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"... I can make my own decisions y’know"
The sky disconnected from the rest of the world stretched out above them, speckled with stars the outriders had known how to read. Gregor cleans the blade of his glaive in a familiar rhythm, focusing on removing all of the blood that tried to soak into his weapon. Markus sat beside him, something about keeping him company. Gregor didn’t mind, if anything it was nice to have Markus next to him in eyes view- he found he got a bit… antsy when he was out of eye sight for too long.
"What do you mean?" Gregor watches out of the periphery as Markus turns to look at him.
"Like... I can make my own choices,” He tries to elaborate, it hard – he finds – to talk without his hands. “You don’t have to... Protect me."
"Protect you?” Markus’ eyebrow raises.
"Yeah. Like,” Gregor chews on his tongue a little. The smell of blood rinsing off his blade was oddly comforting, like it was tethering him during meditation. “When you I say I need armour, or you tried stop me scouting or- like with the sleep... Stuff.” The water begins to run clear. “I don't need protecting" Gregor leans back and glances at Markus briefly. "In fact, I'm Gregor- I’m the one who does the protecting"
Markus says nothing for a half moment– which is odd for Markus to do. Maybe Markus also found words hard sometimes. "Yeah, sure I know- I know you do the protecting.” Markus is smiling, but it’s the kind of glitter smile Inien talked about a while ago. the kinda that didn't quite reach his eyes, “but maybe- Maybe I wanna do some protecting of you sometimes?" Gregor frowns.
"Well, I don't need it" He states, unsure as to why Markus hadn’t grasped the obvious.
"-we all need protecting sometimes Gregor," Markus has that tone of voice he gets sometimes.
"I-"
"- even the other outriders needed protecting from other things sometimes, right?" Gregor’s frown deepens.
"Yeah, but that was from like...” Gregor gestures, one hand still on his glaive “Monsters. Not from themselves"
Markus is pushed into silence again. The blade is clean. Gregor plays with the wrapping on his glaive instead. It needed redoing. He’d not had a chance to do it on the boat over here, what with all the training there had been to do- and now it looked worse for wear.
"I just- I worry about you sometimes Gregor" He talks gently but firmly, his voice slicing the quiet cleanly. Markus was good at that, commanding attention.
"I know. And I worry about you sometimes to-"
"it’s not th-" Markus catches himself. “Sorry, carry on.” Gregor nods, Markus was getting better at that he thought
"You and Ashe disappeared. I was worried then."
"I know" Markus’ voice sounds like he’s lost something, or like when he’d lost something of someone else’s "Harlock mentioned- Gregor” He turns from his shoulders to face Gregor, suddenly all his attention on him. “I know I’ve already said it but I’m really Sorry…"
"You don't have to apologise.” Gregor shrugs, non-plussed “You just- you did what you had to right? You- you took that risk to save us all and- and you disappeared for a while. The outriders took risks like that all the time" He looks at the wrappings. The outriders taught him how to do the leather binding he used. He wonders if he’s the only person who remembered how to do that now, considering the rest of them were dead. If he is he should make sure he does it on time next time, otherwise he might forget as well. "I’m not... Angry or anything, that you disappeared." It’s hard to know what he wants to say. He can feel Markus' eyes on him, taking in everything he’s saying.
He fidgets where he sits.
