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The sky above was covered with grey clouds as soft autumn winds, carrying the first frost of Winter blew through Nezuko's long hair as the young woman stood amidst a familiar Peach Orchard, watching as dead leaves danced within the gale forces before they began their endless journey without a goal. The view was oddly comforting, yet it did little to soothe the turmoil causing havoc within her broken heart.
Over the passage of the last few months, she had often come to this place, sometimes alone, sometimes with her friends and family. Nezuko had seen the peaceful place during every season by now and she liked it most during summer when the innumerable peaches dangled from the branches. Birds would sing their songs, carefully crafting a symphony the more joined the concert. Nezuko would often close her eyes and listen to the beautiful tunes and imagine how a dear friend of hers would think about the beauty these moments held.
But not now, not when the vast Peach Orchard was a mere shadow of its former glory, resembling a hideous monster a lot more than a pond of life like it should be. Bare and empty trees wherever she looked with no birds and no peaches to be found anywhere.
Why?
A single word and a simple question. It was everything Nezuko could think of. Used many many times throughout one day it should be easy to find the answer, but no matter how hard she tried, the young woman only drew a blank. Nothing came to her mind.
She didn't know the answer to the one question torturing her heart and soul within every second she was awake, but she was aware of why the solution escaped her grasp, always sliding through the gaps between her fingers. Finding the answer would mean admitting the truth, the truth she denied with her entire being.
But what other choice did she have? How could she possibly accept that she was alone in this world now? In the beginning, there were six, an oldest brother, an oldest sister and four younger siblings looking up to them. Days that were simple and most of the time hard, but not a single one passed by without happiness.
But misfortune struck and six became two, the oldest brother shouldering a burden no human being should be forced to endure and the oldest sister unable to do a single damn thing for him. Against all odds, he prevailed and moved forwards like a steady stream chasing the sun kissing the horizon. On his journey, he failed many times but he stood up every time and soon enough, he was not alone anymore. Besides him, lightning crackled and a wild beast roared. Together, they continued the chase and got closer and closer to the sun in the distance until it was finally within their reach.
They bathed within its radiance and even the oldest sister could join in, for she was released from her cursed fate, finally able to embrace her new family as she had always wished. Two became four and days were filled with happiness once more and none of them thought it would ever change.
They should have known better.
Where there was a sun, there was also a moon, patiently waiting for its reign over the heavens to begin. It came fast, so fast that none of them realised night had fallen before it was too late. Darkness lurked around them, slowly crawling up their legs until its grip was strong enough and four became three. It was devastating to bury another loved person and the worst she couldn't do anything to prevent what was about to happen next.
The sound of mournful weeping filled her ears and Nezuko awoke from her daze, her eyes slowly seeking out the source. A man with the soul of a wild beast shed hot tears, clutching his fingers so tightly that Nezuko thought she heard the sound of grinding bones, unable to endure the pressure her owner put on them.
She should have stepped in and stopped the action, but she had not an ounce of strength left inside of her. And even if she did have the strength or the will what should she say to the man when no words came out of her mouth, stuck in her throat?
They say the harder the shell the softer the inside and Nezuko had to agree. Inosuke was a rough man through and through. She still remembered the day a gargantuan bear was at their home, its violent roar strong enough to shake the trees. Inosuke had only laughed, almost doubling over before he inhaled deeply and released a roar on his own. Whimpering, the bear ran away in utter fright while Inosuke's victorious bellow echoed all across the mountain. Boldly, he proclaimed to be the Lord of the Mountain and Nezuko didn't doubt his words for a single second.
And now the same man was sitting cross-legged on the ground, his wife Aoi trying to calm him down with little success. There was nothing left of the man who chased away a bear with his voice alone. A mouse's squeaking was more terrifying than Inosuke's at the moment, but Nezuko couldn't blame him, for she was probably the only one who could imagine what was going through her friend.
Zenitsu, Tanjiro and Inosuke were siblings in every meaning of the word, not by blood but by heart. The three of them became inseparable throughout the hardships they faced together, forming a connection that couldn't be broken no matter what – at least it should have been like this.
Looking from the man to the thing he was sitting in front of, Nezuko suddenly found a heavy weight within her hands, pulling her down to her knees. She realised that the answer she had avoided all this time had found its way to her and would never leave her alone anymore.
Life.
A single word and a simple answer. It was a blessing and a curse at the same time, loving and caring at one moment, cruel and merciless a second later, taking away the people most dear. Her view became blurry as tears filled her eyes before she began to cry, similar to Inosuke. She felt somebody hugging her, the scent of flowers enveloping her, but what she considered normally a gift did little to cheer her up this time.
With watery eyes she stared at the gravestones lingering before them, three in total with a fourth added a few hours ago. She stared at the inscription, hoping it would change due to a miracle, but it didn't and remained the same.
