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It’s surprisingly warm in the demon realm.
Not that the place gets particularly cold, being surrounded by boiling water tends to keep things nice and toasty, but even by Boiling Isles standards tonight is a bit muggy. Not super hot, but Luz can feel herself sweating through her Azura costume. And that’s fine! A little sweat is a small price to pay for finally being back hom- on the Boiling Isles. (Not home, never home, not anymore, she doesn’t deserve to call it home, she has to leav-)
They’re even back at the Owl House! And sure, it hurt like a fire blast to the gut seeing her home away from home dark and empty, still looking like a gornado ran through it thanks to those coven scouts. And okay, maybe realizing the building was empty save for some echo mice (She wonders where the little echo mouse from the library wound up. She hopes it’s safe) had her running to Eda’s nest so she could sob in privacy, but she was back!
…Without any idea where King is. Or Eda. Or Hooty. Or Lilith, or Dell and Gwen, or the CATTs, or the other Hexside students, or principal Bump, or her friend’s parents, or-
Stop. You’re back now. Take the win.
Besides, you don't deserve to worry about anyone. Not when you’re the reason they’re gone in the first pla-
Breath.
Her friends know about the whole… ‘Philip’ thing, now, and for some reason they don’t hate her. Amity even hugged her! Reassured Luz that she still cares about her, even though she knows Luz is did something so horrible.
Willow and Gus started chatting her up once they got through the portal, keeping things upbeat. Casual and lighthearted, reminiscent of simpler times, when they were just Hexside students getting into silly shenanigans at school. A clear sign that to them, nothing’s changed. She’s as much their friend now as she was the day she met them. Has she ever mentioned she has the greatest friends in the universe?
Hunter even spoke up, which was surprising for… a lot of reasons. But he’d been adamant in his insistence that what Philip did wasn’t her fault.
And speaking of Hunter, he’s the reason she’s got the weather on her mind. Because an unusually balmy night on the Boiling Isles? That’s fine.
What’s not so fine is that it’s 1 AM, on a hotter-than-average night, with nothing but the light of the moon illuminating the forests around, and Hunter is outside. Pacing the perimeter of the Owl House. Alone.
And he’s wearing gloves.
She… can’t say she’s surprised. He’s mentioned how he thinks Belos… got in, in the first place, so it makes sense that he’s cautious about them being exposed now. She can’t even imagine how terrifying the whole thing must’ve been for him. How violating. How horrifying it must have been to be forcibly turned into Belos’s puppet, to feel his own body attack the people he loves.
To feel his own body attack Flapja-
No. She can’t blame him for covering his hands again.
It still makes her sad, though.
No one’s really brought up Flapjack, not yet at least. Certainly not in front of Hunter. The palismen’s only been gone a few hours, and everyone’s been in silent agreement to give Hunter some time and space to mourn.
He certainly seems to need it, with how jumpy he is. How insistent he is that they find Belos, how quick he is to anger, or get frustrated. He even snapped at Gus earlier for taking too long giving a tree an ‘I missed you’ hug. Willow and Gus have been cautiously trying to engage with him, but every time they get close he storms off with words that on paper seem polite, but become less so when coupled with the bite in his tone. No one takes it personally. They all understand he’s just dealing with a lot right now and has nowhere to put all the pent up… stuff building up. Not until they find Belos, at least.
But it still hurts to see someone she cares about, the boy who became the older brother she never had, being in so much pain. Especially since there are these moments where… where he’ll say something, or do something, or make a certain expression, and all Luz can see is…
Herself. Like she’s looking into some warped mirror, showing flashes of herself from those first few weeks after dad died.
She hadn’t acted exactly the same, she certainly never lashed out at mama (though, was pulling away to stuff her head in The Good Witch Azura, and the wonderful escape its world of magic and happy endings offered her, any better?) but, there were moments when she’d feel a spark of rage flare to life at her fingertips, quickly morphing into liquid fire that pooled through her veins to flood every corner of her being. Her anger was directed at a far more abstract target than Hunter’s, but she’s seen the way he glares down at the ground. She knows that look. Just like she knows he’s in pain.
Grief sucks. Loss sucks, and Luz has known that since she was very young. There’s something indescribable about the particular flavor of pain losing someone you love brings. A unique agony that you can’t find anywhere else or truly put into words, but tears you apart all the same. Hunter shouldn’t be feeling that. Hunter doesn’t deserve that. And he certainly doesn’t deserve to deal with it alone.
