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The Hard Deck was louder than he had ever heard it, not everyone knowing why they were celebrating, but the joy and relief in the air was an almost tangible thing. Bradley stood by the bar watching as Phoenix and Javy almost bounced around Bob on his stool singing along to the Journey song playing over the speakers.
After all of the stress of the mission it was nice to see them together. The competition between them falling away into something deeper, a connection created by almost dying everyday together. Bradley was tucked to the side, his eyes scanning the crowd for the missing face.
He had been doing that for years now, since he first met the blonde in a dive bar in Florida, where it all began for them. The dance that they both seemingly knew the steps to; one step closer two steps back. Hangman was nowhere in sight.
He made eye contact with Javy who arched a brow when he waved him over. Said man whispered something into Phoenix’s ear who nodded before he came over.
“Shouldn’t you be the one celebrating the hardest?” Javy clapped a hand onto his shoulder.
Bradley tried to not retreat into himself before he asked his question, “Just waiting for the party to arrive, where’s Hangman?”
Javy seemed to tense his hand tightening almost imperceptibly, but Bradley was looking for it. He knew Javy had known Jake longer than any of them, back before either of them had the call-names the bore today. Bradley had met Hangman only a week after he came into being, he met him before he managed to push Jake into the background and let the almost character Hangman take the reins. He got to see those brief flashes of Jake and he craved more.
“He, uh,” Javy’s eyes darted away his throat working as he swallowed, “actually, no.”
Javy’s grip tightened his other hand mirroring his position, boxing the brunette in. “I promised Jake that I wouldn’t say anything, but that was before the mission. I had to sit there and try to get him out of his jet because he refused direct orders. I had to hear how broken he was thinking you had died out there.”
Javy’s tone wavered, “I’m tired of watching him wait for someone who isn’t waiting for him.”
Bradley felt whatever walls he had left crumble at the desperate tone. Javy didn’t know that his last thought before ejecting was about Jake. That he never got to say I’m sorry and that he never got to kiss him at least once.
Javy’s grip loosened his eyes softening, “You were, huh? You were just waiting to take the shot.”
Rooster’s laugh sounded broken to his own ears as he slumped inwards, “Jake always said I flew too slow and thought too much.”
“He also thought you would be one of the best pilots he had ever seen if you jumped from your perch.”
“I jumped,” he held in a sob his shoulder’s slightly shaking with it.
Javy seemed to decide something his lax grip tightening pulling him back to his full height, “And he caught you, Bradley. He’s at home probably eating an entire pint of Moose Tracks and watching John Wayne movies.”
Bradley let out a wet chuckle nodding, “Why are you telling me this?”
“Because I am tired of watching him wait and you’re finally flying the way he knew you could.”
Javy texted him the on base housing Jake was staying in with a wink that Bradley didn’t catch his ears rushing as he sprinted from the bar. He hadn’t brought the Bronco, thinking he would be drinking tonight, so he started towards the base the lights in the distance feeling like the guiding light from his youth all over again.
When he could hear the sounds of base, he broke into a sprint only stopping when he caught sight of the gate. He flashed his ID and beelined for the housing half the lights already dark with the late hour. He checked his phone again before searching for number six.
The house was dark, but he could see the faint blue glow of a television through the front blinds. He stood in front of the door, his hands shaking as he dragged his sweaty palms over his jeans.
He wondered what he looked like in this moment. His hair windswept from running and his cheeks flushed. He raised his hand to knock before freezing, what would he even say? He knew in his bones that Jake needed to be in his life, he knew he would always be the best version of himself if Jake was there.
That he had seen both Jake and Hangman and he couldn’t live without either of them. He had just come back from the worst odds he had ever faced and all he could think of was Jake. That every base he went to felt just a little colder if he knew the blonde wasn’t there. That he had a stack of postcards all with his name on them from the places where he missed him the most.
How do you tell someone that you’re in such deep love with them that love felt like too small of a word?
Bradley nodded raising his hand to knock again when the door forcefully swung open to reveal the blonde a bag tossed over his shoulder. For a moment they both just stared at each other, Jake looked tired, his eyes red rimmed. “Bradshaw?”
Bradley’s eyes were fixed on the large duffel over his shoulder his voice tense, “Are you leaving?”
