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Chapter Text

Part 1: Mon/Nop (Junior Highschool)

Sam met Mon when the former was in the last year of her junior high school while the latter just begin her junior high school life. Since Mon's parents moved a lot, Mon had difficulties adjusting to her life. Born and raised in America in her early stages of life then moved across to the other side of the world which is in England.

Mon was born into a mixed-race family. Her dad was British and her mother was Thai. Up until Mon finished her elementary school life, the mixed-race kids stay in the UK before her family move again to the other side of the world which is Bangkok, Thailand. Mon hoped this is the last time her family move across the world and she could set up her roots and have some friends.

When Mon and her parents arrived in Bangkok, her father was a doctor. He wanted nothing but the best for his only daughter so he enrolled Mon in the best boarding school Bangkok could offer. Upon her enrollment at the boarding school, Mon met the brooding, grumpy, sarcastic roommate name, Sam.

Since the Thai language was not Mon's first language, in the first months she attended school, Mon struggled with her study and the language itself. But since Sam had lived all her life in Bangkok, Sam decided to tutor Mon in the language and help Mon with her studies whenever the younger of the two asked for Sam's assistance.

As time goes by, the two become peas in a pod. Whenever Mon goes, Sam was there and vice versa. Every time Mon talked about some boy she fancies, Sam pretends to pay attention. At first, she did not know why her heart hurts whenever Mon talked about a boy she likes. Finally, Sam realized that she develop some feelings for the younger girl. But Sam did not know whether the other girl felt the same way as she did or not.

So Sam hides and pushed down her feeling. She tried to be happy for Mon even though her heart constantly broke every time Mon came into their room with a wide smile on her lips. Sam longs that she was the one who put Mon's smile on her face and not some boy she barely knew.

"Guess who has her first date?"Mon said as the younger girl burst into their shared room with a brimming smile on her lips. Sam who was in the middle of reading a book for her English class assignment looked up for a brief moment then her eyes fall into the lines in her book yet again.

Mon then walked towards Sam's bed and plopped down on her belly first. Sam who had her back against her bed headboard, let out a sigh. Mon knows that whenever she talks about boys, Sam always let out a sigh. Like the younger girl annoyed the older girl. Mon then laid her palm on Sam's short pants-covered thighs and shake it gently.

"Are you not happy for me?"The half British half Thai girl asked the older girl. "Are you a bit too young for that?"Countered Sam with a bite. As Sam realized that, Sam took a deep breath and closed her eyes. She could feel her heart break all over again. "I know. But come on, be excited for me!"Mon smiled so wide that almost made Sam forget why in the first place she was annoyed with the other girl.

"I am happy for you, Mon. I really do"Sam said in a monotone voice as she lifted up the book again so Sam did not have to look at Mon's beautiful face. Mon's eyebrows raised. She knows when something bothered her roommate. "Are you okay, Khun Sam?"Asked the younger girl. No, I'm not Sam grumbled internally. Sam took a deep breath and pretend she did not hear what Mon asked of her.

Mon let out a huff when her question was ignored by the older girl. "Fine! be that way then,"Mon let out a frustrated sigh. The tone that Mon addressed her, made Sam look up from her book. "What's that supposed to mean?"Sam asked as she throw away the book onto her bed. "I try to be nice to you and yet you act as if I annoyed you,"Mon's voice now quivering. Sam felt like an asshole but she wouldn't give in so easily.

Sam looked at Mon with disinterest in her eyes. Sam then picked up her disregarded book and continue to pick up where she last left off. "Can you see I'm busy?"Sam said behind her book. Unbothered by the pain she causes. "Go bother someone else, Konkamon"She continued. Sam could hear the choked sob that come out from Mon. Sam closed her eyes and will herself so her own tears did not fall on her face.

"You are a jerk, Sam! Hope you are happy for making me cry!"Said the younger girl as she lifted up her body from Sam's bed and walked out of their shared room while slamming the door behind her.

The last few months before Sam graduated, it was hellish months for the older girl. After their last fight, the atmosphere and dynamic of the duo had, changed. Mon tried to talk to Sam about it but either Sam pretends Mon did not exist or the older girl completely shut the younger girl out. Sam got to admit she missed Mon but her pride get in the way of what she wanted to say to the younger girl.

Not to mention during those times Mon had someone new. Sam felt she was no longer important and special to the younger girl. Although there was like a bridge between the two, it does not mean Sam stop caring for the younger of the two. Sam learned that Mon's someone new name Nop and it seems Nop was a decent boyfriend and human being for her Mon. Sam keep tabs on the young couple until it was time for her to move on to the next chapter of her school career which is high school.

On the day of Sam's junior high graduation day, the girl throws a party in the evening to celebrate that she finished that milestone in her life. Sam had extended an invitation to her former roommate but Sam wasn't sure Mon would show up since the last time she spoke to the younger girl, Mon chose to hang out with Nop rather than with her.

Some hours later the party was in full swing. Every time people stepped on her doorstep, Sam's eyes kept glancing towards the door hoping the one that she really wanted show up but Mon was still a no-show. As the party started dwindling down, the excitement of the party euphoria started slipping out from Sam's body and she is ready to end the night when a soft tap on her shoulder made her turn around.

"Congratulation, Khun Sam!"Mon said with a smile on her face as she pulled the older girl into her embrace. At that moment Sam did not know why she feel happy and yet sad at the same time. She felt relief at least Mon was there to see her off. "Thanks, Mon"Replied Sam as she squeezed the younger girl tighter.

And when they broke the embrace, Sam just realized that Nop was standing beside Mon wearing a polite smile on his face. Nop had his own suspicion towards Sam. He could not explain why but he could feel that the older girl had some kind of feeling toward his girlfriend. Nop also said congratulation to Sam and Sam replied with a short thank you.

It was almost midnight when the party was finally over. Sam's guest already left some hours ago and now it left Mon, Nop, and herself. Both of Sam's sisters already turning into the night. Nop said they will leave in half an hour so he could drop Mon off not so late. "My driver could take you both,"Sam said as her eyes never left Mon.

"Thank you, Khun Sam,,"Mon said as she smiled up at the older girl. Nop only nodded his head and let out a hum. He left to give Mon some space to talk to Sam. "I'll be in the kitchen when you are ready to leave, Mon"Nop uttered then went towards the kitchen. Mon nodded her head and followed Sam towards the front door where her pool was located.

When the pair arrived at the pool, both of them took off their shoes and dipped their toes into the cold water. Sam swung her feet back and forth making the water ripple softly. Sam looked up to the sky and she could see some stars adorned and scattered across the dark night here and there.

The gentle breeze of the night blows and it makes Mon shiver. Without thinking twice, Sam sheds the jacket that she wore and draped it on Mon's shoulder. There was a palpable silence between them and Sam was not sure how to talk to Mon. Sam could feel that Mon was staring at her and so the older girl shot the younger girl a small smile.

"I missed you,"Mon said softly - almost like a whisper - as she pulled Sam's jacket tighter around her shoulder. Sam let out a sigh. Tonight was supposedly her happy night but sitting here with her Mon felt heavier than most of her roughest nights. Sam open and close her mouth hoping a word comes out of her mouth but her own head was a jumble of mess.

Sam could hear her thundering heartbeat against her ribcage whenever Mon was near her. But she is with Nop now Sam chastised herself internally. The words are like a mantra every time Mon was in her vicinity. Mon wait in silence and patiently while Sam gathered her thoughts.

Although the pair wasn't as close as they used to be, Mon still know Sam the best. Mon still knows it is hard sometimes for Sam to come forwards and speak her mind. Mon pulled the jacket tighter as another cold breeze blow into the night. It feels like ages when in reality the both of them sit in silence just only in some minutes.

"Are you happy?"Sam inquired softly. If Mon didn't seat so close to Sam, she might not hear what Sam asked of her. The question surprised Mon. "With Nop?"Mon asked with her own question. Mon thought Sam was asking about her relationship. Sam shrugs her shoulders. "With everything,"Sam uttered as she let out a heavy sigh.

Sitting with Mon here when she knows Nop was somewhere around her house, broke her heart and Sam just wished her feeling towards the younger girl would stop but whenever Mon was around her or Sam saw  Mon in passing, her feeling towards the younger girl intensify.

Mon search Sam's eyes. She was not sure how to answer or react to Sam's question. "I guess,"Mon said as she leaned back a little bit. Both of her hands lay flat on the swimming pool's cold tiles, supporting her weight. Sam's jacket slides a little bit from Mon's shoulder. Just like how Sam always protected Mon, it was a second instinct when she corrected her jacket across Mon's shoulder so the younger girl did not catch a cold.