Kamado Tanjiro.
Three had become two.
XXX
Eyes of honey snapped open with shock, but as always there was only gloomy darkness greeting him. When he first came here, Zenitsu thought everything would get better eventually, that his longing for a burgundy-haired man with crimson eyes would dwindle over time. Maybe not in a matter of days, but after the passage of a few months in this world where time was nothing more than a mere idea, a concept that didn't exist.
But he had been wrong. His longing didn't get better, it got worse and he missed Tanjiro more than ever before. The sudden realisation hit him unprepared, the inability to see Tanjiro once he had enough courage to face the man he loved. It was impossible for the blond because they were no longer part of the same world anymore.
Tanjiro lived on the mountain he grew up and Zenitsu... was in this dark place, wherever or whatever it was. He had no idea, but to be honest he didn't care much from the beginning. He took even a liking to it, maybe because this place resembled his inner world he once visited in a dream a lot. Nobody could disturb him here as he drowned in his self-pity, questioning all the choices he made during his life.
But something was different now because Zenitsu could swear he heard footsteps in the distance. They were soft on the invisible ground, yet uncertain because it must be challenging to navigate through the gloomy environment.
Who could that be? Who would be crazy enough to come looking for him? Zenitsu desperately wanted to know because nobody should be able to come here, but the footsteps in the background getting louder and louder proved that his hearing was working as well as always.
An image of his gramps appeared in front of his inner eye, a plausible solution because the old man was crazy enough. But Zenitsu knew it wasn't him, his hearing picking up sounds and tunes he came to love throughout their journey. More than once had they lulled him to comfortable sleep, allowing him to dream about happiness despite the mayhem occurring around them.
The closer the noises came, the more Zenitsu denied them because this couldn't be true. It had to be a lie, a cruel fabrication of his messed up mind, rubbing into his face the fact that he would never see him again.
Tanjiro was living happily on his mountain together with Nezuko, Kanao, Aoi and the stupid boar, laughing from dawn to dusk before starting anew the next day. He was healthy, ate well and kept being the stubborn large forehead he had always been and would always be. He was not here, not in the darkness with him. Tanjiro was right where he belonged, gifting the people he loved with his stupid bright smile that radiated stronger than the sun itself. Tanjiro was al-
“Zenitsu!”
The lies Zenitsu tried to convince himself to be the truth, shattered in front of his very eyes. They only existed deep within his heart, yet he still heard how they crumbled to dust and left him alone with the bare truth.
“Zenitsu...”
His name was called again, albeit softer this time. There was a new raspy touch to the voice behind him, something Zenitsu hadn't noticed before. Memories of the blond's past surfaced, from the journey with his friends and how he fell in love with one of them. He searched through each of them, trying to find one where Tanjiro's voice sounded like it did a moment ago, but there was no one. The rough touch had to be new and Zenitsu could tell he didn't like it a bit. Roughness didn't suit Tanjiro at all. He was supposed to be a ray of sunshine if anything else.
Taking a staggering breath, Zenitsu turned around, still hoping his eyes would tell him that Tanjiro wasn't here with him and that he simply imagined things. Sadly, they showed him the young man exactly how Zenitsu remembered the redhead.
Burgundy hair combed back, forehead as large and shiny as always and crimson eyes staring directly into one's soul and beyond. His checkered haori hugged his shoulders while the rest of his body was clothed in the uniform he always wore back then. It suited him as well as always. Zenitsu noticed that Tanjiro's bad arm and eye were healed like nothing ever happened to them as well, cementing that Tanjiro was indeed in front of him at this very moment.
Still, Zenitsu couldn't believe this. It had to be a morbid joke.
“You're not really here, Tanjiro...” The blond whispered in denial.
A heavy silence drowned both men until the blond's voice cut through the silence. “That's it! This is just a dream and when I wake up, you will be gone.” Zenitsu closed his eyes and pinched his cheek, hard. Life as a demon slayer gifted him with an athletic and strong body so even a simple pinch was hurtful. It stung and a single tear fell from his eye, but the blond accepted the pain because soon he would be awake and alone again. When he opened his eyes, Tanjiro still stood where he had last seen him, his face twisted into a melancholic and apologetic expression.
“No... no... this can't be. You-... You're supposed to be alive, not dead!” Zenitsu yelled, staggering backwards.
Tanjiro said nothing in response, only a sad sound emitting from his entire being as he looked to the side, unable to meet Zenitsu's honeyed eyes.
“I-” he began but stopped immediately, his words failing him. Sadness was joined by a wave of other emotions, forming a lump inside the redhead and making it impossible for the blond to dissect the individual feelings coursing through Tanjiro.
“I... wanted to tell you,” he said, voice shaky and irregular. “I tried to write letters, but I never managed to finish any of them. Nor did I find the courage to visit you. I was too cowardly; Zenitsu. I'm sorry.”
