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“Gus log, human date 23.4— shoot, where’s the calendar? It’s the twenty third? Starting over. Gus log, human date 23.4.23. Today we—”
“Oh my gosh,” Hunter whispers. “You’re keeping a log like in Cosmic Frontier? That’s so cool!”
“Quiet on the bridge! Other people don’t talk during Captain Avery’s logs.”
“Sorry, I’ll go upstairs so you can stay in character.”
Hunter’s footsteps decrescendo up the stairs. Gus puffs out a breath.
“Okay, he’s gone, but I’m not saying the human date again.
“Camila purchased this device for me to record my voice like they do in the series. I went with her to a store called Target, which involved no aiming of any kind of projectile at all! It would have been neat if it did, but that’s considered a, quote, safety hazard here, where there’s no healing magic.
“And from that experience, can I just say that human money is so weird. They have coins and paper like we do, but with dead people instead of bugs. They also have plastic rectangle money, although that kind doesn’t have dead people on it. Camila got me one with some dogs on it. It’s not reusable, which seems to me to miss the point of being money.
“I just finished spending half an hour looking at the receipt, which I’ve used to start my collection of things given to me in the human world. Some of the coins have tiny maps on them. Like, there’s a place called Ohio that looks like a shield. I’m determined to collect them all before we leave. If we leave, I guess.
“Focus Gus. Captain Avery would want to project an image of confidence. So, our foray into the human world continues. Who knows what else is in store!”
Click.
⏩
“Gus log, human date 23.4.24. Hunter has started playing an online game about a traveler who’s far from home and has to explore their way through the new world. The appeal’s pretty clear.
“He really wanted to play the male version of the main character for some reason. He said it spoke to him.
“When we saw the high-pitched companion-sidekick-cryptid-mascot of unknown origin, I started to miss Hooty. I hope that noodly guy is okay, and that he hasn’t found someone else’s happy dances to snoop on. What we had was special.”
⏩
“Gus log, human date 23.5.1. Camila wants us to go to the doctor, except what if they find our bile sack, or see our ears?
“Hunter said he had other reasons for not wanting to go to the doctor, which I don’t really get. This is the human realm, so they don’t fear or hate the Golden Guard here, even though they ought to. And no one here knows who the guard is. Or, was.”
“Excuse me, boys?” Camila knocks on the doorframe and descends the stairs. “Oh, sorry Gus, I mean, Captain Porter. Are you doing your log again?”
“Note: pausing log to interact with civilian.” Gus sets the recorder on his desk. “It’s okay, I’m out of character now.”
Across the room, Hunter slides his headphones down to his neck. On his computer screen, a feral boy swings a claymore at some enemies.
Camila raises a paper bag in triumph. “I was successful, but Hunter is a dog now.”
“I am? Those are related to wolves here! Gus told me!” Hunter touches his face, almost disappointed at the lack of hair, or anything else suggesting canine transformation.
“No,” Camila says, “You’re still a boy, but I was able to write and fill a prescription for testosterone for a Saint Bernard— also named Hunter. What a coincidence! A dog like that would weigh twice as much as you and need about as much as you. So— I assume you know what to do with this now that you have it?”
“Yes ma’am.”
“Hah, calling me ma’am, you’re funny. Now, no one call the AVMA to report me for an ethics violation. Considering the circumstances though, they might allow it.”
“Thank you, mom, really.”
Camila tries to hide her smile. “I’ll leave you to it then, mijo.”
Gus and Hunter gasp at each other.
“You got a mijo!”
Still vibrating from the thrill of being called someone’s son in a language he mostly doesn’t understand, Hunter lays out the injection supplies on his desk, a triangle of needles and syringe in a neat constellation. He sits stiffly, staring at them, swatting away the thought that any kind of triangle looks like the sigil of the Emperor’s Coven. Triangles mean different things here. Being Hunter can mean different things here.
He clears his throat to get Gus’s attention.
Gus swivels around in his chair. “You do know what to do, right?”
“Yes, but I’m, um, scared of needles.”
“How did you deal with that back home?”
“Someone from the Emperor’s Coven would do it for me.”
“Not the Healing Coven?”