"You guess?"Sam knitted her eyebrows at Mon's answer. Mon glanced toward Sam as she let out her own sigh. She nodded sadly. Sam knows something bothers Mon's mind but she will wait until the younger girl told her. Mon pursed her lips and then clicked her tongue against her teeth.

"I am happy with Nop, if that is what you asking,"Mon said as her gaze look at the light that illuminated the pool. At Mon's words, Sam closed her eyes and she felt the pain all over her heart. Mon then look at Sam again and knitted her eyebrow when she saw the pain that was painted across Sam's face.

Mon wanted to ask her former roommate but decided not to push through. Sam will tell her when she is ready. "But I'm not happy with us,"Mon continued. Sam wished the us that Mon referred to was about their potential romantic feelings not about the friendship that was shared between the two.

The younger girl took a deep breath. "You were there through all my heartbreak when my crushes did not feel the same as I did. You were there protecting me like the big sister I never had and I just miss us. Miss our bond and friendship"Mon wiped the tears that now rolled down on her face. Mon then shot Sam a small sad smile. "I don't know what did I do wrong that make you hate me so much,"Mon continued.

"I could never hate you, Mon even if I want to. It just there a lot going on in my life"Sam said vaguely and did not elaborate some more. Mon nodded her head. No matter how badly Sam hurt her in the past, Mon always care for and loved her Khun Sam. "Can we try again? Can we try to be friends again?"Mon asked with hope shining in her eyes.

Sam wanted to say no. She knows if she and Mon become friends again, it will lead to much potential heartbreak but Sam couldn't say no when Mon looked at her with those adorable and warm puppy dog eyes. Sam nodded her head softly. "Yes?"Mon asked just to make sure she did not see things.

Sam nodded her head again. "Use your words, Khun Sam"Tease the younger girl. "Yes, you cheeky girl,"Sam said as she shot Mon a smile. Mon let out a shriek of happiness as she pulled Sam into her hug. Sam knows being friends with Mon again was suicidal but as long as Mon is happy, her own heartbreak and pain did not matter to her. At least for now. 

Mon and Sam talk some more after both of them fix and made up their broken friendship. When there was a knock on her sliding door and Nop stood on the side of the door, Sam knows her time with Mon was up. Nop tells both the girls that Mon's parents already looking for her. Mon stood up from her position.

"Keep it"Sam said as Mon was about to return her jacket. "But it is expensive, Khun Sam. I can't accept this!"Protest Mon as she offers the jacket back to Sam again. "It's fine, really. I insist"Sam uttered as she pushed Mon's hand that hold her jacket gently towards the owner. "Okay,"Mon expressed as she draped the jacket across her shoulder again with a smile on her face.

Since Mon a bit shorter than Sam, she is in her tip-toes when the younger girl kissed Sam's cheek. "Take care Khun Sam, and don't be a stranger,"Mon said as she and Nop left Sam's house with Sam's driver. After Mon left her sight, Sam touched her cheek that was being kissed by Mon earlier.

She still could feel soft and warm of the said kiss. And when Sam begin her first high school career, Sam heard that Mon and Nop still going strong.  She tried to be happy and supported Mon with her relationship with Nop although the constant heartbreak suffocated her.

She squashed her feelings for Mon. For now, at least.

Chapter Text

Part 2: Mon/Nita (Senior High School)

In the first few weeks when Sam started her high school career, every now and then both Mon and Sam called each other to tell their day. It was so frequent and at some point, Sam got confused by the notion. Every time Sam asked about Nop and how're the two relationships after she graduated from the boarding school, Mon always avoided the topic.

"Everything alright with Nop, Mon?"Sam asked one evening. Mon, who was on the other side of the line, let out a sigh. "He being ridiculous again,"Mon complained. "How's so?"Sam asked with curiosity. "He's being jealous of you again,"Mon said as she change her position from laying down flat on her stomach to now lying flat on the bed.

Sam could hear the rustling of Mon's bedsheet when the younger of the two change her position. "Why would he be jealous of me?"Inquired the older girl. "Beats me,"Mon reply then shrug her shoulder. There was a silence between them before Mon broke it. "Nop said that you might have a feeling for me,"Mon let out a small chuckle. On the other side of the line, Sam let out a small barely audible gasp. 

"It was ridiculous, right?"Mon uttered as she change position yet again. This time she sat up on her bed. "Yeah,"Answered Sam with a small voice trying to hide the hurt she was feeling at the moment. Sam closed her eyes and pushed down the lump that starting to form in her throat.

After that night, Mon and Sam never talk about anything related to Nop until one day Mon called her while crying her eyes out telling Sam that she broke up with her first-ever boyfriend. If could be selfish, the devastating news works for her own benefit but as she had promised herself a long time ago, she will support Mon with whatever happened in her life.

Once Mon graduated from the same boarding school that Sam went to, both of them once again end up in the same school. Mon had told her parents that she did not wish to attend another boarding school. So her parents - especially her dad - enrolled her in a private school that was located in the heart of Bangkok.

It didn't come surprise when Sam realized that she might have some kind of feelings toward girls. A girl. Mon, to be exact. But it was surprising for her was what Mon told her one day. Still dressed in her fencing pants, Mon marched towards where Sam's locker was located. Mon leaned into Sam's neighbor's locker and waited until Sam closed her own door.

"Jesus!"Sam said as she closed the door. Sam jumped a little because she did not hear not know that Mon already standing beside her locker door. "You can't scare me like that, Nong Mon!"Protest the older girl then swat her hand on Mon's upper arm. The younger girl let out a small laugh and to Sam, the sound of Mon's laugh is like an angel singing.

Mon and Sam then walk together toward the latter next class. Mon insists that she carried Sam's books. Although the older girl refuses when Mon looked - pleaded - with those doe puppy dog eyes, Sam finally caved in. "So what do you want to tell me?"Asked the older girl.

Mon let out a big smile and her dimples show. "Someone comes to see me at practice today,"Mon said still with a big smile on her face. Sm tried not to let out a sigh when she knows where this conversation will go. San then halted her step and turned around. "Which boy you bewitched now, Mon?"Sam uttered while looking at Mon's warm brown chocolate orbs.

Mon raised both of her eyebrows. "Who said it was a boy?"Counter Mon with her own question. Sam's jaw drops to the floor. She never thought Mon might swing that way. Mon never had those tendencies. And for Sam, after what happened with Nop, Sam buried her hope that Mon one day would like her the way the older girl liked the younger one. 

"So, who is then?"Asked Sam full of curiosity but Mon let out a mischieve smile. "I let you know soon. I don't want to jinx it!"Mon said after Sam's Chemistry teacher open the door and ask Sam to get inside the room. "You can't say it like that, Mon, and run away. That's unfair!"Sam said as the form of Mon was already halfway across the hall.

Hearing Sam's protest, Mon let out another joyous laugh, and Sam falls all over for the young girl again.

The next few weeks whenever Sam had her free period, she always come to where the Fencing Club was located. She knows during her and Mon's junior high school days, the latter joined the club. Mon was quick and light on her feet but Sam never know Mon was that good.

It was during one of those practice fights when Sam watched the whole scene unfold. Mon just defeated her third opponent and it seems the smaller one never ran out of energy. And when Mon took off her fencing mask, Sam closed her sketchpad and walk toward Mon to fetch her water bottle.

When Sam stood beside Mon, she gave the younger girl her water bottle while Sam to the rag that was on Mon's hand to wipe the sweat that rolled all over Mon's face. "Aww both of you are so cute,"Commented one of Mon's fencing teammates. "You so lucky to have Lady Sam as your girlfriend, Mon"Said the short bob hair girl.

At the word, 'girlfriend' Mon choked on her water. The water dribbled slightly from her mouth. Mon hurriedly wipes her mouth while trying to control her coughing. Sam attentively rubs Mon's back to soothe her breathing. Ever since the news that Sam has royal blood, some envy her. They envy her because they either wanted to be her or wanted to be with her but Sam only got her eyes on Mon.

"Sam wasn't my girlfriend, Khun Noi"Mon explain to the short-haired girl. Noi lifted one of her eyebrows. "Really? You both seem to look that way,"Noi tried once again. Mon shook her head. "No. Sam is my best friend. We know each other way back. Right, Khun Sam?"Mon enquired the older girl. Sam nodded her head. She did not trust herself to speak afraid that she might spill the truth. 

