Chapter Text
When they were first put together and started making a cd and music videos and their first tour all the boys were as close as brothers. They all knew each other and had their rolls. Louis was the oldest, the protector, he was the first to know if something was wrong with the other boys and he was always the first to defend any of them. Louis was also a prankster and he loved to have fun. Zayn was serious and quiet, creative and got stressed easily but he was loyal and caring, fun to be around. Liam was the one obsessive about their health and if they were on time or if they had slept enough, he was the 'daddy' of the group, which was helpful especially when the boys were on tour. Harry was the curly haired one whom the girls obsessed over and the tallest. Niall was the one with the baby face and the innocence that made everyone coo. Though he was not the youngest all the boys identified him as the one they felt they needed to protect.
And protect Niall they did. The boys were constantly herding Niall away from the crowds so he wouldn't become claustrophobic; they were excluding him from horror movies because they didn't want to scare him. They wouldn't allow Niall to hear about the their nights out or the after parties because they wanted to protect his innocence. Unfortunately when you couple a sudden amount of care and concern among a bunch of teenage boys and the stress of a tour, recording an album, interviews, meet and greets, and all the other duties that came with being the most popular band out there and things can go a bit astray.
Stress brought about agitation and all of the boys seemed to suffer from it. If someone had to share a room with Niall they found themselves kept up more than they'd like because Niall would talk in his sleep. Typically it wasn't so bad, just quiet whispers, but when Niall was stressed he tended to have nightmares and those did pose a problem. Many times Niall had been woken and yelled at by a stressed and sleep deprived band mate in the middle of the night. Soon Niall just got his own room after all there were five boys and two to a room, someone was bound to be left out.
As their popularity grew more and more fans would be outside the venues when they arrived places and the boys soon found themselves overwhelmed. When they were being pulled at by multiple fans the last thing any of the boys wanted was to suddenly have a scared Irish lad clinging to them as well. They started to push him off and complain about what a helpless baby he was. When they all wanted to sit down on one of their rare days on traveling on the bus and watch a movie – horror being their favorite genre – they didn't want to listen to Niall whine throughout and complained about how stupid he was that he couldn't tell the movie was fake and how he was a baby for being scared. When they naturally went from watching a movie to playing video games they didn't include Niall because he hadn't been there and they wouldn't have even teams if they did so meaning someone would need to be left out anyway, why not Niall?
When all the boys sat down to eat and Niall would stumble in late because he'd been at band practice, which none of the other members of one direction attended because they didn't actually play an instrument on stage, and he would load down a plate and shove it into his mouth as quick as possible in the ten minutes they had before sound check all the others would call him a pig and tell him he needed to slow down so he didn't get any fatter.
Now none of the boys really meant what they said or ever meant to hurt Niall. It was their first tour and they were stressed. Liam, Louis, Harry and Zayn seemed to have more in common with each other than Niall did. It always seemed as though they were all one big happy band whenever they were in public so no questions were asked.
Niall felt as though he were inadequate. He knew he was different from all the other boys. Management insisted that he needed correction of his teeth, that they weren't good enough so he had to have braces. He was the one to get the most hate so he knew the fans didn't like him all that much. And then the boys went from caring to disgusted. With so many people telling Niall that he wasn't good enough the boy couldn't help but believe them. After a lot of time sulking Niall decided that if no one was going to help him then he'd just help himself.
Niall made sure to keep his teeth clean and follow all the dentists instructions and sure enough the braces came off eventually and his teeth were perfect, he then made sure to keep them that way. He stopped shoveling food in his mouth when he was in a hurry. If he didn't have the time to eat a proper meal then he just didn't eat – unfortunately that led to Niall missing a lot of meals. In order to fix his body to be like the other boys Niall got a personal trainer. Liam decided he liked that idea and even got the same trainer Niall had – this pleased Niall because he felt as though he'd chosen right. Niall stopped clinging to the boys when he was scared or felt trapped in, he just learned to freak out silently – he blocked out all emotion until he had the chance to go somewhere private and hyperventilate, screw telling the others about his asthma that would do nothing but cause problems.