Which is why she’s here, awake at 1 AM, watching him patrol the grounds like he expects Belos to show up in the dead of night. He didn’t ask her for any glyphs earlier, which is worrying because that means he might be doing this unarmed. Maybe it hasn’t fully sunk in yet that he is unarmed.
Regardless, he’s pacing the grounds like the soldier he was raised to be, but he hasn’t acknowledged her presence. Whether that’s because he’s intentionally ignoring her, or just isn’t as present as his march would imply, she isn’t sure. One way to find out.
She approaches him at a leisurely pace, making sure to drag her feet slightly to make some extra noise. The last thing he needs is to be startled. When she makes it a few feet away from him, his eyes flicker to her briefly, but then he plants them firmly back on the tree line.
Okay, so the ‘ignoring other people’ thing is still going strong. But that’s alright, she’ll work with whatever he’ll give her.
“Pretty late for a walk,” she starts conversationally. He gives no reaction beyond hesitating in his next step for a split second. Then his eyes harden, and he keeps walking. She matches his brisk pace, though she’s certain she won't be able to keep it up forever.
“You just need some air, or do you have personal beef with the forest?” she asks, tone light, almost joking. Still no response. She’s not entirely surprised. It’s starting to dawn on her now that she doesn’t actually have any idea what she’s doing, or how she’s going to steer the conversation where she wants to. Especially considering her conversation partner is as responsive as the trees surrounding them.
“So, it’s pretty warm out, huh? Been feeling cold lately, or are those gloves jus-”
“Luz” he cuts her off sharply. He still doesn't look at her, and his pace goes uninterrupted, but his fists are balled now. She can see how tight his jaw is clenched from her view of his side.
“I know what you’re trying to do. Willow and Gus have been doing it too, and they’re more subtle than you’ll ever be” he says through gritted teeth, and ouch. Okay, that one hurt a little bit. Not enough to make her leave, Luz Noceda is nothing if not stubborn, but it throws her off balance for a moment.
He hasn’t been legitimately mean yet, at least not from what she’s seen. Well, maybe not quite mean, but getting pretty close to it. She wonders if it’s because she’s only seen him talk to Willow and Gus. Maybe he’s been holding himself back for their sake, and he doesn’t feel the need to bother with Luz because he hates her has a slightly different relationship with her.
Their friends, certainly. Family even! The big brother she never had! But there’s this unspoken understanding between the two, an invisible bond unique to them that they’ve shared since experiencing the horrors of Belos’s mindscape together. Something they don’t, can’t, have with anyone else, because no one else can truly understand what it was like.
It’s weird, and kinda complicated. Luz is willing to bet Hunter doesn’t know how to articulate this… thing between them anymore then she does, but it exists. And with it comes this understanding that they just… don't hide things from each other. They don’t mince words, or dance around topics, or anything like that because there’s just… no need.
They’ve already seen each other at rock bottom, they’ve known each other's darkest secrets for as long as they’ve known those secrets themselves. And if someone’s seen you at your absolute lowest, and they still stick around, there’s no point not being direct. Nowhere to go but up, afterall.
So maybe he’s just switching off his ‘be nice’ filter. Honestly, she kinda hopes that’s the case. She’d much rather him being honest about whatever’s going on in his head right now, especially if she can somehow manage to get this conversation in the right direction without driving him off first.
He seems to take her thought-spiral induced silence as genuine hurt, because she sees a flash of guilt cross his face. “Look, I get that you guys are just trying to… to check up on me, or help me, or whatever. I get that,“ he says haltingly, and his pace finally slows down as he seems to mull over what he’s saying. “And I appreciate the sentiment, I really do! But-” he’s interrupted by a chirp behind them.
Luz’s heart absolutely shatters at the desperate flash of hope that floods her friend's face as he turns to the tree line, wildly searching for the source of the sound.
For a flash of red.
Eventually, he finds it. There’s a little blue bird, or at least something that passes for a bird in the demon realm, sitting at the top of a tree behind them. Hunter stares at the creature for a long moment, hope slowly draining from his face. In its place: pure anger.
And maybe a hint of betrayal.
He growls and starts up his patrol again, pace faster but eyes no longer scanning the tree line. Instead, his gaze stays firmly glued to the ground, glaring with a rage so intense, you’d think it’d wronged him somehow. Maybe it’s just the light of the moon, but Luz is pretty sure his eyes seem shinier than usual.
This entire thing has been a total disaster, and Luz feels guilt stab through her for somehow managing to make him feel worse. She really does mess up everything she tries, doesn’t she?
