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Nika Nanaura sat in a chair and stared at the wall, hands on her knees, breathing steadily.
She heard a noise outside her room and flinched – but it was only Nuno yawning. She slowly relaxed, and her lips twisted, almost forming a smile. While the rest of her friends had questioned her, yelled at her, berated her, cried at her, or in Chuchu’s case just ran away, only Nuno had remained steadfastly indifferent.
Chuchu… Nika bit her lip, then shook her head. There was no use being regretful, or feeling sorry for herself. She had known how this was going to end from the very beginning. Traitors only ever get the same fate.
Still, she wished…she wished it could’ve lasted just a little while longer.
Suddenly, Nika heard the door open behind her. She faced it and couldn’t suppress a gasp.
“Don’t look like that,” Miorine Rembran said as the door closed behind her. “I thought you were the one who wanted to talk to me.”
Nika ducked her head. “I just…didn’t know when you were coming.”
“That was the idea.” Miorine’s boots clanked on the metallic floor as she walked around to stand in front of Nika. She was frowning, her arms crossed in front of her. It was her business persona, except…there was something just a little bit different about her. An intensity, a focus that used to be with Miorine at all times was now gone. Or perhaps she was more like a puppet with half its strings broken.
Something must have happened to her on Plant Quetta too, Nika realized.
“I am told,” Miorine said, voice hard, “that you refuse to speak to anyone but me.”
Nika nodded.
“Why?”
“Two reasons. You’re the one in a position to decide what happens to me, and…” Nika smiled without mirth. “You’re the one I betrayed the most.”
Miorine sighed. “Whatever. Let’s just get this over with.” She looked down at Nika, and some of that old intensity returned to her face. It took the form of simmering anger, but that somehow made Nika feel a little bit better. “Are you a member of the group that attacked Plant Quetta?”
As much as she had thought about what to say at this moment, Nika couldn’t bring herself to meet Miorine’s eyes. “Yes.”
“Are you a spy, then?”
Nika gripped her knees tightly. “Not really. I was sent here to be a go-between.”
“With whom?”
Here it was, the point of no return. Nika forced herself to look at Miorine’s face.
Miorine Rembran. Nika had despised the girl when she first came to this school. The representation of everything she hated. The daughter of the man most responsible for the oppression of her people. For what Nika, herself, had went through back on Earth, stealing and killing and almost dying for a few meager scraps of food.
And yet…right now, what she saw was the girl who had started a whole company, risking everything she had – her reputation, her standing, her pride – just to save a single poor Mercurian girl. Even now, Nika could recall vividly Miorone furiously scribbling on her tablet, voice carrying across the incubation party with such gravity and authority Nika could almost believe she wasn’t coming up with it all on the spot.
Huh. Perhaps that was the moment Nika had decided to trust her.
“Shaddiq Zenelli,” she said.
The two of them stared at each other. Then Miorine practically collapsed against the wall, her butt thumping hard on the floor.
Nika stood up in a panic. “Um –”
Miorine held up a hand. “Just…just shut up.”
Nika sat down slowly. Not sure where to look, she decided to gaze at the clock. But her heart was beating so fast she couldn’t even count the minutes.
Would Miorine believe her? And if she did, would she throw Nika to the wolves anyway? Nika had thought she was prepared for anything, but…she shivered.
I don’t want to die.
A groan from Miorine caused Nika to whip her head back to face her. Miorine was lying on her back now, covering her eyes with one hand, and said, “I really wish that wasn’t so completely believable.”
Nika didn’t know what to say to that.
Miorine stood up slowly, patting some dust off her clothes. “I want you to tell me everything, Nika Nanaura.”
Nika did a double take. “Everything?”
Miorine didn’t look angry anymore. Her voice didn’t have an edge to it anymore. She gazed at some point past Nika’s head and said in a monotone, “Who you really are. Where you come from. What you’ve done. And what you know. Everything.”
Nika looked at the floor. She had already dropped Shaddiq’s name. She didn’t have anything else to hide at this point. A few tears dropped onto the chrome metal, but she felt nothing at seeing them. “Can you tell me one thing first?”
