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Senri can feel a hint of a smile tug on his lips when he hears the very first note reverberate around the room.
The melody is a little bit slower, a little bit calmer than what he's used to from hearing it over and over again off the CD, but he quite likes it. He watches Daichi's hands, quietly admiring how - even after pouring all that alcohol into his body - his fingers effortlessly slide across the guitar's neck. No hesitation, no sloppiness, no second-guessing. Just years of hard work and genuine passion.
He can feel his smile growing wider.
Daichi really is amazing. The moment he grabs his guitar, all of his anxiety and insecurities just fly out the window. He might not think much of it himself, but Senri really admires him for it. For loving something so strongly. He's, himself, never really had anything like that. Well, maybe.
The song sounds a little bare without the accompaniment of bass and proper drums, but Hyota - probably completely unaware of it himself - quietly drums his fingers on the table to the rhythm, adding to the acoustic experience. It reminds Senri of when Daichi first played him the demo. It makes him just a little nostalgic.
The intro ending brings Senri out of the immersion when the vocal parts do not come. Daichi's fingers still tug on the strings and his lips are mouthing the lyrics he put so much care and feelings into when he wrote them, but no sound comes out to blend with the guitar.
Senri doesn't think much of it when he starts singing himself. It seems to startle Daichi a little bit, but it doesn't make him stutter his playing. Senri didn't for a second think it would. Their eyes meet for a moment, and Daichi's are filled with surprise. He can hear himself smile in his singing. Daichi should be used to it already. Even if he's no longer in Rad Red, he's always going to sing Daichi's songs.
His voice ceases as the second verse starts and he's not surprised to hear the singing continue even without him. He is surprised, though, that the singing comes from Isa. Senri knows Isa doesn't really like singing. He always seems content enough being assigned backing vocals, not only in rehearsals but even when they just go to karaoke to hang out. He's said before that the reason he took up the bass specifically as a kid was that he never wanted to be in the direct spotlight, but to enhance the sound of those around him. That kind of reminds Senri of Daichi in a sense.
As he sings, Isa's voice is a little shaky at first, probably because of that one shot too many earlier, but he quickly finds his grounding and offers Daichi a warm smile.
And when Isa stops, Hyota easily takes his place. It's not often they hear their drummer sing, so when Senri hears the velvety vocals duet with the guitar, he forgets to breathe for a second. As the ex-frontman of Rad Red, he really hates to admit it, but, out of all of them, Hyota has always had the most technical skill when it came to singing. His voice is deep and warm, reminding Senri of caramel. His range is simply insane; going from silky low tones to overwhelmingly powerful high vocal runs. Not to mention the strength and accuracy of his vibratos.
Senri had wondered many times why Daichi chose him to sing his songs and not Hyota. He had also wondered why Hyota never expressed any desire to sing either, always leaving the backing vocals to Daichi and Isa. It just never made sense to him. If you've got the talent, you're supposed to make use of it, right? That's what he thought.
Until their first performance in the local live house.
When he saw Hyota's excitement, the fiery passion kindling in his eyes, the way his fingers twitched to the rhythm long after they were off the stage; he didn't have to ask. He already had all the answers he needed.
That night will always hold a special place in his heart. He's sure that's the case for all four of them. He'll never be able to forget the blinding glare of the lights on him, the rumble of the noise that shook him to his very core, the second of silence when their first song was over that felt like an eternity, which was soon broken by an overwhelming round of applause.
And the deafening sound of his rushing heartbeat in his ears.
They were terrible, duh. No other way to put it. They sucked. But people still applauded. People still wanted more. So they gave them more. And with each song, the fire in his chest burned even hotter.
At that time, he didn't yet know that excitement would all disappear eventually.
When Hyota goes quiet as the pre-chorus ends, Senri feels almost disappointed at the loss of that beautiful voice. Almost. He doesn't really have time to feel disappointment because his eyes meet Daichi's and in that split second, a silent agreement is made.