Mon and Noi talk some more during their break until Noi looked behind Mon. "Don't turn around"Noi gave out a warning. Mon who has her back facing away from the door got curious but she did not dare to turn around. Mon could feel the soft tap on her shoulder. And when she turned around, Mon wish her heart was prepared by what or rather who stood in front of her.

The smell of fancy perfume - a mix of vanilla and some other flowery scent - hit her nostril. Mon tried to breathe but she was nervous as heck. "You look great out there, Mon. With all your fencing gear and rapier, you look like could save a damsel in distress,"Nita said as she stepped closer to the younger girl and ran her index finger on top of Mon's white fencing jacket.

Sam watches the whole scene, fuming. She was burning with jealousy but she can't do anything much about it since Mon didn't know that Sam liked her like that. "I always been meaning wanted to ask you on a date with me,"Nita said then took a step back. At the sudden space between the two, Mon took a deep breath to control her nervousness.

"So, how about it?"Inquired the light-brown-haired girl. Not trusting her own word, Mon nodded her head. "Great! I text you my address,"With that being said Nita alongside her cheerleader friends stepped out of the Fencing Club room. Mon and Noi looked at each other then both of them let out a shriek.

"I can't believe Khun Nita asked you out, Mon!"Gushed Noi. "You had liked her for so long and now it seems fate answer your prayer,"Noi said some more. At the new information, Sam looked at Mon and Noi alternately. She feels hurt that she wasn't the first person Mon told about her crush.

Sam let out a sigh but both Mon and Noi were too busy gushing over what just transpired. Sam then returned the rag that she still hold back to the owner. "I gotta go. Just remember I still need to finish my homework,"Sam said. It was the lamest excuse she ever utter but she needs to get away from Mon after witnessing what just happen.

"Okay, Khun Sam but you still drove me back after school, right?"Asked Mon innocently and wasn't aware of Sam's feelings. Sam closed her eyes and swallow the pain. She turned around and plastered a (fake) smile. "Of course! Unlike you, I have a driver's license "Uttered the older girl and let out a small chuckle when Mon stuck her tongue out.

Things going great for both Mon and Nita but not so much for Sam. Every time Mon told Sam about her date with Nita, Sam wanted to curl up into a ball and just cry her eyes out. Mon wasn't aware of her own feelings toward the younger girl and Sam only had herself to blame. She is too cowardly to tell Mon the truth. Many times the opportunity was present but Sam never took the risk.

Mon just came home from another date with Nita when Mon rang the older girl up. At first, Sam did not want to pick up the phone but either way, Mon will tell her one way or another. Sam picked up the phone and faked with her deep voice so Mon think she was already asleep.

"Hello?"Answered Sam with a sleepy voice. "KHUN SAM-wait! did you sleep already?"Mon asked when she hear the sleepy voice from the other side of the line. Sam nodded her head and realize Mon couldn't see it. "Yes, I am"Sam let out a fake yawn. "Oh! Sorry if I disturb your rest"Mon said in reply. Sam let out a sigh and turn on her bed. "What's up?"Sam asked. "It's nothing really, just go back to your sleep"Mon expressed.

"You know you can tell me anything right, Mon?"Coaxed the royal blood kid. "I know but I didn't want to pull you from your sleep"Mon tried to reason. "You already did. So.."Prompted Sam. Mon felt bad that she disturbed Sam from her sleep even though the clock barely show 10 PM. Mon then took a breath. "I am really sorry, Khun Sam, for pulling you out of your sleep,"Mon said. On the other side of the line, Sam said 'it's okay' in a gentle and soft voice that Mon knows Sam wasn't mad at her.

After hearing the reassurance coming from Sam's lips, Mon took a deep breath and nodded her head. "You know that I like Khun Nita ever since I went to our school, right?"Mon started. "Yeah, what about it?"Sam asked. She wasn't sure whether Mon told her once before since she tends to listen half-heartedly every time Mon told her about someone she fancies.

"So tonight I felt like I'm walking on cloud nine,"Mon continued. Sam could feel her heart break all over again and a lump started to form in her throat. Sam cleared her throat and pushed down the tears that pooling in her eyes. "Stop stalling and tell me,"Told Sam with the best steady voice she could muster under the given situation.

"Okay, okay, Geez! Inpatient, are you?"Mon teased Sam through the phone. "Mon.."Sam gave out a warning tone. She was tired of the conversation already and Mon barely even told her what was going on. "Okay, so Khun Nita and I are official,"Mon spills the bean. Sam closed her eyes again and took a deep breath. Hear beating heart hurt from the pain. "She asked me to be her girlfriend, Sam"Mon elaborate some more.

Sam wanted to yell at Mon for how insensitive the younger girl was toward Sam's feelings but Sam thought it was no use. Tonight is Mon's happy night and Sam did not have the heart to break it. "Wait! Really? How?"Sam asked with fake enthusiasm. Mon then launched how the date went and how Nita asked Mon to be her girlfriend. Once the story end, Sam wipes the silent tears that rolled down her face.

And when Mon heard the small sniffle from the other side of the line, Mon stop. "Are you crying, Khun Sam?"Asked the younger girl. Sam wiped the tears and clear her throat. "No. I just yawn"Sam uttered with a shaky voice. Mon did not believe it for one bit but she would not push Sam if the other girl did not want to tell her.

Mon then glances towards the clock that sits in her bedside drawer. The clock shows half past 12. Mon thought Sam is sleepy and that was why she sniffled. "It's almost midnight, Khun Sam. I'll let you back to your sleep"Mon expressed. "I should've waited until the morning to tell you. But you're my best friend and I am so happy, I want you to feel my happiness too,"Mon said. Sam this time let out a real yawn as she felt like all her energy drained from her body.

Hearing the yawn Mon bid her goodnight and disconnected the line. Once the line was dead, Sam let out a small choke sob and cry her eye out until she fell asleep.

Mon and Sam were in the cafeteria when Nita came barreling in. The older girl which is the same age as Sam frantically searches for her girlfriend. When Nita found Mon who was seated so close to Sam, Nita could not stop wondering why Sam never said what her heart feel, Clearly her year mate love the younger girl the same as her.

Nita then seated in front of Mon. Mon who has a secret discussion with Sam who has her head on Mon's shoulder and playing with her fingers looked up at the frantic girl. Sam lift up her head from Mon's shoulder and raised her hand while the younger girl looked at her girlfriend confused.

"I want us to break up,"Nita said not caring if she hurt Mon or not. Truth be told, Nita knows that Mon loves Sam more than friends too, and yet the younger girl hasn't realized it yet. "Wait! Why?"It was not Mon who let out a protest but it was Sam. Nita's eyes darted from Mon and Sam's. Nita wants to out Sam's feelings for Mon but she opted not to do that.

Nita then put her hand on top of Mon's "Look! you're a great girl, Mon.."Nita said but got interrupted by Sam. "That is the lamest breakup line, Nita"Sam let out another protest. Mon glared at the older girl and the glare that Sam received from Mon successfully shut Sam up.

"Look, all I am trying to say is I know somewhere out there a person who loves you more than I do,"Nita's eyes glanced towards Sam but then quickly looked at Mon in the eyes. When Nita glanced toward Sam, Sam had an internal panic. Sam thought Nita wanted to tell Mon about the harboring feeling the older girl had for the younger one.

Nita then took a deep breath. "Besides in a few months, Sam and I along with our class year will be graduated. I just don't want to break your heart when our time is almost over. I will hate myself with the thought I am hurting you. And besides, I know you love someone else"Nita said but there was no malice in her word.

"That's not true! I do love you. We have been together for two years and I will be crazy if I do not love you,"Mon rambled out. When Sam heard that Mon did love her year mate, Sam sucked a deep breath. The aching pain started to throb again. Nita then looked at Mon and Sam.

"I know you do but your love for me is not as big as for Sam and that's okay, Mon"Nita stated reassuringly. Mon opened and closed her mouth trying to salvage her relationship but it seems Nita's mind had made up."We all know high school romance never lasts and besides, I will move out of the country if I got accepted into my top choice university"Nita continued some more.

Nita then stood up from her position and walked towards Mon. She stood beside the younger girl until Mon also stood up. Nita smile at Mon. "Be happy for me, Mon"Nita said. "Be happy for us, for you, and especially for Sam,"Uttered the head cheerleader. When she said Sam, Mon knitted her eyebrow since she didn't understand what Nita saying.

Mon took a deep breath and sighed. She did care and love Nita but Mon knows she never fully love anyone like she loves Sam. Mon looked at Nita with sad eyes when the older girl kissed her cheek as a goodbye. Even though Nita really does love Mon with her whole heart but she knows it was not her that Mon really wanted and that's okay.

