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Someone should've warned Harry that uni could often feel like the Devil™ was gripping you by the balls and suspending you upside down.
Or so he kept thinking ruefully, as he lay curled up on the couch, hands tucked under his chin in hopes that the urge to fiddle with them restlessly would subside.
He sighed heavily. The invisible boulder weighing down on his chest did not disappear in the least.
He didn't know why his chest was in anxious knots, though he had his suspicions, of course. Endless hours pouring over books in the library, staring at mind-numbing research till his eyes burned, every wakeful hour slipping from his fingers to God knows where, the monstrous monotonicity of life lately; just a few of the ones he'd pick out of several other potential reasons. Or maybe it was nothing at all, the sadness spinning into pools and pools of yarn somewhere at the very centre of him, all by itself.
In his desperation to find comfort, he'd tried his usual remedies: dancing around to Spice Girls, meditating even if he found it hard to focus, trying to read (and giving up very quickly when his vision kept being blurred by unprovoked tears). He knew it was worse than usual when he found himself staring at a Google searches page with the question he'd typed in a little foolishly: 'how to stop feeling like shit for no reason.'
So yeah, he was at his wit's end.
Naturally, the one thing he had obstinately not tried kept nagging at him. His omega clawed at him from within, wailing on and on about what he must do, but a little helplessly, like it didn't know either quite how to achieve what it craved.
Nesting.
Despite Harry trying to push the thought away, instinctually he thought that maybe nesting would bring him some comfort; except for the glaring fact that he had never resorted to nesting to soothe himself before ever. The sole reason for that was that he just didn't know how to.
Frowning so deeply it was causing the beginnings of a headache, Harry vaguely thought that it was ironic, a little. That he was struggling to do the one thing that would almost guarantee to alleviate his struggle. Curling up even smaller, he wondered, am I a bad omega? What kind of an omega has never nested, the most innate thing to do in times of need?
Alarmingly, he felt annoying little pinpricks of tears behind his eyes. Only he would complicate something that came naturally to omegas. It wasn’t for a lack of trying either. His previous attempts to nest had always dissolved into frustrated tears and hair nearly being ripped out as he, without fail, got caught up in the perfectionist tendencies of it all. How exactly do you do it? How to nest the right way? How would you know when it’s done? Or that it’s good enough??
How do I know that I’d be good enough at nesting?
As he felt his chest begin to cave, he decided to do the one thing that he knew would bring him comfort without a doubt. From where he lay on his side on the couch, he blindly patted around to find his phone. Finding it in the dip between the cushions, he pulled it out, trying to unlock it. Two attempts at unlocking his phone failing had him screaming into the cushion briefly, before the phone unlocked at the third.
Harry’s thumb found and clicked on his best friend’s contact before he could second guess it. Hands shaking minutely, he brought the phone up to his ear, tucking all his limbs as close to his chest as possible. The monotonous call tone was grating on his ears.
Thankfully, Louis picked up on the third ring.
“ Hello, babe !”
Harry felt his deep frown ease up at just the sound of his best friend’s voice, at the familiarity and affection that laced the greeting.
“Hi Lou,” he mumbled back, voice low. He chewed the edge of his thumb as he wavered on what to say next.
“... Y’alright Haz? ” Louis asked after a pregnant pause. Which in and of itself was unusual between them. Harry always had something to say, whether it may be an obscure fact he found at 3 am or even just whining about how much he hated the professor who taught the research module.
Harry just made a noncommittal sound in response. He wondered why exactly he had called the omega. And how exactly he could say what he needed without the weight behind it all threatening to create gaping cracks in him.
Louis, the absolute angel that he was, picked up the slack in their conversation. “A re you home? Or are you still camping at the library? ”
Louis’ voice was teasing, with not a hint of maliciousness in it. It made a tiny smile flicker weakly at his lips, but a heavy sigh still escaped him at the thought of how much he still had to do, and how he was exponentially failing at that as he found himself in a slump.
“‘M home,” Harry rasped out, smacking his dry lips once. It tasted like salt, thanks to his impromptu crying sessions. “Words aren’t making sense anymore, so. I’m home doing nothing.”
“ Oh darling, I’m sorry ,” Louis crooned, and even through the phone, Harry could picture the frown on his face. “It’s good to give that brilliant, overworked brain of yours a break for a bit though.”
Harry made another evasive sound at that.
And then silence.
As the seconds felt like hours, Harry bit the skin of his thumb hard, drawing blood. He knew he had to bite the bullet and just ask. Knew that this was weird for them and that Louis could likely sense it.
