Bernadetta doesn’t know the way or what kind of transportation she’d be taking. Or, crucially, what she’d have to say to get her parents to let her get herself so far away.

The questions multiply, brew, swirl, and make a storm in Bernadetta's mind. A rising chorus blares. It can't be done. It can't be overcome. However loudly the sentiment echoes, though, hope clings on in strange little sheltered pockets. Enough of them abound to make halt the fingers that mean to type an admission of defeat. Bernadetta is of two minds, two hearts – and they are waging civil war.

#grey_mane_13

- Sorry

- This was really stupid

- I'll just go

And so, the two minds must seek armistice to unite against a greater enemy!

How could Bernadetta have troubled Marianne so, with radio silence? (A fine answer would be "turnabout is fair play", but Bernadetta would never have seen it that way.) A truly crass error. It must be mended with haste! Bernadetta must say something… even if it's not something pertinent, exactly.

#cephalottie

noooo it's not stupid! D: -

sorry sorry sorry, my dad wanted something -

Phew. A white lie should tie this mess up neatly. Lying usually works and helps, right?

#grey_mane_13

- Oh no

- What was it this time? Is everything alright?

Who knows. But at the very least, Bernadetta would’ve had to pick a lie that wasn’t capable of flinting an entire new topic of conversation by itself. After all, sometimes, when Grégoire von Varley wants something… he’ll pursue it with rope and paddle.

#cephalottie

it was nothing, don't worry about it -

#grey_mane_13

- What did he want?

#cephalottie

i don't wanna talk about it, okay? -

it's fine, it is! -

She's not making her worry less.

#grey_mane_13

- Bernie

- Talk to me

Point of note: Marianne helped Bernadetta come up with that name in the first place, so it follows that she calls her by that name. Now back to your regularly scheduled anxiety.

#cephalottie

c'mooooon, can't we just drop it? -

i said it's fine, so it's fine, right? it's fine, i'm fine -

#grey_mane_13

-Fine.

A period! End of the line, end of the conversation! … Well, in the specific context of a typically unpunctuated chatroom message, it stands out like that.

True enough to the finality of that statement, the day would go by with no further messages exchanged between Bernadetta and Marianne. Bernadetta may have come out of it with a lingering tension stinging at her chest, a guilt of having caused such a disturbance by lying, lying because she failed to say something normal… And still, if she succeeded at drawing grey's anger away from her own self and onto a truly deserving target, that at least is a worthy success as far as Bernadetta is concerned.

And for another silver lining, the questions that troubled Bernadetta earlier could now be laid to rest. What's left to doubt? Surely, Bernadetta just bungled the invitation she was given for good and all – so she's not going to be attending any con. As if she'd ever actually go, anyway, let's be real. It was never going to happen, and now, she can let it go.

As the relief flows through her, Bernadetta gets started on what she’d go on to spend the rest of that day busy with. Looking up information, discussions, tutorials… about cosplay. For no reason at all. Idle curiosity.

Bernadetta is, by now, well on the way to becoming an adept the craft that she’s never going to engage in. She has ideas as to what characters she’d cosplay as, if she ever were to; which fabrics and materials she’d use on what pieces of the costumes, which sites she’d order from… and even a rough roadmap to the process of production itself.

But of course, there’s not going to be any such production. What a silly thought that’d be. All of this is nothing more than idle curiosity still. A thought experiment, if you will.

#grey_mane_13

- Hello

Just then, grey turns up – after she and Bernadetta hadn’t spoken with each other since the troubles we just beheld a little earlier. One imagines that this is when Bernadetta would bring up the topic of the con again, if she had any plans or hopes riding on such a discussion. If.

Marianne, for her part, isn’t normally the type to let slights against her just go, without holding a grudge. However… sometimes, she eventually forgets to stay mad. One might say it’s a benign application of her generally disorganized disposition.

#grey_mane_13

- Have you heard the news about that new Pyral Guardian game

- I'm pretty excited

Whoa, whoa! There’s no need to go hovering over that close tab button just yet! We will not be spoiling certain upcoming games that you, in this world, may or may not be looking forward to. After all, here in Fódlan, Pyral Guardian Activate! was actually the debut entry of its series. It was released such a long time ago, that information about it is starting to run scarce.

Instead, the new hotness that Pyral Guardian fans are looking forward to and/or dreading these days is a different title – Pyral Guardian: Umbradragon against the Irisdescent Pike. In fact, why only take my word for it? The buzz is online for all to see; let us, then, take a look at some of the fandom’s impassioned previews of late!

*username RoseMaster

Aleph makes his triumphant return! I had been modestly worried, as it seemed that CleverMechanisms might have opted to forgo a remake of PG Umbradragon when they'd instead come out with PG Paralogues – and, of course, that PG Paralogues left such little impression on the market had given me more reason still to worry. Am I ever glad to put these fears to rest now! At last, this classic of the series is seeing its due chance to claw out of obscurity, the same as its prequel had accomplished just one console generation ago.

What’s more, it has been confirmed that the excellent Kazou Shouga will be lending his masterful touch to this project as well. With him at the helm, our beloved classic will surely rise to newer heights of glory still! I, for one, simply cannot wait for the day when I may place a preorder for this upcoming title – or, perchance, two preorders.

*username bl4d3_w0lf1703

This is the THIRD fucking remake IN A ROW they’re coming out with. I swear to not-the-goddess they're just never going to make an actual new game again. I bet this shit is why we don’t get Pyral Guardian characters in Mega Blast Friends anymore

*username from_Dagda

heh I remember when the og umbradragon first came out. call me fandom old, w/e. anyway, not many ppl played that back then, and the ones who did were always arguing about some crap or another. whining about casual mode being gone and stuff. was a great time for trolls at least

*username milfapreciater420

time to start lewding the girls

All in all, it may be that not everyone is in high spirits… But the hype train is barreling through, and those aboard have been enjoying a steady stream of enticing glimpses into what’s to come.