The chorus starts and Daichi's voice finally resounds properly. Strong. Unwavering. Confident. Like it should. And there goes Senri, harmonizing with him effortlessly. It's never been difficult for the two of them. Having always been together, even when Rad Red was first formed, they were in complete sync from the very beginning. It took quite some time to form that same connection with Hyota and Isa. But he was different. He was special to Daichi. He's always been and he still is.
It's only natural their voices blend together so well.
So when his voice cracks and gives out on the last note, he blames it on the alcohol.
He can't possibly look away as Daichi's fingers work the outro as if nothing happened. Neither can Daichi, his ocean-blue eyes piercing the deep indigo all the way through. The melody fades away slowly. And he's still stuck. Stuck drowning in those merciless ocean waters. Stuck with the song of the Siren echoing in his mind despite the silence surrounding them. Stuck in this spell Daichi has unknowingly put on him.
He can't look away and he doesn't want to.
But he's left with no choice when Daichi breaks eye contact to look over to Isa who just got to his feet from the floor, his body - as one would expect - struggling to stay upright.
"I should be goin'," Isa says, slurring his words just a little more than usual. "It's almost time for the last train."
"Huh? Already?" Daichi asks surprised, his tone clearly disappointed.
"I'll go too," Hyota adds. He pushes himself off the floor as well, his balance not that much better than Isa's. Both of them had a little too much tonight, huh?
Well, it's a special occasion, so it's okay. How can you not drink at your ex-frontman's farewell party? Even if all of them are minors. Even if they wouldn't even have the booze if Hyota didn't look so much older than his age to not be asked for the ID. Even if he's not leaving forever.
It was Senri's idea to begin with too. Because he really wanted to drink with all of them. And he knew he wouldn't be there for when Isa hit 20. So it was either that or waiting until he graduates and comes back to Japan and he's not waiting for this long.
It's not like they drank that much anyway. Just a little to properly say goodbye to Senri.
And he couldn't be happier.
"You don't go home on the train, though..?" Daichi says in a questioning tone to Hyota, his grip on the neck of the guitar tightening.
"Yeah, but…" He pauses to scratch the back of his head awkwardly. His eyes meet Senri's for the shortest moment and he's confused. He sees something in them. He can't tell what it is, but there was something unnerving in those golden eyes. "It's gettin' late. I'll see Isa to the station."
"I don't need ya to. I'm not a kid." Isa scowls but he doesn't protest when Hyota leads both of them to the exit.
Senri follows them out of his room and to the front door after they both say goodbye to Daichi, who stays on the bed. Well, it's okay. They're going to see each on the weekend rehearsal anyway. The three of them. As he waits for his friends to put their boots on, he can still hear the muffled sounds of the guitar from the room breaking the silence between them. Isa is the first to stand upright.
"Ya still have time to cancel everythin'. If you ask nicely enough, we might take ya back, ya know?" Isa says, a smirk growing on his face.
"I'm 'fraid the plane ticket was a li'l too expensive for me to change my mind now," he answers nonchalantly. He leans in to give Isa a tight hug and the other hugs him back without hesitation.
"Take care out there."
"You too. Don't start skippin' school now that yer a pro, yeah?" He pats his back before letting go and moving away. "One more year. Graduate and then you can do whatever."
"Okay, mom," he responds with amusement in his tone. He steps to the side a little reluctantly and Hyota takes his place right away.
"Look after these two, will ya?" Senri can't help but laugh under his breath.
"At least now there'll be one fewer to take care of." Hyota puts his hand on his hip, staring the other down. "I'll be left with the two lesser nuisances too, so that sounds good."
"Asshole," he says, but the smile on his face doesn't waver.
"Jerk," he replies without skipping a beat.
Like earlier, Senri moves to hug Hyota. It feels just a little awkward, him not being used to sharing intimacy with people taller than him (It's only 2cm! They're practically the same height!). Hyota hesitates for just a second before he returns the embrace.
"Study hard. We might leave you behind when we're already rich and famous, so hurry up and come back."