His voice was still meek and words still fighting each other at the tip of his tongue, when he finally gave in with a sigh.
“Lou?”
“ Yeah? ”
“....come over? Please?”
Louis’ answer came easily, with no hesitance. “‘ Course babe, I’ll be there in ten .”
Some of the pressure pressing down on Harry’s chest eased at that. He ended the call, immediately jolting up on the couch. Ten minutes wasn’t much time, and the space around him echoed the way he felt like a mess. Not that Louis would care much, being the messier one out of the two of them, but some base instinct had him wanting to clean up at least a little.
Roughly eleven minutes later, the blankets he had been wallowing under were neatly folded and placed on the armrest, the multiple half-drunk cups of tea placed in the sink, and the curtains were drawn back, letting in the weak streams of winter sunlight in. Harry was still in 3-day-old sweats but at least he had gotten himself to splash some water on his face and ruffled his curls in an attempt to make them look less flat and sad.
This led him to simply having to wait for Louis as he restlessly paced around the living room, stealing glances at his phone every so often. It had been fifteen minutes since Louis said he’d be on his way, but his tendency to show up a little late was something he was used to. He blamed the unusual jitteriness on his shitty headspace; it was Louis, for fucks sake.
A soft series of knocks on his front door had him whipping his head around.
Louis was here.
Tugging his sleeves over his fists, he swiftly walked up and opened the door that hadn’t even been locked. And came face to face with a slightly flushed-looking Louis, softly grinning up at him. A grin that widened the second he saw Harry, mirroring his very own smile, he could bet. In the few fleeting seconds before either of them moved, Harry briefly registered just how simply seeing his best friend had the tension ebbing away from his body.
In the next breath, Harry found himself crashing into a hug, arms wound tightly around his waist while Louis’ arms around his shoulders were nearly crushing. He was stooping a little, to make up for the few inches of height difference, but the twinge in his back had nothing on the way he felt the pressure of the hug and Louis’ familiar scent dulling his nerves. As Harry felt Louis squeeze a little tighter, a muffled “darling, hi” pressed into his shoulder, he wondered if Louis could tell just how much he needed this, was clinging to the boy like he was a lifeline. Maybe he did, considering the reluctant manner in which Louis broke the hug, touch lingering.
Harry’s own happy greeting had Louis look like he was glowing from the inside out. Wordlessly, he picked up the duffel back he had dropped at his feet and sauntered inside like he had so many times. Harry eyed his bag for a second, wondering just where he had come from. The bag and Louis’ shoes promptly being discarded haphazardly in the hallway distracted him from that thought, not even bothering to chastise the boy and instead arranging them both neatly next to his shoe rack himself.
Louis had made his way into the kitchen that led into the open-plan living room, leaning against the counter. The smile hadn’t left his face for a second. Harry copied him, standing close, content to soak up his presence.
Louis ran his gaze over Harry for a minute, before quietly saying, “Missed you.” His fingers trailed down Harry’s arm like he wanted to be in contact just as much as he needed it himself.
Harry winced in guilt. He had been so swamped with his studies and stuck in his little pit of feeling absolutely pathetic, that he hadn’t gotten to spend as much unhurried, undisturbed time with Louis the way that he wanted to. He needed Louis to know that even at his busiest and his lowest, the omega held the biggest place in his heart.
“I missed you too, Lou,” he said firmly, earnestly, eyes intense on the boy, “ so much ”.
Louis’ smile turned softer, as if he could read him. “I know.”
Noticing Louis wrapping his arms around him with a minute shudder, Harry went towards the kettle, setting it on and opening his cabinet to pull out the tea bags. By the time he had turned back, Louis had pulled out their favourite mugs, perched up on the counter and looking at peace. They shared a soft smile, not needing to fill the silence as Harry made both their teas.
Mugs in careful grasp, they both made their way to the couch. Harry sank down right next to Louis, sitting close like they always did. For a moment, Harry was lost, focusing on the warmth seeping into his hands from the mug he was holding, or the sip and sigh that Louis let out next to him. The sound of Louis setting the mug down on his glass-top coffee table broke him out of the moment.
“You’ve been awfully quiet Haz; is everything alright?”
No beating around the bush then. But Harry appreciated that about Louis. Even if it was direct, it was gentle.
Harry sighed. Resorting to just a small shake of his head, still gathering words in his head.
A warm hand rested on his thigh. “What’s wrong, love?”
Harry shrugged, eyes trained on his tea, the slight movement it made every time he moved. He didn’t know how to verbalise just how he was feeling.