#grey_mane_13

- Apparently one of the main villains is getting a redemption arc

- I'm looking forward to seeing what it’ll be like

#cephalottie

oh, come onnn! -

#grey_mane_13

- ?

- Do you not like it

#cephalottie

i've been trying to avoid spoilers :c -

#grey_mane_13

- Oh

Say, why is it, exactly, that we are born? Why do we breathe and live this wretched existance? Just to hurt each other? To spread misery through our selfishness, our foolishness?

#grey_mane_13

- I'm really sorry

- I'll shut up now

On the positive side, one lady’s desire to crawl into a hole proves to be another’s opportunity here. Bernadetta can now steer the conversation wherever else she might will to, unburdened by any perceived awkwardness from having been a nuisance just one conversation ago. Who would have thought? Turnabout is fair play, after all!

#cephalottie

sghjkrg you're fine!! let's just talk about something else -

the other day you were telling me about that con with the cosplay, right? -

i wanna hear more about it!! any news? :3 -

Smoother than the finest lab-grown Blaiddyd silk. By fielding the subject this way, Bernadetta successfully reintroduces it while still deftly avoiding to make any statement on whether she is, herself, nurturing any plans for attendance.

It’s the stroke of a veteran, after all. Bernadetta has put in much practice by avidly avoiding to make such a statement to herself.

#grey_mane_13

- Oh um

- There hasn't been anything new no

- I'm still trying to decide which character to csoplay as

- Sorry I'm boring

A typo in the group chat! Get her! Er, except… that’s a one-on-one chat, and there’s thusly no group. Could it be… that this rates as a typo in the group chat, instead?!

Ah, just forget about it; Bernadetta hasn’t even noticed this one, either. No, it’s something else about grey’s message that’s throwing her off. Something seemingly inconsistent with the understanding of cosplay that she has gained lately. Something like… how, exactly, does the decision to cosplay precede the passion for the character being cosplayed? Is that passion not the purpose of cosplay to begin with?

#cephalottie

awww, i see -

are you fine on time, though? i hear making this stuff takes a while, hehehe -

What you’re seeing right now is no novice stratagem – let us, then, open any naïve eyes amidst our readership. With this coup, Bernadetta fields what seems like a perfectly innocuous question… which just so happens to suitably launder the deeper, related concern that she actually has. To speak spicily, without spice! Such finesse it takes.

#grey_mane_13

- You have a point

- I should try to figure it out faster

- So I don’t make this any harder for my commissionee

- They’ve been patient with me so far

- But making that cosplay for me is probably going to be a lot of work

… Commissionee. What is going on here? She’s not even making the thing herself? Is that allowed?! Such a strange thing… and such a passionless one. How is it that Bernadetta is already more invested, more genuinely passionate about this cosplay thing? She’s (totally) not even the one who’s going to be doing it, and yet!

Argh, this has to stop. Deep breath, deep breath. No one needs to get into an argument about this today. Bernadetta is probably just wrong about this whole thing somehow. And also stupid. See, it’s another one of those baseline assumptions that really help in times of doubt.

Besides… it’s true that grey “should try to figure it out faster” in any case. That can be arranged for.

#cephalottie

oh! i know! want me to help you decide? :D -

#grey_mane_13

- You really don't have to

- But um

- You can help if you want

- I guess

- Thank you very much

Here's to "if you want". Imposing a selfish request on others is a total no-go after all – as if we have a right to take up time and space in their lives, or even the oxygen that they breathe. With "if you want", though, our selfishness is withdrawn from the proposition. Now it's all about the other person 's selfishness, which is rightful and ours to happily serve!

Of course, this is predicated on the idea that being openly selfish is wrong, while also pushing the pressure to be selfish onto the other person... but here's the thing:

...

Don't worry about it.

#cephalottie

no prob!! I'll definitely help out if you want me to <3 -

Ah, but such is the true limitation of “if you want”! It is a game that two can play at. At the rate this is going, it seems that even the best case scenario is that Bernadetta and Marianne will spend the next several minutes straight “no you”-ing that particle at each other, after which point they’ll be so deep in the middle of what they’ll actually be talking about that they’ll stop bothering with this interstitial thing.

#grey_mane_13

- Alright, but only if you want to

Even for the kind of reader who knowingly clicked on a Bernadetta/Marianne fanfic, the back-and-forth insecure stalling ensuing from here is going to be… a little much to get through. We ought to just skip a few messages ahead.

Skippity, skappity, skoom! Abra scrolldabra! Heed my call, jump-to button!

#cephalottie

any favorite characters? -

i know there's a few we talk about a lot! but i think it's just me who keeps bringing them up XD -

Strange – in an active fandom-based internet friendship of years, would both parties not have heard all about the other’s favorite characters to the absolute death by now? Perhaps. But Marianne never was the type to latch onto any few characters wholeheartedly. Or the type who would embrace any joy felt openly, instead of warily regulating it. Or the type who has a clear self-concept and a well-developed ability to read her own emotions.

(The type that she is would be known as “haver of depression symptoms”.)

#grey_mane_13

- Hmmmmm

- I guess I haven't thought about it a lot

- Do you have any ideas?

Even with all of that given, though, asking someone else to name your favorite characters for you may just be a bit of a big ask.

#cephalottie

i guess i could try to remember what you seemed to like when we chat! -

“What you really meant was this more reasonable request, right?”

#grey_mane_13

- Go for it

#cephalottie

how about... Blumela? i know i love her lots at least <3 -

ooh, or maybe Esvana? -

#grey_mane_13

- Well

- I do like both of these characters

- But

- Sorry

- I guess it’s just

- I don't feel like wearing short skirts

You see, Marianne is a proper lady. “Proper”, in this case, meaning “insecure about all this leg hair that she just can’t get around to shaving off”.