Zenitsu was dumbfounded. Why was Tanjiro of all people apologising? For what even? If anyone was to blame, it was him and certainly not Tanjiro. He didn't have the strength to accept the truth that his gramps was dead and that his aniki died by his hand. As a result, he deluded himself into a fake world which got him killed in the end, leaving behind his friends and the man he loved.
“The slayer mark... it-”
“STOP IT!” Zenitsu screamed, interrupting Tanjiro before he could spout any more of his foolishness. “Stop saying sorry if it's all my fault! I was the one who ran away from the truth about my gramps and aniki! I was the one who ran away from you guys! I was the one pushing you away when you tried to help me!” Zenitsu cried, hot tears already streaming down his cheeks.
Deep down, the blond had been aware he was walking on a path leading towards self-destruction, but he didn't have the guts, to be honest with himself. Instead, he fabricated lie after lie and pulled back from his friends until it was too late and he ended up in this dark place. But leave it to Tanjiro to follow him even to his dark place. Zenitsu couldn't bear the idea of the redhead chasing him even further, so he had to become one with the darkness. Tanjiro deserved better than him.
Without saying anything else, the blond turned on his heels and began to run. He was faster than Tanjiro and would run forever if the redhead should give chase.
“Zenitsu! Wait!” He heard muscles ripple behind him, clearly indicating that Tanjiro was running after him, but Zenitsu wouldn't stop. It was better this way. He was broken and Tanjiro shouldn't have to deal with someone like this. But the redhead had other plans.
“Don't leave me again!” Tanjiro cried and it sounded so broken, bringing new tears to Zenitsu's eyes. It would be so easy to just turn around and jump into Tanjiro's warm arms, but at the same time, Zenitsu couldn't deny the ravine that had formed between them at some point. Things weren't as easy as they had once been anymore.
From behind, he heard how Tanjiro fell to his knees, exhausted and tired, unable to continue the pursuit. It was Zenitsu's win in a game he could only lose, one way or another. However, Tanjiro hadn't given up yet. What his legs lacked his mouth compensated. There was no point in keeping it to himself any longer, no reason to let yet another chance go by unused.
“I love you!” He cried desperately in a last effort to prevent Zenitsu from vanishing from his life once more.
Zenitsu tripped over his own feet and slid across the floor. It hurt, but he didn't feel the pain. Three words had turned his whole world around and so many things were suddenly different than before.
“Tanjiro loves me...” he mumbled. Words he had imagined countless times in past dreams were now a reality. He wanted to deny them at first, but they echoed within his ears and his very being refused his refusal of them. He loved Tanjiro and the other male reciprocated the feelings. It was like a dream come true, yet Zenitsu couldn't be happy, not with Tanjiro's heart-wrenching wails replacing the confession of love.
Turning around, he found the man he loved collapsed on the ground, weeping and trying to wipe away the snot and tears. The rubbing made things only worse and Zenitsu felt a pain in his heart. Seeing Tanjiro like this was unbearable and he was aware of what he should do and what he wanted to do. But the ravine lurking between them hindered his movements, looking like a bottomless abyss that was impossible to cross.
How was he supposed to-
Suddenly there was a push from behind, two familiar hands encouraging him to move already. Right, never give up. Besides, what was an abyss to thunder?
Nothing.
Lightning crackled around his feet and not even a second later the distance had all but melted and Zenitsu crashed into Tanjiro. The two males rolled across the floor until they came to a stop. Tanjiro lay on his back and Zenitsu on top of him and the redhead didn't waste a single moment. He pulled the blond into a bone-crushing hug, pulling him as close as possible. He would never let him leave again.
Burying his face into the crock of Zenitsu's neck, he breathed in the scent of peaches. Ah, how he had missed the tingling feeling of sweetness tickling his nose. There was a multitude of other smells emitting from the blond in his arms, but Tanjiro didn't care. The only thing counting was that he had his Zen finally back. The tears still falling from his eyes and soaking Zenitsu's yellow haori with a triangle pattern slowly morphed into the epitome of the redhead's happiness.
Zenitsu hugged Tanjiro just as tightly, his face buried in Tanjiro's neck as he listened to the concert echoing from the burgundy-haired man. Words were unable to express how he was feeling as he found himself in the protective hug he had always dreamed about. Despite everything, he was happy right now and nothing could ruin this moment.
“I love you too.” A muffled whisper into Tanjiro's neck left his lips, the words he had wished to say for so long were finally out in the open. Both males hugged each other for a long, long time, repeating their love confessions over and over again, crying and laughing at the same time.
Things wouldn't get back to how they were, too much had happened for that, but they could build something new from the ashes of their past. It would take time, of course, but they were walking this path together side by side with their hands intertwined. Nothing could stop them from finding the happiness both males desired From the Bottom Of Their Hearts.