Work Text:
Eventually…
Lying on the grass like this, the sky a grey blanket of silence, Lily felt the universe was a slot machine and she’d just rolled three sevens, for there was no other explanation as to how she got to be the luckiest girl in the world.
The soft sound of ripples made by fish in the lake fell between the breaths of the boy beside her. Little flickers of life spread throughout her left side where her knee knocked against his. Where his pinkie spread just a little bit further than naturally, brushing against her own. She turned her head ever so slightly and studied his profile. The messy curls blacker than the slate she’d smacked over his head in first year, the round spectacles reflecting the fireflies like a stripe across the glass.
Silently, he turned his head to look at her, a hint of a smile playing along his lips.
“Hello Lily.” He whispered delicately.
“Hello James,” she whispered back.
And then it began to rain.
1973-Second year
Remus Lupin deserved better, and no matter how many times she told Snape this, he never quite seemed to hear her. She knew anyone who treated others like that shouldn’t be her friend, but Snape had always been her friend, and he wasn’t a bad person. He’d had a hard time too, with his parents, and it obviously didn’t help that James Potter relentlessly antagonised him, what with the bats flying above his head and the grease smeared on his books. James was a bully, and Lily didn’t hesitate to tell him so next time she was partnered with him in potions.
“What?” he’d asked in response. Clearly, he hadn’t expected her to speak to him. It really wasn’t fair that she never got to be partnered with Sev, they’d always worked so well together.
“You’re a rather cruel person.” She said, matter of factly. It wasn’t like he didn’t know. He had to know. Did he really have no self awareness?
He leaned back in his chair, studying her.
“Go out with me?” he asked. Idiot.
She looked at him seriously, pretending to think about it.
“I would rather die.” She said simply, relishing the slack-jawed look of shock her response evoked.
Summer 1977
She waited for them in the booth at the end, eight butterbeers at the table. She’d gotten there early, having overestimated the amount of time it would take to get ready and leave before Petunia woke up. It doesn’t matter , she thought, though her skin felt a bit too tight, her heartbeat a bit too quick.
Remus showed up a few minutes early too, and thanked her for the drink. They passed the time before everyone else came discussing the controversial new band, the Sex Pistols.
“Wow, I would’ve thought they’d be right up your alley,”
Remus snorted, “I prefer The Clash. The Pistols were made to sell punk as a lifestyle and make a select group of people disgustingly rich, which is pretty much the least punk thing in the world.”
It was funny, no matter how accepting he was of everything else, he was still a real music snob.
Lily looked out the window and saw the rest of the group were coming in from the rare August rain. They only had a week left before the start of term, and Lily was counting down the days until she’d be away from Petunia, though Hogwarts wasn’t exactly a refuge, what with… everything.
James came in first, and sat across from her with Remus.
“This seat taken?” he joked. Lily rolled her eyes, but smiled.
Eventually the booth was full, eight people crammed in with limbs crossed over each other and arms tucked awkwardly. Barely seen through the foggy, rain blurred windows, the summer sky had darkened to a hazy purple.
“Past my bedtime,” Mary muttered, half asleep, tucking her head into the crook of Lily’s shoulder. Beneath the cover of a very loud game of exploding snap, she stole a glance at James.
The light from the candles that had appeared at their table a few hours ago danced across his glasses, rendering his eyes invisible from her angle. He lifted his bottle to his mouth and she watched as he swallowed it, her gaze caught on his adam's apple, and then to his hand as it placed the foggy brown bottle back on the worn table. She could see the calluses on the tips of his fingers from where she sat across from him, and felt a bizarre impulse to trace her fingers between his knuckles. She probably would have too, had Marlene not chosen that exact moment to proclaim her boredom. Sirius nodded in agreement,
“We’ve done every possible team combination except for you and sleepy smurf over there, we’ve exchanged all the pleasantries, and Pete’s already somehow half drunk off Butterbeer. The night is young, and yet I, also, am incredibly bored.”
Dorcas rolled her eyes. “Alright then Marls, what would you suggest we play?”
Marlene grinned wickedly, studying each of their guilty faces in turn, because everyone sitting at that table knew what she was going to suggest, and everyone knew to reject the idea was to admit defeat. A true Gryffindor never turned down a challenge and all that.