#cephalottie

XD well that narrows it down -

#grey_mane_13

- I guess it does

- Hehe

- Oh, but also

- I think what I like the most about these characters

- Is those scenes where they bond with their yinglóngs

- So I could try thinking of another character like that

In a world where pegasi and wyvern just exist , they don’t make for such interesting fantasy mounts, of course. Which is why the Pyral Guardian series has completely different staples! … … In that they are different flying mythological creatures, at least. Marianne’s better-appreciated fictional heroes are normally astride a yinglóng, or a chimera.

Just as well that this be explained now, considering that Marianne’s mind is about to drift away from the yinglóng riders that Bernadetta has been suggesting, and onto a chimera rider.

#grey_mane_13

- Oh, I have an idea

- I think I could go with Pomma

#cephalottie

pomma?? -

#grey_mane_13

- I guess I don't talk about it a whole lot

- But he's a character I like too

This Pomma is definitely not the kind of character most people would guess that Marianne is into on the first try, after all. He has a brutish, scary appearance, as well as a quick and nasty temper. But lo, that first impression he gives off is just part of the charm! Beneath that rough exterior, lies a gentle and kind soul – and most importantly, one that gets itself into plenty of goofy and heartwarming situations with Pomma’s dearly beloved chimera mount.

All of that said, though, it’s not the “brutish” or the “scary” or the “temper” that has Bernadetta off her kilter about this idea of Marianne’s.

It’s the “he” .

#cephalottie

great! now let’s keep trying to come up with more ideas! -

What’s not clicking there, grey? Bernadetta would have figured that this whole “wearing men’s clothes” business was well behind the both of them. Bernadetta herself does still have to do that most of the time, but that’s all the more reason why she finds it unfathomable that someone else would do it willingly . Does it not gnaw away at others as it does at her?

#cephalottie

ooh! how about Brynhild? -

#grey_mane_13

- I don't really like her as much

Bernadetta’s struggle is valiant; she offers up as many alternative cosplay ideas as she could think of. Yet, at the end of the day, not a single female character that she named would manage to unseat that Pomma. And worse yet, Bernadetta’s persistence would yield an unintended side effect, further validating and cementing that initial choice that Marianne made.

What a difficult, disappointing day it’s been. There’s a smug little imp of a voice crowing victory – victory in the long-standing struggle in Bernadetta’s mind. See, this whole con thing was a far-fetched enough dream with all of the problems it had that were already on the board; and now, on top of it all, it’s not shaping up to be anywhere as good of an experience as it seemed like it might possibly have been. Woe betide Bernadetta if she were to actually drag herself all the way to Mozghuz, only to find herself baffled and stressed – moreso than she would normally have been on account of being outside!

It’s crazy that Bernadetta ever faced this whole thing so much like there were two ways about it. There are not. She’s not going to any con, and that is final.

That little imp of a voice in Bernadetta’s head may have been saying some choice words, but the competition proved steeper than that. It was running against a deeper-running tendency, which made itself manifest not in clear-cut thoughts, but in a subtle, pervasive, droning echo.

The tune of spite.

Bernadetta went on to painstakingly procure fabrics for the cosplay she’s not making. In the meantime, she also started to mirabolate excuses for her parents to let her go to the event she’s not going to. She knew exactly which character she’d pick, if she had to pick one for cosplay; that character has a positively adorable outfit, a string of trauma that resonates with Bernadetta, and a bed of neon-colored hair that would make one look like an absolute dweeb in real life. The corresponding wig was the first piece of the costume that Bernadetta finished.

No matter what sorts of cape and blouse strangely manifest themselves by Bernadetta’s needle, though, she’s totally not going to that con. It’s a thought that handily delivers her from many other complicated tasks that she would have to be fussing over, if she were going. There’s no need for her to take note of how she doesn’t know where to purchase admission, when is the latest she can do so, or how much it costs. No need to keep hacking away at that insurmountable challenge of how one gets to Mozghuz; no need to think about what she’d best bring with her there. And no need, no need at all, for this strange looming anxiety that she feels, much the same kind that she feels when she’s procrastinating on something she knows she shouldn’t be. And since there’s no need for that feeling, it’ll go away aaaaanytime now. Bet it will.

Until the anxiety finally does go away, Bernadetta at least finds that keeping in touch with her beloved grey helps to alleviate the feeling, somehow. Maybe that’s because her company always makes Bernadetta feel a little bit better. Or maybe, just maybe, it has something to do with grey’s superior con-going experience, or with some thing or another that Bernadetta has been dancing around telling her. … Nah. Couldn’t be any of that stuff.

#grey_mane_13

- It was fine walking home today

- I saw something on the way that um

- I guess it reminded me of you

#cephalottie

aww!! <333 -

what was it? -

#grey_mane_13

- A sparrow

GAH! Code red, code red!! We have a catastrophic breach! All hands, deploy!

A briefing, agents, on the nature of the incident. Bernadetta von Varley is absolutely not Sparrow von Varley. That may be the name that she normally has to sign, the name that she normally has to answer to – but it’s not the name of her true self, nor is it the name that any ought to speak who knows that true self. In Bernadetta’s heart of hearts, there is not, never was, never will be, and never should have been a Sparrow. To say that it’s Bernadetta’s deadname might be one way to put it. Dead, specifically, in the way it would’ve been killed by the ancient legislator who once lamented that there was not a greater punishment to prescribe than the death penalty.

#cephalottie

... -

thats got nothing to do with me. -

The reader might be be questioning this riddle: how could grey, of all people, trip over that one? She does know, in theory, of feelings such as the ones that Bernadetta experiences. But theory has a way of slipping the mind sometimes. And the feelings that Marianne knows in her own skin are vastly different ones.

