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“You don't have to be such a gunner you know” said Ed
“Just because you don't have what it takes” Amity said, a slight edge of anger and pain in it. In her reply, however, she missed the (admittedly well hidden) concern in the question, and the look in his eyes, hidden under a cool demeanor, of worry as Ed looked over the fresh brusus, and the mild lump, the results of the day's practice. Edric and Emira had once suffered the same, but they had both found an opportunity, and taken steps to distance themselves from there mother.
Under his cool and calm exterior, however, he kicked himself for not being stronger to intervene now. Odalia, their mother, had been rough before, but it seemed like she had taken it up by a dozen notches with Amity. When they had looked to find her hidden room in the library, he hadn't appreciated the lengths Odalia had gone to too control the youngest of the Blight siblings. He eyed the necklace Odalia had given Amity shortly after the twins had managed to free themselves with weariness and distaste. It was Odalia’s ultimate expression of control over Amity, a virtual leash to keep her in line.
The cool effect was forever hard to drop however. “All i'm saying is…” he eyed the injuries, “all i'm saying is you don't have to throw yourself at it so hard mittens” Amity scowled at the nickname, “relax, take some time, stop being so uptight, get that stick out your ass”
The aim was noble. It was also poorly communicated. “I will get into the emperor's coven, whatever it takes. Get the stick out of my ass? Edric, your more directionless then a compose without any letters” and with that, Amity stormed off, leaving Edric to kick himself
He followed her, quickly, “you don't deserve the way she treats you”, but Amity was gone.
-
A few weeks later, Emira looked at her little sister, on the balcony of the house. Emira handled a bottle stolen from the top shelf of her parents, which she prayed they wouldn't notice gone. It wasn't healthy but it helped. Her concern at a bruise the size of an apple was swallowing up Amities cheek was harder to hide
“Do you…like this?”
Amity thought back. “Your not listening to me” her mother had said. “We need to have another training session”
“It's…what I need. To join the emperor's coven. Its training”
Emira squitned at her sister. “You know. Amity…i don't think those are your words. Not really” She took a swig, before, considering for a moment, offering Amity the bottle
“I'm 14?”
“A little courage of the knee, maybe”. Emira took another swig. “You’ve not looked happy, you know. Not since mom spotted your talent and decided that you were her little condutite” Emira sighed.
She felt like she had failed her sister, let her down. She deserved protection. Emira, and Edric both, worried about her. Of course, when Edric had tried to express concern, he had done it with all the subtlety of a brick wall. Not that she often faired much better.
“It's what I want” Amity retorted.
“You know Am’s, i don't know if it is. You don't…look happy”
“Being a member of the emperors coven is the highest honor” said amity, “to join is a great honor, and will mean great things for the blights”
Emira couldn't help but wrinkle her nose in distaste. The alcohol cutting some of the safeguards. “I can hear moms hand up your ass. ‘Will mean a great deal for the blights’. For titans sake amity, what do you want. For you! Not for me or Edric, or mom or dad, but for yourself”
“What, so I can become lost like you?” amity said, eyeing the bottle with displeasure
“Sure, Edric and i, were fuck ups. But you can't let her control you like this, you know. You cant let her…” Emira touched the bruise, Amity flinched
“Let her what? Keep me from becoming a…a…a loser like you?” Amity felt bile in her throat. Titan that was so mean. Why did she say that? It was Emiras turn to look hurt. Amity couldn't bare it. She stood up suddenly, and ran off back into the large, mostly empty house, to find a quiet room to hide, and to cry, and to kick her self. She needed to be better. Her mother had said so.
-
The clock struck one. Amity hadn't slept. She was angry at herself, for what she had said to Emira, and her…poor performance today. With the latest version of the abomination. The look on her mothers face as the necklace whispered in her ear “i don't want you to be a waste of air”. Her mother had sounded so bitter, so…angry. What had she done to earn it.