No. No, she doesn’t get to just come in and hurt Hunter then leave him alone in the dark as she walks off to get some shut eye. Not that she’ll be able to sleep regardless, but still. She can’t just leave him like this. Obviously the small talk thing didn’t work, though, so it’s time for a different approach.
Luz waits until Hunter’s finished his most recent lap of the house, trying not to let her hurt show when his gaze snaps up to her, clearly telegraphing that he wants her to get lost. Walking slowly, but with clear purpose, she crosses the dirt surrounding the Owl House and comes to a stop by one of the sturdy trees (she doesn’t know what species they are. Maybe she could ask Willow later) encircling the house.
Hunter’s eyes follow her the whole way, face still furious. As she comes to a stop and leans casually against the tree, however, a bit of the fire seems to get snuffed out by his confusion. His face does this odd thing where he seems to want to scowl and frown at the same time, so he’s stuck looking at her with an interesting combination of the two. He scowns (frowls?) at her for a few more minutes, probably expecting her to do more than stand by a tree, but once he realizes she really is just planning to stay put, he gives another growl and resumes his march.
Luz stays silent as she watches him go, Hunter not looking at her no matter how many times he passes. She can practically feel his irritation each time he finds her unmoved from her spot, watching him calmly from under the leaves. By the time he’s finished his tenth lap and still finds the human waiting for him, his patience snaps. Abandoning his route, he marches over to her with a red face and fire in his eyes.
“WHAT?” he all but spits at her, hands balled, and teeth bared. His gaze is absolutely thunderous as he glares at Luz, and his face only darkens when Luz doesn’t immediately react. He probably thinks it’s because she’s intentionally ignoring him or something, but the truth is she’s just… trying to figure out how to do this. She knows what she wants to do, but dreams of becoming a writer be darned, she can’t find the words to say what she wants to.
“I’m sorry about Flapjack,” she begins. Too fast. Much too fast, she knows the words are a mistake the instant they leave her mouth. Hunter flinches, his entire body jerking away from her as though she’d physically struck him.
“Don’t,” he says harshly, looking her in the eyes. She almost wishes he didn’t. It’s hard to keep her thoughts steady when faced with the raw hurt in his eyes. The pain. There’s anger there too, but it’s like her words have called a rain of new emotions down upon his sea of boiling rage. His fury has cooled, but there’s so much more to be swept away by. He’s drowning in it.
“Don’t,” he repeats, more forcefully, like he’s trying to bring his anger back through sheer force of will. “Don’t talk about him. You don’t- I can’t- I…” he looks away for a moment, eyes squeezing shut. “I don't want to talk about him,” he finishes in clear frustration. He looks so… helpless. Like there’s all these things he wants to say, to do, to feel, but he can’t do anything about them.
Well. She’s managed to make him feel worse once again, and she has no idea how to make it better. But… that look on his face. That feeling of helplessness. That pain…
Maybe there’s one more thing she can still try.
Luz closes her eyes and slowly turns her face towards the sky, taking in a calming breath. Hunter’s eyes snap back to her at the movement, mouth opening to demand an explanation once again because what the Titan is she even doing out here, but before he can get a word out, she unknowingly cuts him off.
“You saw the pictures, right? At my house?” she asks calmly, and it’s so unexpected that Hunter’s anger completely loses steam. His frustration gets swept away in a wave of sheer confusion, leaving him with nothing but a single question:
What?
“What pictures?” he asks roughly, but his tone sounds more confused than agitated, even to his own ears. Luz doesn’t look at him, eyes still closed and head resting against the sturdy trunk she leans against, face tilted towards the stars. She brings a hand up to start absentmindedly scratching shapes into the bark, though Hunter can’t tell what any of them are. Maybe they're not meant to be anything at all.
“The ones with…” she hesitates. He sees her hand stop moving for a moment, and she takes a shaky breath. “The ones with my dad in them,” she finishes in a tone that was probably meant to seem cheerful, but only sounded like she was being strangled. Hunter freezes.
Yes. Yes, he’d noticed them. How could he not? The Noceda household was littered with frames, all filled with memories, snapshots of precious moments from the family’s life. It was like the walls of the house itself told the story of the people who’d come to call it home.