"Take care, Mon. Remember to be happy, okay?"Nita said as she hold both of Mon's hands and squeezed them three times. I love you. Nita looked at Mon for the last time and kissed her knuckles softly. After that, both couples parted ways. Mon who still trying to decipher what just happened and seems a bit lost as she seated back down again.

Sam though loves Mon very dearly but seeing her best friend breaking up with her two-year girlfriend, she felt sad for the young girl. Mon still looked still straight ahead with empty eyes but her forehead knitted. Sam draped her arm around Mon's shoulders and caressed it gently. The gentle motion brings Mon back to reality.

"What was that?"Mon asked after she come back down to earth again. Sam shrugged her shoulder. She is also at loss for what just transpired. Sam then put her head back on Mon's shoulder again, still caressing Mon's shoulder gently. "Are you okay, Mon?"Whispered the older girl.

Mon took a deep breath and gulped down. She shrugs her shoulder. She doesn't know what to feel. "I don't know,"The younger girl said. Sam then patted Mon's head softly. "It's okay. If you want to cry or scream, I am here for you, okay?"Saim said as she kissed Mpn's cheek to soothe the distraught girl and put her head back on Mon's shoulder again.

She squeezed Mon gently and uttered a nonverbal gesture that Sam will always be there beside Mon no matter what.

Chapter Text

Part 3: Mon/Kirk

They say when you left your high school days, it will be the most memorable one, Both Mon and Sam could attest to that. Since Sam is two years older than Mon, she graduated from their Private School two years earlier than the younger one. It was one afternoon when the younger one hang out in the older girl's room. Sam had hidden the acceptance package of her dream university away from Mon's observed and prying eyes whenever the mixed-race girl hang around her room

But since graduation (for Sam anyway) is approaching soon. she pulled out the drawer where she hide the thick brown envelope. Mon was lying on top of Sam's bed on her stomach when Sam throw the thick envelope onto the bed gently. "What this, Khun Sam?"The younger one asks.

"Why don't you open it for yourself," Stated Sam. Ever since the envelope came, both of her sisters insists that she opens it in front of them but Sam being the stubborn that she is, wanted to open the thick envelope with Mon. Mon then seated up - crossed-legged - on Sam's comfy yet soft bed.

The younger girl tore open the envelope with gusto. She opened the envelope like she was the one that got accepted to the said University. When Mon dumped the content of the envelope onto the bed. She spread the booklet, Sam's acceptance letter, and all a freshman needed about the university.

Mon let out a happy shriek when she saw the name of the university that Sam will attend. It is one of the best universities in America. Mon's eyes scanned the acceptance letter and her eyes carefully follow each and every line in the said letter. Her eyebrows furrow when her eyes landed on the major that Sam chose.

"Wait! Law is your major?"Inquired the younger girl. Sam nodded her head. "I thought you going to take business or entrepreneurship like we discussed before"Mon continued. Sam shrugs her shoulder. "Business is what my grandmother wants. I mean look at Neung, she is an Art major who graduated with a minor in Business degree," Sam begin to explain.

"Song's an Entrepreneur major who graduated with a minor in Literature degree," Sam chirped. "And I decided I want to take pre-Law as my major and perhaps will also take either Business or Entrepreneur as my second degree," The older girl said like it was not a big deal. "You do know being a pre-Law student will be busy, right?"Mon looked at Sam with concerned eyes. 

Sam scooted closer to Mon and put both of her hands on the younger girl's shoulder. "Nong Mon.."Sam called out to Mon whose eyes scanned the blue and yellow booklet of Sam's university. Mon looked up still with worried eyes. "Since when I can't juggle things?"Inquired the almost-graduated student.

Mon shot Sam a small smile. "I know you can juggle things. You're your class valedictorian, after all. Nothing Samanun Anantrakul can't handle"Mon nudged Sam's shoulder with hers, gently. Sam stuck out her tongue when Mon spoke her full name,e. "I just don't want you to feel burned out before your courses even begin," Mon continued. Sam can feel her heart fluttering in her stomach when Mon looked at her like that.

Look at her with full of attention, care, concern, and the most important thing, love.

Sam needed to control her breathing and the flush that started to creep in on her face. Good thing Mon is still busy scanning her booklet. "I know. I promise you I can handle it If along the way I can't, I will drop my minor, okay?"Sam ducked down to look for Mon's warm brown eyes.

Mon let out a sigh as she lifted up her head. "Okay," Mon said in defeat. As Sam was sure that she reassured the other girl, Sam kissed Mon's cheek and hug the girl tight. "I hate it that I'm older than you," Sam said as she sighed with Mon still in her embrace. Mon rubs her hand on Sam's back to ease Sam's anxiety then she kissed the side of Sam's head as a way that Mon supports Sam every step of the way as the older girl will take in her life.

After Mon's graduation from high school, she followed Khun Sam and enrolled in the same university as Sam. Enrolling in the same university as Sam was no joke. Not only it is one of the elite universities in America, but it is also one of the most expensive ones. Mon got there on a full academic scholarship.

Once Mon got accepted at the same university as Sam, the younger girl suggested that both of them shared an apartment that was not too far from their university. When Mon suggested the shared apartment, she thought of quaint rooms and not some kind of penthouse located downtown.

"This is not an apartment, Khun Sam!"Mon let out a protest when both of them moved into their new shared apartment and just finished touring the apartment. "You said you wanted someplace that quiet and not so far from our university?"Defend Sam. "I know what I said, Khun Sam but this.. this is bigger than my room back in Bangkok," Mon countered. "I have the money and you need some place quiet to study. Both of us majoring in a degree that needs a lot of concentrations Mon. It's a win-win, really"Sam said some more.

Mon hated when Sam flash her fortune even if it was just for Mon. Mon huffed up and stomped toward her own bedroom door. Mon loves Sam, really. but the younger girl was annoyed that Sam had taken the decision by herself and not consulted with her in the first place.

"So I meet this guy during our monthly meeting," Mon said as she burst into Sam's bedroom. The latter had her glasses pressed up on her nose and buried in a thick Law-related textbook. Sam let out a sigh. It was no use to continue studying when  Mon barged into her bedroom like a storm. 

Sam closed her textbook and shriveled her chair to face her best friend-roommate. Sam had accepted her fate that Mon never like her like that and she never get out of the friend zone with the other girl.

"Okay so get this... It was a rare occasion that our head of student council entered the meeting but today he was there,"Mon let out a dreamy sigh. "Remind me again what's his name?"Questioned Sam. "I never told you his name yet, Khun Sam but Khun Kirk is so charming, handsome, and kind," Mon stated.

Sam is about to take a drink out of her water bottle but stops mid-air. "Wait! How's this Kirk looks like?"Asked Sam. Her voice is dangerously low and full of warning. She knows one Kirk. The Kirk she knows was some kind of ladies' man and Sam will be damned if Mon will be his latest victim of heartbreak.

Mon then describes what Kirk looks like and Sam's heart dropped to her stomach. Sam swallows the sudden bitterness that she feels on her tongue and tries her best - like her usual approach - to listen half-heartedly when Mon gushed out about Kirk. When Mon was done gushing out, Sam's looked at Mon dead in her eyes.

"Why are you staring daggers at me?"Questioned the pre-Med student. "I suggest that you stay away from Kirk," Sam said. "Why? Is there something wrong with him?"The half British half Thai enquired. "Just don't okay? Trust me" Sam said with finality as she shrivel back towards her study desk again to continue where she left off.

Mon looked at the back of Sam's head and let out a huff. The fair-skin young woman then stood up from Sam's bed that she was seated on. The pre-Med student then opens Sam's bedroom door. "If you like him, just tell me straight, Sam! No need to be a jerk about it"Mon said loud enough for Sam to hear it before the younger girl closed Sam's bedroom door shut.

After Mon get out of her bedroom, Sam let out a sigh. If Mon sees her as the bad guy when she tried to protect the younger one, so be it as long as Mon will not be Kirk's next victim of heartbreak.

Sam was about to open the front door of her shared penthouse when she heard a pair of laughter coming from the other side of the door, Sam pushed down the handle of the front door and what she saw made her blood boil. Mon and Kirk having a nice meal in front of their living room.

A bottle of red wine and half-empty glasses were on the table. In front of her eyes, Mon and Kirk had shared some drunken kiss that make Sam sick to her stomach. Sam cleared her throat loudly but the couple to busy sucking each other faces. Sam tried once more and this time Kirk's eyes one and looked at Sam.