Jake stepped back and Bradley’s hand flew up to hold the door, “Jake?”
“I’m going back to Texas,” his voice betrayed his closed off stance, “I needed sometime away.”
The ‘from you’ was unspoken and it sent a dagger through his ribs reopening old wounds. Bradley didn’t back down this time instead stepping closer one foot across the threshold as Jake stepped back. One step forward and one step back.
Bradley wasn’t going to let him run this time. “I never said thank you, for saving our lives.”
“You don’t have to thank me for that,” Jake’s hands fidgeted with the strap of his bag, “You would do the same for me.”
Bradley could see something flicker behind those green eyes that he couldn’t identify. He took a half step forward and relished the fact the Jake didn’t move away, “Without hesitation, Jake.”
Jake closed his eyes exhaling loudly through his nose, his shoulders shook just barely, and it felt as if someone had taken a dagger to Bradley’s chest.
“My flight is tonight,” Jake’s voice remained steady shattering his world even more.
Bradley nodded his determination faltering in the face of Jake’s rejection. He knew Jake wasn’t stupid, that he had to know what he was here to do. He felt his heart sink into his stomach the hollow feeling spreading to his limbs and weighing him down as Jake pulled his keys from his pocket.
Now it was Bradley’s turn to step back as Jake stepped forward until he stood out on the sidewalk as he locked the door. Bradley could feel tears welling in his eyes as he stared at Jake’s turned back. Jake kept his back turned as he spoke, his own voice trembling, “Goodbye, Bradley.”
He walked off into the once hopeful lights of the base leaving Bradley standing out in the chill, his tears now falling freely. He couldn’t bring himself to chase after the blonde knowing he would just push him away again. He stayed there long after he lost sight of Jake, the cold of the night the only thing keeping him from crumbling completely.
His phone buzzed in his pocket, and he reached for it with numb fingers. Coyote’s voice was almost panicked, his speech almost too fast to make sense of, “Chase him, please. He said he believed you, but he doesn’t believe himself. He loves you, Bradley, and you love him, and you both deserved to be loved. Please go after him.”
“He called you?” he didn’t even try to hide his broken tone.
“His flight isn’t till 5 AM, he’s at gate 12,” Coyote sounded out of breath, “don’t let him push you away this time. I promise he’s worth it.”
Bradley nodded even though Javy couldn’t see it, “I know he is.”
“Go get our boy, Bradshaw.”
He ran for the Bronco, the blue paint job standing out amongst the other vehicles parked on base. The airport was only twenty minutes away, but he made it in ten thanking whoever was listening that there were no cops out. He checked his phone one last time ‘Flight 1128 to Austin leaving at 5 AM, gate 12. Go get him.’
It was creeping closer to two in the morning, his heart in his throat as he waited in the short line for the ticket desk. The woman looked tired as she looked up from her computer her eyebrows raising into her bangs, “How can I help you?”
He probably looked a mess between his now wrinkled clothes and red rimmed eyes from crying, “I need a ticket for flight 1128, I’m pretty sure the love of my life is on it.”
Her curious gaze softened, “Let me guess, tall blonde in about the same shape you are?”
He nodded his gaze now, turning to questioning at which, she softly chuckled at holding up a finger to stop his questioning. She picked up a radio from the desk, “Martin can I get an escort to gate 12, we have our first Romeo.”
A man he presumed to be Martin came from the back, his shirt saying security, “You got any ID on you Romeo?”
He handed the man his ID with a dumbstruck expression. The man turned walking further into the airport examining his ID, he scrambled to follow the woman’s soft chuckle in the background. “Navy man, huh?”
“Naval aviator, actually,” he was answering on autopilot his mind swirling with thoughts of Jake.
Coyote sounded so certain that Jake loved him, but what if he didn’t want to be with him? He knew he wasn’t the easiest person to love. He knew without a shred of doubt that he wanted Jake by his side. He wanted to fly with him and keep him safe; he wanted to wrap him in his arms and wake up beside him every chance he could.
Martin handed him back his ID snapping him from his thoughts. The sign above them reading ‘gates 10-15.’
“Well, Romeo, go and get your Juliet,” Martin patted him on the shoulder.
Bradley didn’t need any more encouragement; his feet carried him down the path before his brain could finish a thought. The bright red twelve felt like a beacon. He scanned the seats for the blonde his breath speeding up as came up empty.