Luz was in most of them, though not the Luz in front of him. This Luz was young, sometimes with wild hair wrapped in ponytails sticking out in all directions, sometimes with a gap in her teeth, but always smiling. Always full of energy, of life, and it was such a stark contrast to the Luz he knew in the Human Realm that it… made him sad, for some reason. Seeing that version of Luz while living with the one standing a few feet away filled him with this inexplicable sense of loss. Like the girl in the photo didn’t exist anymore. Like she was dead, like Flapjack is dead-
Like Luz, Camila was in pretty much all the pictures dotting the house. Unlike Luz, however, she looked roughly the same no matter what photo you found. Always a kind smile, always that warmth to her eyes that Hunter still doesn’t know what to do with when directed at him. As far as Hunter could tell, the biggest difference between the Camila in the photos and the one sleeping in the Owl House was that her hair’s much curlier now, with a grey stripe.
This wasn’t surprising. Even if Hunter had little (AKA no) real experience with how people typically decorate their houses, it made sense to adorn the walls with images of the family now living in it. A symbol of ownership and belonging. Of home.
But there was one other person, a complete stranger to Hunter, who seemed to make a lot of appearances in those pictures. He… honestly reminded Hunter of Luz, in a lot of ways. Maybe not so much the one standing next to him, but certainly the one he met in Latissa. The one who smirked like a gremlin when she was being mischievous, and bantered with Hunter like he hadn’t threatened her on multiple occasions, and lit up while talking about the intricacies of glyphs. He thought of the images he’d seen, of a man smiling wide while lifting a young Luz onto his shoulders, or pressing a kiss into Camila’s cheek, of making a goofy face at the camera. Honestly, the resemblance was almost uncanny.
Though… that shouldn’t be surprising, should it?
‘Dad’, huh? He’d considered the thought, of course. Who else would be appearing in almost as many pictures as the mother and daughter of the house, but… he told himself it didn’t have to be her father.
There were plenty of options, like… maybe a family friend! Hunter certainly wouldn't be able to call a house his home if it didn’t have at least a dozen pictures of Willow, and Gus, and Flapjack the rest of his friends scattered throughout. Or maybe some other relative, like an unc- a cousin. Maybe a cousin, or something. Someone close to the family, but who may not be living under the same roof. Someone who would understandably be in all those pictures, but who it would also make sense for Hunter to have never met despite the man still being… around.
He isn’t sure why he was so desperate to deny the obvious. Even now, he doesn’t want to let it really sink in, because it… feels wrong. It feels so wrong trying to merge the image of Luz, who even weighed down by months of guilt and failure, was still kind and loving (who called him family, and really meant it), with the image of someone who… who knows loss. Who knows what Hunter’s going through right now, because she’s been here. She’s felt this pain, she knows this anger, at least to some degree. It just… those two images don't mesh. They’re too fundamentally different. Except apparently not, because now Luz is looking at him with a deep sorrow he wishes he didn’t understand.
But still… the idea that that girl, the one who sassed him on his ship, and smiles so brightly, and is so unyieldingly kind, and became the little sister he never dreamed he could have, that girl had a hole in her heart this entire time, and just… smiled through it…
It bothered him. Actually no, it didn’t just bother him. It upset him. It angered him. It seems so grossly unfair for someone like Luz to have to understand this feeling. To know what it’s like to have this giant, aching nothingness carved into your chest that you can't do anything about. To have ever felt anything even remotely similar to what Hunter’s feeling right now…
It was so unfair.
Life’s not fair a voice whispered in the back of his mind. He would’ve started panicking were it not for the fact that it sounded nothing like Belos. No, that was Hunter’s voice, no doubt. Because it’s true, isn’t it? Afterall, if there was any real justice in the world, Belos would be dead and Flapjack would still be
“I know it’s not the same,” Luz’s voice cuts through Hunter’s spiraling thoughts, snapping him back to the present. “I know how much you loved him, and I can’t even begin to imagine how you’re feeling now that he’s gone,” she continues, voice so soft he’s surprised the gentle night breeze doesn’t take her words with it as it flows past.
“But,” she says, a hint of sorrow dusting her words. “I do know what it’s like to lose someone you love. To have that big, stupid hole in your heart that seems to ache every time you see something, or… or someone says something, or maybe you even smell something that reminds you of them” she says, and Hunter stares at her.
It’s beyond obvious the words are painful for her to say. That she’s constantly having to wrangle her own thoughts out of painful memories, and that each word is probably making that hole in her heart ache right now. But she’s still saying them.
