Work Text:
JONGSEONG
It's nerve-wracking to answer such question. How should he put it?
Unpredictable.
Out of nowhere.
If he has to be honest, he never saw it in him moving on from Heesung until the thought of Jungwon giving up on him knocks his senses. He didn't expect it to be more terrifying than letting go his said first love.
Jungwon avoided him, kept a professional closeness in front of camera and he can't tell which exactly tortures him there to finally confide.
Is it when Jungwon received a bouquet from another boy group idol or Jungwon started acting normal regardless their past? Who can tell but Heesung, he thinks.
"What? How does it goes, wise one?" Jungwon repeats his question, teasing.
Jay snorts right there and then.
Well, Jungwon doesn't have to know how stupid he really is. He has received enough mocks from Heesung who saw his struggles all those times.
It's not about taking a risk, he wears his heart on his sleeve too much to be ashame of being rejected. He's more kind of scared of hurting Jungwon again. He has learned from their past and to say witnessing a crying Jungwon is a hard to kick-off image.
'Cause who could have tell how his situation turns out now?
Heesung is his obsession.
Jungwon's the one he truly cares for.
It's not too late for him to realize this, right?
"Jungwon..." The two exchange gazes that needs no interpretation from people who speaks language of love. Jay holds Jungwon's hand despite his raging anxiety of rejection and doubt of being deserving.
"I'm sorry it took me long. you, you know my past, but now here I am, all yours."
Right, because nobody would know even him.
Or he never reconsiders the idea, fully dependent on his years of vague relationship with Heesung. So when they both decided to end their business in peace, he also had time to clear his mind and see better the blurry face's he admits has true value than he blindly believes Heesung holds.
Nope, not really a wise one you see.
It's Jungwon.
The time they shared alone together as they wait for taxi to go home. The first time Jay heard such selfless statement from a boy of teen age, making him offer the fare money Jungwon needed to borrow.
He can still paint the shy smile Jungwon gave him that late night.
It's Jungwon.
Is it safe to add, all along?
He reads Jungwon's expression with an overwhelming amount of anxiety.
Did he make it on time or disappointingly too late? At least tell him Jungwon saw his effort and sincerity.
How frustrating he feels crying at this point.
He knew right there if it all takes a wrong turn, he'll cry a dam.
Jungwon takes his time to answer.
Until little by little, in dramatic motion Jay describes, Jungwon's eyes morphs into crescent moon. Until then, Jay permitted oxygen to enter his lungs.
Quite literally how Jungwon takes his breath away and impaired his brain to function, eh?
"Jungwon-" No, there's no word to express what he really feels at the moment.
He embraces the small figure as soon as he processed everything, his face buried in Jungwon's neck clearly implying how he longs for the other's warmth.
There, he feels complete and secured.
JUNGWON
Jungwon isn't the type to be pessimist but the consistent ecstacy he can't help whenever Jay walks, looks, smiles, whatever he does towards him, makes him.
He's in love that's why, Sunoo once told him.
"Maybe you're still shock. Obviously, you did not expect it to work but look at you now." Sunoo never fails to tease him especially when they made it official to the group.
He was bombarded by questions of maknae line.
He still remembers Niki's emotional advice as if he's about to tie a knot next week. It was a good memory yet again thinking of it, it scares him how it'll turn out once shit happens.
Of course, Jungwon's aware.
Despite the flawless affection Jay showers him, he didn't let it forget the lesson of past.
Even after Niki asks him to let go of it, too. It seems Niki gets to say that after seeing him hang out with Heesung again.
"Did they make up already?" Jungwon sits beside Jay after given 15 minutes break. He's pertaining to Niki and Heesung discussing their dance step closer than necessary.
Jay looks where his eyes at before answering him. "Yeah. I heard they're doing fine."
As usual, Jay only waits for him to sit comfortably before clinging like a heavy koala regardless their dried up sweats.
He smells Jay's perfume mixed with his maculine scent, it's hypnotizing. No one will probably believe him if he says it reminds him of home, calming and comforting.
Looks like everything has fallen to its place.
In chorus, both of them sigh when their dance instructor calls their break over.
They also shared giggles while they get each other tp stand and finally find each's position for their new choreography.
"Great. Everyone's at their right place now." Their teacher comments.
Niki's smile didn't escape his observing eyes, surely it's not just the dance position in the maknae's mind.
Likewise to his.
September 15, 2023
The thing is he forgets how choreography works. It's meant to move back and forth and change all over until you can't find their original place.
"Get off me!" Sunoo snaps.
He thinks it's not just his but all of their first time to see Sunoo's action.
Sunoo swats Heesung hands away from him when their hyung tries to help him rush to the clinic as soon they notice his pale color.
As much as this surprises Jungwon, Heesung's hurt expression confuses him more.
What? Why? How-
"I got it, hyung." Sunghoon gets out his own wandering quickly among all of them. He reached for Sunoo's hand that pushed Heesung.
Sunoo did not agree but did not protest anyway when Sunghoon replaces Heesung's volunteer. He's obviously in his bad shape again, his health condition can't keep up with their undeniable exhausting routine lately.
Their next comeback will be in two months which required them to practice almost 15 hours a day plus the diet they must suffice.
It's a mess.
No one was there to supervise them since their managers had meeting at the same time.
This is the first time this happens so who can blame Jungwon for being stuck and immovable to comprehend the extent of the situation.
"Su-Sunoo Hyung..." Jungwon has seen Sunoo sick before but this time, he can't differentiate if he's scared of their managers' scolding later or Sunoo's fainted body carried by Sunghoon.
Jake's the one who helped Sunghoon and hurriedly opens the door to make a way.
It all happens too fast.
He wants to go with them but his feet is not letting him to. He can't even look around the room, his eyes is stuck on the door Sunoo went out.
"Hyung..." Thanks to Niki's gentle tap that grounds him back. "I will follow them." Niki informs, not to ask permission.
Niki runs before he can even speak for himself. He wants to go there too, of course!
Jungwon halts on his step when he realized the two left members in the room.
He saw Heesung and Jay in one corner of the room talking in low voice.
Heesung's head hung low while Jay's hand on the older's shoulder. He's comforting Heesung for a reason Jungwon has no idea.
They're unbelievably in their own world.
While Jungwon's stuck for the second time of the day, his phone rings and recovered his senses. It made him rummage his pocket in panick and answer the caller.
It's their manager. Shit.
"Hello, Sohyun-nim...." His voice is shaking and he couldn't care less to hide it."Yes, they went to the clinic already... Me? I'm still at the practice room."
He looks at Jay and Heesung's side again, still in their own bubble unbothered of who's Jungwon talking to.
No, this is not the time for this.Jungwon chants to himself.
"Yes, Unnie. I will be there."
The call ended asking him to come over the clinic to see Sunoo's condition himself and report his findings.
They promised to be there soon too. It seems to him Sunoo is not as important as the meeting for them to prioritize .
Forgive him if something happens to Sunoo.
He can't promise himself to be calm and work back to normal in front of these people.
Without much thinking, maybe it's out of habit and it's too late for him to step back anymore, he's already one step away from Jay.
Looks like his own body tells he needs Jay beside him the most now.
"Sohyun-nim called me to check on Sunoo." He calls for Jay's attention to accompany him.
He's not embarrassed for fvck's sake!
Jay's his boyfriend so why does it feel like he's the one intruding here?
Jay did accompany him contrary to his fear.
Jay even went with him inside Sunoo's ward, squeezed his arm to strengthen him and worry less, at least that's what he felt.
Because how come when Jungwon came back after talking to their manager, Jay is nowhere on the spot he left him?
Niki was there instead. And he could've asked but afraid to know the obvious answer, he refrains and avoids Niki's gaze.
He hurried his steps to an empty room before his eyes give a fountain show.
He can't hold it anymore.
In just one day, suddenly, the wind shifted.
He was caught off guard resulting him to tumble downhill and bruise badly. He needs his Sunoo hyung to tease him again out of it.
Sunoo hyung, please, get well soon.
"Hyung, how do you know you love someone?" Jungwon asks scooting closer than he already is to a sleepy body of Jay.
They're sharing one room again.
Since they became official, the other members agreed to put them together whenever there's a need of splitting in their hotel suite.
Jungwon only rolled his eyes on the idea but having no energy from the tour made him disregard arguing.
Jay is obviously sleepy already while Jungwon's the contrary.
He's reading a book which is actually far from topic of romance, so basically the question just pops in his head somehow.
"Hmm?" Jay's brows furrowed both from out of the blue inquiry and fighting his sleepy call. "Can't you answer that yourself? You love me too, Jungwon-ah, right?"
Jungwon giggles on his breath. That's kind of cheeky but sure he can't deny the preposition anyway.
"No, I mean you have more experience to tell the difference..." He finally finds the perfect position, half of his body clinging on Jay's. His head on the latter's chest while he savors its expensive scent.
"But in my case, I only have you."
Jay knows all that. From the start, his heart never wavered to look at others despite the hopeless possibility of being love back.
"Ahh..."
He jokingly slaps Jay's chest having not heard any words in succession to it.
He knows it's childish and Jay's just too tired for this but no, 'just this question' he pleads silently.
"It's just that how do you know it's me, not Heesung hyung?" Jungwon props his chin to properly look at Jay's face.
In that way Jay can see how it matters for him to know the answer.
With disheveled hair and half-closed eyelids, Jay looks back at him too.
"Wh y? Are you still jealous of him Jungwon-ah?" He managed throwing Jungwon a teasing smile before succumbing to Jungwon's body, fully embracing the smaller figure compare to him.
Jay hugs Jungwon tight, he cannot even breath properly yet again it's the warmth Jay gives off that makes everything bearable.
He seriously wants to smack him nevertheless.
That's not what this is all about!
"Heesung hyung actually helped me realize my feelings to you." Jay suddenly speaks, vibrating in Jungwon's neck he's glued. "Jungwon, it's time you stop thinking highly of me. I don't know much because if only I do, I didn't let our first chance be wasted."
Jungwon's not the only one who can't forget their past, it seems.
He felt it when Jay kissed his temple and caressed his back to lure him to sleep.
He's not honestly satisfied with the answer received but he thinks he can settle for it tonight.
He thought even if he was to asked the same question, it would be hard for him to explain too.
That was a month ago.
Now if he's to describe his feelings towards Jay, he has a definite answer to tell.
He loves Jay feverishly.
Starving for him, his comfort, attention, affection. He's fine settling in less, shamefully he admits.
What more when Jay asked him out? Even if Jay thinks he's the lucky one for the given chance, Jungwon hardly agrees.
Jay cooled him down.
He felt at ease since then, at home, happy and contented.
Loving Jay puts him together, in the present time, gratefully regardless the moody weather.
What a five month of opportunity!
Jungwon drinks the alcohol like a water in a summer.
Now, he's back to a thirsty man in a deserted island.
His windmill is gone but it's too huge to compare Jay into so he'll settle with pinwheel.
"Jungwon..." Sunoo has been trying to stop him from drinking as long as he can remember.
He asked Sunoo to accompany him to a hidden spot in Seoul recommended in the internet.
They can't be recognized there especially when he made sure to bribe the staff who handles them the drinks. They're in their legal age but in terms of their idol image, he has to do that.
"Shhh. Hyung, just tonight, hmm?" Yeah, just tonight... unfortunately.
"What happened, Jungwon?" Sunoo looked at him clear as the day showing his worry for the 2-year younger friend.
"It's nothing..." Jungwon sighs, hardly can't explain his wired up thoughts. Too much, there's too much going on there.
All he managed to say's "He's a pinwheel, hyung, and the wind seems to change its course."
A week since Sunoo fell sick and Jay starts drifting away from him too.
Truly, he's not scared to ask for explanation, it's the explanation itself he don't think he'll be able to handle.
His proud observant personality claps back to him.
It's disappointing their late night sneaking did not come unnoticed in Jungwon's eyes.
No, really, Jungwon tried his best to disregard it.
Every screeching sound and clicking of doorknobs, those subtle stares, the other's jacket on Jay's bed, lastly, the Off my Face song of choice to cover.
No, he can't blame Jay.
Like a pinwheel.
Whichever the wind points him, he goes, and he trusts it so much he thinks it's the right path.
The wind is named Heesung by the way.
JONGSEONG
"What happened, Jungwon?"
They both know it's not Jungwon's hangover he's talking about.
He knows he's stupid but being stupid is different from being numb. He saw it, he feels it. Jungwon's half meant smile, he felt how the man starts to lose grip in his embrace.
He wished he asked for an explanation sooner, then maybe they did not reach this point
Jungwon came home last night drunk.
Sunoo explains just enough where they went to but the same as Jay, no one can tell what Jungwon meant by his words.
The first time again Jay saw Jungwon cried in front of him. This time he's not mad, he sounds resigned in Jay's ears.
And last night's the night Jay must've said i love you's more than a hundred. He put Jungwon to sleeping whispering the same words again and again.
"Jay hyung..." Jungwon did not even bother looking at him. He stands near the sliding glass window, his back facing Jay.
"Can you at least face me, Jungwon?" He can't help not to request.
It's a long silence before Jungwon did.
They're left alone in the rehearsing room after he asked the others awhile ago to give them time today.
Fortunately, it worked. What seems to be unfortunate is he's not ready to conclude what Jungwon's eyes is giving him.
He looks tired.
His eyes are surrendering and accepting. Lips in thin line, trying to form a smile to conceal the weight of the words he's about to let go.
No. Jay begs.Don't.
Jay is willing to bargain.
If Jungwon got tired of their relationship, he's willing to give the space needed. Or is it his clinginess? He'll promise then to work on it. His mind is on haywire at the moment.
Don't say it.
"Let's stop-"
"No!" Jay quickly cuts. "Tell me the reason first. We were fine, why all of the sudden you start acting like this? What did I do?"
Jay panics. Jungwon is going to leave him.
He has no idea how, why -or where is this even all coming from?
It feels like being attacked by an unannounced whirlwind in the middle of great spring.
Somebody hold him tight or he'll sure break and fall to his ruin. No, he's sure bound to be wreck beyond repair if that happens.
"No, hyung, no, you did nothing wrong. Oh, hyung!" Jungwon's eyes starts to redden again like last night's Jay don't want to witness anymore.
He crossed their distance quickly. In fear of threats of tears to fall, he cups Jungwon's cheeks to hold him closer. There their eyes met, both asking for common ground to get over this still intact.
Jungwon puts his hand on top of Jay's, his little thumbs caressing its knuckle. "You're- You're just confused now but give it a time, hmm? I- Don't worry about me." His frown deepening.
Jay's brows furrowed instantly, he got more confuse by Jungwon's words.
"What?" His hands lose its grip on Jungwon's cheeks in surprise. He finds to settle it on the same owner's shoulder, looking for something firmer to rely his failing knees.
Jungwon only responds an all knowing look, slowly nodding to show his acceptance.
That's all he remembers before Jungwon hugged him for the last time and left him in the room still perplexed by the turn of events.
Jungwon thinks lowly of him.
When he said of not thinking highly of him, he didn't mean it to be this low. He can't help not to curse.
Jungwon don't trust his confession to be true, to last, to unwaver.
He wants to chase Jungwon again.
Even if the one obviously gave up to fix them, even if the thought hurts him just as much, even if he has to crawl since he flops on floor unable to hold him in his feet anymore.
Until the members came back and saw him there, fallen and broken.
Jake, Sunghoon and Heesung if he's not mistaken were the ones who stays beside him while the rest of maknae line left to look for Jungwon.
"Just hold my hand. When you feel afraid, anxious, weak, I'll be there to hold you in place." Jungwon promises him that day they both decided to open their relationship in the group.
Right. The same way their group split that day to interrogate him and Jungwon.
"I love you, Jungwon. I promise not to let you shed tears in us again."
Promises. Promises none of them even manage to keep. But because he was so sure of it. In Jungwon, he saw his future confidently. Essentially, there's no need to hold back.
"He thinks something is going on between us again." Almost a whisper he tells to Heesung.
Heesung abruptly gets up upon understanding Jay's statement. "I'll explain it to him."
He feels guilty to put Heesung in this when he knows the older also hides something more unbearable Jay can feel. For some reason, it's just how they used to be way before they had their toxic setup.
They're just friends.
He wishes it's that easy to convince Jungwon.
"No, hyung..." Before Heesung takes his second step, Jay reprimands. "It's- I will handle it
Yeah, right. He should've just accepted Heesung's help.
But blame him for trying to prove himself.
Yeah, despite the followed incidents telling him it doesn't matter anymore.
He found it out from Sunoo.
Jungwon's cute greyish outfit last week is meant for the date with their sunbae idol Jay knew even back then, has interest in Jungwon. How can he forgot when the idol kept sending Jungwon a bouquet of flowers almost everyday that he could have thought the suitor's a flower shop owner.
Of course Jay knows he has no rights anymore to hold on to Jungwon's love life, that's why he settled nodding at Sunoo's words as if the huge bitter lump on his throat never bothered him. At least it answered his worries of Jungwon's late coming home, it wasn't because to avoid him after all- shouldn't he be grateful knowing that?
Yeah, that, and Jungwon's back to normal interaction with him.
Jay wants to believe it's just a facade Jungwon is trying to play on him. He has not really moved on from Jay, right? How? That easy?
Jay begs to disagree, literally did beg during his argument with Heesung discussing the issue.
Why does it seem so easy for others to erase him in their lives? As if he's not worthy enough to be treasured for long time...
No matter how much he wants to push the idea, he can't help not to find himself every night asking the same question. Don't get him wrong, it never crossed him to doubt Jungwon. He's just lost, broken, and mad.
He's the type of trusting and forgiving person. He loves with all his heart, just why does he always end up like this?
Sure he did a shit decision in the past but he made up and learned from that already, no? He doesn't want to connect the dots from there but it's hard knowing it's the same person involve.
That day, he's just fed up enough to deal with Heesung and Sunghoon's fight. He's not sure what's the reason this time.
The only reason he put himself in-charge to stop the two is the thought of Jungwon's worried reaction once the leader finds out.
Sunghoon is fuming while Heesung displays his strong defense to fight back. He's not sure why is Sunoo crying in Sunghoon's side and Jake looks so done watching them rumble. It was also Jake who called his attention regarding the fuss, and fine to say he still cares for these bunch of hotheads getting into more worse trouble.
"Be a man, hyung. Be the real ace you are!" Sunghoon shouts at Heesung.
He thinks it's the first time he heard Sunghoon speaks bravely like that.
Seriously. He's near his limit.
Jay's attention splits the second a loud opening of their dorm overtake their shouting. Jungwon entered the room with the same sunbae Jay loathes, both wearing matchy outfit vibe. Jay freezes, eyes on their intertwined hand, quite contrary to his blood temperature though.
"What the hell! You two again?!" Jungwon starts already exasperated. He looked around the room until he stops at the man holding Heesung, Jay.
Jay refused to put meaning to that look, it's not like it stayed longer than a mili-second. One thing's for sure, Jungwon has done a false assessment once again. It worked him up more than Jay wants to admit.
With all the stress built up these days and now the view of Jungwon holding hands with another man in front of him, it's an understatement he wants to scream right at that moment.
Jay heard both Heesung and Sunghoon scoff. To be honest, he feels doing the same too.
So turns out, Jungwon had a date. And because of this, he had to come over and cancel it, Damn right it's frustrating.
"Please, you both have to stop this habit before the management finds this out themselves." Jungwon manages to explain after the members' disrespect.
"You guys should listen to your leader." Something pushed in button's Jay hearing the man beside Jungwon speaks.
It was too late for him to control it because, "And you should go home already..... Hyung." He adds after a good 5 seconds.
How he hates he let that happened especially after seeing Jungwon's surprised face. It was a disappointing misconduct indeed. He should've known better, the fact that they're working in the same company.
He was anxious what to expect next but Jungwon's date just smiles at him. After looking at Jungwon's direction and exchange quick conversation, Jay saw the idol left their dorm soon enough.
He didn't even get to say sorry.
Well, it's not like he is.
Later, the living room finally silenced. Heesung no longer needs to be stopped by Jay. Sunoo, Jake and Sunghoon sit altogether in the sofa, one space available for Niki's absence. Where could their maknae be, he's not aware. Jay readies himself in wait of Jungwon's reprimand, gaze fixed on the floor, he's not proud of it.
"I hate to say this but this is the second time now and you know the protocol. Let's have this talk again tomorrow." That's all they hear and a heavy sigh at the end from their leader.
He saw Jungwon walks out the living room shaking his head.
The protocol is the second time such fight happens, a meeting with their higher-ups must be done. It sucks to thinks of it but on Jay's list at hand, it comes last for him to be worried.
One by one the members get on their feet to leave the living room too. Jay takes not of Heesung's stare on Sunoo, not to Sunghoon he almost left an imprint of black eye. He ends up asking to stay in Heesung's room in mission of breaking all there's left for him to know.
It's surely gonna be a long night.
Jay decided to leave Heesung's room in hope of shaking off the ill fate revealed. He flinches on the idea of ending up the same as him. His situation might not be even any better but if compare to Heesung, he can't deny how devastating it must be.
Heesung wasted his chance so now he's nothing but a lost restless and aimless being without even a hope to find his way back home anymore. Sunoo is over him.
That explains everything Jay wasn't able to solve all those times.
Oh thinking about their past, it gives him off a mixed of betrayal and lots of conning. In fact he felt an urge to punch Heesung during their conversation but letting the man finish his story somehow helped him understand his friend's state.
He was about to let go the doorknob when the next room brings out an insomniac Jungwon. Their eyes met after noticing Jay's presence and that quick look at the doorknob he's holding.
Jungwon's expression changed slowly, not even able to escape Jay's observation. Jay hates it but implying how it still affects Jungwon rekindles his hope.
How he wished Heesung saw that, then he'll stop calling Jay delusional.
"Jung-" Just before Jay finishes his words, Jungwon ignores him and walks towards the kitchen.
Jay follows anyway.
Perhaps this could be the time they can finally have to talk. After three months, was it?
"Jungwon..." Again, Jay tries.
He stops his step at the end of the kitchen island while Jungwon marches his way to get a cold bottle of water.
Jungwon's shaking if only Jay looks closer. Jay can't, he's too distracted thinking where to start. He bottled more than enough to spot easily which matters the most.
Ah. He takes that back. Anything with Jungwon matters at the same intensity. Jungwon deserves to know everything and Jay is willing to lay it all there naked and vulnerable, whatever is necessary.
Jungwon puts the bottle down as soon he consumes half of it. He sighs deep before he utters. "What were you thinking, hyung?" Jungwon is pissed.
Jay's not sure what Jungwon exactly implies. He's more concerned that he hasn't even begin yet Jungwon is already enraged None goes well to him ever since, he swears.
"You know you have to apologize to him, right?"
Almost automatically, it made Jay worked up for the second time of the day.
His tongue pressed hard inside his cheeks, jaw locks and firm. It must be his American blood running in his system to disregard all that sunbae-hoobae relationship practiced in South Korea. He couldn't care less if it involves Jungwon, he's ready to give a good fight.
Just damn, it hurts.
And embarrassing.
Jungwon hasn't moved on from it. That guy, not him in Heesung's room.
"You both really suit each other." With each of those words Jungwon throws, Jay's fist clenches.
He stands there speechless.
Did Jungwon just accuse him of the same judgement Jay has proven himself innocent in the months that passed? Did Jungwon not notice it? Or did Jungwon just not bothered giving it a benefit of the doubt?
He's mad.
Not at Jungwon but himself.
Just for one time thing, he's back here again in the image of being under Heesung's influence. Easy and spineless to be called.
"But you were not like that before, Hyung." Jungwon continues. I" mean, I'm sorry I know I don't have the right but can you- can you not-" At the peak of his emotion, Jungwon closed his eyes and sighs to keep his composure. "Can't you be more careful?"
Sweet and smooth. Jungwon easily turned their conversation in any way he wants. Jay wasn't even given time to catch up, he's dizzy and lost.
What is he even saying??
"Well, I can't!" Jay finally says.
This kind of discussion weakens him.
Because Jay tried if that's what Jungwon wants to know, it's his heart that is too stubborn to accept Jungwon's absence. The same day Jungwon left, it seems he brought Jay's sanity with him. Jay starts messing up how to steady himself on safe ground and function properly.
Let's say Jungwon is right about him being easily swayed around, nevertheless he won't withdraw even if he wants the truth of Jungwon's grip in his life.
Such only Jungwon can do to him.
"I loss it everytime I see you with him. Not when, when I'm still in love with you here." Jay leans on the nearest wall to balance himself. It always feels like that being aware of Jungwon's devoid in his life.
In those months he thought it's just a matter of time and space so he respects the boundary Jungwon made. He focused in what he can do like looking after the younger in subtle way, staying loyal then interacting casually with Heesung.
He abandoned the plan of cutting his ties with their hyung knowing Jungwon wouldn't want that either.
It's just that he thought it will work.
He waited. He believed Jungwon will find his way back soon too. He considered the time Jungwon did the same for him and unconditionally loves him. He thought that's the right thing to do.
"Hyung..." In slow painful manner, Jungwon whispers talk. His bottle of water no longer on his hands, gaze' anywhere but Jay's corner, Jungwon seems in no intention of reconsideration. "I'm sorry."
A Deja vu.
The same sorry Jay finds alike to that day Jungwon confronted him. It's Jungwon's way of sparing him the harsh reality. It feels being taken back to the past and having the taste of the his own medicine.
I'm sorry this isn't going to work out.
I'm sorry you don't deserve me.
I'm sorry this is all I can do.
It hits way different remembering that time. He wasted his chance in exchange for love he pridefully see in Heesung. He hurt Jungwon out of his selfish stupid actions. So who is he kidding, crying like the victim here? Jungwon has all the right, Jay realizes.
Basically, he let go of his torturing first love just to break even more.
To be broken more than he already is, what could there be left to say. Mindlessly, as if looking for the pieces one by one falling on the floor, his head hung low, he sways back and forth like a left piece hanging in the thread.
Perhaps this is what it means by being at the same page with Heesung.
The love of his life is over him.
To put it, a pinwheel does works well with wind, awaiting for where or when it will blow again. However, like craft men reminds, if not properly attached, held nor handled, what's left to it but to fall apart.