Kirk gently pushed Mon away from her. The younger girl who clearly a bit drunker than her male counterpart let out a pout. Kirk's eyes then darted from Mon to the person who stood before them. Mon turned around and let out a happy - drunk -- giggle. Mon quickly stood up from where she was situated and walk wobbly toward Sam.

"KHUN SAM!"The drunken girl latched both of her slender arms on Sam's neck. Mon snuggled on the crook of Sam's neck and leave a light drunken kiss on Sam's neck Sam wasn't sure it happened but it did. Sam tried her best so her face did not feel ablaze by Mon's drunken state.

"I can smell the alcohol on your breath, Mon" Sam said as her arm encircled Mon's wait to keep the younger girl steady on her feet. "But I still want to kiss Khun Kirk's pretty lips" Mon confessed drunkenly. "No, you need sleep" Sam gritted her teeth as she shot a dagger at Kirk. Kirk with eyes shining because of the alcohol he consumes, let out a drunken boyish smile.

Mon's eyes then alternated between Kirk and Sam. "Khun Kirk, this is Khun Sam," Mon said while swaying in Sam's stronghold. "Sam, this is Khun Kirk," Mon let out a small hiccup, her face as red as the wine that she drank. Kirk and Sam eye each other. "We know."Said both Kirk and Sam in unison. Mod nodded her head.

"Then I think my job is done here," Mon said as she tried to walk towards her own bedroom still in her drunken state. Sam since she cares about Mon a lot, helps the younger girl sleep her drunken state off by assisting her toward Mon's bedroom. When Mon was safe and sound on top of the younger's girl bed, Mon was out like a light.

Sam closed the door slightly and leave it a bit ajar. Sam then walked towards Kirk, ready to give him a piece of her mind. "Get out!"Sam ordered. She did not give Kirk room to refuse her command. Kirk looked up from where he seated which is on the wooden floor.

"Samanun Anantrakul, still the same bossy and cold person I remembered," Tease the half-drunken man. Sam marched towards Kirk and grabbed him by his arms. Although Sam is shorter than Kirk, she is surprisingly strong. Once Kirk stood on his feet, Sam pushed him out towards the door. "Get out and don't even think about Mon" Sam is on the verge of fuming.

"Do you like her, Khun Sam?"Kirk tried to mimic Mon when he said 'Khun Sam'. Sam could feel her head starting to throb and her patience wearing thin for this obnoxious man. "It is none of your business!"Replied Sam as she throw away Kirk's stuff toward him and shove the door in his face.

In the following days, neither Mon nor Sam talked about Mon's drunken kiss that the younger girl planted on Sam's ablaze skin last night. It was either Mon did not remember it or maybe just maybe the pre-Med student did not want to talk about it. Either way, if Mon did not bring the topic up, Sam will not talk about it.

She will pretend the kiss did not happen even though Sam still could feel the soft feathery kiss that Mon planted up to this day. It was the following week when Mon feel so tired that she could keep opening her eyes. Usually, the topic of care cases of all kinds of undiscovered or untreated ailments fascinated her. But not today.

Today Mon just want her class to end quickly so she could catch up with her lack of sleep. It was then that she felt a nudge against her own elbow jolt her from her half-asleep state. The redhead who is one of Mon's closest friends in the class scooted a bit closer toward the half British half Thai pre-Med student. Her eyes darted from Mon to the professor that still explaining today's lecture in front of the class.

"Mon?"The redhead called Mon out in a low whisper so she did not bother other students with her chatter. Mon let out a stifled yawn that she covered with her hand and let out a tired hum. Mon took a deep breath to stay awake. Once the redhead was within Mon's earshot, she asked a question that made Mon's forehead knitted.

"Do you think Sam is girlfriend material?"Asked her classmate. "I don't know"Mon gave out a reply. "Why do you ask?"The fair-skin woman continued. "I am just wondering, that's all. But the way Sam is so attentive to you makes me wonder that about her" She said. Mon for a brief second was quiet, pondering what her classmate just asked of her.

"I don't think so. It just Sam and I had been best friends for so long. Sam is an affectionate person and I think it was how Sam is," Countered Mon. The redhead then looked at Mon like she has grown an extra had. The girl shake her head and then averted her eyes to listen to today's lecture.

It was the following week before final exams week was the busiest for both Mon and Sam. Even though both women practically live under one roof, they rarely met. Sometimes when Mon was already asleep, Sam just got home from her internship. The other time when Sam was still hunched over her pre-Law courses textbook, Mon was still out there somewhere with her study buddies group.

Then they're a day when both of them wake up at reasonable hours and finally met. Sam is still hunched down over her course textbook while Mon cooking something over the kitchen stove. A smell of fresh brew coffee and fresh cook pancakes wafted in the air. Sam closed her textbook and look at the back of Mon's head with adoration.

When Mon turned around, Sam quickly control her facial expression. Mon then served Sam a cup of hot coffee along with some stacks of pancakes. "I don't know how I survived without you, "The older woman said as she cut up her pancakes. "You probably die out of starvation since you can't cook for your dear life," Mon replied back as she put some stacks of pancakes into her own plate.

"The nerve of you," Sam sticks out her tongue in a playful manner and the action made Mon laugh. Once both of them were done with their breakfast, Sam suggested that both of them let out some steam before the crazy and hectic week of final exams rolled in and thus both of them chose to catch on some movies and end the night with both of them back in their share apartment ordered some takeouts.

Once they had ordered their takeouts, both Mon and Sam lay on the sofa with Mon laid half on top of Sam and the other half on the sofa. Mon laid her head right above Sam's heart. With her position like this, Mon could hear Sam's heartbeat loud and clear. The only sound that fills the room is the ticking clock that was hang above their living room.

"Khun Sam," The youngest out of two called out the pre-Law student. Sam who played with Mon's light brown hair let out a soft hum indicating she heard her name being called by the girl who lay in her arms. "Today one of my friends ask me if you are girlfriend material," Mon told Sam like how a child told her mother about her day.

For a brief second Sam stopped playing with Mon's hair. Sam let out a sigh then she continues her ministration. "Then what you said to her?"Sam asked. Even though Sam's voice did not indicate that she was nervous at all, her heartbeat said otherwise, Before Mon could answer Sam's question, their front doorbell rang and cut their conversation short.

The dinner had been lovely. Both Mon and Sam share laughter and joy. Once the dinner had ended, both of them retreat to Mon's bedroom. When they reached Mon's bed. The role is reversed. Sam had her head between Mon's shoulder and neck while the younger girl played with Sam's hair.

Sam could feel Mon's pulse against the soft skin od f the side of her temple. Without realizing it, Sam lifted up her head and planted a soft kiss against Mon's pulse then she rested her head back on the crook of Mon's neck again. When Sam kissed her pulse point, Mon's breath got hitched for a brief second and she tried to control her breathing.

Lately, she has developed towards her best friend - room mate but she convinces herself that Sam did not feel the same way as she did. Sam absentmindedly played with Mon's fingers. "You know that I love you right?"Mon asked Sam with an underlying tone hoping Sam would catch her intention.

"And I you. I love you too," Sam replied with the same friendly tone that Mon wasn't hoping for. There was a silence between them until Mon finally broke it. Mon then seated up from her laying position and thus make Sam seated upright too. Mon searches Sam's eyes before she opens her mouth.

"Why do you look at me like that?"The younger of the two asks. "Like what?"Sam inquired with wide eyes towards her best friend.
"Like you have a feeling for me. Like you fall in love with me" Mon said in reply. "I do love you, How could I not? You're gorgeous" Sam expressed with sincerity still in the friendly tone that Sam used early on.

"Yeah, but my friends won't love me like you" Mon uttered. Sam looked at Mon confused. Sam had lost hope from a long time ago that she and Mon could be more than friends and now Mon saying all the things that she wanted to hear for such a long time stirred something within her.

Sam opened and closed her mouth like she wanted to say something but her words died in her throat. In the end, the word hangs in the air as both of them ponder what Mon just said.

Chapter Text

Part 4: Sam/Jim

It had been years since Mon and Sam graduated from their universities. Things had changed but some things stayed the same—their living arrangement. Although Mon and Sam do different jobs to make a living, they still shared the same apartment years ago. Both of them had become successful in their respective occupations.

After Sam graduated two years before Mon graduated, he had been recruited by the best law firm in the city. It did not take Sam a long time to climb in the food chain. Sam started as any fresh graduated Law student. Sam started as an intern at the law firm she worked at. A few weeks after she started working at the law firm, she meet Kade.