"There's no way you'd do that to your beloved frontman." He puts his head on Hyota's shoulder, at which the other, almost instinctively, hugs him tighter. "I'll come back quick, though. I gotta work on that venue for you guys to perform in."
"It has to be huge. Bigger than that lousy live house."
"Ya really expect anythin' less from me?"
"Not at all," he says. "I know you can do anythin'."
"I'll do my best."
Senri pushes himself away, not really wanting to let go yet, but worrying that if they stayed like that any longer he might start crying. And that's so uncool.
They stay there for a minute, the muffled guitar coming from his bedroom being the only sound making the lack of words exchanged bearable. Neither wants to say goodbye first. Who would have thought it'd be so painful? Even though it's just for a couple of years. Even though that's what Senri wanted all along. Even though he's definitely, definitely coming back.
He feels his eyes water, but he blames it on the alcohol.
"Let us know on LIME when your plane lands," Isa finally says.
"Yeah," he answers, putting his entire focus on keeping his voice from cracking.
"See ya," Isa and Hyota say simultaneously as the door is opened.
Isa leaves first, and Hyota stays behind. Senri gives him a confused look.
The golden eyes waver to look between Senri and down the corridor, to the source of the music.
"Good luck," is all Hyota says before joining Isa outside.
They wave their last goodbyes and then Senri closes the door.
The sense of dread finally settles in.
He can almost feel himself floating as he slowly makes his way back to the bedroom. No matter how much he procrastinates on it, he eventually has to do it.
He has to say goodbye to Daichi next.
And it might be the hardest thing he's ever had to do in his life.
His hand lingers on the doorknob for a little longer than he'd like to admit before he goes in. Daichi doesn't look up when he enters. He just continues playing the guitar. Senri recognizes the melody instantly.
"No.7," he says, sitting down on the bed next to Daichi.
"Mhm," he hums in confirmation.
"It's one of my favorites."
"It's pretty bad." Daichi lets out a sad laugh.
"Yeah," he agrees. "Still."
Daichi's fingers continue to switch between the simple chords without any hesitation, despite them not having performed this song in forever. Senri wonders if he's been playing it by himself anyway.
"It's the first song you wrote for Rad Red. Of course I like it." He shifts to lean his head on Daichi's shoulder. It makes the sound of the guitar stutter for a moment, but it resumes properly almost immediately. "But it'd sound better with your vocals."
"You say that about all the songs."
"'Cause it's true." When he continues, his voice is so much softer. He thinks he almost sounds like someone else. "You guys should record the old songs again. You know, with you on vocals. And release them as an album. People will love it."
He feels Daichi's body tense up and the sound of the guitar ceases abruptly with an off-key chord.
The silence in the room is almost painful.
"I don't want that," Daichi finally says, his voice so quiet he would have missed it if he wasn't so close.
"Why?"
Daichi puts his guitar away.
All he can do is wait patiently.
It takes him a minute to start speaking again. "I wrote them for you to sing."
"They're your songs."
"And you sang them," he replies almost too quickly. "You… You sang all of them. We performed them so many times with you singing them. I don't wanna…"
Daichi hesitates and the way his breath hitches makes Senri's chest feel tight. He wants to reach out and grab the other's hand to comfort him. But he doesn't do it. He can't.
"I don't wanna erase all those memories we shared," he finally chokes out.
"... They're not gonna be erased, idiot," he mutters, shifting a little closer. "And stop talkin' like I'm dyin' or somethin'. I'll be back."
"In over half a decade." Daichi rests his head on Senri's, which was still on his shoulder. It feels nice.
But his stomach feels tight. Maybe from the alcohol. Maybe because when he puts it like that, the reality of all of it really hits him. Seven years is a long time.
"... You sure about all this?" Daichi asks. But he doesn't have to. He already knows the answer.
"Yeah."
"You really, really wanna do that?"
"Yeah."
Daichi goes quiet for a minute. Two. The silence is tense but not uncomfortable. Until it's broken again. "I'm happy for you. Like, actually."