“Truth or dare,” she said finally, and the cards in Sirius’s hands disappeared in a puff of smoke.
“I-How did you do that?” Lily asked incredulously.
Sirius wiggled his eyebrows, “It’s really quite simple,” he said, quickly tacking on, “You should have Prongs teach you!”
James flicked him in the forehead haphazardly, like he’d done it a million times before. He definitely has . Lily snorted. He met her eyes belatedly.
“I can teach you if that’s what you want, but I didn’t think it was.”
Lily shrugged, looking him straight in the eyes, “How would you know what I want?” It was a challenge.
James grinned.
“Oi, you two, get a room.”
Lily rolled her eyes,
“Marlene there was literally nothing flirtatious about that interaction.”
Marlene shrugged, “Any opportunity to make you blush is worth taking.”
“That’s what your dad said to your mum last night Marlene,” Peter interjected. She smacked him good naturedly across the back of the head and told him to shut up.
“Right,” Dorcas said, gesturing to Remus, “Care to do the honours?”
He rolled his eyes, but chugged his fourth butterbeer and handed Marlene the bottle. She grinned.
“Marlene, you do realise any of us can chug butterbeer , right?”
“I know, and I also know you like watching moony do it,” she quipped back mockingly
Even three years ago, Lily never would have recognized the shy, timid Marlene she knew then was the same extroverted, flirtatious, gregarious one she knew now. She’d always felt there was an impenetrable wall around her, until partway through fifth year when she’d come out to the girls as a lesbian, and suddenly the wall dropped.
Sirius shrugged, “Don’t we all.”
Remus’s eye roll was legendary.
Marlene prodded the bottle with her wand, and it glowed gold as if there were a tea light inside. Dorcas pointed her wand in the centre and cleared the empty fish and chip papers, and Marlene set down the bottle in their place.
“Who’d like to go first?” She asked, in a sing-song voice, blonde bangs falling into her eyes.
“The bangs are ruining the effect,” Sirius muttered as she blew them out of her eyes.
“And for that, you’re going first. Sirius Orion Black, truth or dare?”
He grinned.
“Dare.”
“Be vicious,” James .
“Don’t hold back,” Remus muttered
“Make him do something embarrassing,” Peter suggested.
Marlene sized him up. Lily rolled her eyes, and went back to looking out the window. California Dreamin’ by the Mama’s and the Papa’s blared out from a record player suspended in midair in the middle of the pub. Ever since third year, she and Remus had a standing ‘date’ for the last day before school started. They’d meet at this same shitty little wizard pub just tucked round beside the only used muggle & magical bookshop & record store in Diagon Alley, Cat In A Tree Books, pop in and say hello to Allen, the elderly(and very openly homosexual) non-magical wizard who ran the shop, ask if he had in any new ones, he’d hand them each a pile, they’d go broke over books and records, rinse & repeat the next year.
Mary laughed, and Lily focused back on the table. Sirius was massaging Peter’s famously awful feet, making exaggerated noises of disgust every few seconds, and everyone else was laughing.
Well. Not everyone.
James nodded his head at her. You okay?
She smiled, and he smiled back and then looked away, and suddenly they were back at the table again with everyone else.
Mary poked her between the ribs, singing quietly,“James and Lily out to sea.”
Lily hoped no one noticed her blush.
1977-Sixth year
“So him and Jennifer Marie? Wow, honestly I never thought he’d get over…you know who.”
“Me neither, but I guess he’s moved on to bigger and better things…. If you know what I mean.”
The anonymous offender laughed, “You really are a prick Mikey,”
Lily overheard her name in conversations a lot more than usual that week in November, but it didn’t really matter much. So he’d finally gotten an actual girlfriend, didn’t make him any less of a toad.
A month later, when they broke up(embarrassingly publicly), she heard her name again, and this time it did matter, because not a single person hesitated before sharing their thoughts, and the consensus on Lily’s involvement ranged from relatively tame but still wildly incorrect things, like:
“Apparently she’s the reason he broke it off with Jen.”
To irritating and even more incorrect things, like:
“Doesn’t he know she’ll only ever have eyes for Snivellus?”