“Eh, it was moved from Abomination to Emperor’s when I started puberty. The second time, I mean. I don’t think it made a difference in terms of what I got. Belos wanted more control over me.”
“Abomination? That’s pretty messed up, but welcome to history, right? Doesn’t that mean that—” Gus purses his lips in contemplation. “There’s a testosterone spell?”
“Maybe, but I never knew it. I think Belos liked watching me squirm. Sometimes he gave me the shot himself.” Hunter crosses his arms. “I thought it was because he cared about me. Which I guess he did, just not like I thought.”
“I read about illusionists like you who would go their whole lives with…I guess they’re prosthetics? The concentration was taxing enough to keep you from doing anything else if you didn’t have a galdorstone. So maybe needles aren’t so bad.”
“That doesn’t make me any less scared of what amounts to stabbing myself on purpose, but I appreciate the effort.” Hunter smiles without showing teeth. All the glimmering goes to his eyes and his cheeks.
Gus shakes his head, snickering silently. “I’ll go get Camila.”
“No, it’s okay.” Hunter cups his hands and aims his holler up the stairs like he’s heard Luz do a hundred times during their short stay in the human realm. “Mamá!”
⏩
“It’s easier to record these if I have someone to talk to, so I’m going to be talking to these figures of Captain Avery and Chief O’Bailey. But Gus, why don’t you just talk to Hunter? Well…
“Camila said humans have something called therapy where you talk to someone and learn how to fix your problems. I don't know how much therapy can help us when our problem is not having a door back to the Boiling Isles, and also not having human health insurance, but maybe it could help the symptoms.
“Like, take this, little things make us cry when we wish they wouldn't. Willow thought she smelled her dad’s shampoo. Yes, it was floral scented. I heard echo from a microphone and thought of my dad.
“This morning, Hunter had a panic attack because he saw it was exactly 6 am on his alarm clock. Well, our alarm clock. He must have come back from the bathroom or something. Whatever the case, I woke up to these wheezing sobs that wouldn’t stop.
“I thought Willow would come, but I kept hearing sniffles and rustling sheets. The basement is actually pretty soundproof.
“So I gave him a hug. He was so warm, but he shook like a cold bird.”
⏩
Hunter puts the next DVD in the player and rocks back and forth to the synth-fueled fifth opening of Cosmic Frontier: Subsequent Subspaces.
“Gus! Did you see the episode where they learn to communicate with a new civilization with only allusions? It sounds tough.”
Gus adopts a robotic posture and bows to him. “Hewes and Tarell at Alardol. It blew my mind! I mean, in the embrace of Yakap.”
“Eithu, refusing to dream.”
“I know, right? Amity in Abominations.”
Hunter scrunches his face. “That’s kind of mean, isn’t it?”
“You see, Amity was the star student, at least until Luz came along and helped Willow cheat, so I was trying to say that you were smart.”
“Oooh, I thought it was about how her parents were big names in the Abomination Coven and you were saying that I had an unfair advantage like she did.”
“Wow, that would be pretty mean. I’d like to think I’m better than that. Or at least, I wouldn’t point it out.”
“Don’t worry, I think you’re usually kinder than that.”
Gus doesn’t know what to do with Hunter’s sidelong praise, so he switches to what he can confront. “I’m sensing that this kind of system only works if everyone involved knows the same things.”
“Words do mean things, even if the words are allusions. Maybe we have to start later, like Magic in the Noceda kitchen?”
“Sure, let’s think of some together.”
⏩
“Gus log 23.5.5. We talked more about our past lives to make more allusions for our shared language. It was kind of like therapy, I think. Hunter and the pile of masks. That’s when you have a sudden change in perspective.
“I said, wow, it must be cool to be a clone. I can only make temporary illusions, but you’re forever.
“Gus you titan-sucker, what were you thinking, he just finished explaining a major trauma that threatened his entire self-conception and you say, dang that’s neat? Do you have a brain in your head or just a collection of rote knowledge!?
“And anything that boy feels goes straight to his face, so I saw the dance of confusion on his features as he started to close himself off to me. I saw it! I did that! I think things are going to be major awkward between us.