Senri almost jumps when he feels the other's warmth on his hand. Their pinky fingers intertwine. His heartbeat speeds up.
"I'm happy you finally found somethin' you care about, you know?" He laughs and it moves both of them as his frame shakes with it. "I know it's silly comin' from me but… I was really worried about you."
Worried? About Senri? Yeah, it doesn't really make sense.
Senri had always been the one to look after Daichi. He was shy and timid, not very good at talking to people, below average at studying and sports. It was always Senri who took care of him.
He was the one who took his hand on the first day of kindergarten to drag him along and play with everyone else. He was the one who wiped his nose and cheered him up when he cried about them being put in different classes in elementary school. He was the one who had his nose broken when he stood up for him in front of upperclassmen who picked on him constantly, while also making sure they wouldn’t even think about doing that again after he was done with them. He was the one who practically pressured him into taking up the guitar when he said he'd been thinking about it but it didn't suit him. He was the one who pulled all-nighters before the entrance exams, helping him study just to make absolutely sure they would make it to the same high school.
It had always been Senri worrying about Daichi.
So it was definitely weird.
"You used to pick up a new hobby every week when we were kids. You would be real into baseball one day and bored of it the next. So… I was just worried. Especially after I found music," he says, his fingers caressing the strings of the guitar laying next to him. "I was worried you'd never find somethin' you're passionate about."
He isn't sure what to say to that. But Daichi continues.
"So I was so relieved when you agreed to do music together and didn't get bored of it right away. For a second, I thought we could do it together forever." He laughs sadly at that. "But it can't be helped. Sorry for not noticin' that you were forcin' yourself for my sake sooner."
He wants to protest, but he can't really deny that. Daichi really was the only reason why he hadn't quit Rad Red until now.
Daichi raises his head and lets go of the other's pinky.
Senri shifts and moves away to look up at him as well. He already feels a little cold.
"Senri," he says and Senri's heart swells up. There's nothing like his name on Daichi's tongue. Nothing that brings him as much comfort. But he can never admit that. "You can't forget about us. About… me."
"... Like I ever could," he says in an amused tone, but his throat feels tight.
"I mean it..!" His voice shakes a little. Senri notices that his ocean eyes are getting moist. No, he can't cry. If he cries, then Senri… "You're gonna… You'll be busy with studyin' and you'll meet a lot of new people and…" He speaks so fast it's almost too hard to process.
It takes all of his willpower not to interrupt him and hug him right then.
"And we'll be busy now too so we won't be able to talk on LIME every day and eventually we'll start talking less and less and…" The tears in his eyes overflow, some of them trickling down his pink cheeks. Senri feels sick. "And we'll just naturally grow distant and we'll end up as those people who only ever call each other on their birthdays and I don't want that, I don't want that, Senri..!"
"Hey, easy," he says, but his voice sounds funny, too. He sniffles. "It's not gonna happen." He raises his hand to wipe some of Daichi's tears away. His cheeks feel hot to the touch.
"You don't know that…" Daichi brings his hand up to his face to touch Senri's hand, which was still caressing his reddening skin. "Why do you gotta go somewhere I can't follow? You're always the rational one, you know it's likely gonna end up like that..!"
"I am rational now too." He swallows hard and he tastes salt. "It's not gonna happen. I'm sure of it."
Because it's different. They're different. Senri is special to Daichi. And Daichi is special to Senri.
Daichi is everything to him. They've always been together. They're going to overcome this.
Like how they overcame being put in different classes in elementary school. And how they overcame that one summer vacation Senri spent in the countryside. And how they overcame the 8 months of separation when Daichi was forced to move in with his mom in middle school.
They overcame all of these and this isn't going to break them either.
It's… It's just 7 years…
"I'm gonna come back. I'm definitely gonna come back." He hesitates for a second, but ultimately, he loses the mental battle and leans in to embrace Daichi. He feels the other's hands clench the fabric on the back of his shirt for dear life. "So you gotta wait for me, yeah?" he asks into his shoulder.