The door cracked. “Amity '' she looked up. The light from the hall was dim, but Amity recognised her sister's voice. “Emira''. Her sister walked in, bare foot, the bottle, now empty, in her hand. “Listen…i'm sorry”, why did that sting so bad “here…” her finger formed a circle, and the angry bruise on Amity's check began to calm. “You don't need to be so…tough. I promise you. It's just what she wants to…bread into you” Emira spat the word. “Have you got anything else”
Amity thought, for a moment, before unveiling the bruises on her stomach, and the gash her arm. She had done a very poor job, she considered. “Blights must represent the cream of the crop” she heard in her ear. She would do better, she promised herself, as she winced as the Emira worked her magic
-
“Your results are poor again Amity '' said Odalia. Amity was sweating. This talk always preceded a training session. With the distance of hindsight, a small part of her said this wasn't ok. Drowned out by the feeling of guilt, and the need to prove herself to the impossible standards, and the fear of the sessions. The way they ended with her with bruises and cuts, sometimes a broken bone, and always a gaping maw of anxiety, and disappointment in her self, at her failings
“We will have to learn” her mother sneered into her brain, through the stone…she had destroyed the stone, hadn’t she? “You don't disobey me” Amity looked at her purple hands, covered in the dye she had used for her hair. “We’ll set you straight, and then we’ll fix that…mistake…both of them”
Amity could feel Luz behind her
“Amity…”
She sounded so far away
“Yes, Luz too. We’ll find you a nice, well connected witch” Odalia said
“Amity” why was Luz so far away
“You must understand, Amity dear, your limits, to be useful”
The abomination rose to its full height. Amity felt the fear grip her chest. The fear when she had lost her top student star, or when she had failed a test in first year. The fear that came with the bruises. The fear instilled in not matching the family standards, in not being useful. Something altogether different than facing coven scouts, or even the hand dragon. Something deep in her soul
“ Amity ” luz was still so far away, but so insistent
“Im sorry Luz” Amity felt the tear prick her “i'm not strong enough”
-
“AMITY!”
Amity sat bolt upright, in her cot, in the Noceda house. It took a second to situate herself. Why was she here? What had happened since. Her heart was racing. Her face felt wet. The desk light was on, and Vee, and Willow stood next to Luz, who knelt next to the cot, her hands on Amity's shoulders.
As her breathing slowed the door to the room opened, a sleepy looking Camila peering in. “is everything alright?” she said, looking at the tight knot of girls. Amity looked at her. “Oh…uh, yes” she said, not entirely sure of herself in the assessment. “I…think I maybe just need some water”. Camila looked skeptical of the assessment, and Amity could tell but…she just needed a second. “You need anything, i'm just down the hall, ok?”
“Lets get that water together” said luz, holding Amities hand. The frisson of it still caused Amity's heart to stire with joy. She felt more in control. She squeezed her girlfriends hand.
Down in the kitchen, Amity drank deep from the glass, whilst Luz sat on the kitchen table. Finally, she sighed
“What happened?”
“I…had a bad dream” Amity blushed slightly. Luz couldn't help grinning. “No kidding, you woke my mom up!”
“Sorry”
“Its ok, she just worries about all of us. What happened” Luz kicked her legs back and forth, a kind of nervous energy. Amity sighed. “It was…it was about my mother” Luz wrinkled her nose in distaste, a gesture that made Amity giggle slightly before continuing. “Yea. she…she didn't like that i dyed my hair. Or was dating you. She…” Amity sighed, “she wanted me to train with an abomination. She always wanted that when I displeased her” she stated into her glass of water, not wanting to make eye contact. Surprised herself that she was ashamed of it.
The soft touch of Luz’s hand shocked her, she nearly dropped the glass.
“Amity” the softness, the care in Luzs voice, did not match the fire in her eyes. “That…that's not ok, you know…”
“Oh, you know. It helped me become a strong witch!” Amity said, in a kind of fake cherry voice she hated when it came from Luz trying to hide her hurt. Luz didn't buy it for a second. “I remember fighting it, it was…hard.”
“Hard how?”
“Ohh, you know, a few cuts, bruises…” Luz knew the game however
“Amity…” she started, looking at a scar on her leg, faded by time and by healing magic… “broken bones…?”
“Only…only sometimes…when i had really messed up”, Amity started to cry. “It was meant to help me” Luz held the young witch, and burned with a hatred for Odalia that had started when she had seen the casual control she had at the school that first time, or even earlier, inside willows mind. She kept her voice calm, cool, collected, for her girlfriend. “Its not your fault, you know”
“I know…and still…sometimes I don't, you know?” Amity's voice cracked, cracking Luz’s heart in turn.
Luz wished with everything she could carry Amity's burden
Amity knew, in her heart, that the weight she carried was easier when she had the support of the young human holding her. As she sat there, tears flowing freely, she reflected that she owed her siblings an apology for not listening to them better when they had tried to help (in their own clumsy ways).