In addressing his 'stupidity' Niall decided to learn as much as he could. Wherever they went Niall made an effort to learn the native language both spoken and written and over the course of five years he had learned quite a few languages. He was now able to verbally speak as well as read and write in English, Mandarin, Spanish, Japanese, German, Russian, French, Farsi, Vietnamese, Korean, Italian, Cantonese, Thai, Hindi, Portuguese, and Polish – sixteen in all and he was working on four more. He studied geography and could tell exactly where they'd been and where they were going as well as numerous facts about any location. He took up drum lessons from Josh, keyboard lessons from Jon, he learned to play the bass from Sandy (not that hard since he already knew the electric and acoustic guitar), cooking lessons from the catering staff at each venue. Whenever they shot a video he would learn how to use the camera, what the director did, what editing did, how they worked in any special effects (if any were used), everything he could possibly learn. Niall also read – everything he could get his hands on from poetry, to fiction, to history, to the classics, to mathematics, to science, and so much more, anything. Niall tried to fix himself.
Unfortunately all of this added pressure led to an increase in stress and with an increase in stress came an increase in nightmares. Niall always roomed alone now, he never slept on the planes, the bus, and the airports or anywhere there were others lest he disturb them. Niall didn't sleep much anymore. For over four years Niall hid in the shadows trying to make himself better.
Zayn had left the band less than a week ago. Everyone was stressed and tense, unsure at the moment of the others intentions despite the fact that everyone insisted they were in this and no one had any plans to leave, ever. Suspicion was only natural at this stage but it would pass, it just took time and reassurance.
This was the first new hotel they were all checking into since Zayn had left and this was the first time in over four years that Niall had been roomed with one of the other boys.
Niall was reasonably nervous as he walked into the room he would be sharing with Harry. The two of them hadn't actually been alone together in over four years and he didn't want to screw this up. Niall knew that with Zayn gone the boys were likely to turn to him when they needed a fourth and he didn't want to disappoint. This was going to be a big week for him, this is when he'd find out of all that work he'd been doing was working. Here's to hope.
"Which bed do you want?" Niall asked as they walked into the room.
"Doesn't matter to me" Harry said as he followed.
Niall just nodded and placed his bag on the first bed he saw then turned to Harry, checking to see if he got it right.
"Fine" Harry sighed, Zayn had always let him have the bed by the air controls, "But it better not get too hot or too cold in here"
Niall gulped, he'd screwed up already. "You can control the temp." he tried to appease.
Harry just grunted in response before he dropped his bag on the other bed, stomped over and fiddled with the room controls then left. Niall watched Harry go in despair; he hadn't meant to cause problems. He looked at the temperature and noted that it was a bit warmer than what he was used to but he wasn't about to complain or even dare to touch it. As he looked at the time he realized it was starting to get a bit late, he gathered his nightclothes from his bag and headed into the bathroom figuring he'd shower before Harry ever got back and then get in bed that way he couldn't possibly be in the way.
Harry had left the room in order to catch his breath. He'd been too hard on Niall, it wasn't fair to compare the lad to Zayn, they were two totally different people. Niall had tried to be nice and offered him first dibs on bed, it was his own fault for shrugging it off. Sighing as he finally collected himself Harry figured he'd just head back into the room, shower and then catch an early night.
With his mind made up Harry walked back into the hotel room only to find that Niall was already in the shower. Zayn always let him shower first! Agitated again Harry started pounding on the bathroom door "Niall, you'd better not use all the hot water in there!" he warned.
Niall jumped, crap, how had he possibly screwed this one up? Still, so as not to piss Harry off more Niall turned the knobs to cold, the shower was quick and he was freezing by the time he got out but Harry wouldn't be mad at him.
"There'd better be hot water left" Harry snarled in greeting when Niall finally stepped out of the bathroom seven minutes later.
"There's plenty I swear" Niall stuttered out as he hurried past an irritated Harry and into his bed.