“What?”
“How’s your father?”
There was no sound except for a low, electric buzz.
“He’s stable. He’ll be bedridden for a while. But he’ll live.”
Nika nodded. “That’s good,” she could’ve said, but she kept her jaw clenched tightly shut. It would’ve been a lie, and they both knew it.
“Alright,” Miorine said. “Talk.”
Nika talked. She had no idea how long it took. Her only reprieve was Miorine leaving the room for water whenever her voice got hoarse.
After she was done, neither of them said anything for a long time.
“Just to confirm,” Miorine finally said, “you knew nothing about the attack.”
Nika shook her head, hugging her sides tight. “If I had known, I would’ve found a way to stop us from going to Plant Quetta. I assume Shaddiq guessed that, or maybe just didn’t trust me, and that’s why he stopped using me as a go-between.”
“...I see. One last question, then. Why have you decided to betray your comrades now? Is it just that you want me to spare your life?”
“I’d like it if you did, but…no. That’s not why.” Nika took a deep breath, and met the eyes of Delling Rembran’s daughter. “It’s because you’re the only person I’ve ever met who has both the power and the desire to…to make things better. For everyone.”
Miorine barked out a throaty chuckle. “How stupid. Make things better for everyone? I can’t even…” She sighed deeply, rubbing her eyes with her palms. “Whatever. Fine. Here’s my offer, so listen closely.”
Wait, what? She wasn’t ready –
“I’ll cover for you. We’ll come up with an explanation to satisfy your friends, and the Benerit Group if one of them decides to report you. In exchange,” she pointed at Nika, “you’re mine.”
Nika blinked. “Huh?”
“Anything you learn from Shaddiq or your terrorist friends, anything at all, you report to me. And if I order you to do something, you do it without question. Understood?”
“...Without question?”
Miorine sighed again. “If it’s not time sensitive we can discuss it, whatever. You know what I mean. Understood?”
Nika’s breathing grew labored, her heart beat harder than a quasar…then, slowly, she calmed down. As she wrapped her mind around Miorine’s proposal, and that it was Miorine Rembran making it, she understood it to be far better than she ever could’ve hoped for.
“I accept,” she said, and she even managed to sound confident.
“Pass,” the instructor said, and Nika wiped her brow in relief.
“We did it!” Suletta chirped from the monitor. “Thank you so much, Nika!”
Nika smiled, as much because Suletta was excited for the first time since they came back from Plant Quella two weeks ago. It also didn’t escape her that Suletta had asked her for help with this test, not Miorine.
Regardless, at least she was happy right now. “How about we get some cake to celebrate?” Nika asked.
“Sure!” But then Suletta’s grin drooped down, and she looked away. “I mean, if you don’t mind hanging out with me.”
That didn’t last long. Nika forced cheer into her voice. “Of course. We’re friends, you know.”
Suletta nodded, but her mood didn’t improve even as she disembarked and the two of them walked toward the sweets shop.
Nika studied her surreptitiously. Suletta had been like this once before, she remembered. But it wasn’t nearly this bad, and hadn’t lasted nearly this long. It didn’t take a Miorine-level genius to figure out something really bad had happened between the two of them. But how could she convince them to tell her what it was?
Or, was it even her place to know? She wasn’t exactly friends with Miorine, and Suletta…her entire friendship with Suletta was based on a lie. Especially now.
“Nika?”
She started. “What?”
“S-Sorry!” Suletta squeaked. She stopped walking, head down, fingers fiddling together. “Y-You just looked…sad or…I-I’m sorry.”
“You have nothing to apologize to me for, Suletta,” Nika said, perhaps a bit more harshly than she should’ve. She made herself smile. “You’re right, after all.”
“Are you sad because everyone still suspects you?” She practically yelped when Nika’s gaze snapped to her. “Sorry! I mean…um…I-I’m not sorry?”