It seems Kade started at the same time as Sam but in a different department until Kate move to Sam’s department.  It did not take long for Sam’s circle of friends to grow. A few months after Kade and Sam met, the duo meet Tee. Tee is Kade’s best and long-time friend. Unfortunately, Tee did not work in the same law firm as Kade and Sam.

Tee working for another law firm and they were Senior Associate for the law firm Tee working at. At the end of the year, Kade and Sam's law firm had a bunch of curious minds and wide-eyed fresh-out-of-school interns, and one of them was assigned to be Kade and Sam’s mentee.

The intern introduced herself to the duo as Jim. Although Jim was younger than Kade, Sam, and Tee, she was more mature than her age. Often the four of them would hang out after hours. Either having dinner together or just old plain hang out to destress from the workload they had from the firm. 

And for Mon? Her successful career was not too far from Sam's. Two years after Sam graduated, Mon was not far from her best friend. Graduating at the top of her class makes a lot of healthcare industries want to recruit her. Mon had to turn down a lot of prestige hospitals in the city because the hospitals' mission and visions did not align with Mon’s.

It took several months until Mon finally found the hospital that she confidently say she could bring her best to the table. Started as an Intern and a lot of senior residents and fellows did not take her seriously. And when Mon entered her second year of residency it was where Mon meet her other best friend - a coworker named Yuki.

Yuki was the opposite of Mon. When comes down to Mon’s long-time career milestone and path to becoming the best doctor she could be, Mon has tunnel vision whereas Yuki had more chilled takeouts. It took a lot of blood, tears, and sweat to get to the position where Mon at right now. Once Mon finished her internship and residency, the British-Thai Med school graduate chose Neurology as her specialty whereas Yuki chose Orthopedy.

Years later down the road, Mon had become one of the youngest Neourogly surgeons the hospital ever has.

It was one afternoon when Mon and Yuki took their lunch at a restaurant that was not far from the hospital they work at. The conversation the two doctors had was light and fun until Yuki said something that made Mon thinks. “So, I forgot where I read this but I once read that in this life you will meet three kinds of love and falls for them,” The Orthopedic said. 

“Oh?”Mon’s forehead was knitted. She was intrigued by the fact that Yuki was about to say. “What is it?”Inquired Mon to her work best friend. Scooping the Pad Thaithe other doctor ordered, Yuki chewed and swallowed before she opened her mouth. Once the food no longer filled her mouth, Yuki’s eyes looked on Mon’s. 

“The first one, you will fall for someone that looks like you,” Yuki raised her index finger. Mon nodded while chewing her food. Yuki then looked at Mon expectantly. “What?”Mon asked. “Have you?”Countered Yuki as if she waiting for Mon to elaborate some more. Mon washed down the food with the drink she ordered. “Don’t think so,” Mon replied.

Yuki was about to scoop another spoon but something came into Mon’s mind. “On second thought maybe I did,” Mon uttered. “I’m intrigued,” Yuki said. “I mean at the time I don’t think much of it since it was young love, you know,” Mon expressed some more. “Is this happen when you were with Nop? You know your first boyfriend?”Asked the slightly younger woman.

“Perhaps,” Mon said. “Before Sam entered the picture, Nop and I were best friends. We share some similarities and perhaps at that time why I feel I’m attracted to him,” Mon explained. “But once we dated one another, Nop was not what I hope for. He was too controlling. His jealousy and insecurities were on another level and I can’t stand it” Mon spoke out.

Yuki nodded her head as a sign that she heard all the things Mon said to her. “His jealousy of Sam was ridiculous and I lost count how many times I said to her Sam and I are just friends,” Mon concluded. In the passing Mon often time talks about Sam with Yuk. The other doctor had an inkling feeling that Mon has a feeling for Sam. Mon was the only one who did not realize and see it.

“Moving on, what’s number two?”Mon asked. Once the dirty plates and utensils had been cleared up, the conversation continues. “Number two, you will fall for someone who was the complete opposite of you,” Yuki responds. Mon once again launched that Nita might be the opposite of herself.

Mon did not count the brief relationship she had with Kirk during her university days since it was nothing serious about that. Once the check had been paid and the duo walked back to the hospital, Yuki asked the last question. “Lastly, you will fall for your best friend” The lighter brown-haired doctor stated. The one that Yuki just said, made Mon stop in her tracks. “What is it?”Yki asked. 

Mon shook her head and continue her walk. Curious about the sudden movement Mon just made earlier, it made Yuki wants to dig deeper into Mon and Sam’s relationship. “What about San?”Yuki enquired. “What about her?”Counter Mon. “Have you?”Yuki asked Mon’s question with question. 

Yuki looked at Mon pointedly. “What? Are you asking me whether at some point I ever had a crush on Sam?”Mon question. “Are you?”Yuk said as both of them stepped inside the Attending lounge room to grab their respective white jackets. “No,” Mon said but there was a hidden uncertainty that Yuki picked up from her friend's tone. 

“Are you sure?”She pushed a little bit more. “I don’t know,” Mon replied. “Maybe,” Mon continued. “It’s complicated, okay?”Mon stated a little bit defensive and Yuki raised her hands in the air as a sign that she would not pry some more about Mon and Sam’s relationship unless Mon is the one who told her so. 

With that conversation being the end of it, both Mon and Yuki went their separate ways to do their rounds until both of them clocked out from the hospital and their shifts.

The conversation that transpired between Mon and Yuki haunts the Neurology Surgeon's mind for weeks to come. There was a time when Mon would think about it. Looking back perhaps she might develop some feelings for her best friend - roommate. But Mon was convinced that Sam did not like her like that. 

It was one of those days when Mon would catch her break in the hospital cafe instead of at the little diner down the block. The cafe was a bit deserted since it was past lunchtime. After Mon paid for her lunch, she seat at the empty table. Her lunch was untouched since Mon was deep in her thought.

Yuki’s question made Mon think back. There was a time when Mon caught Sam looking at her full of adoration and love. But during that time Mon did not dig too much about it. Mon was used to Sam looking at her in a certain way that made her question her feelings and views toward her best friend. 

It was a rare occasion that the young surgeon could come home to the apartment at reasonable hours. After Mon had done with her rounds of patients and there were no emergency surgeries she needs to attend to. After Mon clocked out from her shift, she picked up her dinner at the restaurant where Mon and Sam used to go. 

It had been a long time since the last time Mon and Sam shared dinner. Ever since both of their careers took off, Mon and Sam barely had time for each other not like they used to back in the day and Mon missed the quality time she had with her best friend. So that’s why Mon decided to pick up the food that both of them used to love. 

Keys jingle and soon the front door of her shared apartment with Sam opened. Mon could tell that Sam was around the apartment since the lights around the premises were still on. “Khun Sam, I am home,” Mon uttered as a way to announce her presence. But there was no reply from Sam around the house. 

Mon then walked toward where Sam’s room was located. She lifted her hand. Her knuckle was ready to rap on the door but before Mon about to do that, she could hear muffled conversation and laughter from the other side of the door. Since Sam seems occupied with whoever speaking with her on the phone, Mon retreats her steps. 

It looks like their stay at dinner would not change any time soon and Mon for the umpteenth time had to eat alone at the island counter that used to be filled with laughter that Mon and  Sam used to share.

The time was Saturday and by miracle, both Mon and Sam were staying in. After months of their work schedules overlapping with each other, finally, both of the young successful women could see each other like a normal human being not just like a co-shared living person with each other. 

Mon was reading a medical journal about the rare case that one of her patients had. Then the sofa that was unoccupied beside her dipped signaling someone seated beside her. Sam peered into the book that Mon was read on. “What are you doing?”Sam started the conversation. 

Mon then for a moment closed the book and launch the tale-tell behind the reason for her research. Sam nodded her head and listen attentively. Even though both of the women work at different backgrounds and jobs, that does not mean that Sam would stop supporting Mon.

Once the story ended, Sam smiled. “I love how you are so passionate about the work you had and you cared about people like they were your own family not just some stranger that landed in your hospital rooms,” Sam said. Mon looked up and she caught the same look that Sam used to look at her years ago. 

The Surgeon then took off her reading glasses. Before Mon could ever confront the look Sam gave her, the older of the two cleared her throat. “Anyhow, I want to know if you could join us this afternoon,” Sam stated. “Us?”Mon's forehead crested and a look of confusion painted on her face. 

“Yeah! Some of my coworkers will come here and I was thinking we could have dinner and hang out. It had been a while since we hang out together” Sam elaborated some more. It seems Mon was not the only one that missed their quality time together. “Sure, count me i-” Mon was interrupted by the message alert that was arrived. 