"I'll see about that" Harry said as he stormed into the bathroom and slammed the door before locking it.
Niall turned on his side and laid under his covers shivering, he was suddenly grateful Harry liked it so warm. When Harry came out of the shower almost an hour later he seemed calmer however Niall feigned sleep so as to avoid doing anything that could possibly upset his roommate.
Harry looked over at Niall feeling guilty; he hadn't meant to snap at the boy. He had beaten himself up while he was in the shower for what he'd said and was planning on apologizing when he got out but Niall was already asleep. Shrugging he just flipped off the lights and figured he could apologize in the morning.
Niall was still as a statue as Harry got into bed and practically sighed in relief when the lights went out. He just hoped that the following day would go better. Alas his hopes were not to be as he was shaken awake by an irate Harry at two thirty that morning.
"Will you stop screaming!" Harry demanded once Niall was finally sitting up and panting.
Niall looked over at Harry and blushed, "Sorry"
"Honestly, I remember now why no one wanted to room with you" Harry said shaking his head as he crawled back into his own bed hoping to catch a few more hours of sleep before they had to get up.
Niall sat there silently berating himself as he realized that he'd had a nightmare. He hadn't meant to, really, it was just one thing that he'd never fixed in all this time. That's not to say he didn't try though, he tried everything he could, it's just that none of it had worked. Once he was sure that Harry was out cold Niall gathered his clothes and snuck to the bathroom to get dressed before heading out of the room. Yes it was early but he was certain he could find a little hide away where he would be able to read without disturbing anyone. Currently he was reading autobiographies from people who had survived world war two. They were fascinating and he was really getting to see numerous different perspectives having not limited himself to any one side or group. Eventually he stumbled upon the stairwell, the only out of the way space where there was light, space enough to not feel trapped in, and he couldn't possibly disturb anyone.
Harry rolled over and groaned when his alarm clock went off. As he sat up and stretched he recalled what a jerk he'd been to Niall last night. The poor kid had been screaming in his sleep and all Harry had done was yell at him for it. To be fair, Harry had been awoken out of a dead sleep to Niall screaming in what sounded like German – seriously since when did Niall speak German? – and he'd been scared himself. Still though he really needed to apologize, he'd been nothing but a dick this entire time.
When Harry went to apologize however he found that Niall was no longer in the room and neither were his things. Sighing Harry figured he'd have time to apologize at breakfast and gathered his things as well – they were heading off after the concert that evening.
Niall however had left the hotel early in order to make his gym appointment with his trainer and have time to shower before band practice, which he had to rush out of in order to, make the interview. Breakfast just didn't happen. He caught Harry's eye at one point but wasn't sure what to make of the face Harry made. It wasn't angry but it wasn't pleasant, what did that mean? Shaking his head Niall moved on with the rest of his day.
After the interview there was a meet and greet and then finally Niall was able to grab a quick sandwich before rushing down to his drum lessons and then his keyboard lessons before getting a full hour to himself until he had to be at rehearsals. Niall decided to spend this hour seeing how the boys would react to his presence.
The boys had gotten a late lunch after the meet and greet – the rest of the crew having already had time to eat while the boys were busy – and then settled in the lounge room that had been set up for them.
"So whose up for a game?" Liam asked.
"Definitely" Harry agreed.
"I'm on Harry's team" Louis called.
"Then I'm with..." Liam paused.
"Niall?" Harry suggested. He still needed to apologize to the boy, he'd tried to earlier but they'd all been so busy and he'd never gotten the chance.
"Alright Niall" Liam smiled, "Where is Niall?"
All three boys started looking around the room but they saw no sign of the lad in question, "Did either of you see him at lunch?" Louis asked.
Both Harry and Liam shook their heads in the negative, "Haven't seen him since we got done at the meet and greet" Liam said.
"I just tried calling him but he's not answering" Harry said putting his phone back in his pocket.
Everyone sighed and put the controls away, "Movie then?" Louis asked.
"How about insidious chapter 2?" Harry suggested.