Why is this girl only perceptive about certain things, Nika thought with some exasperation. She looked around warily. “Let’s get the cake first,” she said, “then find someplace secluded to talk.”
Suletta had the decency to blush at that, at least. After they followed Nika’s plan, she regarded Suletta while chewing her cake slowly, savoring the flavor she only experienced after leaving Earth. “You’re not wrong,” she said when she finished.
“Hm?” Suletta replied, voice muffled by the glob of cake in her mouth.
“You’re the only one who really believes I left Dawn of Fold before coming here,” Nika continued. “All the others still have doubts.” Especially Chuchu, her brain helpfully added.
Suletta swallowed loudly, opened her mouth, then closed it again.
“It’s alright,” Nika said, “you don’t have to reassure me.”
Suletta fidgeted, then stuffed the remainder of her cake into her mouth. Nika wasn’t even half done with hers. After a minute or so, Suletta spoke up haltingly. “I don’t…don’t know if it’s you they’re doubting.”
Nika raised an eyebrow. “What do you mean?”
“Maybe I’m wrong, but…I think they don’t know what to believe.” Her eyes were locked to the floor. “Everyone’s saying…they must have a spy here,” hairs rose on Nika’s neck, “because they…knew where Mr. Delling was, and when security would be light. And Guel’s father died, and…and the Antidote didn’t work on their Gundams, and…” Suletta’s voice was getting smaller, more fragile as she spoke. “It’s just…it’s all really weird, so…it’s not that they don’t trust you, Nika, it’s more like…you know?” She glanced up, mouth small, eyes shining.
Nika rested her chin on her hands. “Then why do you believe me?”
“Y-Yes!” Suletta shot up straight in her chair. “I mean, huh?”
“Heehee,” Nika giggled. Seeing Suletta like this, just a little bit of normalcy returned to her life. “You don’t know what to believe either, right? But you believe me.”
Suletta didn’t respond to that. She just stared at the table while Nika finished her cake.
“You don’t have to answer that,” Nika said as she stood up. “Let’s –”
“Because!” Suletta shouted so loudly Nika thought the whole school might hear it. Suletta blushed heavily, but managed to – well, not make eye contact, but look in Nika’s general direction at least. She gulped, then continued, with a soft yet firm voice, “Because I don’t want to lose you too.”
Nika found herself accompanying Miorine on her first business trip since the Plant Quella incident three weeks ago. They told everyone it was for Nika’s engineering expertise, but it was really because Miorine wanted to keep an eye on her. Not that Nika objected; Miorine might make her uncomfortable sometimes, but that was better than the guilt that came from everyone else’s suspicious glances, or worse, Suletta’s trusting ones. After a very long, tiring day that gave Nika more respect for Miorine’s workload, they collapsed inside their twin-bed room.
Miorine asked: “Are you asleep?”
Now this is a first, Nika thought. “Not yet.”
“Then I order you to answer a question.”
Nika stifled a laugh. “What is it?”
“Am I just a spoiled princess?”
“Come again?”
Miorine sighed. “A while back, Suletta’s mother told me something. Basically that everything I have is because of my father, even though I hate him. And when you told me about your life, I guess it made me realize just how good I have it, and maybe…that I’ve been a little too judgmental of people who grew up differently. So tell me, am I a spoiled princess?”
Nika’s mind was whirring. There were so many ways she could approach this. But one stood out. It was risky, a shot in the dark, but if she was ever going to be able to call herself a good friend again, she had to try.
She said: “Is this about Suletta?”
“How’d you –” Bedsprings croaked as Miorine rose up, then she slapped her hand over her mouth and fell back down. “I am so stupid,” she groaned.
This time, Nika couldn’t stifle her laugh.
Miorine didn’t say anything more. Figuring that was the end of things, Nika closed her eyes, prepared to wage her now nightly battle with insomnia.
“Nika Nakaura.”
“What is it?”
“What I’m about to say, I order you to never tell a soul. Do you understand?”
Blood drained from Nika’s face. Miorine sounded as serious as that day three weeks ago, when she offered the deal with the angel that saved Nika’s life. “I understand,” she said with hitched breath.