“Okay,” Louis said patiently, “is it uni?”
“Kind of,” Harry mumbled, chancing a glance at Louis and being met with a concerned gaze.
“Hmm. Did something specific happen that I should know about?”
“Not really, no.”
He heard Louis sigh. Guilt ate away at him. He knew he wasn’t being easy at all. Luckily, this wasn’t the first time Louis had to coax answers out of him, and nor did he ever seem to mind.
“Okay. Well, when you want to talk about it, I’ll be right here, yeah? Till then, do you wanna do something? We could watch shit tv and order some food in and cuddle.”
Despite unshakeable gloom clinging onto him, that had Harry’s lips quirking up into a half smile. He nodded, squeezing the hand that was on his thigh in response.
“Yeah?” Louis checked, sounding brighter, “what do you wanna watch? A show or a movie? Do you want me to pick? Anything you’re in the mood for?”
Decisions. So many decisions. Harry felt the antsy itch under his skin growing. What did he want? What was he in the mood for?
Louis, not privy to his internal unrest, kept chattering away like he was desperate to lift Harry’s mood. “We could order in from that Thai place you love? Or maybe it’s better to just have some good ol’ pizza?”
Harry’s head was reeling. What did he want? What did he really want? He took a deep, staggering breath. What could he do? What could help?
“I want to nest,” Harry cut in abruptly, effectively ending Louis’ debate of options. Louis blinked at him, raising his eyebrows sharply.
“Oh?” Louis questioned in surprise, knowing at least vaguely of Harry’s struggle with nesting from when he had occasionally whined about it. Because Harry had told him about it no matter how briefly, of course he had, and Louis had never once judged him or made him feel like less of an omega because of that fact.
Harry simply nodded, slowly, still unsure himself.
“That’s great Haz!” Louis said, sounding a little baffled but proud at the same time. “When did you-”
“-I mean,” Harry rambled, unable to stop now that he had put it out there. “I think I do. I’ve just been feeling so- like I need to jump out of my skin, like there’s this weight on my chest constantly and I….I don’t know what to do, I’ve tried!, ” his voice cracked as his despair rose, “And I thought…I dunno. Nesting might help. With how I’m feeling. It’s a last resort, really, and no harm in trying…right?”
“Right,” Louis agreed, forever his anchor, his grounding force, “Nesting can very likely help with some of that stress and depressed feeling-”
“Except I don’t know how!!” Harry snapped, accidentally cutting Louis’ words off. He’d been doing that, he realised. A habit that crept up when he was anxious, not really in control of the way his brain was spitting out words before he could even process them. Still, he winced in apology at Louis, who instantly smiled at him reassuringly and squeezed his arm, as if to say don’t worry about it. Harry sighed heavily.
“I don’t know how to nest,” he mumbled, defeated.
“Babe,” Louis cooed sadly, shifting so he was even closer, and putting an arm around his back comfortingly.
Harry rubbed at his face tiredly, burying his head in his arms out of frustration. “I just. I wish it wasn’t this hard.” And he wasn’t even sure if he meant the nesting struggle or the way his mind seemed like it was out to get him.
“I’ve tried and tried and yet…. Am I just a bad omega?” he whispered, irrationally afraid of the answer.
“No!” Louis said firmly, one palm smoothing up his back and resting at his neck, warm, calming. “Darling, no. Don’t even dare think like that. You’re wonderful just as you are, the loveliest omega I’ve ever known. There’s not a thing you have to be, other than yourself. Finding nesting difficult does not make you a bad omega, god , Haz. You don’t even know…” he trailed off, voice wavering and rough. Affected.
Harry sniffled, head still hidden in his arms. “Just wish I could …just wish it was easier for me.”
“Oh Haz…I wish I could help in some way.”
Harry stiffened, letting the words play on a loop in his head. He lifted his head slowly, meeting Louis’ dim blue eyes, considering the words he was about to say.
“I think…I think you could.”
Louis mostly looked confused. “I can? How can I help? Anything for you.”
“Umm…” Harry hedged, embarrassed, “You could…could you, maybe, show me how?”
“How….?” Louis dragged out in a question, not helped by Harry’s vague answer. Harry huffed, cheeks warm.
“Could you help me…to make a nest?”
His question was whisper soft, not daring to look at Louis’ face as he asked. For a few seconds, nothing but silence ensued. And then-
“You want me to help you make your nest?”
Harry’s blush deepened as he meekly affirmed, “yes.”