“I don’t want to end on a downer, so back to our shared metaphor language. Willow in Abominations is when you feel like you’re not living up to your potential. I didn’t tell him about that, so I guess they’ve been talking. Of course they’ve been talking, he can’t stop blushing around her. And I thought Amity was an obvious one.”
⏩
“Gus log 23.5.9. I told Willow that I was getting jealous of Hunter. She hugged me, which made me feel horrible. I asked her why she did that, and she said, if I was jealous of him, there was a thing he had that I was upset about him having.
“Since what I wish I had is what he has with her, I couldn’t say that to her face! I don’t want him to not have a good relationship with her, I just— I dunno. So I said something about how his cosplay looks really good, which is also true.
“I’m a wreck and there’s no way to magically untangle myself!
“Humans have a bomb that works by ripping apart the tiniest thing that wasn’t supposed to be divisible. I have it in my notes: atom - literally means uncuttable. Atomic bomb - horrifying, probably shouldn’t exist.
“What I need from Willow is for her to shred the hope inside me like that bomb. With finality! I mean, I hope I don’t explode, but if I do then I guess I really, really wanted to be her boyfriend.
“Do I? Good gracious Gus. I— I do want to be with her, but I don’t think that’s the end of the story.”
⏩
“Gus log, 23.5.10. Willow sleeps down here now, which I guess makes sense. I wouldn’t want to third wheel Amity and Luz either. At home, they’re only apart to use the bathroom and bathe. And I’m not even sure about bathing, but that’s not my business.
“I do like what Willow’s done with the place. She photo-bought— photo-stored?”
“The word you’re looking for is photoshopped, sir.” Hunter gives a Cosmic Frontier salute.
“Hunter!” Gus startles. “I thought you were playing your game with the wolf boy.”
“I was, uh, Captain, but sometimes I like to listen to you record your logs. They are edifying, sir. Please continue.” Hunter salutes again, adding a wink.
Gus continues, over-articulating every word.
“Willow photoshopped a flyer derby poster and put plants in every corner. Succulents really make Sótano Noceda feel less like a man cave and more like a home away from home.
Hunter’s eyes are full of what Gus thinks is curiosity until he realizes it’s something like admiration. An unsourced warmth like a warp beam tickles the inside of his chest and makes it hard to breathe.
“I need to go to the bathroom.” Gus flees up the stairs, two per stride, careful not to make eye contact. He’s heard the human saying that eyes are the windows to the soul, but from the Boiling Isles he knows that eyes are really the soul’s mouth. His soul is screaming.
“Resuming log 23.5.10. Where was I? We all go to bed in separate places, but it’s not like I can pretend to not see that Hunter crawls in with her. I’m not jealous, I just wish I thought of that. Wait— redact that. Redact!
“I thought it would be uncomfortable, third wheeling, but they keep to themselves. I bet he holds her hand underneath the blankets. I know I would. I mean— damn it.”
Gus can’t decide whose hand he would rather have in his. He would have only meant Willow’s until moments earlier.
He lets his posture down from its stiff Star Academy rigging. “Why did he have to look at me like that?”
“How do I delete an entry? Is it this button? I hope so.”
⏩
“Gus log 23.5.11. Emergency entry from the kitchen. It’s just after sunrise. I didn’t wipe yesterday’s entry after all and look what happened. I jinxed it. I’m an illusionist, not a jinxist!
“I heard Willow and Hunter kissing in the dark last night, but pretended I didn't, just lying there. I knew it from these little clicks, slightly wet sounding. I wish I didn’t hear it. I wish we played louder whale noises to help us get to sleep. I wish I could have an atomic bomb for my heart.
“I can’t say they don’t look cute together. I mean, Hunter’s a good guy, or well, he— I don’t know if he’s really good now, or if he’s just too sad to be bad. So he might as well be good. And I think Willow needs someone to take care of. She’s really strong and confident now, and it looks good on her. I'm strong too. so we don’t both need to be strong. It would be redundant and wouldn’t work. That's how that works, right?
“Ugh, my head isn’t clearing at all. Back to bed.”
Gus bumps into Hunter in the hallway. A night light paints blue and red along their legs and the bottoms of their faces.
“Oh, sorry.” Hunter runs a finger over the short hair behind his ears, a habit he’s picked up since Willow cut it. “You’re up early?”