And in complete monotone, Miorine told the story of what happened to her on Plant Quella.
She wasn’t kidding about me never telling a soul, Nika reflected when it was over. She knew something had happened between the two of them, but she never could’ve dreamed Suletta was capable of something like that…
…Except, was that true? Her skin grew cold as Nika realized that, no, she wasn’t actually that surprised after all. Because at the end of the day, Suletta was a Gundam pilot too. A witch.
“So,” Miorine said hoarsely, “what do you think?”
Nika had told Miorine once, less than a month but a whole lifetime ago, that she couldn’t expect everyone to be like her. That certainly included Nika herself. She had never learned negotiation, or rhetoric, or psychology or philosophy or anything like that. Her childhood was survival, and her school life was engineering. She was the last person in the galaxy qualified to have this conversation.
But she was the one in the room.
“When I…” Nika started, then licked her lips. Concentrate, concentrate. “I told you that I’ve killed, several times. I can’t even remember how many times. I always did it for survival, to protect myself or the people I love, but I did it. Does that mean I’m a murderer, too?”
There was a pause before Miorine spoke again. “I know that sometimes you have no choice. But that’s not the issue, as I’m sure you know.”
“I think you’re the one who should say what the issue is, Miorine.” Nika’s heart was hammering her ribcage. But her voice was as clear as the air in a space colony was clean.
“I feel like I can’t understand her anymore,” Miorine said. “I can’t understand how she could kill like it was nothing.”
Nika was really feeling her own limits right now. Miorine wasn’t wrong, but saying that wouldn’t help her. And “At least Suletta’s not as bad as Sophie” was definitely out. But she had to say something.
So she said: “Do you need to understand her?”
“...I want to understand her,” Miorine whispered so faintly Nika almost didn’t hear her.
“I see,” Nika said. “But you can’t understand her just by talking to me, right?”
The night she returned from the business trip, Nika gave Aerial a tune-up. She had told everyone it was to make sure nothing had happened to her while Nika was gone, but that wasn’t the real reason. After the stresses of the trip, and especially the stresses of her conversation with Miorine last night, Nika was the one who really needed this.
Everything else might have changed, but this – and only this – remained the same.
A familiar voice: “Nika?”
Nika fought down the urge to sigh in annoyance. Normally, Suletta knew better than to bother her while she was working with Aerial. Which meant this must be about something important. “Hi, Suletta,” she said with as much cheer as she could muster. “What is it?”
“S-Sorry, I – Oh, I mean, I’m not apologizing, but –”
Nika laughed. “You can still apologize sometimes, you know. Just, in moderation.”
“R-Right.” Suletta cleared her throat. “I was just wondering…how Miorine’s doing.”
Ah. I should’ve known. This was probably going to be another difficult conversation. Nika really wasn’t in the mood for that, but oh well. “She’s doing alright,” Nika said mostly as a placeholder, scrubbing Aerial’s shoulder and trying to kick her mind into gear. “She’s functional, doing what she has to.” She paused, giving the shoulder a final polish, then decided that if the risky play worked with Miorine maybe it would with Suletta too. “But I wouldn’t call her happy.”
“...I see.” Suletta floated up, and watched her in silence for a time before saying, “I guess that’s my fault.”
Nika considered her next words carefully. “In my experience, when people have a fight like this, it’s usually both their faults.”
“No…” Suletta rubbed her hand on Aerial; Nika bit down a complaint about dirtying the part she had just cleaned. “Miorine is right, like she always is. I’m the one…”
Nika didn’t say anything, she just cleaned Aerial while, for the second time in as many days, she listened to the story of how her friend brutally crushed her comrade – former comrade? – to death.
Is this a coincidence? she wondered. Or does it mean their minds are on the same wavelength, even now? Logically, that wouldn’t make any sense. It was far too sentimental.
But it was a nice thought, so Nika chose to believe it.