“And I won’t lie, it’s… it won’t ever go away. Not fully, anyways, not in my experience. It’ll be there, always” she says, and while the words hurt to hear, he at least appreciates the honesty. “But… at least with me, it got… quieter, over time,” she says, and there’s no hint of forced optimism or cheer in her tone. She’s not even trying to sound uplifting. There’s no conspiratorial secret for dealing with losing your best friend, or a promise that one day he’ll be okay. She’s just… stating the facts.
He weirdly appreciates that.
“The memories that once felt so painful, too daunting to even begin to think about, became bittersweet. And then bittersweet turned to fond, and then one day I realized I could look at pictures of my dad without feeling like someone was carving into my chest,” she says, a small, horribly sad smile finding its way to her lips.
Hunter stands there for a moment, silent.
“You’re right,” he begins, and Luz glances at his face. “It’s not the same” he finishes, because he knows what she’s doing, and it is really, really sweet. Admirable even. And he can’t deny he feels… weirdly comforted by her words, her effort.
But every time he starts thinking about Flapjack his palismen, it feels like someone grabs hold of his galderstone and starts yanking. He doesn’t want to think about it. Doesn't know how to think, let alone talk, about it. Doesn’t know what to do with all these feelings, all these thoughts, all these memories he used to hold so close but now bring him so much pain, and he’s worried that if he even tries he’ll shatter. So it's… it’s best to just keep his mind off it for now. Focus on Belos. On defeating Belos, and protecting his friends. Afterall, they’re all he has left.
“It’s not,” Luz agrees simply, once again bringing Hunter out of his own head. “But…” she hesitates, looking thoughtful. “It might help to talk about him”
Not ready
Not nearly ready to think about it, not ready to talk about it, not ready to…
to…
He’s not ready. He can’t.
“I’m not doing this,” he says shakily, turning swiftly and fully prepared to resume his patrol. He feels a little bad for bailing on Luz after she opened up like that, but he just… he can’t do this. He can’t.
“You don't have to,” Luz responds easily, stopping him in his tracks. “I’m not gonna make you say anything you don't want to, that is your business and you don't owe me any of it. And I’m also not talking about- about Belos, or what happened on Halloween, or anything like that,” she says, and Hunter doesn’t miss the way her voice shakes.
“I mean, if you want to talk about that, we can do that too, but… I don't know,” she trails off, looking down. It still amazes him that the human can look so painfully strong one moment, then so painfully young the next.
“I always have a hard time when the anniversary of his death rolls around. Me and Mama both do,” she says, and Hunter’s thoughts snag on that.
It…hadn’t really registered that it wasn’t just Luz. Camila, the woman who didn’t hesitate to house and feed four strange witch children when they appeared on her doorstep with no warning or preamble, not to mention a basilisk that spent the first few months of their relationship lying to the woman and impersonating her missing daughter, lost someone too. The woman who taught him what the word ‘mother’ truly means had to feel these things too.
Life really is unfair, isn’t it?
“But…” Luz continues, and Hunter’s focus snaps back to her because Titan dammit, she’s pushing through this for him. The least he can do is listen. “We spend the day together, and we talk about him, talk with him, at his grave, and it… it feels nice, somehow. Everything feels a little less heavy” she says wistfully, and as if to prove her point, there's a small yet genuine smile on her face now. Like the memories of spending the anniversary with her mother are something she can look back on and feel… content with. Not happy, she doesn’t look happy, exactly, but the sadness in her eyes recedes a bit.
Until she starts speaking again.
“And this year, i-it hit me worse than normal because I couldn’t be with Mama and I couldn’t go to his grave, you know?” she says, and now the smile is gone. There’s this quiet pain to her voice that Hunter wishes he couldn’t hear. “And I just… I spent the whole day avoiding it, trying to just- just keep it to myself and not think about it, but… it hurt. It hurt really, really bad to hold it all in. I was miserable” she says, and maybe he’s imagining it, but her voice sounds a bit thicker. It makes something protective curl up in his stomach. Something that demanded he make her pain go away.
Luz stops talking for a moment to take a few deep, calming breaths. When she resumes speaking, her voice is much steadier, and she meets his gaze with intense eyes. “Until eventually I talked to Amity about it. About him. And then I… wasn’t okay. But everything felt just a little bit better. A little less horrible,” she finishes, looking Hunter straight in the eyes, as though that last sentence is something she needs him to understand.
Ah.
So that’s it.