Daichi just lets out a shaky hum, which could be anything between a sob and an agreement.
"I'm gonna come back in 7 years and Rad Red is gonna be in the top charts all over Japan, okay? Everyone is gonna be talkin' about RadRe and their genius leader, frontman, and songwriter. There's no other way, right?"
Another sob shakes Daichi's body. All Senri can do is just hug him tighter. And never let go.
And he breaks as well. Because how the fuck is he supposed to be okay with his most precious friend falling apart in his arms? All because of him too.
But he can't call it off. He would never forgive himself if he did.
And neither would Daichi.
So he desperately holds onto his friend's shaking frame as both of their shirts become stained by more tears and snot. He should mind it, having always been overly pedantic about tidiness, but he couldn't care less at the moment. As more and more tears soak into Daichi's shoulder, his connection to reality is starting to weaken. At some point, nothing feels real anymore. He wants to believe that time has stopped. Nothing around matters, it's only the two of them. The two of them letting their woes out to the world.
But the world is merciless. Time hasn't stopped. It goes on without any care about their small tragedy. It goes on and it's only getting closer and closer to Senri's flight.
Even when the body in his arms stops shaking and he no longer has any more tears left to cry, he still doesn't move away. He can't let go. He doesn't want to. He'll have to eventually, he knows it. But he doesn't want to think about it right now.
"Senri," Daichi whispers, his voice exhausted and strained from all the crying. It sends shivers down his back.
"Yeah?" He doesn't sound any better.
"Are you gonna stop dyeing streaks in your hair?"
He can't help but snort at that. "That's your concern?"
"Are you?" he asks. "And the perm…"
He takes a moment to think of an answer. "Probably. I gotta be presentable, you know?"
Daichi hums quietly in understanding.
The silence stretches out but he doesn't mind it.
"I like your hair," Daichi finally says. "It's cool."
He feels his face getting hotter, but he blames it on… No, he can't blame this on the alcohol anymore. He's pretty sure all the crying sobered him up pretty well anyway. "I might… keep the perm for now."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah."
There's no answer for a moment, but when Daichi speaks again, he can clearly tell he's smiling. "I'm glad."
His heart is beating so fast and so loud. He's worried Daichi can hear it. A part of him wants him to. A very small, irrational part.
The irrational part that wants to hold Daichi's hand. Taste Daichi's lips. Pet his hair as he rests his head in his lap after a long day. The irrational part that wants to confess to him.
But he can't do that to Daichi. It would be unfair. It would be cruel. He can't be selfish and risk their friendship over something like this.
Even on the off chance that he would like him back (which he honestly doubts with how Daichi has never shown even the slightest interest in romance), what would confessing now even do? They couldn't be together. He's leaving. For 7 years. He absolutely can't leave Daichi with those conflicted feelings for so long.
He can't hurt him like that.
So it's best to remain quiet and let those selfish desires stay bottled in his heart. In the safest spot where nobody, not even Daichi, can see.
"Daichi," he says. It feels so natural on his tongue he almost doesn't wanna continue. "Do your best with Rad Red while I'm away."
He hums in response again.
"Write a lot of songs," he goes on. "Make them good, too. Better than No.7."
"I think anythin' is better than No.7." Daichi laughs.
"Yeah?" He laughs too. "How about that? When I'm back, I'll sing all of your new songs."
"Eh?"
"But you gotta make them better than Seven. Dawn of the Red even," he adds quickly.
That's followed by silence. For a moment, he thinks Daichi isn't gonna respond. But he's soon proven wrong. "I'd like that," he says softly.
He smiles into his shoulder. "Me too."
"I'll write so many great songs, so you better be ready. I'm gonna leave your throat sore."
"I don't want it any other way."
And as the hands of the clock keep moving, all he can do is pray to any god that would listen to him to have mercy on him and make this moment last forever.
Unfortunately, the world is merciless.
So he simply holds onto the warmth of Daichi in his arms, committing this moment to memory, hoping that if he tries hard enough, it will last him at least 7 years.