Work Text:
Sitting alone on the deck in the middle of night was one of the few things that would help your raising mind, the sound of the waves in the ocean lulling your thoughts to sleep. You found yourself out here more often than you would have liked, but as each day passed, it got harder to regulate negative thoughts and filter them out, slowly letting them corrupt your mind, unable to stop it. With weary eyes, you looked out in the black ocean, wishing for one night where your own mind would be the same. Hands held in tight fists left red indents in your palms, desperately trying to hold the sobs back but soon they spilled out, the wall cracking more and more
Your arms itched so awfully, as if millions of tiny insects were crawling all over them. The feeling was overwhelming and caused you to feel a rising anxiety and panic, hands uncurled and now dug into the fabric covering your arms. “Stop stop stop stopstopstopstop-!!” You yelled in your head, hands shaking and further dug into your arms in an attempt to stop it, but unfortunately making it worse. You flexed your fingers, scratching over the fabric as you subconsciously began rocking from side to side, breath laboured as you sunk into an anxiety attack. You choked between sobs, frustrated by being unstable to calm down, everything feeling restricted. The view before you blurred and swayed as you began hyperventilating, your body and mind unable to cooperate with anything.
A hand gently yet firmly wrapped around your shoulders, your whole body tensed at the feeling, as you had not heard anyone approach you. The first instinct was to push away from whoever had grabbed onto you, but the blur of blonde hair and a worried expression halted your movements; however any attempt to calm down was futile as now your body went into full panic at being seen at this state. You never wanted anymore to see you like this, and you had genuinely believed you were getting better and could handle it. You weren’t okay.
Sanji was torn on whether he could help or would make it worse. He was afraid it was the latter as you tried to push away from him, most likely startled by his presence. He knelt down and with a pained expression pulled you closer to him, hugging you close as he told you it was just him, no one else, begged you to please try and calm down from hyperventilating, even offering to breathe with you. Your mind was a mess, unable to comprehend what he even was saying, until slowly you could make out him calmly talking to you, telling you to breathe in, hold, and breathe you. “ Come on sweetheart, you can do it. Focus on me and my voice, okay? Now in, and out.”
It was slow, but with each breath your body allowed itself to relax, breathing more regularly, your vision clearing up a bit as you kept mimicking Sanji and how he was breathing. The cook felt himself relax as he felt you slowly calm down, one of his hands coming up to rest at the back of your head, petting it carefully, letting you know you are safe. You coughed a bit as you felt new tears well up in your eyes, sobbing softly while curling up against Sanji, your hands letting go of your own arms to hold onto Sanji's shoulders. He adjusted himself and pulled you into his lap, holding you cradled in his arms while you kept sobbing. It pained him to see you in this state, but a million times grateful he found you. Being alone to deal with your negative mind is not easy.
A slight rough thumb stroked over your cheek, prompting you to lift your head up and look at him, his eyes fully focused on you, searching for any signs of harm done and smiled gently as he saw you were looking at him. He kept stroking our cheek, wiping the tears away as he hummed for you, praising you for being so good for calming down with him, but none of his words made the hollow look on you go away. His eyebrows furrowed as concern washed over him once again. Sanji pulled you up to face him better, carefully cradling your cheeks in his hands, noticing how you averted his gaze with shame. “Angel… look at me, please? What happened?” He whispered while tilting his head to meet your eyes. You closed them in response, shaking your head.
“I…I don’t want to talk about it” You croaked out. Never had he heard your voice sounds so roughed up and broken, his heart aching at the idea of you hurting in ways he can’t help. “Can I help in any way? Perhaps make you a cup of tea for your throat at least?” Sanji tried carefully. He watched you as you thought over it, gaze low all the while. Eventually you looked up at him, nodding slowly. Sanji sighed in some relief, carefully gathering you up in his arms as he carried you to the kitchen. Your weak protests fell on deaf ears, Sanji telling you that he refused to let you walk when your body was already so drained and exhausted. You quickly surrendered and let him take you both to the kitchen. Once there, he gently sat you down on the counter where you easily rewatched eye level with him. Sanji once more cupped your cheeks and gently let his thumbs linger on the hot skin, in the light really seeing just how irritated your eyes had become from your crying. He pressed one gentle kiss to your forehead before he moved around the kitchen to prepare some tea to help you unwind further.
As the water was heating up, Sanji brought over a clean towel and soaked it in cold water. After wringing it out, he pressed another kiss to your forehead before gently dapping your face with it. You let out a small noise of protest but didn’t move to stop him. Once done with that, he gently brushed his fingers through your hair, moving it out from your face properly, giving you a warm smile as you peaked up at him. “There’s my darling.” His voice was low and calm, featherlight kisses covering all of your face. A small smile adorned your lips at his antics, arms wrapped around his upper body to bring him into a hug. Sanji happily brought you closer, resting his head on top of yours as his presence made you feel safe. The two of you stayed in the kitchen for a bit more, drinking tea and Sanji mostly talking about the plans he had for food the next day. As the event of tonight crawled over you and feeling the exhaustion more, Sanji decided to bring you both to bed, asking if you’d rather be in your own bed or share. For tonight you opted for sharing, not wanting to feel alone anymore than needed. With that, Sanji got comfortable and pulled you into bed on top of him and got comfortable, sleep quickly taking over you as you heard him whisper his love for you, your own feelings mumbled back before passing out.
With all the negativity spinning in your head each and every day, it began to dawn on you that perhaps it wasn’t wrong to rely on Sanji a bit more, and be more open about yourself.