Marianne was first given a name by her birth father – her dearly departed birth father. There was a time when thinking of leaving behind that name, one of the few things he was able to leave behind for her, filled her with shame and guilt. She still did adopt a new name; it was something that she’d ultimately realize she had to do, for her own sake, even if doing so represented some real or perceived slight against that figure she holds in rememberance. But even then, she dared not change the name all that much. It was a peaceful parting from Mariano to Marianne. And that would be why, sometimes, it doesn’t quite occur to her that, for many of her peers, deadnames were not put to rest in a little box, but slaughtered triumphantly with great prejudice.

#grey_mane_13

- Oh I mean

- It reminded me of you because

- ... Oh

- Sorry

- I'm so sorry

-Plesea forgive me i’m so sorry

A pity, that none of all that obfuscates the magnitude of the faux pas from Marianne once it does catch up to her.

Besides… it doesn’t seem as if Bernadetta will be letting her off easy, either.

#cephalottie

no, grey, please go ahead! -

i want you! to tell me! exactly how i remind you of a sparrow! -

so i can stop doing whatever’s given you that impression!! -

#grey_mane_13

- Um

- Again I’m sorry but

- I think you know what was on my mind

#cephalottie

sparrows are the worst, grey! -

haven’t you heard about it?? -

#grey_mane_13

- What

- No I don’t think I have

#cephalottie

sparrows murder other birds! prettier birds! -

and break all their eggs! -

and steal their nests! -

#grey_mane_13

- Bernie

- That’s natural animal behavior

- Please don’t tell me I have to explain predation to you or something

#cephalottie

that’s your excuse for them, then, huh? ecology or whatever? -

because! i’m pretty sure they kill their own too!! -

so you tell me how that fits in! -

real adaptable stuff isn’t it! -

#grey_mane_13

(grey_mane_13 is typing...)

Scoff! You’re going to trance about it now, grey?! Very well. Have it that way. Your silence shall permit that the truth be spoken freely!

#cephalottie

and they’re dirty too! -

like literally dirty! they wallow around in actual dirt! -

it’s gross! -

and they’re dirty in the other sense of the word too! -

they’re full of diseases! -

even people die because of sparrows!! -

i hate them grey i really do -

they dont know to stay in one place -

all the GOOD animals know to stay in one place -

carnivorous plants! bears! they know how to be -

instead of flitting around everywhere! like they own the world! -

and besides! sparrows are also really noisy! -

all the time! -

#grey_mane_13

- THEY ARE BIRDS

- THEY ARE JSUT BIRDS THEY DDID NOTHING TO YOU

- LEAVE THEM ALONE

ALL CAPS?! Such the extreme form of self-expression for gentle Marianne. What sort of incandescent agony would have pushed her so far? By the Goddess, Bernadetta… have you gone too far, this time?

A sight like this would normally turn Bernadetta into a fizzy blob of panicked apologies instantly – somehow, though, not this time. There’s a strange impulse in her, driving her not to back down here. No matter what.

#cephalottie

they didn’t do anything to me YET you mean! -

  and that! is because! i dont give them that chance! -

i never go anywhere near them -

i bet they peck like crazy -

or they’ll aim right for your head and… -

you get the idea -

#grey_mane_13

- I can't

#cephalottie

? -

#grey_mane_13

- I have to leave this conversation right now

- I'm sorry I hurt you

- But I can't keep listening to this

- It's breaking my heart

- Goodbye

Hah. That’s right, soft stuff; run along. Bernadetta and grey have, plenty of times, talked about a love of animals and nature that they share – but grey’s love has proven shallow, after all. Certainly, not deep enough for her to behold a sparrow and see through the veil of the cute little critter, to behold the gnarly monster within.

Shallowness and depth… those things have been in Bernadetta’s mind quite often lately, even besides just that bird debacle. Such is the identity of that sentiment which spurred her to argue on and on. A lonely sentiment.

Again and again, Bernadetta has been finding this issue with her and grey’s common interests. At first, Bernadetta sees in grey a fellow devotee, or even a more refined appreciator, someone to learn from – but as Bernadetta goes all-in, she finds herself the only one truly devoted. A recent example of this dynamic, besides the nature thing, lies in cosplay. grey isn’t even making her own herself. Meanwhile, Bernadetta, who is (totally) not even planning on doing cosplay, has already become a truer connoisseur of the craft. And why, of course – thinking about stuff is a deeper form of devotion than doing something concrete with that stuff; nothing could be more logical. And besides, this whole debacle has also brought to life that Bernadetta might just be into even Pyral Guardian in a way that grey isn’t. Not when, pressed for a character she cares enough for to cosplay, grey’s best answer is to randomly yet stubbornly land on freaking Pomma.

Which brings up the next great problem over – how is being transgender now among the things Bernadetta seems to have invested more into? She’s out here, working as hard as she is to live her truth in whatever small ways are afforded to her, but grey over there would forgo her femininity without a second thought like so?!

If Bernadetta had wanted to take this idea, that she knows who is or isn’t really trans, to its final consequences, there is certainly a staggering array of ideologies that would support her down that path. However, it’s a bridge too far for her. To start casting aspersions on the truth of the friend who taught her essentially everything she knows about being trans; who helped her choose a new name for herself; helped her grow out her hair in a way that accords to her aesthetic goals without tipping off her parents; helped her sort out all kinds of thoughts and fears and insecurities about transitioning… After all of that, it’d take a more accomplished mental gymnast than even Bernadetta to start doubting whether grey is the real transgender deal.

Anyway, what was Bernadetta fighting with grey for again?

There hasn’t been much going on in Marianne’s chat messenger lately. Instead, she would find herself contacted on a different front: her e-mail. That’s right – she’s getting personal mail in there. So, what does this rarest of occasions bring her?

Hey, everyone! This is Hilda, reaching out! You do remember little old me from high school, right?