“I’m sorry,” Suletta said when she was done. “I just…I don’t know what to do. I can’t even talk to my mother about this. I tried, but I couldn’t find the words. I don’t know why. So…”
“First,” Nika said, turning her attention fully on Suletta, “thank you for trusting me with this. I really appreciate that.”
Suletta nodded. She wasn’t crying. Rather, her face showed less emotion than Aerial’s.
“Now then. What is Miorine right about?”
“I killed someone, and I smiled and laughed in his remains. I’m a monster.”
There was one benefit of being mentally exhausted. Nika’s nerves didn’t feel stretched to the breaking point like they were last night. Her brain was so tired it didn’t have the energy for emotions. So it wasn’t even hard to keep her voice level: “Why did you smile and laugh like that, Suletta?”
“I…” Suletta, on the other hand, sounded like she was about to break down in sobs. “I don’t know. I think I wasn’t thinking right. As soon as I saw him pointing his gun at Miorine, I stopped even viewing him as human. He was more like…a bug. So I guess…I acted as if I had just squashed a bug. I didn’t even think about what Miorine was going through, until…”
“If you think you weren’t thinking right, then you’re not a monster. A monster would be happy about it.” Sophie, at least, would be.
Suletta didn’t say anything to that.
“Hey.” Nika touched Suletta’s arm; the other girl didn’t react, but she wasn’t flinching back at least. “When I was on Earth, I killed people too, you know? To protect the ones I love, like you did. I threw up after my first one, but pretty soon I stopped feeling anything. That’s just how it goes.”
“He was the first person I ever killed,” Suletta said darkly. “And I laughed about it.”
Nika cleared her throat. “Right. You probably shouldn’t do that again. But hating and blaming yourself endlessly doesn’t help either. It won’t make him any less dead. You have to focus on the things you can change. Like –”
“Miorine?” Suletta smiled weakly.
You really are perceptive about the strangest things. “Yes. Are you fine with how things are between you two?”
Slowly, ever so slowly, Suletta nodded. Nika was so shocked any words died on her lips.
“Miorine’s better off without me.”
Four weeks after the Plant Quella incident, Nika was leading Suletta to her room after asking for help with an assignment she was having trouble with. “I don’t know if I’ll be of any use, but I-I-I’ll do my best!” Nika giggled a bit at the memory.
“Alright, we’re here.” Nika said. She pressed the panel to open the door, and Miorine was standing on the other side.
Despite her appearance, Suletta had a very strong body. But that didn’t matter when she was completely gobsmacked. A light push in the back was all it took to make her stumble into the room.
“N-Nika!” Suletta shouted, looking back. Nika gave a happy wave as she shut and locked the door wirelessly.
Humming happily, Nika skipped toward the bathroom – then stopped dead in her tracks.
“Nika,” Chuchu said, standing in front of her path, hands on her hips. “Can we talk?”
She considered it seriously. But only for a second. “Of course, I’d love to. But can I go to the bathroom first?” She held up two fingers.
Chuchu coughed and scratched the back of her head. “Right, right. Sorry. I’ll…wait here for you.”
Nika smiled widely. “Thanks, Chuchu. Really.” She skipped just a little bit higher as she headed into the bathroom, locked the toilet stall…
And took out a pair of earbuds.
Sorry, Chuchu, she thought as she put them on. But if this goes badly, it might mean the end of our whole company. She turned the dial and received a real-time audio feed from the recorder she’d secretly installed in her room.
This was more than a little bit of an invasion of privacy. But Nika had killed people. By comparison, this was nothing.
“ – me, Suletta,” she heard Miorine say. “Please?”
Nika sighed in relief. Sounded like their conversation hadn’t really started yet.
“Look at me!”
Her speaker was top-notch; she heard Suletta’s squeak as if she was in the room with them.
“Good. Now listen. I just want to ask you one question. Answer it, and I’ll unlock the door and you can do whatever you want. Alright?”
Admittedly, Nika’s motivations weren’t entirely altruistic. Miorine had told her nothing about what she planned to do during this conversation, and she was just a little bit extremely curious. She’d have time enough to feel guilty later.