To rather aggressive characterizations, usually made by Jen's friends:
“She’s a frigid bitch, Jenny deserves better.”
Whatever, Lily was used to people dragging her name through the mud. It was only when she overheard former friends say something that she felt tears prick her eyes. They’d been friends since first year, and maybe they hadn’t seen each other much since fifth, but Penelope had to know it wasn’t her fault. It wasn’t her fault, he hadn’t really broken up with Jennifer because of some stupid schoolboy crush. No one was that stupid.
During lunch that day, she sat in her dormitory window and looked out over the grounds, the sky a plain, calming grey. She pulled a pack of cigarettes out of the gap between the wall and the window frame, and lit one with her wand. As she sat there silently it began to rain, and she leaned her head against the cool stained glass.
1975-Fourth Year
“You think, just because you win quidditch games and you-you mess up your hair that everyone else is below you? That we’re all just here for your own entertainment?”
His eyes went wide. What, he didn’t think she’d catch on? He thinks he’s so smart.
“I-Evans no, tha-that’s not at all-”
She pushed past him. Jesus Christ, she was so done with boys.
“Lily, Lily wait. Stop, I need to talk to you.”
She turned on her heel prepared to knock him down another peg, but in his haste to reach her he’d grabbed her hand.
They stood there silently for a few moments as other students passed them by on the way to class, parting around them like the ocean for jesus, and then they were alone in the hallway and the spell, or the haze, or whatever illusion she’d been under broke, and Lily wrenched her hand out of his grasp and stalked off to-to potions, or charms, or whatever class she was supposed to be in right now, and jesus christ it was all his fault that she was going to be late, wasn’t that just too perfect then? He can take his Evanses, and he can go shove them up-
“Evans-Evans wait, I don’t know what you’re talking-” Oh, of course he was following her.
“No, no you do, because who else even knew ? I didn’t tell anyone, and I was the only one there, so unless fucking McGonagall somehow came back into her classroom early without us knowing and decided to tell the entire fucking school, you told them, because of course you did, you wanted everyone to know it was you who’d tamed the wild beast ,” she paused to catch her breath, fuming, her anger blurring the edges of her vision.
“So, fine, make me yours, make me your conquest, make me your triumph, I don’t care. It meant nothing to me anyways, because it was you.”
And she turned, and she ran.
1976-Fifth year
He knew nothing about her. That's what she was so stuck on. This boy knew absolutely nothing about who she was, and he claimed to be in love with her.
“You don’t know what love is,” she’d said quietly in response to his pleas that day in fifth year, afterwards, when he’d followed her up to the castle.
She’d never had a boyfriend, but she knew what he meant when he told people he loved her. He wanted to possess her, to have her, to clip her wings, and all she wanted was to hide.
But she wasn’t allowed to do that, because in exchange for the privilege of existing in this supposedly magical world she needed to put on a show, whether that be the sympathetic smiles for the sacred 28 contacts slughorn introduced her to when they complained about muggleborns, the boys who treated her like a commodity, or the vultures who watched her every move waiting for something to pick apart.
The one wall she’d built, the one thing she would not play pretend with, was love, because it didn’t exist for her, and no matter how much she tried to get over it, that hurt. It existed for people with trust funds, and job prospects, and parents. She’d read all the books and seen all the movies, and that's all they were to her-books and movies. Tales from long ago and far away. Stories retold by desperate people running from reality.
First Year, 1971
“Come in.”
Lily drew in a deep breath, and walked in, closing the door quietly behind her. The severe looking woman sat behind a large oak desk, and she appeared to be marking papers.
“Miss Evans?” she looked up from her papers, surprise evident in her voice.
“Professor Mcgonagall,” she said quietly.
“I must say I’m rather surprised to see you,” she said in her thick Scottish accent. “Usually I don’t presume to see pupils in my office until at least the third week of term, though I suspect Potter and Black are going to give those assumptions a run for their money. Sit down,” she said sternly, nodding to the chair across from her.
“Professor, I was just wondering, is there any way-” she paused, wondering how best to say it.
The professor rolled her eyes,
“Do spit it out please, I need to finish this marking before next week.”
“Is there any possible way to switch houses once I’ve been sorted?”