The lack of response straightaway from Louis, and the way he had questioned the request, had Harry’s stomach churning uneasily. Why did he ask that? You don’t ask your friends to build you nests, what the fuck Harry. Louis must think him to be such a twit-
“I’ll help.”
And what. An apology had been at the tip of Harry’s tongue, ready to take his words back, when Louis beat him to it by agreeing. Harry nearly cricked his neck as he looked back up at Louis in disbelief.
“What?”
Louis rolled his eyes at him fondly. “I said I’ll help babe. I’d be happy to. What, did you think I’d say no?”
Hope bloomed within him like a small bud. “No, I just….thought maybe you’d find it weird?”
“Harry I’ve known you for more years than I’m bothered to count right now; nothing is ever going to be weird between us,” Louis said lightly, now sipping his cold tea and making a face. “Besides, I’m so happy you asked me, sweetheart. I’m so proud of you for asking for help.
If Harry thought his blush was bad before, it was straight-up mortifying now, as he preened at Louis’ words.
“‘M a bit rubbish at that, aren’t I.”
“Sometimes,” Louis agreed, laughing at Harry’s offended ‘heyyy’. “But you try. And you did so well just now. You just need a little encouragement sometimes and that’s okay.”
Harry did not say anything to that, simply squeezing Louis in a hug. He didn’t know what he would do without his best friend.
When he pulled back, Louis was looking at him with renewed energy, clasping both his hands in his own. Harry shot him a quizzical look.
“Shall we go get started then?”
Harry let out a shocked chuckle. “What, right now??”
“No time like the present is what they say, babe, so why not? Unless you don’t wanna right away, of course,” Louis added.
Harry mulled it over for a moment. “Sure, I guess,” he eventually gave in, despite worry beginning to take its root in him, “you’re here anyways, no use waiting it out.”
“That’s the spirit, Harold!” Louis cheered, tugging him to his feet. Already, this was much better than him sitting alone in his pity blanket pile. Louis contained a thousand suns within him and it was impossible to not feel the warmth that radiated from him, no matter how much you thought the cavity in you would be impenetrable by light.
And then something crossed his mind. “We have a problem.”
“And that is?”
“I wasn’t expecting to build a nest anytime soon so…I don’t have enough things for it? I’m not prepared,” Harry complained. Louis, ever the free spirit that he was, brushed off his worry.
“Don’t be daft, love. You own clothes and blankets, no?”
“Well, yes, but-”
“So we’re good. I know you run cold, darling,” Louis commented, with an affectionate tug at a springy curl, automatically making Harry smile. “That means I know that you have lots of blankets and soft jumpers and more cushions than one couch and bed demands. You’re more prepared than you think.”
Harry hated to admit it, but Louis was right. He instead just grunted like he was unconvinced, just to be a shit. Louis flicked his arm for his obstination.
“You know I’m right. We’ll just put it together with what we have on hand for now, okay? It might not be perfect this time, but if it goes well, I’ll get you more stuff next time, hmm?”
Harry agreed, kissing Louis’ cheek in thanks, missing the split second where the other boy had gone rigid. Being two omegas that had spent years in each other’s company meant that they both were disgustingly affectionate to a point where it seeped through into every single second of their interactions. And it was second nature, neither batting an eye at it. Personal space had stopped being a thing early on, as did any inhibition between them. This was their normal.
They both walked over to Harry’s room, only making a quick stop at the linen cupboard in the corridor to load their arms with as many throws and cushions and soft materials as they could carry. Which they promptly dumped on Harry’s made bed, breathless laughter rising as Harry nearly toppled into Louis because he couldn’t see beyond the mound of duvet in his arms, both narrowly avoiding ending up sprawled on the floor.
Louis stood with his hands on his hips, surveying the space. He turned to Harry, appearing thoughtful.
“Okay, so. Where would you like the nest, babes?”
Harry took a moment to consider his options. He hadn’t even thought about options ; any pathetic attempt previously being on his bed because that was what seemed the most straightforward. However, letting his eyes wander over his cosy but sensibly arranged space, he already felt a little less restricted.
He knew it when he found it; the perfect spot. There was a space close to the wall opposite the wall that the bed was pushed against, where his long, low bookshelves pretty much lined the wall. Fairy lights weaved through the shelves, surrounding that space with a soft golden glow. His bedside table almost sort of caged in the space, giving it a slightly surrounded feeling. And Harry liked small spaces and the safety they provided. Being on the ground would also mean not having to mess up his bed, or worry about things falling off when he would try to get comfy in the nest. It truly was perfect.
“There,” Harry finally pointed. Louis lit up.