“You know, couldn’t sleep.” Gus’s guts twist with panic, but he swallows it down with a taut-tendon smile. However little Hunter heard of the most recent Gus Log is still too much for comfort.
“Me neither, as usual. Hey, actually, I have a question.”
Gus glances at the clock on the oven. 6:02.
“I might have an answer.”
“Now that we’re in the human realm, I miss being the Golden Guard sometimes. Is that weird? It’s like, am I Hunter and the pile of masks or not?”
Gus offers silence. If Hunter had never seen the masks, he might have ended up in them. That’s not something to say.
“Speechless, right? I know. It was awful a lot of the time— scratch that, all the time, but it was always so certain. Wake up, do whatever the Emperor wants, sleep, repeat. I even miss my bed, and that was not a comfortable mattress.”
“Aw, Hunter. Are you homesick?”
“Maybe. For a place that was never really my home, but that doesn’t stop me from feeling it.”
“Yeah?” Gus puts an arm around Hunter, who sags into him.
“Yeah. And Willow makes me feel less homesick. even though home was ever like her. Isn’t that funny?”
“Oh.” Gus tries not to tense or stiffen, knowing Hunter will feel all of it.
“You’ve known her for a long time, right?”
“At this point, yeah, you could say that.”
“Yeah, I thought so. You feel like home too.”
They hold each other in silence and listen to the rhythm of each other’s breathing, how they both settle on a four-count rhythm.
Gus watches Hunter make tea before going back to bed. He tosses and turns, swirling beneath the sheets like earth’s core generating a magnetic field, repelling dreams until morning.
⏩
Gus was deep in an article about applications of light scattering materials about fifteen minutes ago — “human attempts at illusion magic” — but now that he’s resurfaced from concentrating, the steady stream of sounds Hunter and Willow are making overpower his efforts to ignore them.
Hunter’s fingers skim through Willow’s hair. Gus wonders what that feels like, wonders what her face looks like. Would the tightness in chest go slack if he could only see Willow and couldn’t see Hunter?
He looks at the floor, clenches his fists, then looks back as Hunter breaks away. Their eyes catch. Instead of dazed or impassioned, Hunter looks guilty. Then it closes, gone like a shift in the clouds. Gus could convince himself he never saw it to begin with.
Willow pulls her tongue out of Hunter’s mouth and wipes a sleeve across her lips. “Enough of this. what aren’t you telling me.”
“That I’m by the pile of masks?”
Willow cups Hunter's face and rubs her thumbs in opposite directions on his cheeks.
“Baby, your dedication to world-building is impeccable, but I need you to put that through a universal translator so I can understand what you’re talking about.”
“I— I can’t.'' Hunter turns his head so he kisses Willows's hand, then looks guiltily at the lifelines crisscrossing her palm and pushes it away.
Willow holds Hunter’s hands instead. “You can’t or you won’t?”
“The universal translator didn’t work in that episode. It knew the individual words, but didn’t know the cultural context enough to make meaning from the words alone.”
“I’m feeling that, yes.” Willow squints, turning to Gus. “What’s he saying and why does he keep looking at you?”
“Hunter and the pile of masks is when you realize something.” Gus says. “But I think I’m there too. I mean, it’s actually me who needs to explain something.”
“No, no!” Hunter waves his hands. “It’s— Willow. I’m going to hurt you if I tell you what you want to know, but it only hurts me if I keep it to myself. So, I’ll keep it to myself.”
“Hunter Noceda, no one gets to decide what hurts me anymore but me. That doesn’t change because we’re dating.”
The shock of wielding a full name leaves a slow-onset silence in its wake, like water seeping into a footprint along a sandy shore.
Willow continues, “Let me try to allusion-ify this then. This would be, Willow and Amity reunited. Because she kept thinking she knew what was best for me and that did make me feel babied and less-than. I’m no fractional witch anymore.”
“Okay.” Hunter whimpers, resolve dissolving like a cubed corpse in a barrel of acid. “I like Gus! Too!” Not instead of you, but also. I'm confused. Because when I'm thinking about kissing you, Willow, or when I’m actually doing it, at the same time I’m wondering—”
“About Gus.”
“Yeah.” Hunter swallows hard. “What does this mean for us?”