Silence. Lily opened her eyes to see the rather stern face staring at her in shock.
“And why, may I ask, would you want to do that?” Oh. She’d forgotten McGonagall was the head of Gryffindor house. Whoops.
“Well, my friend, Severus-”
McGonagall tutted,
“Miss Evans, let me stop you there. You are sorted into your house because of who you are, not because of who you are friends with, and to answer your question, even if I could, which I cannot, I would never place a Gryffindor in Slytherin house.”
Well alright then.
“I apologise for the inconvenience, but as the sorting hat said, Gryffindor is the place for you. It is also the house of which I am head of, and I believe you will find success here.”
Lily forced a smile,
“Okay. Thank you Professor.”
She wasn’t giving up that easily. Maybe she’d find something in the library, Dorcas had been wanting to go too.
Mcgonagall nodded, and went back to her marking.
“Have a biscuit,” she said, not looking up.
Lily spotted a tartan biscuit tin by the door, and opened it to see-
“Oh, they have these on muggle aeroplanes!” she exclaimed.
McGonagall gave her a rather stern look, and she shut the tin quickly, apologized, and closed the door behind her. She wondered for what reason a witch would keep muggle aeroplane cookies in her office.
Lily, of course, had never been on an aeroplane, but once a girl in her school had, and she’d given them all a presentation about it. Lily privately felt it seemed very stupid to fly through the air in what was essentially an enforced whip cream canister, the sort of thing rich people did when they didn’t know what to do with themselves, but the cookies the girl had passed out had been rather tasty.
She snapped off the corner of her biscuit. Still delicious.
Another boy in Gryffindor house, she remembered his name from the sorting, passed her on her way. He gave her a small smile, the kind typically reserved for strangers on public transit. She smiled back.
She used her map to find the Gryffindor tower. Perhaps she couldn’t switch houses, but she and Sev could still be friends.
She heard a commotion and looked up from her map.
“Well then comrades, if none of you know the password, and I don’t know the password, we’ll just have to wait here until someone does, or Remus comes back. Why not make a game out of it?”
“James, you look ridiculous.”
Lily turned the corner to see a short chubby blonde boy sitting against the wall, a bespectacled one doing a handstand against it, and a dark haired, angular one lying flat on the floor.
The one with the spectacles- James , she remembered, dropped down to his feet and walked over to her.
“Hello! You wouldn’t by any chance happen to know the password, would you?”
She rolled her eyes, but nodded.
“Great, thanks, really,” he paused, grinned at her, and went on, “You know I sit across from you in-”
“Oh shove off, Potter, we all know you’re in love with her, you don’t have to make-”
He turned away from her, a red flush creeping up his neck,“Shut it Black, and I’m not-”
“Kilgharrah,” She said to the lady in the pink dress who lived in the portrait.
“Same to you, dear,” she replied, before swinging open to reveal a hub of excited students. They hadn’t gotten a load of homework yet, and everyone was taking advantage of the free time. Lily felt she should use it to study extra, not having the advantage of growing up in a magical family. She didn’t quite know what that meant yet, hopefully nothing, but it gave her a tremendous urge to prove herself. She left the boys wrestling out in the corridor.
“Thanks-” she heard a shout from James before the portrait closed again.
“Fuck. ” she heard, muffled from the sound of the door, and she rolled her eyes.
1974-Third year
Potter and Lupin sat behind her, and though Lupin seemed like a rather nice boy, that git potter wouldn’t shut up about quidditch. Finally , Remus told him to shut up. She could only hope he wouldn’t turn his attentions on to her-
“Hey Evans,” he muttered. Lily rolled her eyes. Of course he did.
“Pssssst.” he whispered quietly. She felt something hit her on the shoulder. Probably a scrap of paper, but she was trying to concentrate on the lesson. Mme Delacroix was only here teaching Defense for a few weeks as a favour to Dumbledore, and she wanted to soak up as much of her expertise as she possibly could, having idolised her since first reading about her exploits in the Prophet the past summer.
“ Evans .” he whispered, louder.
“Evans, watch this.” Merlin, what if the professor heard him? She focused back on her notes. Wow , she really had been all over the world. Lily wanted to be like her one day, travelling around, helping people. Making the world a better place.