" -y'know I’m not a kid anymore, right?" Gregor speaks as he hears Markus' mouth open, like sweeping the glaive to the stomach under where the monster had reared back to attack, "I know I was for a while- but well…I guess you were also a kid for a while as well," he frowns, the shakes his head "but you’re not one now... And well. Neither am I-" Markus goes to speak again "-and I know that I’ve had some- pretty messed up things happen in the past- and that when I was passed out for 5 days I might’ve gotten a little… brain damage- but." The tips of his fingers and numb as he tries to find the feeling of the leather "I can still-"
Markus doesn’t try and speak again. That’s pretty impressive because Markus always wants to speak again, so Gregor thinks he must be holding back for him. He appreciates the break, it gives him a chance to get his thoughts back into the right formation, they’d gotten all out of line somewhere. "I didn’t want to be in the wheelbarrow. That’s why I snuck out. And I said- I was fine, but you still kept me in there." He can see Markus deflate beside him. It doesn’t feel good "And when Harlock drugged me to sleep- I didn’t. I didn’t like that either"
He feels Markus shift beside him. Gregor tries to find the centre he goes to when he meditates, tries to scan the horizon line for monsters that had tracked them down again, it was the only explanation for what he was feeling- they were in danger and he’d not been keeping a close enough eye on things-
"I’m sorry bud. I’ve been too overbearing haven’t I" Markus' eyes are on him, and Gregor pulls his sight away from the skyline to meet them "I forget you’re not 16 anymore" Gregor doesn’t look away. It’s bad form to look away when you’re scared. "You're right though-" Markus leans back, looking to the sky, lazy. "I have been telling you what to do a lot. We all have haven’t we" Gregor- hesitates and then nods.
"Yeah, a bit"
Markus nods with him and sighs, "We just worry for you, you don't always seem to value your own life and well-being enough and- well I don’t like seeing you hurt"
Gregor nods, thinking it over carefully, trying the break the sentence down into its smaller chunks. "I do value my own life" he frowns, "otherwise I wouldn’t be alive now. And- well. Getting hurt is just part of the job- Harlock said it’s what reminds you you’re alive so it can’t be all bad"
Markus gets that lost something tone is his voice again, distant. "Harlock was wrong and I worry for her too"
"... yeah. Well- maybe she was.” That seems unlikely, considering she was very rarely wrong. But Markus knew more than him on these matters “Just this once. But-" He looks back to Markus, trying not to get distracted by how bright the blond glows in the cool lighting. "Well. Getting hurt is just part of the job. I know how to take care of myself."
Markus stares at him like he doesn’t really believe what Gregor’s saying "I really do – Gregor pushes onwards “otherwise I wouldn’t be here today would I? I would’ve- died the first night when I was alone after all the rest of the outriders died or something" That makes Markus draw in a big breath.
He did that a lot when Gregor talked to him. Maybe he has a breathing problem or something
“You see,” He’s got a ghost of a smile on his face which suits him better than the sad or lost looks he’d be wearing the rest of the time. “I know that’s supposed to make me feel better, but it really doesn’t. Gregor, you shouldn’t have had to survive that night alone. Someone should’ve been looking after you."
"Well. Everyone was dead so." He shrugs. A lot of things should’ve been, but they weren’t.
"I know Gregor." Markus looked sad again, Gregor wishes he wouldn't.
"I- its not then anymore anyway, so it doesn’t matter- the point is I don't- need you to protect me from... Myself. And- I don’t like it when you try and make decisions for me"
Markus is quiet again. Gregor doesn’t think this quiet is for his sake, he thinks this one is probably for Markus' sake
"... Alright," he says after way too long "I’ll lay off it- and I’ll tell the others to do the same but,” he twist turns to Gregor again and Gregor can see the way his eyes dart around his face looking for something. He wonders what he’s trying to find "Only if you promise me not to push yourself too hard or- throw yourself into danger you don’t need to- and to take breaks when you need them-"
"I will.” Gregor nods, still watching Markus search him " -only if you make Ashe promise the same though... And also, you promise to do that" he adds on as an afterthought, nodding once.
Markus smiles softly, it’s so bright it may as well be beaming. It makes Gregor want to smile as well, figure out what he’s so happy about "Yeah I think I can manage that." He seems to find what he’s been looking for because his eyes stop being so frantic and turn a lot more kind. "D'ya want a hug?"
Gregor looks down at the glaive in his hand, the one he thought he’d lost forever, and then back to Markus. "Yeah alright,” He nods, he generally enjoyed Markus' hugs "but after I really need to find some leather and re-wrap the handle of this because I’ve not been keeping up with it like I should-" He’s pulled into a hug.
Its kind and familiar, smells like explosions and Markus Velafi glitter, his hair brushes Gregor’s cheek and he turns away from it, pressing his face into Markus' neck as he wrapped his own arms around him, returning the warmth.
He hopes this one doesn’t disappear; he wouldn’t want these hugs to be like wrapping leather.