Hunter stays silent, not sure how to even begin responding to all of this. He knows what she wants him to do, she all but told him just now, but…
“Like I said, you don't have to say anything you don't want to, you never do, but… if you’re feeling miserable right now, or… or like you’re just drowning, then… I’m right here. And I’ll stay right here, in case you change your mind. Is that okay?” she asks, and Hunter can only stare.
“...Do what you want,” he finally says, heading back to resume his patrol. A part of him wishes he could take her up on the offer, if only because she’s clearly trying so hard to help him, but… he can’t. If he opens those floodgates, he fears he may drown in what they set free.
Luz says nothing, but he can hear her feet shifting for a moment, and then the sound of something settling on the ground. As he makes his way around the house, he sees that she’s moved to sit cross legged in the dirt, using a stick to draw what are probably glyphs. Hunter looks away, fully prepared to resume his walk of the perimeter of the house.
Until he hears another chirp.
…
He wants to break something.
He wants to scream.
He wants to find Belos and tear him in half.
He wants to sleep.
He wants to stop feeling like this.
He wants Flapjack
A noise halfway between a growl and a scream tears itself from his throat, and he finds his feet carrying him back to Luz before his brain can catch up with the action. He all but collapses next to her, pulling his knees to his chest and yanking roughly at his hair (his long hair, it’s long again, like his hair-) until a firm hand unhooks his fingers from the blonde locks. Hunter doesn’t even bother looking up at Luz, too busy digging his kneecaps into his closed eyes as he tries to keep his breathing steady.
Luz sits by his side, hands still holding Hunter’s out in front of him like she isn’t sure he won’t go back to tearing his own hair out if she lets go. He’s not sure either, if he’s being honest. The two of them stay there, silent except for Hunter breathing heavily through gritted teeth as he tries to get himself under control.
It’s hard though.
He’s just… every little thing reminds him of Flap him, and it sucks, because every reminder hurts, and it makes him angry, and he wishes it didn’t but he can’t DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT-
And then I… wasn’t okay. But everything felt just a little bit better.
if you’re feeling miserable right now, or… or like you’re just drowning, then… I’m right here.
“...I miss him,” he chokes out. Luz says nothing, just giving his hand a gentle squeeze. A silent assurance that she was here, that she would listen. “Luz, I- I miss him so much,” he says, voice breaking as he huddles even further into himself, hands yanking away from Luz to grip the underside of his pants like a lifeline. And now that he’s started, he can’t stop.
“I just… everytime I see… anything, I think of him. The trees, the sky, the others, th-their palismen, your egg, anything! And I just- it feels like he should be here. Like any moment h-he’ll hop onto my shoulder, a-and tell me that he wants to go for a flight, o-or that he l-loves me” he’s barely able to push the words past the lump in his throat, and they shake to the point of near incoherence, but he still can't stop.
“B-But he isn’t here and it h-hurts, and I hate it! I want him to be here, Luz! I want him back!” he cries, dissolving into wordless sobs as he gives up on saving face. Instead, he buries his face into his thighs and lets out everything he’s been trying to keep locked away since he woke up on that bridge of ice.
Guilt. Fear. Gratitude. Rage. Exhaustion. Regret. Anguish. Pain. Love.
Loss.
It all comes out, the sobs tearing from his throat without restraint, quickly getting swallowed up by the ambient noises of the forest.
Luz does nothing for a moment, frozen, but then she carefully moves to sit next to him, guiding his curled-up form to her side. Just like she did in the basement.
He sobs harder, uncurling to bury his face in her torso. His arms wrap around her like she's the only thing keeping him from flying apart. She’s slow to reciprocate, hesitant at first and pausing once she’s placed both arms on his shoulder. When this doesn’t make him pull away, she envelopes him more fully, still taking it slow and ready to back off at the first sign that he’s uncomfortable. She eventually pulls him more snuggly into her side and lets him release everything he’s been holding in, prepared to stay like this for as long as Hunter needs.
Eventually, Hunter’s sobs devolve into hiccups, and eventually those hiccups become shaky inhales. He can’t even begin to guess how long they stayed like that, Hunter wailing into Luz’s shirt. It could’ve been seconds, could’ve been hours. What he does know is that the moon is still high, and the lights are still off in the Owl House. Small miracles, he hasn’t woken the others up.
He releases his death grip on Luz’s torso, the human following his lead, and turns to face the house in front of him. It’s not that he thinks she’ll judge him for this, she’s already seen him have a panic attack on her floor and burst into tears after being called ‘family’ afterall, but that doesn’t mean he isn’t a little embarrassed. It’s just… he’s never broken down that completely before, not even in private. He doesn’t really know what to do with himself now, or the heavy exhaustion that’s begun to weigh on him.