The doctor picks up her phone and does a quick scan of the message. Mon then let out an annoyed huff. It seems the universe tries to test her patience. “Let me guess, emergency at work?”Sam inquired. Mon nodded her head solemnly. “I am sorry, I need to go,” Mon said as she scrambled up while trying to gather her reading materials. 

Sam's hand that was on Mon’s wristed halted her movement. Mon looked at Sam. “Go! I got this,” Sam said as Mon stood up. “I wanted to be there but-.”Mon felt guilty when Sam made an effort and time to have quality time with her. “It is fine,” Sam replied while cleaning up Mon’s reading materials. 

“Are you sure?”Mon asked. Sam pause from what she was doing and look at Mon. “It was fine. We can do it some other time,” Sam spoke as she stood up beside Mon. Sam searching for Mon’s eyes to reassure her. “Raincheck?”Mon asked guiltily. Sam nodded her head. 

The older girl stood a bit closer to her younger counterparts. “Go! Be the hero I know you are” Sam then kissed Mon’s cheek without thinking much about it. For Sam, it was a friendly gesture. But for Mon, for the first time in such a long time, it stirred some feelings that Mon denied for such a long time. 

Soft music could be heard when Mon came up to the door of her shared apartment. When Mon opened the door, laughter filled the room. Mon standing at the mouth of the door. She could feel the impending headache. During the surgery that pulled Mon away from the get-together that Sam set up, the outcome was not what the young doctor hope for. 

Mon walked straight to her room but Sam’s voice pulled her away from the safe sanctuary that Mon yearned for which is her room. “Mon, come join us,” Sam said with a smile. “I had a bad day and I don’t think I much good of accompany,” Mon replied with a shaky voice and unshed tears pooled in her eyes. 

Sam then leave the people that crowded the kitchen. “You okay?”Sm asked while caressing Mon’s upper arm. “Yeah, yeah. Don’t worry about me. Go back to them,” Mon said and was ready to open her bedroom door. “Are you sure you okay?”Sam inquired once again. Mon in all her scrubs glory  - since she forgot to bring clean clothes with her to the hospital - turned around to face Sam again.

She wanted to say no and pulled Sam away from her accompanies but Mon was not that selfish. Instead, “Yeah, I just need to lie down. It had been a hard and rough day for me,” Mon excused. Sam looked at her with understanding in her eyes. Before Mon partways, Sam grabbed her wrist.

Mon’s eyes traveled down to the wrist that Sam held and back to her best friend. “I am here whenever you need me, okay?”Sam uttered. Mon sends Sam a ghostly smile. “Seriously, don’t worry about me, And thanks, Khun Sam,” The younger of the two countered back. After that Mon open her bedroom door.

Before Mon closed the said door, she could see one of Sam’s friends asking whether Mon was okay or not. Mon could not make out what Sam said to them since Mon’s room was a bit far from the kitchen. But before Mon completely close her bedroom door, something caught her eye. 

One of the women of Sam’s coworkers who from Mon’s point of view seems a bit closer and friendlier to Sam than the rest of them. Mon feels like her heart broke and she wanted to cry. But Mon refuses to acknowledge that the cause of her heartbreak was because she saw Sam with another woman and she chalked it up by making an excuse the cause of her agony was because Mon lost a patient on her operating table on that day.

Sam did not know what time during the night when she get up from her bed and slipped into Mon’s. In the darkness, Sam could see Mon’s sleeping form. Back when they were still in their university days, whenever Sam could not sleep or something bugging her mind, Sam would climb into Mon’s bed and hug her best friend from behind without hesitation. 

But ever since both of their lives went in different directions, Sam was not sure if she climbs up to Mon’s bed unannounced, the sleeping woman would welcome the gesture. Sure, the two of them are still best friends like all those years ago but Sam could feel that there was a invisible wall separating the two of them. 

Sam was about to get out of the doctor’s bedroom when Mon’s sleepy voice broke her reverie. “I could hear your thoughts from miles, Sam. What is it?”Mon asked hoarsely. Sam tentatively walks further into Mon’s room and climbs up into her bed. Once Sam lay down on the bed, she let out a sigh. 

In the darkness, Sam looked at Mon’s back that was facing her. “Can I hug you?”Sam inquired. Mon hearing Sam's request wanted to say it was not a good idea since as of late, Mon stop denying herself and she was sure that all those years ago the feeling she buried deep inside that she had a crush on her best friend, come resurface and hit her like a truck. 

But Mon could feel and hear the sadness behind Sam’s question and who was she denying her best friend request. “Sure,” The young doctor said. Steadying her heartbeat, Mon could feel Sam’s arms engulfing her small figure. “What is it, Khun Sam?”Mon repeated the question that she throw at Sam minutes ago. 

Now Mon’s back is pressing Sam’s front. Sam let out a sigh and her warm breath Mon could feel it on the back of her neck. Sam was quiet for a moment. Mon thought Sam fall asleep since she could feel Sam’s steady breath. “Khun Sam?”Mon called out the older woman. 

Sam let out a sigh again to indicate that she was still wide awake. Sam did not know how to express it but she did it anyway. “Have you ever felt like you were unsure of  your feelings?”Sam asked.  Mon’s foggy brain could not decipher Sam’s complicated question that she throw at the dead of the night. 

Mon was about to turn on her bedside table light but Sam put a stop to it. “Please don’t,” Sam said shortly. “Okay,” Mon replied as she laid back down on her part of the bed. The room suddenly filled with rustled sheets as Mon change her position. If the light in the room was on, Mon’s face was now inches away from Sam.

“What do you mean, Sam? I am sorry but your question is too complicated at this wee hour and my brain could not process it,” Mon said honestly. This is the umpteenth time Sam let out a sigh. “What I’m trying to say is have you ever liked two people at the same time?”Sam elaborated some more. 

Mon could feel her heartbeat spike up at Sam’s question. “Are you saying that you like two people at the same time now?”Mon asked the question that Sam just asked her seconds ago. Sam nodded her head in the darkness of the room. This was the first time in forever since Mon and Sam had a heart-to-heart conversation.

Mon swallowed and took a deep breath. “Who is it?”Ask the Neurosurgeon boldly. “The first person is Jim and the other one you don’t know them,” Sam said calmly even though she feels like she wanted to throw up. “So, are you and Jim dating?”Mon inquired. “Yes, we are,” Sam said matter-of-factly. Sam then told her best friend how she met Jim and how long the two had been dating. 

For a brief moment, Mon could feel her heart breaking even more. The news of Sam liking two people at the same time was a lot to process for the young doctor but after hearing that Jim and Sam are dating, Mon did not know how to feel. “Jim was the shorter and younger one when your coworker went to our place, yes?”Mon asked to make sure she put the correct name on the face. 

“Yes, that was her. The other one is Kade and Tee,” Sam explains. “I see” Mon nodded her head. The young doctor was quiet for a moment and it made Sam worried. “Talk to me, Mon. What are you thinking?” Sam uttered. “What the problem then?”Mon question. Sam looks at Mon confusedly. 

“I don’t think I get what you mean,” Sam countered back. “What I mean is if you like Jim more than the other one, it should not be a problem,” Mon speak out. She did not mean insensitive about Sam's problem but Mon was too tired and just want to continue her sleep. “The problem was I like and known this person much longer than I liked and known Jim,” Sam replied. 

At this point, Mon was sure that the other person that Sam was talking about is her. “Then tell them that you like them,” Mon uttered. “It was not that easy,” Sam replied. “Why the hell not?”Mon got a bit defensive and her head pounding. Sam could hear the defensive tone that Mon used at her. 

Sam let out a breath to calm things down. “What if they did not like me like that? What if after I said what I feel, I ruined the relationship I had with this person?”Sam said as she gnawed on her bottom lip. “You can’t live your life in the ‘what if’, Sam. Be brave!”Mon encourages her best friend. 

Mon swears she could hear Sam say ‘Here we go’ softly to herself. “Could you turn the light on? I want to see your face when I say it” Sam asked Mon. Without question being asked Mon comply with Sam’s request. Once the light was on, Sam was seating on Mon’s bed, and the younger one copied. 

Sam then reaches out for both of Mon’s hands and holds them gently in her own hands. Mon looked down on the hands that were being held by Sam and she had a feeling she knows where this conversation will go. Mon was not prepared for it and her heart hammered out of her chest. 