Speaking of which, do you also remember that promise that we made back then? We all agreed to meet up after a few years! Hopefully I'm reaching all of you some way or another, since I'm using aaaall that contact info you guys gave me back then.

Anyway, Claude and I have a time and a place lined up. We're going to get together for dinner in the Manuela's at Central Derdriu Avenue. Mark the date: it'll be on Ethereal 25th. The same day we made our old promise!

It's been a real long time since we all got to see each other, huh? I bet there's going to be a loooot to catch up on! I can't wait to see how much different everyone's going to be. So you've all got to come along, 'kay? Don't go flaking on your dear Hilda! I want everyone there!

Your Valentine,
Hilda V. Goneril

An interesting surprise is what it brings, as it turns out. Now, let’s see… did Marianne, in fact, remember Hilda from high school?

Oh, did she ever. You’d be forgiven for assuming that Marianne went all through high school without experiencing much that would be worth remembering; she did, at first, spend her time there excellently portraying a potted plant in the corner. But then, she ended up on a group assignment with Claude von Riegan and Hilda Valentine Goneril – THE popular kids of her class. There was nowhere for her to run then…

… And soon enough, she realized, there was also no need to run. As popular kids go, those two weren’t the mean sort – at least, not to Marianne, anyway. Instead, they were the sort who made an effort to earn her trust, to befriend her. Now, why would they do that? Who knows; Marianne was eventually able to stop worrying about not knowing that, too.

Still, it was something else that ultimately set Claude and Hilda apart from your garden-variety friendly classmates in Marianne’s memories. They were also the first ones to notice that “Mariano” might have been in need of a few lifestyle changes. Hilda sat her down, a flurry of pamphlets, all entry-level information about transness and transition – all encouragement to read some stuff and give it some thought. Then, when Marianne was enticed by what she’d been reading but still in doubt, Claude came in with some choice words that broke through her indecision.

"People are born with burdens to carry. That much is undeniable. But whether they bind us or we cast them aside... that's up to us. So I think you should try to cast yours aside."

Fond memories, all around. At the end of the day, though, it took them almost all of those high school years to get Marianne to the start of her transition. And now… here’s Hilda, all talk of wanting to see how everyone’s changed. Marianne has pleeenty to show her on that front. Enough so that the idea of showing up to this reunion moves up from something to file under “that’s nice” and do nothing about – onto a prospect worth properly considering.

But boy, how silly would it be if Marianne were to work herself up about this meetup like so, only for her other classmates to turn out uninterested – for the gathering to be absolute flop? No, she’s not about to open that big mouth of hers first. Best to see what the mood is, if people are lining up.

Fortunately for Marianne, it wouldn’t be particularly difficult to catch a glimpse of it. Some of those former colleagues of her had already responded to the e-mail (did you think Marianne spotted her notification early?), with CCs for everyone. So… how is that high school atmosphere looking?

All the way back in the year 1186, there was this general from Leicester, leading his forces against an enemy army... and he knew the general on that army. He was taught in the same military academy as that general. That general had been a classmate, once. And so, the Leicester general famously said these words: "Of class reunions, this shall be the worst ever witnessed by history."

But with YOUR help, we can set a new historical record on this Ethereal Moon!

Okay, seriously now, though: me and Hilda have been busting ass to make this thing happen, you have no idea. So, do us a small favor and be there, yeah? I'm counting on you all!

Indeed, how could I ever have forgotten about our promise? Perish the thought! It has been duly marked on my calendar, and I have been looking forward greatly.

Now, I do realize... that there are former colleagues of mine that I have, let's say... failed to treat in an adequately gentlemanly manner. But mark my words: if I am kindly given a chance, I mean to set these past misdeeds to right. I do not intend to disappoint. You will see that I've matured a great deal since those school days.

And if, somehow, I fail to make up for my errors from those days -- then, my name will not be Lorenz Hellman Gloucester!

Yours faithfully,
L.H. Gloucester

MEAT PARTY ! MEAT PARTY ! MEAT PARTY !

Welp. No shot the bossman's letting me off the hook on that day... is what I would've said if you guys asked me like, two weeks ago. But guess who has two thumbs and just got fired again? THIS girl!

So count me in, I guess. It's not like I'm finding a new job before Guardian Moon, yeah?

Interest is running high, after all. Besides, even though Marianne never was exactly close to most of these people, something about all these e-mails charms her and warms her heart. That feeling settles it; she’ll definitely attend, too. Here’s hoping she doesn’t have much else lined up for Ethereal Moon.

I'll be there as well.

Where is it going to be?

Hilda would later send Marianne a reply containing astonished excitement and a helpful explanation that manages to bypass how the venue for the reunion was right there in her initial e-mail oh my Goddess.

By now, the reader wouldn’t be surprised to see us cut to Bernadetta and find her once again totally not making a cosplay. But what if, this time, she actually weren’t? What if, this time, bringing her quarter-finished work out of the shelf unfailingly reminded her of the falling-out with grey – draining away her artistic motivation?

Why, in these ironically grey days of late, Bernadetta’s motivation generally only sufficed for staying in bed and comfortably replaying some old Pyral Guardian. Familiar gameplay for the soul… and deep-cutting dialogues for the feels.

[Luval]

“I truly do regret that it’s too late now, my friend. Too late for us not to be locked in battle… too late for me to tell Her Highness of my feelings for her.”

In the throes of a conflict, love and friendship are lost. … Bernadetta is doing so well at escaping her sorrows right now.

[Issa]

“Too late, huh? If that’s what it is, then… say the princess, somehow, ended up walking right by us here, on this battle field. If you saw her, right here, right now… would you tell her about your feelings?”

[Luval]

“If only I could! Alas… her heart belongs to another now.”

[Issa]

“So what? You afraid she’d leave him for you, if you told her?”