“Perfect!” he agreed. Together, under Louis’ instruction, they pulled down all the materials they had dumped onto the floor, adding a few of Harry’s favourite, warmest clothes from his wardrobe onto the pile. When finished, they both sat on the ground, clothes and blankets strewn about like a tornado had hit his room.
“Now what?” Harry asked, a little rhetorically, staring around wide-eyed and helpless at the chaos around him, one pillow tight in his grip.
“Now we begin,” Louis replied all too easily. Harry stared at him incredulously, and then at their piles of materials. The choices, the lack of structure, the sheer weight of the task; it all made his head spin a little.
He turned to Louis, pout tugging at his lips. “Why can’t you just make it for me,” he whined, as melodramatic as one could be, but knowing that he can , because Louis knew him far too much to be annoyed.
Louis laughed lightly in response. “Because then it would be my nest love, not yours. Besides, it’s the actual process that soothes the omega, not just lying in any nest. You’ve got this, Haz,” he reassured, squeezing Harry’s shoulders.
Harry relaxed almost instinctively at the touch, nodding even though he did not believe it himself yet. Despite the encouragement, all he could do was peer at all of it with uncertainty and nerves sitting heavily in his stomach. Why was this so daunting, how was he meant to start, how did this come so naturally to everyone else and was he truly just so bad at being an omega-
“Babe, hey, look at me H,” Louis tried, shaking him a little, quite literally, out of his panicked trance. Harry met his eyes with shame.
“Deep breaths Harry, c’mon, do them with me, love,” Louis guided gently, moving into his space further. When Harry just jerkily shook his head, Louis’ warm hands came up to cup his face, making it so that he had to look directly into striking, affectionate blue.
“C’mon darling,” Louis urged softly, thumbs moving back and forth across his cheeks, simultaneously aiding to ground him and lose his existing breath at once. Still, he found it easier to breathe in time with Louis, feeling better after a few minutes. He mourned the loss of contact when Louis’ hands fell away.
“You’re overthinking it Haz, there is no right or wrong when it comes to nesting, there’s just you and what feels right to you,” Louis said. And Harry knew that, but-
“And I know you know that, but it’s still hard to stop worrying, huh?” Louis asked wryly. It was almost creepy, the way he knew Harry. Harry shrugged one shoulder, sheepish at his freakout.
“Tell you what, how about I start you off? Make the base for you? That way you don’t have the pressure of taking the first step, hmm?”
“You’d do that?” Harry asked, wonder colouring his tone, because really, what had he done to deserve Louis?
“‘S not exactly a hardship, babe. Just wanna help you,” Louis said earnestly, picking up the corner of a large, thick duvet. Harry briefly worried about the way his heart fluttered sickeningly.
After sizing up his options, Louis began spreading out the duvet. “This can be our base, it’s nice and thick so already we’re ensuring that it won’t give your back any grief.”
And that- that was so thoughtful, that Harry could not be blamed for the way he felt like mush on the inside. Louis was just-
“You listening Haz?”
“Huh?”
“I said, ‘Which one’s your favourite blanket among these’. So we can have you lying down on the texture that you find most comforting,” Louis repeated patiently.
“Ohhh. Um,” Harry paused, gaze landing on his dusty pink fluffy throw that doubled as a light blanket. “That one.”
Louis smiled, pulling it closer. “Good choice, H.”
Harry felt warm at the praise. His bashful smile turned into one of confusion when Louis pressed the material into his hands though.
Louis must’ve seen the question in his eyes. “Scent them, darling. Your nest should smell like you; familiar and comforting. It can also include scents of your family, or your alpha, of course, but this will do for now.”
That made sense. Though, the lack of any other scents in his potential nest made him a little forlorn. Pushing that thought and the gaping sense of loneliness away, he took the blanket in his hands, pulling his sleeves up so he could rub his wrists on the material sporadically. He focused on letting his pheromones coat the air around them thickly, further helping him in his task of scenting the blanket.
Once he was done, they both spread it out on top of the duvet. Harry sat on his haunches, wondering where to go from there.
“This is all you babes,” Louis said softly from next to him. “Go with your instinct, don’t analyse. Your omega knows what it wants, you just have to listen.”
Harry bit his lip, hands curling around something soft as he mulled those words over. He supposed he was bad at listening to his omega; always being driven by his head, his thoughts, the fifty things on his to-do list that screamed at him, the need to be perfect. He knew he was wearing his mind, body and his omega thin.