Sam swallowed before she looked into Mon’s soft brown eyes. “I like you, okay? No. I love you. I loved you since the first time we met but I am not sure you like me like that. Then you dated both Nop and Nita, I try to be the supportive best friend but my own heart is breaking. Then you met Kirk. Thank god it did not last long,” Sam let out a chuckle, and it also made Mon laugh a bit. 

“All those years, I thought at some point you like me back but you never show it so I moved on. I try to date some other people but they had nothing to compare to you until Jim comes along. Sure, she was not you but it was nice to feel loved and wanted, you know?”Sam continued her speech. 

It was not Mon’s intention to make Sam feel unloved or unwanted. “Then out of nowhere, the feeling I had for you that I buried deep a long time ago come resurfaced. I try not to love you, I truly did, but I’m tired of hiding it. I like Jim but I love you more,” Sam ended her speech. 

She then looked up at Mon’s shocked face. Slowly, Mon extracted her hands that were held by Sam. “I…. um…. I don’t know what to say, Sam. It was a lot for me,” Mon said honestly. “I know and I am sorry. I just want you to know,” Sam said as she get up from Mon’s bed and kiss the doctor’s cheek. 

“Take all the time you need, Mon. I won’t push you if you did not feel the same way as I did. Good night!”With that, Sam closed Mon’s bedroom. Inside the room, Mon’s heart pounded out of her chest and she truly did not know what to do.

It had been some months after Sam’s declaration of love to her and Mon avoided Sam like a plague. It was not her intention. Being a Neurology Surgeon with an uncertain schedule keeps her busy. And often her and Sam’s work schedules overlapped with one another. 

At some point, Mon told Yuki that Sam had declared her love for the doctor. Yuki shook her head in disbelief since Mon did not jump on the first chance after San told Mon how the lawyer truly feels for the Neuro Surgeon.  Then it was one of those weird nights when the hospital was calm as a clam. 

No emergencies or critical patients to attend to. And Mon ran out of excuses to avoid Sam back at their shared apartment. Since there was nothing left to do at the hospital, Mon decided to come back early hoping Sam was still out there. But when she arrived at the apartment, her luck ran out. 

Sam was in their living room, eating some kind of noodles while wearing her casual clothes. “Hey,” Sam’s eyes averted quickly from the program that she watched to greet her best friend who walk briskly to her bedroom. When Sam sense that Mon avoids her, she could not take it anymore. 

Putting down the bowl that she had in her hands, Sam get up from her position and trailing not far from the surgeon. “What is your problem?”Sam asked a bit annoyed as she pushed open the bedroom door rather harshly. Mon jumped at the loud commotion. “Knock much?”Mon replied a bit seething.  

Sam stepped further into the doctor’s room. “I asked you, what is your problem?”Sam asked again. “Nothing. I had no problem with you, Sam” Mon replied. “Oh really? So avoiding me after I told you how I truly feel was not a problem?”Sam fights back. Mon let out a sigh and then turn to her best friend. 

“Look, Sam. You are a great woman-,” Mon was interrupted when Sam raised her voice. “Don’t give me that crap, Kornkamon,” Sam said full of rage. It has been ages since Sam called her by her first name. When Sam called her by her first name, Sam truly did annoy her, and Mon knows when Sam did that she was in deep trouble. 

“Just shoot straight with me, Mon” Sam said borderline pleading with the younger woman. Mon step aside a bit then Sam realized there was a suitcase on the top of Mon’s bed. The shocked face on Sam’s face did not escape from the Britisth-Thai mixed woman. “Where are you going?”Sam questioned when the shock wore off. Mon looks at the half-packed clothes that she already put inside her suitcase and looks at Sam.

“I’m moving out to England,” Mon replied as she continued packing her clothes. Sam feels like the wind was knocked out of her. She slowly sat down next to the open suitcase of Mon. “For how long?” Sam inquired. Mon shrugs her shoulder. “Not sure,” Mon replied. “And you did not think it was necessary to fill me in? I thought you are my best friend?”Sam uttered.

She feels hurt that Mon never said anything to her about moving out to England. “You were are my best friend,” Mon hurriedly corrected herself but Sam caught Mon's little slip-up. “Were?”Sam felt hurt even more. “Are, Sam. Are,” Mon tried to backpedal. “You know, people said the first sentence is the truest,” Sam countered back. 

Mon sigh and sit down next to her suitcase which was unoccupied. “What do you want me to say, Sam? I am sorry that I did not loop you in?”Mon inquired. “Why is that matter anyway? You are not my girlfriend,” Mon closed her eyes. This is the second time where she put her foot where her mouth is. 

“So, this is about Jim, then? Is that it?”Sam asked. The annoyance that she felt some minutes ago come resurface. "I saw an opening position up in the United Kingdom soil to expand my career and I can't pass up the opportunity. I will be a fool if I don't take it. And besides, my world did not resolve on you, Khun Sam" Mon explain as she get out of her position and continued her packing.

“Stop what are you doing and talk to me like an adult, Mon. Damn it!”Sam spoke with a shaky voice as the tears started to pool around her eyes and the bubbling rage threaten to come out. "Instead of resolving our issues, you decided to move out of the country half around the world without talking to me first? Is that it?"Sam's eyes blazed with hidden rage as she gritted her jaw to keep her anger in check.

Sam blinks and the angry tear escaped from its confinement, Sam hurriedly wipes it away. Mon let out a sigh as she put down the clothes that she just folded into the suitcase. “What you want me to say, Sam? You are happy with her and I am too much of a coward to say I truly feel,” Mon said as she wipe the tears that running down her face. “How do you truly feel?”Sam enquired as her forehead knitted together. 

There was no use for Mon to lie to Sam so might as well say the truth. It does not matter much since tomorrow she will leave the country. “I love you, okay? But it did not change anything since you with Jim and all that,” Mon shot Sam a sad smile. “I can break up with her,” Sam replied without a second thought about it. 

Mon shook her head. “Don’t do that. Don’t throw away your long-time relationship with her” Mon continued the thing that was being paused. Her heart feels heavy at the reality of leaving Sam behind sink-in. “Don’t break up with her just because of me,” Mon continued. “But I love you! Which part of that, that you didn’t understand, Mon?”Sam fights back. 

The tears that were pooled in Sam’s eyes now cascaded freely down her face. “I know you do. This is why I’m doing this for us,” Mon replied as she zipped up her suitcase. “How? Enlighten me how this works best for us, Mon!” Sam wipes the angry and heartbreak tears of her from her face. 

“I don’t know,” Mon was at a loss. The Neuro Surgeon ran her hand into her hair. She let out a long breath as she did not know what to do or say to Sam under the circumstances. Sam wants to fight back but she could feel Mon has already given up on her emotion and the situation. 

So Sam changes her tactic. She took a deep breath so she did not say the wrong thing. Eying the closed-up suitcase meant Mon was ready to move out. From the country arm Sam’s life. Swallowing the lump, Sam opened her mouth. “When is the big move?”Sam nudges Mon’s shoulder playfully even though her own heart breaks. 

Mon did not want to answer Sam’s questions since it could bring a potential rouse between them but Sam should hear from her mouth rather than from the goodbye letter that Mon had written for Sam during one of her breaks at the hospital. “Tomorrow,” Mon replied while staring blankly at the wall of her bedroom. 

Sam sucked in a deep and sharp breath at the new reality. “There no use for me to try to change your mind?”Sam said sadly and her younger counterpart shook her head sadly. “No. I am sorry, Sam” Mon uttered with visible heartbreak in her tone. Sam closed her eyes as she pushed down her feeling. 

Sam gathered Mon in her arms. “It’s okay. We are still best friends, right?”Sam asked while rubbing Mon’s back reassuring her that nothing changed between the two. “Of course!”Mon said with conviction. “Soon the only difference is our timezone,” Sam tried to make a light out of the situation but Mon did not find it funny. 

“Sam, don’t do that” Mon replied sadly. Sam raised both of her hands as a sign of surrender and would not make another joke out of their current situation. “I am sorry. I love you, okay” Sam said as she pulled Mon back into her arms again. “I love you too, More than you ever know,” Whispered Mon softly then she kissed the older women’s cheek longingly and softly. 

The next morning Sam thought she still had some time before Mon would leave the country. But when she open the doctor’s bedroom door, the room was clean and pristine. Like there was no one occupied the room all those years, Sam's eyes scanned the room and when she was about to close the door, she found a folded paper on top of the bed. 

Once Sam was done reading Mon’s goodbye letter, her heart broke all over again. And on that day, it was the first time since Sam worked at her law firm that she called in sick.