"I'm up for that" Liam agreed.
And so the three lads were sitting watching a horror movie when Niall walked into the room an hour later. Niall had been feeling rather good up until he'd entered the lounge; Josh had just said he had nothing more to teach him meaning that his drum lessons were over and Jon had said much the same thing – that was two things he could now cross off his list. Productivity was a good thing. However as he took a look at what was on the screen he flinched. Niall had seen enough blood and beating in his life that he had no desire to watch it on a television screen, horror movies just triggered too many bad memories. Sighing he turned around and skulked out of the room. Not knowing what else to do Niall moved down to the kitchen area and decided to see if anyone would give him a cooking lesson.
The rest of the day sped by for the boys; they had rehearsals then sound check followed by a concert. After the concert they were ushered onto the bus for a three-hour drive to their new destination. On the bus the boys just curled up on their bunks too tired to do anything else. Not wanting to disturb anyone with his nightmares Niall just sat in the front room and read his book.
Once they all arrived at the new hotel they were woken up and dragged to their room. Tonight Niall was sharing a room with Liam; he hoped it went better than the last. Taking a few precautions to insure some success Niall had showered on the bus while the others were sleeping and he made sure he was the last one in the room, which gave Liam the chance to choose his bed first. Only when Liam was asleep did Niall lay down. He honestly had no intention of sleeping but he hadn't slept well the night before and he'd made himself stay awake on the bus, the bed was soft and he really hadn't meant to.
Liam was startled awake not even three hours after having drifted off to loud screaming in what sounded like Japanese, what the hell? It took him only a minute before he noticed a thrashing Niall on the next bed over. Groaning he got out of bed and started to wake the lad. He'd thought he was being gentle but in his sleep-addled brain Liam hadn't noticed how strong a grip he'd taken on the boy's thin shoulders.
Niall woke up to pain and an irritated Liam glaring at him, "Are you awake now?" Liam grit out. Niall just nodded hesitantly while trying to catch his breath and was extremely thankful when Liam finally let go of his shoulders. "Good, now go to sleep" Liam instructed, "And keep it down would you?"
Like the night before Niall had waited Liam out before packing up and slipping out of the room taking note of the forming bruises on his shoulders from Liam's grip. He stowed his things on the bus and searched his phone for a twenty-four hour bookstore. He'd finished all the books that he'd packed and needed more especially now that he didn't have his daily music lessons, those had been a good way to kill two to three hours a day depending on how long Josh and Jon had been willing to work with him. Eventually he found what he was looking for and managed to slip out unnoticed, a skill he'd perfected over the past five years.
Thankfully there was next to no one out in the middle of the night and Niall had the entire bookstore to himself aside from the lone cashier, an eighty-year-old man who wasn't very informed on current music. Niall enjoyed his shopping, taking the time to look over every book and he found over ten new biographies, three new books on world war two, a couple of books on Latin and Dutch, and he also grabbed a few fiction books for the fun of it, recently he's been discovering dickens and wanted to try out great expectations and Oliver twist. After a very productive – four hour – outing Niall found himself back on the front room of the bus curled up with a book in his lap.
Another busy day led to another late night arrival at yet another hotel in a new city. This time they were staying for three days and Niall was roomed with Louis. Once again Niall made sure he showered on the bus and he allowed Louis to enter the room first and choose a bed before Niall even through about walking past the door. That night however Niall managed to have another nightmare, there was a difference though, there was no one shaking him awake.
Louis had been awoken by Niall's screams only unlike Liam and Harry he didn't get upset. As much as Louis was known for being the goofball he was extremely protective and he hated seeing one of his best mates in distress. He hurried over to Niall and sat him up, wrapping the boy in a hug and trying to soothe him. Niall kept thrashing and he was begging but Louis couldn't make out what he was saying since the boy was speaking Spanish.
"Shh..." Louis begged, "Please just calm down, please. It's alright whatever it is, everything is going to be fine"
Eventually Niall did wake up and blinked in confusion, "Louis?"