“The omega in me has taken a vow of silence, I think,” Harry joked weakly, clenching the material tighter, helplessly. Louis tutted at him, shutting down the self-loathing spiral before it could start.
“C’mon, babe. The beauty of nesting is that you can always rearrange and move things around if you aren’t pleased with it; there’s no need for it to be perfect. Just go with what you feel is right, and I’ll let you know if I think something might not work for you?”
“Fine,” Harry sighed. Louis eyed him, and then his lap shrewdly.
“Why don’t you start with the scarf that you’ve had a death grip on for the last five minutes?”
Confused, Harry looked down at the material he was repeatedly fiddling with. A burgundy, woollen scarf that Gemma had left behind by mistake during a visit and that was well loved by him. He hadn’t even realised.
Nodding in lieu of an answer, he scented it lightly, before placing it folded neatly close to where his head would go. Louis was beaming at him, as if he had just won a Nobel prize instead of just unsurely having placed a scarf but still, it settled something within him.
“You’ve got this, I told you, what next? Do you wanna arrange a few pillows at the top and sides?”
Harry mumbled his assent, reaching for his favourite cushions. The whole thing seemed a little less daunting with Louis by his side, rewarding him with pleased little hums and whispered praises at every move. Between Louis’ gentle guidance and Harry’s focus being drawn to scenting and neatly folding and arranging different things, the nerves in him gradually dwindled to a low, ignorable simmer.
Time passed like a ghost, as more jumpers and pillows joined the floor, Louis handing him bits that he thought would fit but never pushing, always leaving the decision up to Harry. At one point, Harry turned down four different suggestions in a row, each time feeling a little worse about it, but sure that he didn’t want it in his nest.
He met Louis’ gaze a little guiltily, surprised to find him biting back a knowing smile.
“Whaaat?”
“Nothinggg,” Louis mimicked him but gave in at Harry’s insistent pout. “You turned me down like five times.”
Harry frowned harder. “Sorry-”
“No, it means that you know what you want. Your omega is telling you exactly what it wants; look at you go!”
Harry stared at his half-formed nest, barely having registered any of it. Louis was right, of course. His long-buried instincts had kicked in, even if they had needed much coaxing. And a lot of patient nudging from the best person in the world he knew.
Without warning, he threw himself at Louis in what had to be an awkwardly positioned hug, but he didn’t care. He was just so grateful, so overcome at the fact that he was actually doing it when he had never managed to come so far before. Louis let out a surprised noise but hugged him back fiercely.
“What was that for, silly?”
“Just. You are the best, y’know that?”
The slightest of blushes dusted Louis’ cheeks. “This isn’t about me love.”
“It’s always about you as far as I’m concerned.”
Louis shoved him playfully, flushing darker and mumbling something Harry didn’t quite catch.
Harry added another blanket to the side of his nest, so the hard wood of the shelves wouldn’t touch him. He wrinkled his nose; something was missing, something needed to be added.
The sweet scent of vanilla, with just a hint of mint, invaded Harry’s nose then, as Louis leaned closer to smooth out a fabric closest to them. Harry closed his eyes, the scent naturally relaxing him. His eyes flew open just as fast as he’d closed them as a need- an idea- struck him.
Harry peeked at Louis, hesitating. Louis unfortunately, immediately caught on too.
“What is it, darling?"
After a moment's wavering, Harry asked, "Can you…. do something for me?"
"Course. What do you need?"
"I…". And how could he ask? He felt incredibly foolish, vulnerable , but he could not back out now. Asking Louis to help him build a nest was bad enough, but this-
“Can you…scent a few things for my nest?” he asked meekly, gaze firmly averted.
When he didn't get a response right away, he stole a look at the boy, expecting the worst, but Louis was simply looking at him a little curiously.
“Me?”
Harry sighed. “Yeah. Your scent is just…comforting. You’re comforting to me. My nest is missing familiar, comforting scents, it’s just me and I- I don’t have anyone else I can ask, my family is obviously a two-hour ride away and. Well, I don’t want anyone else’s scent in here anyways, I don’t trust them as much.” The way I do you.
Louis looked so pleased by the end of his nervous ramble, which did a lot to soothe his worry that Louis might have been put off by the idea.
“You actually want my scent in your nest?” he asked, sounding as if he was a little in awe.
“Yeah, please?”
“I’m- Yeah, of course, Haz, of course,” Louis agreed quickly, allowing Harry to breathe out a sigh of relief.
“What do you need me to scent?”
“Anything, I’m not picky.”
Louis shot him a disbelieving look at that, making both of them giggle. The next second had him perking up visibly.