“Do you remember the day we met?” Luz’s quiet voice breaks through his fatigue, reminding him that he’s not alone and therefore not allowed to collapse onto the dirt.
“Huh?” he asks oh-so-eloquently, but Luz doesn’t mock him for it.
“The day we met,” she simply repeats, as though this was the most natural thing in the world, and not a complete change in subject she brought up right the heck out of nowhere.
“You mean at… the shoals?” he asks hesitantly, not having a clue where she could possibly be going with this. To his surprise, this time she laughs.
“No, not at the shoals, dude! Latissa!” she says in a voice close enough to her typical teasing tone that he feels his ears heat up, undoubtedly turning red.
“No, the first time we met was at the shoals,” he says in a tone that he really wishes sounded less petulant. There’s a strange sense of relief settling in his bones, though. She isn’t making a big deal out of what just happened. She’s being her normal, occasionally annoying, self and treating him the same as always. It’s reassuring.
“Nooooooo, the shoals is where I met the Golden Guard. Latissa is where I met Hunter,” she says simply, and oh. Oh. That was… Oh.
No. No he is not crying for the second time in as many minutes. He is all cried out for the day, thank you very much.
“And it wasn’t just you, remember?” she continues, teasing tone exiting her voice as something much softer takes its place.
Hunter thinks for a moment, before realization hits him like a grudgby ball. Of course. He’d been so distracted thinking about the shoals, and Luz talking in weird riddles that he hadn’t put any thought into what actually happened at Latissa, but…
“It’s where we met Flapjack” Luz states as though she were finishing his thought. “Well, you met him, anyways. Technically I met him at school, but that was for, like, two seconds”
Hunter says nothing, shoulders hunching up slightly at the name. He definitely feels lighter after letting everything out, but… there’s still that ache stabbing through his chest at the mere mention of the name.
“Do you remember the first time he saw you?” she asked, and a part of Hunter desperately wanted to tell her to stop talking. To stop bringing him up, stop making him think about him, stop forcing him to focus on the gaping emptiness in his heart. But there’s another part that’s pretty sure she’s bringing this up for a reason and, well…
She hasn’t steered him wrong yet.
“Mhm,” he says simply, not ready to give much more than that. Luz doesn’t seem to mind, in fact she looks overjoyed that he responded.
“It’s weird to think that he started the night on my shoulder, huh?” she continues, and oh yeah. That is what happened. The whole shipwreck’s kinda a blur for him, though in his defense he was knocked unconscious and then none-too-gently woken back up. But now that he thinks about it, he can kinda remember seeing Flapjack the little cardinal perched on Luz’s shoulder as she held her hand over her mouth. Admittedly he was more focused on licking Luz at the time, but he can still vaguely remember the palismen’s expressions as Luz spoke.
“He- he seemed like he was- trying to emulate you,” Hunter said haltingly, and it hurt. It hurt to say anything, to talk about him, to think about him, but…
There was something… some weight inside him that felt like it was getting just a little bit lighter.
Luz laughed again, a bit brighter this time. “Yeah, I think the little guy was trying to help me ~intimidate~ you,” she said, wiggling her fingers and putting on a dumb voice that almost has the corner of Hunter’s mouth perking up. “Unfortunately, it’s kinda hard to seem fearsome when you’re totally adorable. I’m betting you weren’t exactly struck with terror at the sight of our fearsome image?” she asked with a smirk, pretending to flex her arms.
This time, the corners of Hunter’s mouth do turn up, just a little. It was pretty funny to think about, Flapjack Luz and the small bird looking threatening. The little guy was too cute for Hunter to so much as get mad at, nevermind scared. And Titan did the little palismen know how to use that fact.
Hunter felt a memory pull at the back of his mind, of the first time he brought Flap a crabapple claw, and he felt his smile grow, just a little bit.
“Whatcha thinking about?” Luz’s voice interrupts his thoughts, startling him back to reality.
“Oh, just… things,” he said evasively. Unsurprisingly, this didn't satisfy Luz.
“Kaaaaaaaay, what kind of ‘things’?” she asked, still looking at Hunter expectantly. Titan, she’s not going to stop until he tells her, is she.
…Actually, no, she probably would. She promised he didn’t have to talk about anything he doesn’t want to, so if he asks her to back off right now, she probably will. Heck, from the look on her face she’s already interpreting his silence as a signal to drop the subject, so if he doesn’t say anything soon, she’ll probably move on without him even having to ask.
