Work Text:
Louis looked up to the sky as he leaned on the railings of the balcony in his bedroom. His eyes still hurt from last night, and he knew they were probably red as they would ever be. As it usually was since... since that day.
He was about to take another sip when a bird landed just beside him. He stared at it, it stared back. As they did their contest, loud wind erupted his concentration, clasping his red silk robe to himself.
"It's cold," he muttered.
He looked at the bird again, but it already left, flying on the cerulean sky, white clouds. Suddenly, the urge to be one with the clouds seemed to resurface. He sighed.
"Louis, can I get some tea?"
His fist clenched on the cup of tea he was holding. He wanted to close his eyes, but the pain lingers that's why he just continued looking above. As if he would see something different. As if he was not looking at it every single morning after he woke up, and almost memorizing every shape of the clouds there were.
When his brother left, Louis became determined to do everything to continue what his brother started, in another means. He came out as persistent, intelligent, strong—strong as he should ever be since he was a kid.
Stronger than he had ever been before, because the threshold that was upholding him was not there anymore.
However, there had always been times he... missed him. Before everything happened, it was difficult, life was difficult from his disease to everything, but he had William to affirm his existence. He had William to remind him no matter how cruel their world had been, he was alive for a reason.
Even if it's just to make his brother tea, or make his favorite Stargazy Pie—or even to simply stay behind him, everything felt alright. He knew he's there for a reason.
Now that there's no one to talk to, there's no one to know what he felt without him having to say it, it's more difficult.
"Nii-san... it's peaceful today," he whispered to no one.
Louis never cried. To anyone.
Yet, what no one knew was that every time, he wished William was beside him. No one knew how much tears were shed, silently hoping to see him again.
No one knew the nightmares he faced, the daydreams he did not even know he's capable of having, and the cries inside his heart, because he chose not to let them know.
"I just need you with me." He remembered saying that as a child.
I still do, nii-san.
Once again, he felt his eyes getting hurt and before a tear fell, he wiped it with his hand. His hand grazed the scar on his cheek and it paused there for a second before he took a sip from his tea and looked at the people walking below him.
He could see people laughing with each other, most likely talking about how their days went, or how they wanted it to go today. He could see them passing newspapers to each other, nodding, gossiping.
If only.
Louis could only think, imagine even, scenarios where there's no injustices to be solved. Probably, his brother would not have to use his head to achieve his death. Probably, they would be just like… people.
People who would gossip, who would laugh at little things, who would enjoy and probably even take advantage of a day they lived.
It had been months, and Louis still felt the need to be wanted by his brother. Brothers. He could still feel the lingering thought of William asking for omelette, and Albert for wine.
They're both gone. While he's still here.
He was still on the same spot they had been when both still needed him to make them something. He's on the very same spot William had been as he read the newspaper, finding out another noble crime, planning another step towards his goal, his death.
Always. Every day. It always felt as if everything happened yesterday.
He had always known William was too good for this world, but at the very least, he hoped to be deserving of him.
Louis' life had always been cold, yet William's warmth was what kept him going. Before.
"Louis, your tea is what I always look forward to everyday."
William's word was what he looked forward to every single time.
It was cold, yet there was warmth. Today, it was cold, and he was freezing.
Louis cleared his throat and continued watching everything below him.
He carried on, he knew that himself. What he was doing today did not entirely circulate to his brother. He's his own person.
But sometimes he wished he was not.
He would trade everything just to have his brother again.
Maybe, in another timeline they were happy. Even if it's just a hope, he wished they were with each other regardless of the circumstances. He hoped they were having fun; reading books, playing games, going out. He hoped they were laughing like kids they had never been.
Today's broad daylight. His eyes were hurting from tears and the sun, but he still watched. Maybe through watching people, he would be distracted. Maybe, he would move further forward again.