“Actually, hold on a minute,” Louis got out, before he was on his feet and running out the door. Leaving Harry to merely look after him, baffled.
Louis returned just as quickly as he had left, a little breathless, now with his bag hanging from his grasp. Harry looked up at him quizzically.
Louis sat down again. “I’ve actually got a pair of my clothes and a cardigan in here, and you can use them for your nest if you’d like; I was just wearing them today too.”
Bewildered, Harry accepted the small bundle of clothes Louis had pulled out. “Okay….but why do you have these? I didn’t even tell you that I wanted to try nesting when I called you?”
Louis fiddled with the cardigan, scenting it further by rubbing his wrist on it. “You sounded like you’d been crying, when you called. Thought I’d stay over for a day or two, look after you a bit, cheer you up. So I brought some stuff with me.”
Louis admitted all that with a casual shrug as if he hadn’t just made Harry’s heart beat twice as fast and harder at the thoughtfulness and care behind the words.
“I love you,” Harry breathed, finding that even saying that did not cover just how he felt. Louis smiled softly, blowing him a kiss, while picking up one material after the other to scent them.
“When you have an alpha,” Louis began after a moment, folding up a scented jumper in the slightly messy way that he did, “you can ask them to scent stuff, it’d help even more.”
Harry frowned, distractedly smoothing out a crease in one of the blankets, not able to place why that idea unsettled him. Whether it had something to do with the fact that he hadn’t ever had something serious enough where he would’ve asked an alpha to scent stuff for him, or something else…. a can of worms for another day.
“You’re helping just fine,” he muttered instead.
They kept at it after that, quiet but peaceful. With Louis there as a steady support, and Harry throwing himself fully into the process, he found that the unpleasant weight holding him down was slowly lifting.
When he felt like there wasn’t anything else he wanted to add to his nest, Harry sat back, taking it all in. His nest. A nest he built. With Louis’ help, sure, but still. He hadn’t ever gotten half as far before. It looked good; cosy, inviting. He had done it.
“Lou…” he trailed off, disbelief wrapped around a shaky voice. He felt Louis’ hand wrap around his arm.
“You did it, babe.”
Harry turned his head to look at Louis. “Does it….does it look good?” Did I do alright?
“It’s a lovely nest darling, you did so well. I knew you could,” Louis assured him earnestly, squeezing his arm.
Harry ducked his head at the praise, pleased. He felt so much better than before, but still, there was a slight itch under his skin that persisted. And the nest was pretty much calling out to him.
Wordlessly, Harry carefully crawled into the nest, settling himself against the furthest edge of it. His eyes fluttered close as a heady mix of both his and Louis’ scent enveloped him, soothing him instantly. Remnants of restlessness and exhaustion lingered at the corners, but he had to let out a happy little snuffle at just how much peace he felt lying down in his nest.
And then he remembered that Louis was still in the room, which had him stilling momentarily in embarrassment. But he figured Louis had seen him through more vulnerable moments than he could count. He peeked at him through half-closed eyes and found Louis looking at him with a soft expression on his face that he couldn’t quite read.
“Do you want me to leave for a bit, love?” Louis asked, barely above a whisper.
Something in Harry fiercely protested that idea. “No, stay, please.”
“Okay.”
More, he needed something more. “Can you come cuddle me? For a bit?”
Louis stared at him slack-jawed. He shook his head, like he was trying to clear a thought. “Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
“Okay, of course,” Louis agreed, “Can I come inside your nest, honey?”
Like he even needed to ask . Harry was touched, regardless. He nodded.
Louis made his way onto the nest, lying down carefully in the space next to Harry, facing him. Harry wasted no time in tugging a blanket over them, burrowing right up against Louis’ chest. As he felt Louis tug him closer and wrap his arm around him, the other hand playing with his hair, he exhaled shakily. Peace; he finally felt at peace.
The soft kiss that Louis pressed into his hair, his legs tangling with Harry’s, the sound of his heartbeat- it was like a drug, in the way it instantly calmed him down. The smell of vanilla and mint was almost overwhelming, and he couldn’t get enough.
“Thank you,” Harry said softly, muffled into the material of Louis’ jumper.
“What for?” Louis asked, just as quietly.
“Just. For helping me with the nest. For showing up. For staying.”
“You built the nest pretty much by yourself, darling. I’m just happy to be here.”
Harry hummed, getting lost in the warmth radiating from Louis and the occasional caress to his back. He wondered if it was normal to feel so much comfort from a person, to feel such overwhelming love for them.