She felt something sharp prod her shoulder, and turned around in spite of her better judgement.
“ What? ” she hissed, furious. Couldn’t he just let her get through one singular lesson without interruption?
He grinned stupidly. Since he obviously didn’t actually have anything to show her and therefore had intruded for absolutely no reason, she wasn’t going to go easy on him.
“What did you want to show me, Potter?” She asked expectantly. He really was so immature.
“This,” he whispered, and he blew on something in his hand, making a little paper butterfly float onto her desk and perch itself on the edge, its wings fluttering slightly. She stared at it in shock, because there was no way he figured that out on his own, and turned back to face him.
“How did you do that?” She asked, ignoring the stupid smug look on his face at the question.
“Go out with me and I’ll show you,” he said, as if he’d caught her.
“Remus?” she said to the boy next to him, behind Dorcas.
“Hmm?” He replied, looking up from his likely extensive notes.
“I’m assuming you taught him that, because he’s definitely not clever enough to think it up on his own.”
Remus smirked at that.
“Can you teach me after class today?” She asked, still not looking at James
Remus paused for a moment, looked at James, and then nodded. She really did need to focus, but the little butterfly was just so… perfect. Maybe she could charm them to perch on the top of her four poster, and with the twinkle lights she’d enchanted to work without muggle batteries….
“Can I come too?” James asked. Wow , he really was pathetic.
“Nope!” Lily grinned. Remus shrugged, as if to say it was out of his hands. James spluttered like a fish out of water, and Lily got back to work, satisfied. Dorcas, not looking up from her notes, high fived her beneath the desk. She felt very accomplished.
Sixth year
“You know what, I’m done just taking all this shit from you whenever you decide I’ve done something that doesn’t fit within your scrupulous fucking moral code. None of us are perfect, Evans. That’s the point, and I never saw you yell at Severus, no matter what he did, and he did horrible, horrible things.”
She wanted to rip her hair out.
“You think I don’t know that? You think I’m that stupid?”
He looked on the verge of laughter. This isn’t funny.
“No, Evans. I don’t think you’re stupid at all, but I do think it’s pretty rich of you to yell at me whenever I do anything when you were literally best friends with that piece of shit for years, and it wasn’t until he said it to your face that you believed he was capable of it.” His voice was hoarse. She didn’t care.
“You’re right,” she said, tears stinging the corners of her eyes, “I was fucking blind. I know him getting away with all that was my fault, I know I could’ve stopped him hurting Mary if I’d just opened my fucking eyes-” she tried, but nothing more came out, and he was looking at her like- she didn’t want to think about it.
She turned, and she sprinted down the stairs to the astronomy tower where they’d been working on their project that they’d probably never turn in now. Third week of school, and she’d already have at least one detention.
Typical , she thought.
Fucking Potter.
First year-1971
“Sev, he’s just another idiotic boy, I don’t see why you hate him so much.”
Severus gave her one of his looks . She truly hated it when he looked at her like that, like she was some poor, stupid child who’d never truly understand how the world worked. But, he was having a hard time right now, what with his parents.
“Lily,” he shook his head, “You haven’t met the bloke. Trust me on this one.”
“Alright,” she said, turning the page of the potions book Professor Slughorn had recommended to her. She wasn’t going to correct Snape, but she had in fact met James Potter.
Fall and Winter had come and gone, and since she’d started at Hogwarts she’d learned so much, not just about magic, but about people.
Professor Slughorn, for instance. He really really liked crystallised pineapple, but not quite as much as he enjoyed being so good at what he did.
Dorcas Meadowes, one of her dormmates. She was almost as blunt as her perfectly curled bangs, and she was the most honest person Lily had ever met.
Well. Maybe not as honest as Marlene, but Marls was only so honest on accident, where Doe always seemed like her truths were told with intention.
Secretly, Lily really liked having nicknames for all her friends. It made her feel very cool and grown up.
Alice, another girl who shared their dorm, was so enviously good, Lily wished she could be so selfless. Alice never bragged, even though she was the most capable person Lily’d ever met. She could take anything, and make it something beautiful, whether it be a scrap of paper, a misunderstanding, or an aggravatingly unattractive denim skirt that Marlene’s mother had given her for Christmas.