“It’s going to be okay.” Willow puts a finger on his lips. “Let’s find out.”
“Gus,” Willow says delicately, “Are you wondering back?”
Gus opens his mouth and silence falls out. He steams like rain in the Boiling Isles.
“Ah— affirmative. I think? But that’s not all, if we’re airing things.” He scratches his neck. “I also like you.”
“Hunter likes Willow and Gus, Gus likes Willow and Hunter.” Willow draws lines between them in the air. “And Willow—?”
“And Willow?” the boys say in union.
“And Willow? Hunter, I see you having your first piece of normal teenager-ness. I see Gus having fun and learning all there is to know about the human world that enthralls him so much. And I want that for both of you. I want to have both of you there with me. And Gus, I had a feeling you liked me too. You never told me, but you laid it on so thick that I knew you felt something for me. I just wasn’t sure what it was.”
⏩
Gus again reports for the future sitting on a closed toilet seat in the Noceda bathroom, action figure in one hand and recorder in the other.
“I know you’re only a plastic likeness of Captain Avery, but don’t look at me with those judging painted-on eyes like that. I'm going to turn your head away.
“Okay, now that you’re not looking at me, I can tell you. I like the idea that Hunter likes me, and I don’t know what to do about it.
“He saw a cardinal today and cried. That boy does a lot of crying. I did a lot of crying with him. For him. About him. Willow was easy because it’s been so long. I know what to do with those feelings. I’ve almost rehearsed them. But Hunter? I don’t know anything at all.”
⏩
“They both offered to kiss me to see if I love them. It was weird. I didn’t think that’s how it worked but I was going to do it.
“I kissed Willow on the cheek. It was too embarrassing to do anything else, even though I would have if Hunter hadn’t been right there.
“And then I did it. I kissed Hunter on the mouth, like I was mad about it. I didn't know you could do that until I did it. I thought sparks flying in love was all fireflies, but I learned it could be from, like, welding equipment. That didn’t make sense, but I still felt something. I felt so much of something.
“Then as promised, they both asked me if I loved them. At that point, I was thinking, I mean, we’re all mixed up in each other like shades of purple in abomination goop, so one answer isn’t going to change any of that. And despite that, the question felt like a threat.
“When Willow asked, I said yes.
“When Hunter asked, I said no. But then I changed my mind. I should have said something as soon as I knew, but in the moment between thought and maybe acting—
“Then they both looked disappointed, so I said yes, and then they didn’t anymore, but oooh I felt like a cheater! And Gus Porter is nothing without academic integrity!”
“But maybe we can both be strong for him. We both have enough smarts, confidence, and good looks to support him together. And I’ve been using Camila’s home workout videos, so someday I’ll be able to lift him too! We can take turns fireman carrying him. That’s how humans who put out fires travel to them. No wonder they’re so buff.”
⏩
Hunter lifts a pillow over his head and drops it on his face.
“What are you doing?” Gus asks.
“It’s easier to be honest when you can’t see my face. I wish it wasn’t, but, you know.”
“Do I know?” It’s Willow’s probing voice, for when she knows the answer but wants to hear the other person say it for themselves.
“Golden Guard days. No one can see you cry behind a mask.”
“No one can see you smile either.” Willow holds Hunter's hand. “I like your face, so can I ask you to try?”
Red peeks out around the edges of the pillow. Hunter lowers it with his free hand down to his cheekbones.
“Okay,” he mumbles.
“I want to hear your voice.” Willow coos. “You worked hard for it.”
“You’re right, I did.” He clears his throat. “And it’s not annoying.”
“I like it.” Gus says.
Hunter shakes his head so the pillow falls off. He turns to Gus. “Liking it is the first step.”
“To what?”
“I don’t know, maybe,” Hunter bites his lip to stifle a smile. It doesn’t work. “Liking the rest of me.”
Gus and Willow give him matching kisses on different cheeks and hold hands across his chest.
⏩
“Gus log, 23-whatever, it’s way after bedtime. I wanted to record the sounds of them sleeping. And Willow grinds her teeth sometimes and needs proof.
“Hunter climbed into bed with the two of us and said both of you are my wolf family, which is definitely from that game he plays. It felt silly and light. And it felt right too.”