[Luval]

“Ha! Of course not. She would reject me now, doubtlessly. I could never bear such sorrow, so… I can never tell her now.”

[Issa]

“Yeah, there’s your problem, Luval. It’s not because you were ‘too late’. You just weren’t going to tell her. Ever.”

[Luval]

“Hm? And just what do you mean by that…?”

[Issa]

“You were scared of being rejected, so you were never going to tell her you love her. You were scared of the Emperor, so you betrayed us. All the time, you’re hiding and lying… because of what a coward you really are!”

[Issa]

“Face it! You could’ve had all the time in the world, and you’d still be a coward!”

[Luval]

“...! You mock my sorrow, call me a coward…?! Hah. I thank you, old friend. It doesn’t seem as if I’ll have to regret smiting you anymore. Now… Come at me!”

And so begins the thrilling boss battle! … … Or at least, it will begin whenever Bernadetta decides to scroll over that last line of dialogue. For some reason, though, she’s not pressing the button. She’s sitting there thinking.

That tragic cowardly antagonist, Luval… he can’t bring herself to tell the truth even at times when it’s easy to do. And so, he can never muster the courage to say the truth when it’s difficult. And because of that, he’s bound for a sorrowful fate.

There’s something that Bernadetta can relate to in all of that – and it’s a cold, disqueting realization.

There aren’t wars or lives or anything quite so dramatic hinging on Bernadetta’s decisions, of course. It doesn’t change how deep Issa’s words cut into her, as doesn’t the fact that they were spoken to another, sharpened to cut another down. Bernadetta, too, has been hiding and lying all the time – especially lately. She is a coward, a coward who cannot give voice to her truth, whether it be in small or great ways.

And when it comes down to it, this coward doesn’t particularly want to end up just like Luval. To let life sheepishly pass her by, and stew in regret, blaming time itself before she’ll ever admit that she could have done something.

She’s never going to break out of the funk she’s been in lately if she doesn’t talk to grey at some point, is she? Thusly, she starts working up the courage to go send her a message – to go try and mend things.

First things first, though. Right now… Luval’s face needs more swords in it.

#cephalottie

hey. can we talk? -

The time it took for Bernadetta to steel herself and get to here was… longer than just that one chapter of Pyral Guardian. It took days. But at least, much of that time was spent on putting some careful thought into the upcoming apology.

#grey_mane_13

- Okay

- Is this about the other day?

To count on her forgetting that whole mess would probably have been too much to hope for, eh? Not that it matters, anyway – Bernadetta is here to apologize properly, and she’d still be after that if her friend had forgotten.

#cephalottie

yeah -

i wanted to apologize -

#grey_mane_13

- Go ahead

- I guess

#cephalottie

hold on, tho -

there’s… some stuff i feel like i need to talk about before i apologize -

it’s a weird thing to say instead of just saying sorry, i know -

sorry about that -

it only gets weirder from here, too, so… -

sorry -

My, with this much self-flagellation, Bernadetta might whip herself a scar. It is, of course, another brillant stratagem of hers. It’s terrible when others hurt you with their words… but if you hurt yourself first, what can they do to you?

Plus, I bet that firmly and continuously stating that what she’s about to do is a terrible idea… has nothing to do with how she’s suddenly on the verge of losing her nerve to get through with that thing she’s about to do. Pure coincidence.

#grey_mane_13

- Bernie

#cephalottie

hm? -

#grey_mane_13

- Just spit it out

Oof. This girl can be blunt sometimes.

At least, besides being a blow, it’s a balm – against Bernadetta’s second-guessing.

#cephalottie

alright! weird question incoming! -

so… -

are you -

like -

fine with the whole cosplaying Pomma thing? -

There it is. The first difficult truth comes out.

#grey_mane_13

- ?

- I’m not sure I understand the question

May the next ones also be expressed a little more clearly.

#cephalottie

okay i know this is going to be SUPER WEIRD to ask but -

doesn’t it bother you? -

like… -

being dressed as a guy? -

in front of a bunch of people? -

#grey_mane_13

- Oh

- You mean

- If it’d give me dysphoria?

#cephalottie

yeah! or even just -

i dunno like -

we work really hard when we want to pass don’t we? -

you and me both? -

so if you’re out there and not trying not to look like a guy… -

wouldn’t people think you are one? -

#grey_mane_13

- Okay I think I see what the confusion is

#cephalottie

confusion? -

#grey_mane_13

- I hope this doesn’t sound like I’m bragging

- But

- I’ve been out for a long time now

- I don’t remember the last time I got “sir”’d

- Even before I started HRT it was like 40-60

- I’m going to be honest with you Bernie

- I didn’t even think that people might think I’m a guy just because I’m in a guy cosplay

- And I still don’t think they will anyway

- I mean

- This is a little mean to say but

- It’s not like the cosplay is going to turn out THAT good you know?

#cephalottie

XDD wowww -

but i guess not huh! -

For Bernadetta, who must so often don the guise of the old Assigned Gender against her will, it seems strange, torturous, to do so without even being forced to; but for Marianne, who has been around 100% out for years, it hardly blips as a problem.

Who would have thought? Their different perspectives come from their different experiences, and not from a difference in devotion. No one is wrong or right. All of a sudden, it seems so much simpler.

#cephalottie

okay. i think i get it now -

i guess it just. would’ve been a lot worse for me than for you -

because like… -

i’m already out there having to cosplay as a man all the time -

#grey_mane_13

- I do symphatize

- It makes me sad that I get to be free and you don’t

- I don’t really deserve that

Who just deserves basic human rights for no reason, anyway? Human beings in general? Posh.

#cephalottie

well, i’m just glad you’re always looking out for me, grey <3 -

it sucks less getting through it with you :3 -

#grey_mane_13

- Anyway

- I’m still waiting on that apology

I told you about it, didn’t I? Marianne might sometimes forget things, but she does not let them go.