Finally, there was Mary. She was kind, popular, funny, and she understood all the pop culture references Lily made.
Muggle pop culture references , she corrected herself. Lily had invited her over to bake gingerbread cookies during winter break, and though Petunia had been less than pleased, she’d felt it had gone rather well. Mary was muggleborn too. It made it a lot easier for Lily to wrap her head around this whole magical world when she had someone just as new to it by her side.
There were Gryffindor boys too, but they were all very…. Boyish. Also, for reasons unknown to Lily, Sev didn’t like them. Because of that, getting to know them in any capacity would just be too complicated. And anyways, who needed boys? Just last friday, when they’d all finished their homework(or at least all said they had, though Lily suspected Marlene hadn’t even opened the books) they’d all made a massive pillow fort on the floor in the middle of their beds, strung leftover christmas lights around the four posters, and ate candy and magically preserved ice cream from Alice’s dad. She’d told them that he owned the ice cream parlor in Diagon Alley, and if they ever wanted to stop by in the summer, she worked there every break and she’d give them as much free ice cream as they wanted! Marlene, who’s mother seemed to have very strict rules about sugar, had positively salivated.
Dorcas’s stepmother was muggleborn and owned a clothing store, so she sent her muggle and magical fashion catalogues. They’d look through them, pointing out things they wished for and making up bizarre events to wear things to, and then they’d cut their favourites out and paste them on the wall.
For the first time in her life, Lily felt like she had friends, and not just friends, but future best friends. She rather liked the feeling.
Fifth year-1976
“Why do you hate me so much?”
Lily rolled her eyes and kept walking, but he grabbed her arm and pulled her back.
“No, really, why do you hate me so much?”
She met his eyes.
“You’re an arrogant prick?”
He shook his head, “No, I mean really. What did I do to you? Because I’ve been racking my brain for years , and I don’t know what I did.”
“Wow, that sounds like a real effort, don’t strain yourself on my behalf.”
He didn’t back down, and she scoffed.
“You’ve always had it out for Sev,” she said, like it was obvious, because it was.
He shook his head, “No. He’s always had it out for Remus, and I’ve always defended him.”
Wow .
“You really call all of that defending ?”
He crossed his arms, “Well at least I have a reason. I know it’s worthless asking, but what’s your excuse for him?”
She-What?
“What’s that supposed to mean?” prick.
“You know Lily, there’s never been any reason for him to go after people the way he does, and you’ve never had a problem with it. At least I only go for people that deserve it.”
She scoffed, “Really? You think you’re some kind of hero? James Potter, protector of the muggleborns.”
He snorted, “No, you don’t get to turn this on me, why does he get a free pass to go after anyone he wants?”
She didn’t say anything. Even later, she wouldn’t know what she could’ve said.
He looked her square in the eyes searching, then looked away with a sigh.
“I just think it’s funny that he always gets the benefit of the doubt, and I never have.”
“I-why would you even care?”
He just looked at her for a second.
“I’ve always cared what you thought,” he said so softly, she later doubted whether he'd said anything at all.
A few weeks later, everything fell apart.
1975-Fourth year
Someone had stolen her transfiguration essay, leaving Lily no choice but to say she hadn't done it, and landing her in detention for the second time in her four years at Hogwarts.
They sat silently at the two person desk, sorting the recipes alphabetically. McGonagall had run out of genuine work she needed done by the third week of school thanks to James and his friends, so now they were sorting recipes for the kitchens.
She felt his elbow nudge her own, and simultaneously a slight blush crept its way onto her cheeks.
No, it’s just a silly little crush, it’s barely even a crush, more of an intrusive thought really, because if nothing else James Potter was intrusive. Intrusive, and obtuse, and annoying, and-and stupidly tall. And just-just a little bit clever, and funny, and oh fuck.
Stop it. He’s an arrogant, ignorant, idiotic asshole with no consideration for anyone else.
His elbow nudged her own again, and she jerked her own away, sending her box of recipe cards crashing to the floor. She pushed back her chair with a shriek to pick them up, and silently wished for a quick and painless death.
“Oh, here I’ll help you with that,” he said quietly, of course, because obviously he wants to embarrass her as much as humanly possible.