Miorine spoke again: “Am I just disgustingly naive?”
“...W-What?”
“Answer the question.”
“I…”
Silence stretched on.
“Y-You’re not naive, Miorine,” Suletta said. “You’re…you’re smart, kind, brave, wonderful – “
“Stop it!” Miorine shouted so loud even Nika gasped. “Don’t put me on a pedestal!”
The silence that followed was filled only with Nika’s heartbeat.
Miorine was the one to break it. “For a long time…I thought of Earth as an escape. A place where I could leave all my chains behind and live freely. But that was just stupidity.” She sighed. “Nika’s been telling me a lot, and I’ve been doing research myself. I was viewing Earth as a…a playground. But a lot of people really live there, people who are suffering and dying so that my father can make money. The money that paid for everything I have.”
Miorine Rembran. The girl that stood for everything Nika hated, even more than her father did. Because Delling at least knew about the pain he inflicted. He wasn’t some teenage bimbo who idealized poverty so much she wanted to flee toward the place everyone who actually lived there wanted nothing more than to escape from.
Belatedly, Nika realized she was crying.
“I called you a murderer,” Miorine said, “as if my hands are clean. But I’ve just been ignoring everything that happens outside of my little garden. That’s why I want you to tell me if I’m just disgustingly naive.”
Neither of them said anything for so long that Nika was starting to worry that Chuchu might get suspicious.
Finally, Suletta spoke. “On Mercury, the mines are the largest employers. A lot of people die. Or get crippled. I remember, the first time I heard about an accident, I cried. But eventually it…just became how things are.” Nika heard some sounds, but couldn’t tell what they were. “I…I don’t think I’m putting you on a pedestal. I really believe all those things. I’ve learned so much from you. If you need to learn things too, that’s…normal. It’s not naive.”
A deep, heavy sigh echoed over the speaker. “Okay,” Miorine said. “You can leave now if you want, like I promised. But…if you’re willing to stay…”
After a bit of time, Miorine said: “Thanks. I…I’m sorry for calling you a murderer. I – shut up and let me finish, okay?” Another sigh. “I know you saved my life. I just…I don’t…I don’t want anyone to die.” Miorine’s voice was wavering. “That may just be…me being naive again, but…that’s how it is.” A sound that Nika couldn’t make out. “So if you, or I, have to kill anyone, I want it to be a tragedy. Not a celebration.”
Nika could hear sniffling over the speaker. Her tears were threatening to start leaking again too.
“I don’t think…that’s naive,” Suletta said. “But I…I don’t…understand it. I don’t…want anyone to die. But unless it’s someone I know…I don’t…I don’t care. I’m sorry.” Nika heard what sounded like a shudder. “I promise that…I won’t do a…celebration…or anything like that again. I was…I don’t know, I wasn’t…right…when I did that. But if I have to kill someone again…I don’t think I can say…that I’ll feel sad.”
The pause that followed was a lot shorter than Nika was expecting. “Okay,” Miorine said. “We don’t have to agree about that. Because I miss you, Suletta.”
“I…” Suletta could barely speak through her sobs. “I miss…you…too…”
Nika took off and put away her headphones, wiping her tears with her sleeve. She couldn’t even pretend to have a legitimate reason to eavesdrop on them now. She opened the toilet stall door – only to run smack dab into Chuchu.
“Diarrhea?” Chuchu said.
Nika blinked. Did I just permanently destroy our friendship? Yet somehow, she felt strangely calm.
If Suletta and Miorine could do it…
She pulled out the earbuds. “Suletta and Miorine are making up in my room. I bugged it and was listening in.”
The look on Chuchu’s face was enough to make Nika laugh.
“Are you serious?” Chuchu said.
Nika handed her one earbud. Chuchu took it, put it on, then practically flung it away. “I really did not need to hear that.”
Nika laughed so hard she clutched her stomach. After a few seconds, Chuchu joined in.
Maybe things would never go back to how they once were. But that was okay. Because when you rebuild a mobile suit, you make it even stronger.