#cephalottie

right XD -

okay! so! -

i should explain why i had to talk about that other thing first -

it’s… well… -

to tell the truth… -

Here’s hoping.

#cephalottie

lately i’ve kinda been on edge -

for uh. silly reasons -

like! -

you and me, we have all these things in common, don’t we? -

but we’re also a little bit different about all those things -

and i don’t really know why but -

it kinda makes me… scared -

for some reason -

so yeah. i think that’s why we had that big fight -

the deadname thing set me off but then -

i just had to keep going -

because of this weird thing -

so… yeah. i’m sorry about that. i shouldn’t have blown up like i did -

 and uh -

sorry i had to do it all this whole weird way instead of just apologizing too -

#grey_mane_13

- Okay

- I can accept that apology

- And I hope you know

- It means a lot to me that you put so much thought into what you were doing wrong

- And that you opened up to me about it all

- It means more than if you’d just said sorry and that was all

#cephalottie

aw shucks <3 -

#grey_mane_13

- Just one more thing though

- If you see a sparrow out there

- Please

- PLEASE

- Don’t hurt it, okay?

#cephalottie

OH hm -

#grey_mane_13

- You can call your local pest control if you’re worried about it carrying diseases and stuff

- Otherwise

- At least just

- If they don’t attack you

- You don’t attack them

- Okay?

- For me?

#cephalottie

okay that’s fair enough XD -

do unto others, right -

and i mean -

they’re the ones who attack on sight like that -

not me! bernie’s gonna be better than that c:< -

#grey_mane_13

- Okay I’m glad to hear it

- But let’s also just

- Not talk about this anymore

- We don’t have to anyway

- I just have to remember not to uh

- Trigger you

#cephalottie

that’s true -

oh! and there’s something else i’ve been wanting to tell you, too, so! -

we can talk about that instead :3 -

#grey_mane_13

- Hm?

Hoo, this is it. Bernadetta can feel the heat building in her palms. And the empty cold in her guts. Her heart drums out of control. But she’s managed to come along so far already. If she just keeps up the momentum a little longer… type this, type that… close the eyes and hit Send.

…

That wasn’t Send. Okay, the eyes stay open , whatever. Get this over with.

#cephalottie

i really really want to go to that con in mozghuz with you!! -

if you’re still a little mad at me and don’t want me tagging along that’s okay -

but i’m just throwing that out there -

just in case -

Not the truth you were expecting? If so, that’s unfortunate, but it’s on you. There’s a hierarchy of cowardly little secrets to be breaking through here, one step at a time, and hey – Bernadetta’s been quashing this one for a pretty long time too.

#grey_mane_13

- Oh, didn’t I invite you before?

- I thought I did but I guess I got that all mixed up

- I’m sorry

Instantaneous recap! Yes, Marianne did invite Bernadetta – like, barely. And then Bernadetta escaped from accepting or rejecting the invitation, leaving disaster in her wake.

#cephalottie

OH YEAH I THINK YOU DID -

I’M SO STUPID XDD -

OKAY ANYWAY if the offer’s still on -

then i’m on c: -

#grey_mane_13

- Of course it is

- Hehe

- I’m so happy to hear you’ll be coming along

#cephalottie

oh yeah! also! -

i don’t think i got around to telling you but -

i’m gonna cosplay there too! -

#grey_mane_13

- !

- I’m so excited to see it

- Is yours all set yet?

#cephalottie

that’s the best part, see -

i’m making it myself!! -

Not so long ago, putting in more effort than her peers – de facto or just in her perception – was making Bernadetta feel insecure and alone. Now she’s just going to flex about it? How the times have changed.

#grey_mane_13

- Oh right! You told me you can sew and all

- That’s really awesome!

- So, who are you going to be cosplaying as?

- Oh wait I know

- It’s Antonella isn’t it

#cephalottie

XDDDDD oops you got me -

i am so predictable -

Marianne may not have a strong sense of who her own blorbos are, but did you think she doesn’t know all of Bernadetta’s blorbos by heart? She could recite their names backwards.

#grey_mane_13

- Hehe

- How’s it coming along, anyway?

- Finishing up?

Marianne!! You don’t just ask someone about their progress on their WIPs!!

… None of you remember the thing about how this thing here was written on a deadline that wasn’t exactly met, right? Come on, you’re so close to forgetting… you’re feeling so sleepy right now…

#cephalottie

oh yeah -

i’ve got to hurry up with it actually -

guess that’s what i’m doing today! -

#grey_mane_13

- Please do

- I really want us to together

- And it’ll take some work for that

- From both of us

#cephalottie

same here <33 i really want us to go together too -

but i have to admit -

i’m ALL the way behind on getting set to go -

would you mind telling me how all the con stuff works? :3 -

since you’ve been to one before and all -

#grey_mane_13

- I’ll help however I can

And from there – a full day of preparations and sewing.

How quickly and dramatically have things changed! Just a couple days ago, Bernadetta had fully well thrown in the towel about this con thing. Now, she’s fully committing to going there.

It seems almost as if there are benefits to not hiding all the time. Who would ever have imagined?

The days until con time went by; through great effort, Bernadetta and Marianne got everything in order, on time. And now… this is it. Bernadetta steps out of a train, and sets foot on Mozghuz. She remembers the path she’s meant to walk down next, but she hardly has to – she only really needs to follow the mass of be-costumed creatures headed the same way.

A mass that Bernadetta sticks with, loses herself into – and suddenly, she’s not as self-conscious about the neon wig and cape she’s sporting. How strange, that vollume can be such an antidote against cringe.

Not that this was about to turn Bernadetta into a person who feels comfortable around crowds, no. As she lands upon the venue, they once again start to resemble the thing she’s long dreaded. The weather is mild, but the air is still and hot; it broils in the human heat all around. Chatter and other indistinct sounds make the air palpable with weight. And the line at the entrance is fucking huge.