“Thanks,” she muttered, not looking up
There was one left in the middle, and she went to grab it-
And so did he. And their hands met in the middle. And she looked up, and landed straight in his eyes.
“I guess I’ll let you have that one,” he said, with a chuckle that died in his throat.
His eyes were such a bizarre shade of brown-no, green. Hazel , she corrected herself silently. With little flecks of gold in them. They looked like those photos she’d seen in elementary school when they’d learned about the gold rush, the earth and rocks mixed in with tiny flecks of shining possibility.
He stood up, and held out a hand. She took it, and he pulled her up, but she didn’t let go. It was warm, and the calluses surprised her because she’d known there would be calluses from his broomstick, but she hadn’t expected the rough ones on his fingertips. Where did those come from, she wondered.
Then she looked back up, and she was staring into his eyes, and the smile on his face slowly became more and more confused, and then suddenly his fingers were tucking her hair behind her ear, and then she was standing on her tiptoes, one hand on his shoulder, and her lips were on his.
For a moment, he didn’t kiss her back, and she was stuck thinking Oh fuck, what if he doesn’t kiss me back, and then he did. And then his hands were on her waist and he tasted like rain, fresh and new and clean, and her hand was tangled in the hair at the nape of his neck and it was so soft, and then-
And then she came to her senses. And she stepped away from him, touching a hand to her mouth, checking to see if this-this nightmare was real.
And he was looking at her, and oh fuck , what had she done to make him look at her like that , and then she was running, sprinting through the castle and up to her dormitory.
Someone might have called her name, she wouldn’t have noticed. The blood rushing in her ears felt like a tsunami blocking out the rest of the world.
Eventually…
He grinned, grabbed her hand, and pulled her up with him in a jumble of limbs. Next to him she sometimes felt like a fawn, all wobbly knees.
“James, wha-be careful with me,” she laughed, but got cut off when he started to run up towards the castle, turning left by the stairs and dragging her towards the greenhouses.
She almost slipped, but he caught her in his ever steady hands, and he kept running, pulling her in tow across the soggy grass. They passed the first few, and she was starting to wonder if he even had a plan, when they got to the fourth one and he stopped, ran a hand through his sopping wet hair, and grinned.
“After you, m’lady,” he said, sliding open the door with a flourish.
“You’re ridiculous,” she said, rolling her eyes and fighting a grin.
He tugged it closed behind them, muffling the rain, and leaned against it for a second, watching her silently.
“What?” she asked.
He shook his head, smiled, and reached for her hand, tugging her close to him, and now she could see the drops of rain on the tips of his lashes, dispersing themselves as he blinked slowly, and suddenly she couldn’t breathe, suddenly she was so aware of all of it, of the wet hair trailing down her back and the flush the cold had made across her cheeks, of the way the rain had made their dress shirts see through and there was a single drop sliding down her neck, and he slowly brushed it off with his finger, letting his hand drop to the back of her neck, and yes, finally , he was going to kiss her-
And then he pulled her up onto one of the long desk tables in the middle of the greenhouse and pointed his wand at something in the corner.
“ James, ” she laughed, unable to stop the grin that spread across her face as he closed his eyes and shimmied along with the opening to the hottest song of the summer .
“Don’t go breaking my heart,” He sang along, pointing straight at her, eyebrows raised expectantly.
He grabbed her hand and spun her, making her grey school skirt flaring out.
“I-Why are you so good at this?” She asked, after he spun her again.
“Summer before Hogwarts,” he started, spinning her for a third time, “Mum decided the only way to keep me out of trouble was dance lessons.”
Lily giggled, “Sorry, dance lessons? Like, ballroom dancing?”
“Among other things,” James waggled his eyebrows suggestively, and she laughed.
“Oh honey when you knock on my door,” he sang, looking at her expectantly when it got to Kiki's next line.
“I gave you my key,” she responded, giving in.
Ooo-ooh, nobody knows it
He spun her out, and when she spun back in she clasped her hands behind his neck and they turned in a slow circle to the music
Right from the start, I gave you my heart.
Slowly she looked up at him, and their eyes met. And then so did their lips.
He tasted like rain.