“Do you wanna talk about what’s been going on, love?” Louis asked gently after a few moments of silence.
“Nope,” Harry denied resolutely, immediately.
Louis just sighed but said nothing. He started scratching and petting Harry’s head in the way that he liked. Harry briefly cursed Louis for knowing all the ways to get to him.
It took merely a few more moments before Harry gave in, never one to be able to resist Louis. “I’ve just been…tired, I s’pose. Feel a little burnt out.”
Louis hummed sympathetically, tightening his arm around Harry. A gentle nudge to keep going.
“It’s been a lot. Everything’s been a lot, y’know? Not just uni, it’s everything. Kept feeling like…like I couldn’t breathe,” he admitted, eyes prickling.
“Sweetheart. Why didn’t you say something? You know I’m always here,” Louis cooed, pressing yet another kiss to his forehead.
“Dunno,” Harry shrugged, trying to keep his voice even, “didn’t feel worth the trouble, didn’t wanna bother you.”
“Harry, you mean so much to me. Never think that you’re a bother to me, you hear me?”
Harry nodded slightly, reluctant to believe it, but the sincerity in Louis’ voice was tough to ignore.
He let a few seconds stretch on before he mumbled,
“Some days it just feels a bit like….like there’s no point.”
“Oh darling ,” Louis’ voice broke, tugging Harry even closer firmly. Harry wasn’t sure if it was him or Louis guiding him, but he found himself nuzzling into the crook of Louis’ neck, where his scent was strongest. He breathed in his scent a little desperately, as Louis held him quietly.
The pain and emptiness that weighed what seemed like a ton dissipated with each greedy inhale of Louis’ scent. Till it was replaced with slight fuzziness, as he was soothed. Belatedly, he realised that Louis was actively scenting him, and that was nearly enough to bring tears to his eyes again. He couldn’t remember a time when he had not found comfort in Louis’ scent, his touch, his words, his presence. Just Louis.
Harry eventually pulled back a little, so he could look at Louis. Louis’ own eyes were shimmering with wetness, lips in a concerned downward tilt. From being this close, Harry could count the freckles dotting his skin, feel his breaths hitting his own skin. He was so beautiful; he always had been.
He watched, fascinated, as Louis’ gaze flickered down, before it flitted back to his eyes, like he was caught. And as he bit the inside of his lip- a nervous tick- it was Harry’s turn to have his gaze drop to Louis’ lips.
As he looked back up into his eyes, Harry could see the hesitancy, but above all, the sheer need. Blinking languidly, he tilted his chin up ever so slightly. Fluttering his eyes closed. Trusting that as always, they never needed words to communicate, that Louis would read his silent request.
The next second had Louis capturing his lips in a soft, chaste kiss, hands holding his face like he was something precious. Harry sighed, feeling something click into place, as he kissed back, savouring the taste and feel of Louis’ lips on his. All at once, this was enough; him, in his nest, wrapped up in Louis and his sweet kisses. Nothing had ever felt more natural, or like it was meant to be. The surge of overwhelming emotions that had once lay dormant nearly threatened to pull him under, but it felt right, fitting, and like it was reciprocated.
When Louis broke the kiss, Harry whined, not willing to let go now that he had had a taste of just how addicting and pleasurable it was to kiss him. Louis chuckled breathily, pressing yet another kiss to his lips, before pulling back properly.
“Hmm. Interesting developments,” Louis joked, because he was a menace like that. Harry hit his chest lightly.
“Romance is dead if that’s the first thing you say to me after we kissed.”
“Sorry, sorry,” Louis laughed, not sounding the least bit apologetic, “how about this: I’ve found paradise in the way we kiss?”
“You’re terrible!!” Harry gasped, poking his sides repeatedly till Louis was sputtering out giggles. The happiness on his face was undeniable; eyes alight and cheeks rosy, and Harry was sure he mirrored the feeling.
“You know you love me.”
“Mmhmm. Now kiss me,” he demanded when Louis had quieted down.
“Bossy,” Louis mumbled, before complying, kissing him over and over. Harry basked in it, feeling warmth burst from him. He could stay like this for the rest of his life , he thought.
“Are you feeling better, baby?” Louis asked after they’d been lying like that for a while, stealing kisses every now and then.
Baby. That was new, and Harry liked it .
“I am. I’m so happy,” he said, like it was a secret.
“Me too love, me too.”
And that was that. Without a doubt, without the need for awkward clarifications, Harry knew that they were on the same page, as always. It had always been HarryandLouis, it was always meant to be.
They had the rest of their future to keep living out that truth, together.