He felt the air around him growing thinner and the walls suddenly felt taller than they were minutes before. The few people scattered around the gate stared at him as if he were an alien, his heartbeat growing louder in his ears drowning out his breathing.
He felt hands on his shoulders, and he pushed away his back slamming into the pillar behind him. The moment of pain was grounding, and he opened his eyes to find green ones staring back at him. He squeezed his eyes shut again trying to will away the hallucination caused by his panic attack.
The hands were back as he slid down the pillar his knees coming up to his chest, they felt warm in a way his hallucinations weren’t. He dug his nails into his palms to keep the grounding feeling of pain, his heartbeat starting to dull in his ears.
He could hear Jake speaking, but he couldn’t make out the words yet, focusing on the even timber. One of the hands left his shoulder and he almost whined, the hand pried one of his apart bringing the open palm to his warm chest pressed above his heart.
The beat underneath was quick, but steady. “Breathe with me, Bradley, please.”
He nodded, not trusting his own voice yet, instead matching his breath with the raise of the chest under his fingers until he could finally take a full breath. The tremor slowly abated leaving him feeling hollow and tired. He opened his eyes and Jake was still in front of him. He was sat on his knees his brows furrowed his hand keeping Bradley’s pressed to his chest.
His voice sounded as if he had swallowed gravel, “You’re real?”
“I feel like I should be asking you that,” Jake’s voice wavered as his eyes grew watery, “What are you doing here?”
Seeing the tears streak down the blonde's cheek broke whatever was left of his heart. The hand on Jake’s chest dragged upwards wrapping around the nape of the other man's neck bringing their foreheads together.
“The last thing I thought about before that missile hit was that I would never hear you laugh again. When I saw that pilot on our nose, my heart broke all over again, because I thought I was going to die all over again with you thinking I hated you. I love you Jake ‘Hangman’ Seresin with every single cell of my being. I’m alive because you saved me and when I heard your voice, I thought for just a single moment I had died, because my heaven would have you there.”
He took a shaky inhale fighting a sob as his own tears fell. Jake’s hands clung to him, one on his arm the other white knuckled in his shirt as they both tried to catch their breathes.
“You’re the most infuriating man I’ve ever met,” Jake smiled, and it felt like the first glimpse of sun after a hurricane, “the first time I saw you fly was the first day I believed in soulmates. Then you had to wear Hawaiian shirts and have that stupid mustache that I can’t help but love now. Love is too small of a word for what I feel for you, Bradley ‘Rooster’ Bradshaw.”
He isn’t sure who moved first but they were kissing. A rush press of lips that felt like the first breath of air after being underwater and like coming home all at once. They both tasted like tears and Jake had to break away to laugh. “You came all the way to the airport?”
“I’d have come all the way to Texas,” he brushed a kiss over each cheekbone, “I’ll follow you anywhere.”
Jake’s next laugh sounded like a sob and the blonde flung himself into Bradley’s chest both men falling to the floor with a muffled oomph. Bradley wrapped his arms tighter around the blonde as he pressed his face into his shoulder wishing they could just press into each other and become one person.
Jake mumbled something into his chest that he could understand. He dragged his hands through the blonde locks he had laid awake thinking about for months now, “What was that?”
Jake lifted his head enough to press his forehead into his shoulder, “I said, do you want to come to Texas with me?”
He could feel the other man tense in his hold, and he hummed, “I think Texas is a part of anywhere, but I do need to go pack first.”
Jake’s head whipped up so fast he worried the other man was lightheaded his green eyes bright for the first time tonight, “Okay, let’s go!”
He stood tugging Bradley up with him and grabbing his own bag from a seat nearby and turning down the hall. Bradley stayed where he was just watching Jake as he moved. Never in his life did he think he would get to be this happy, to be as in love with someone as his mom was with his dad. Jake turned around with a smile his brow raised in question, he extended his hand, “C’mon, we got a flight to catch.”
Bradley linked their fingers, butterflies fluttering in his stomach at the simple touch. “I’m with you, Jake, no more waiting for me to catch-up.”
Jake eyes shined in the bright airport lighting as he leaned up to press a soft kiss against his lips, “Flying together?”
“Forever.”