Question is, does he want her to?
“I was just thinking about the first time I gave him a crabapple claw,” Hunter says, and Luz’s face absolutely lights up.
“Ooh ooh ooh! Tell me about it! I want all the deets!” she exclaims, looking at him excitedly. Her enthusiasm is infectious, not to mention a sight for sore eyes because Titan she hasn’t seemed this lively in months, and he feels his smile get a little bit wider.
“Okay, so this was a little after we finalized our connection, so… I guess a little less than a month after Latissa,” Hunter began, letting himself get lost in the memory as he recounted it for Luz. Hunter had started getting well and truly attached to Flapjack his palismen by this point, so he decided to pick up a crabapple claw for the little guy the next time he was allowed to leave the castle. (Luz frowns at that, just for a moment, and Hunter realizes she hadn’t been in the room when he told Gus about his isolation. If the look on her face was anything to go off of, they’d be coming back to that at a later date). Originally, his plan was to give Flapjack him one claw a week, as a little treat for being… well, himself, he supposes. Thinking back, maybe he was just looking for an excuse to do something nice for the bird, as thanks for sticking around despite everything the little guy put up with for him.
However, Hunter severely overestimated his own resolve. The day he brought out the first claw, Flapjack had been absolutely ecstatic. Tweeting up a storm, pecking his hand excitedly, nuzzling his little head into Hunter’s chin in thanks. It was… so cute. He cannot overstate how completely and utterly adorable his palismen had been in that moment. A small chuckle makes it’s way past Hunter’s lips at the memory of Flap's adorable little celebration.
Of course, after a reaction like that Hunter’s rule of ‘one claw a week’ completely fell apart. He remembers the next day, as he was getting ready for a mission, he accidentally reached into his pocket. Flapjack went wild, clearly hoping for another claw, but when Hunter had to explain to him that he was only grabbing his mechanical staff, well…
It was honestly kind of funny how cute Flap managed to make a pout. Suffice to say, Hunter left with promises of another claw upon his return and came back with a suspiciously lumpy cape filled with enough crabapple claws to feed Flapjack for a week, and then some. Titan, the little guy really had Hunter wrapped around his little feather, didn’t he? It was worth it, though, to see Flapjack’s face light up every time Hunter brought out the treat.
By the time Hunter finishes, he can feel himself smiling, caught up in the memory of Flapjack’s excitement. The little guy really loved crabapple claws.
“Not as much as he loved you,” Luz said. She’s smiling too, but hers looks much softer than Hunter’s feels. She looks happy, though, and Hunter…
Reality finally catches up to him, now that he’s gotten his head out of his own memories. Flap’s gone, and Hunter will never see him again. He’ll never see him light up at the sight of a crabapple claw, or twitter in excitement, or do anything ever again.
But… it didn’t hurt to think about him just now.
That hole in Hunter’s heart still aches, and it probably always will, but right now…
He thinks of Flapjack’s ecstatic face, the way his little palismen flew through the air chittering with excitement, and…
It still hurts, thinking about it. About the friend he’ll never get back, and the face he’ll never see again, and the love he’ll never get to repay.
But he can think about it. He can say Flapjack’s name without feeling like someone’s sticking a knife through his ribs. He can smile while talking about him. He can laugh at some of the memories they shared.
And that has to count for something.
“Hey,” Luz’s voice breaks through his thoughts. “Do you… want to tell me more about him?” she asks, a clear invitation with an equally obvious escape.
Hunter stops to look at her, really look at her, for the first time since she came outside. She has dark circles under her eyes, and she looks exhausted. Like she’s being weighed down by something indescribably heavy and has to fight just to stay upright. He can’t say he’s surprised, considering she’s got plenty of issues she’s working through too. It probably took a lot more effort than she’s letting on just to come out here and talk to him, nevermind everything else she’s done tonight.
And yet she’s still here. Listening to him.
Hunter feels a different kind of pain stab through his chest, warm but a little overwhelming, and for a moment he can’t meet her eyes.
“Hunter?” Luz asks in concern, scooching a little closer. Helping him. Titan, how was it possible for someone like him to get lucky enough to call her sister?
“I’m alright,” he says, and despite everything he means it. “I-I’m not okay, but…” he trails off, and understanding shines in her eyes.
“But it’s just a little bit better?” she asks, and despite the tears threatening to fall from his eyes, Hunter smiles.
“Yeah. A little better”