The most troubling thing, though, is that Bernadetta sees no sign of grey anywhere in this hall of horror. She knows what to look for, having been sent a photo for ease of identification (a cute photo), but there’s not a familiar flash to be found. Bernadetta sent her friend a message as soon as she’d arrived, too, but… time rolls on and on, and there’s no response.

Pondering the leviathan ahead of her, Bernadetta gets to thinking. She didn’t exactly arrive here right on time; she got a few things twisted up on the way to the station nearest to her home. If she had been on time – like a person who has her shit together – there might have been less of a line. grey must arrived on time, with a smaller line. grey must already be inside. Having some sort of fantastic con time, enough so that she hasn’t been looking at her phone.

Why would she, even? Surely, whatever she’s up to in there is orders and orders of magnitude more fun than hanging out with this neon-haired loser here. Even when Bernadetta does get in, and even if she manages to find her friend in that massive venue, she wouldn’t be getting so much as a glance from her, that’s for sure. Guess it was a stupid idea to c–

A sound rings in Bernadetta’s ear. A voice? There have been voices all around her for a long time now, but – so much closer, this one?

“I’m so sorry!”

Bernadetta turns aroun– is that grey??

“Sorry! I’m so late…” The internet friend made real struggles to catch her breath. “I thought I was going to be on time, but I…”

Not much more comes out between her huffs. With that meantime, Bernadetta gets to observing. Observing Marianne’s costume, and her face, and her body…

Oops. Maybe she should say something, actually.

“Um. Hi!”

Yeesh. Is that the best Bernadetta can do?

“The costume is amazing, by the way.” Marianne manages to catch just enough breath to throw that out there.

“Ah! Thank you! I, uh…” No, it doesn’t look amazing, silly. Bernadetta is ready to point out all the flaws, inaccuracies, parts that she had to rush… but she can’t quite remain focused on that task when most divisions of her mind are hustling to address the real bombshell: WAS COMPLIMENTED BY A CUTE GIRL THIS IS NOT A DRILL

“This line is going to take a long time, I think…” Marianne muses, seeming not to notice Bernadetta’s struggle to keep it together. “It’s a wonder I managed to run into you here. I was in such a hurry, I didn’t even look at my phone.”

“Um, actually… I was a little late too…” Bernadetta lets out an embarrassed laugh. Late to class when the professor was even moreso, as it turns out.

“Oh, I see.” Marianne puts on a relieved smile.

And for the next while… silence. It’s a little awkward, but it does give the ladies time to let the reality of this setting sink in. They’re here. They went to that con. They’re cosplaying. They’re hanging out. In the flesh they’re hanging out.

Short little bursts of conversation start to come and go between them, all naturally. Bernadetta is struck by how much different it is to be with her friend in this different setting. There are facial expressions and body language to give her a little bit extra of Marianne on each sentence. And when Marianne pauses for a long time in a conversation, it’s not the empty lull that it was on IM; it’s interspersed with “um”, “the thing is”, the occasional incomplete thought that gets walked back – and with the face that she makes when she’s making an effort to focus. Bernadetta still wouldn’t trade all of their usual, more relaxed conversations online for this, but the experience is different, in a very nice way.

… This line really is taking a long time.

The craziest thought occurs to Bernadetta. What if, right here, in this hell of a line, in public, physically, outside … She were to try speaking out the last of her little secrets?

As if. That’s hard to do, impossible to do. Although… Bernadetta isn’t exactly doing a whole lot else here. What reason is there not to try? She has all the time in the world. Enough time to wear out stopping herself. Enough time to take a deep breath… clench her fists… and…

“So, um…”

“There’s something I wanted to tell you about, Bernie!”

Oops. They’re in sync.

“What’s up?” Bernadetta prompts Marianne along. Fine, her thing first. No doubt it’s something less stupid.

“So I, uh… I have this other thing that somebody invited me to, too.”

“Oh! Another con?”

“High school reunion, actually. I really want to go. And, um…!”

And…?

“I really… want you to come there with me.”

Oh.

“I know, it’s a crazy thing to ask. They’re my classmates, not yours, but…”

Bernadetta’s voice cuts loudly through the beating around the bush. “I’ll go with you! For sure!”

“... Thank you, Bernie. I’m happy to hear it.” An earnest smile spread across Marianne’s face – and a goofier one across Bernadetta’s. She got invited to ANOTHER thing! And she made a cute girl happy! “There’s an old classmate of mine who’s going to be there, and she means a lot to me, and… I want her to see how far I’ve come along. You know?”

“On your transition?”

“That too. But also… in general. As a happier person. And, um… that’s why… that’s why I really want you to be there too.”

Huh?!

“Sorry. That’s a weird thing to say, isn’t it? But I mean it, like… um… … like you’re a part of that happiness. … That’s even weirder, isn’t it? I–”

Bernadetta had her arms around Marianne’s foam pauldrons before either of the two could think. Not slowed down in the slightest by having had to jump a little into it to catch Marianne’s shoulders at her height. And lest any thinking start to be done, Bernadetta’s face would go right into Marianne’s collar next.

Marianne says nothing, but lets out a giggle. Then, she calmly wraps her own arms around Bernadetta’s be-caped shoulders.

The moment thought returns to Bernadetta, it’s brimming with resolve. There’s not much else to think about but this: the gates are open for her. Today, without fail, she will look Marianne in the eyes and say “I love you”. No matter if it’s hard. No matter if it’s awkward. No matter if it takes her a while. It will be done.

Oh, here comes something else for Bernadetta to start thinking about, though. Did she just… agree to show up to someone’s high school reunion?! A fully social gathering! No nerd premises to temper it! Full of strangers! Normie strangers!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA