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We’re just friends. It’s Kara’s mantra at this point. Not that she’s a fan of the term just friends, because friends are great, and perfect! Friends are plenty. And they’re just friends, right? Like they’ve been for years. So there’s nothing wrong with Lena telling her about the girl she kissed last night. Lena can keep going on about staying at her house, and Kara will be fine, because they’re just friends . It’s fine. It’s not like she feels like she could throw up right now. Except, maybe she would, if she was able to under a yellow sun. Right now is the closest she’s gotten in years, for certain.
Because right now, Kara is sitting across from Lena at Nonna’s, their usual Saturday morning routine underway.
First, Lena had gotten there early, as always (Kara had gotten there late because of Supergirl duties, but the guilt in her eyes every time heroing makes her late for their plans quickly lead to Lena reframing it resolutely). She’d ordered her coffee and kept an eye on the news.
Then, as soon as Supergirl left the scene, Lena ordered a vanilla latte, six sticky buns, and four scones. While that definitely wouldn’t be enough to fill Kara after her most recent fight, it would be a start and save the blonde from having to order what most see as obscene amounts of food in one go (another thing that Lena had taken to doing – ordering at least half of Kara’s food for her. She saw the way the blonde shrunk in the doorway when their pizza delivery man made a joke about the number of pizzas and expecting a party, and she’s started ordering parts of Kara’s meals for her when possible).
Not long after that Kara swept in, slightly out of breath, right as her sticky buns were set on the table. While the timing was abnormally perfect today, Kara’s slightly shy smile as she thanked Lena was the same as always. They had started filling eachother in on their weeks as if they didn’t see eachother almost daily at this point, and it was all comfortable and familiar.
Then Lena started talking about a girl, and that’s where the throwing up comes from. She wasn’t gushing by any means, but still. Lena was talking about her date with a kind of seriousness that Kara hadn’t seen her have in regards to any potential romantic partner prior, no distaste in sight, and that in itself caused her chest to restrict uncomfortably. But it doesn’t matter, because they’re just friends.
Lena is her ride or die, so she’s not jealous, right? The way Kara feels about Lena is black and white, she tells herself. They’re friends. Kara finds her friend physically attractive, but anyone with eyes would find Lena Luthor attractive so that hardly complicates anything. She and Lena are friends, it’s fine. Really. Fine.
Apparently, Kara hadn’t been doing as well at displaying that fine-ness on her face, because Lena’s story about her date trailed off, her smile replaced with a concerned frown. “Are you okay?”
Kara did her best not to cringe at the question. She never was very good at lying to Lena ( “I flew here on a bus” would be echoed every time she pretended otherwise) but she still tried her best. “Yeah,” she offered, voice cracking over the single syllable.
Okay, maybe not her absolute best. She was slightly off her game when confronted with earnest green eyes and raven black hair catching the morning sunlight in a way that made it look like the sun itself bent around Lena Luthor, sue her.
Lena’s frown deepened, clearly unconvinced. Much to Kara’s relief, further interrogation was paused when the waitress asked if they wanted their check. Lena gave the woman her card before Kara could so much as reach for her wallet, as always. The reporter pouted as they left, momentarily successful in redirecting the conversation as she complained about Lena never letting her pay for anything.
“Seriously Lena, I’m starting to think you’re the one with superspeed!” Kara threw her arms up dramatically as if to emphisize her point. “You have to let me pay sometimes at least.”
Lena’s reply was paired with an easy grin, the debate long standing between the pair. “What’s the point of having a black card then, darling?”
Kara huffed dramatically in hopes of hiding her blush as she reminded herself they’re just friends . An easy task, given Lena was quickly back to recounting her date as soon as they arrived at Kara’s loft. She had gone into enough detail for Kara to consider the ramifications of a freak encounter with kryptonite taking her hearing. Granted, there’s always sign language. Maybe her higher brain functions? That seems more fool proof, but it might make the whole Supergirl thing a little harder. Maybe if it was in a public fight, so the city would know what happened?
She was pulled from her musings by Lena suddenly grabbing her shoulders and guiding her to the couch, face resolute.
“That’s enough, we’re talking about this.” Lena would look exactly like Ms.Luthor, CEO, rather than Lena, best friend, if it weren’t for the way she wrapped a fuzzy blanket around Kara’s shoulders and offered her a pillow before mimicking the position on the other end of the couch. “What’s wrong?”
Kara laughed. She knew Lena was fully serious in her questioning, but if Kara matched that seriousness she would end up saying things she definitely didn’t want to share. So instead, she laughed. “Lena, I’m fine.”
“Darling, you know you’re an awful liar.”
Years down the road, Kara would blame that Rao forsaken nickname. The way it fell out of Lena’s mouth gently and full of warmth, distracting Kara for the briefest of moments. She was already weak against Lena’s soft eyes and concerned frown, practically defenseless to her genuine earnest. Pair that with the nickname, and she can’t be held liable for whatever barrier snaps in her chest.
“I’m fine, Lee. Genuinely, it’s not like I’ve been staying up, over thinking us– or, lack thereof. That’d be dumb, like crazy dumb.” She waved her hands as if to ephmisize just how foolish she found the concept. “It’s fine, it’s cool, it’s not like I’m in l- I’m fine.”
“Kara, I don’t think I follow,” Lena’s frown deepened as she tried to understand, and Kara really just wanted to see if she could kiss it away. “Are you okay? You look- I mean, you look like you might be sick.”
Kara really should not be thinking this much about the possible outcomes of kissing her best friend. Friend. Not anything that involves kissing. Just good ol’ platonic friends.
“No I’m not feeling unwell, I’m fine, it’s okay,” Kara’s insistence only caused Lena’s brow to crease adorably, and that was really not helping to keep her brain on track right now.
Lena reached forward to take Kara’s hand in her own, turning it over so she could press her fingers to her wrist. Gentle warmth engulfed Kara at each point of contact down to the atomic level, like it always did when Lena touched her. She wanted to scream.
“Your heart is beating really fast. Like, if you were human you’d be having a heart attack fast. Are you scared?”
“No, I mean, what do I have to be afraid of?” Kara scoffed rather unconvincingly. “It’s not like it’s scary as hell that I want you more than anyone else I’ve ever met in my life. Rao, you could combine every person I’ve ever liked for even a second and you’d still win by a landslide.”
Lena’s hands went limp between them. Kara was quick to pull her hand free of Lena’s now loose hold and reposition them in her lap, twisting her fingers and staring at the empty space between them with enough focus she was almost worried her heat vision would activate. This is really not how her Saturdays are supposed to go. Lena’s prolonged silence was like a flaming knife being dragged through Kara’s chest, and she felt the strong urge to fill it, so she did.
“It started slow, slow enough I didn’t realize it was happening at first. I just wanted to talk to you, be around you, help you. But then like dominos it just tumbled out of control. I started free falling for you, no control. I couldn’t hide it from anyone – Alex, Nia, even Brainy – pretty much all of our friends have asked me why I haven’t made a move yet. Which, is obviously crazy –” a nervous laugh as she reached up to adjust glasses that aren’t there, “‘cuz, ya know, there’s nothing to make a move about. It’s not like everybody knows, everybody sees it but you, I mean, there’s nothing to know anyway.”
“Kara, I’m going to need you to slow down a bit. I don’t understand.” Lena’s voice was gentle, and Kara really wanted to scream, or cry, or kiss her, or some combination of them all.
“I’m not out of control though, I mean clearly, there’s nothing to be out of control of to begin with. It’s fine, it’s cool, I totally know what to do. Not that there’s anything that needs to be done about anything of course! It’s fine, it’s cool, totally cool! It’s not like I’m in love with you or anything.”
Kara’s fingers were tangled in the blanket that had pooled in her lap, no doubt wearing holes through the soft fabric with her relentless fidgeting. Rao, why did she start talking?
“Darling, that’s entirely-“ Lena hesitated, tripping over her words mid-sentence to course correct to a clear, helpful request. “I need you to be more explicit, please.”
The kind of open communication thing they had been working on since they started rebuilding their friendship. The kind of open communication thing Kara was currently failing at, and she was still trying.
Rao, she loves this girl.
“Right, yeah, explicit. That’s- that’s good, yeah. I mean, there’s not a whole lot to communicate, I don’t even know what we’re talking about, it’s fine, it’s cool.”
“Each time you say ‘it’s fine’ and ‘it’s cool’, I get more convinced that it is neither fine nor cool,” Lena kept her tone soft, trying to hide the worry and slight exasperation emerging with the circles that Kara was currently running her in. It was starting to feel a lot like the pre-reveal days, when Lena would try to connect and Kara would dodge around some big, untouchable thing. And, well, in the spirit of asking Kara to express herself…
“Kara, I don’t want to push you to talk about anything you aren’t ready or willing to talk about. You can tell me if this is just something you want to work through on your own, or with Alex or someone else. But this circle you’re running in right now is starting to feel a lot like when you would cover up Supergirl things, and that isn’t a feeling I would like to become accustomed to again.”
That – the idea of hurting Lena like that again – pulled Kara out of her panicked rambling thoughts like a bucket of ice water.
“Lena, I-” she took a deep breath, set her jaw, glared at her lap, and gathered all of her journalism skill to put together a clear, concise explanation. “I love you.”
Lena clearly didn’t get the message, tilting her head slightly with a warm but confused smile. “I know. I love you too.”
“No, I-” another breath, and she made herself meet Lena’s eyes for the first time since they entered her loft. If she was going to say this, she wanted Lena to be able to tell just how much she ment it. “I’m in love. I’m in love with you.”
Kara suddenly very much regretted looking up. Watching the way Lena’s eyes widened, being fully attuned to the way her lips parted for the tiniest of gasps, seeing the way she pulled back ever so slightly, shoulders coming forward – it was an image Kara never wanted to see. She was instantly back to panicking, trying to do damage control for a confession she had never really planned to make.
“I mean- I’m in love, I’m in love with you, but it’s not like I’m in love with you. It’s like- yes, I’m in love with you, but it’s not like I’m losing my head– well, I am, but not in a way that’s like, your problem? I just- I love you, and it’s distracting sometimes, which is probably why you thought I was upset, but I’m not- it’s not like I’m in love with you in a way that has to mean anything, or you know, change anything. We can totally just forget this ever happened and like-”
“Kara?”
“Yeah?”
“Please shut up.”
Kara’s mouth obidiently snapped shut with an audible snap, leaving her staring at Lena with wide eyes and stiff posture, vibrating with energy that she was no longer releasing. They stared at eachother for a moment, Lena searching Kara’s face for something that the blonde really hoped was positive. The intensity of her gaze made Kara want to squirm away, but she held perfectly still, too scared to breathe.
Lena slowly shifted forwards, stoping when their knees were flush. A gentle hand guided Kara’s chin up, which made her realize she had been staring right at her best friends chest in quite possibly the worst moment ever and brought a fiery blush to her cheeks. Before she could start appologizing, Lena spoke again.
“Kara?”
“Yeah?”
“Please kiss me.”
Kara had never followed an order so enthusiastically in her life.
—
The credits rolled on some musical Kara had chosen for their Saturday morning, which had gone back to the expected routine with the addition of occasional trading of shy kisses. “Hey, Lee?” Kara asked, breaking the silence after the film.
“Hm?” Lena was half asleep, curled into Kara’s side. She usually wasn’t one for naps, but she definitely hadn’t been getting enough sleep lately and the warm body under her made the concept abnormally appealing.
“I, uh, was thinking about what we were talking about? Earlier?”
“We talk about a lot of things, darling,” Lena’s voice was muffled by her shirt and when Kara looked down all she could see was half of a soft smile and a mass of hair messy from her carding her fingers through it for the last few movies.
Kara really didn’t want to ask her question and risk ruining the moment, but there’s that whole thing with curiosity and dead cats and she really wanted to know.
“Right, well, this morning, we were talking about your date, and I just—” Kara’s voice was stiff and halting, unsure enough for Lena to crack open her eyes and tilt her head up to meet Kara’s gaze in a show of encouragement. “Well, I guess you just sounded kinda serious about her? So I’m not sure where that lines up with, well, this?”
Her voice was still low and sleepy, but her affectionately unimpressed drawl still shone through. “Darling, I was trying to find a polite way out of a second date.”
“I- oh.”