Work Text:
I realized I fell in love when I couldn't help but smile while listening to you talk about your ideas for our joint business.
When I caught myself noticing the faint freckles on your face, the little wrinkles around the sides of your eyes when you smile. How you schrunch up your nose when things don't go your way, or how you slightly stick out your tongue when you're focused on your work.
When your touch, even the smallest one, made my heart beat faster and shivers ran through my whole body.
I knew I loved you when you grabbed my hand that day, when you said you didn't want to lose me. When I swore that I wouldn't leave you no matter what. I admit I lied.
I am a fool, I've always looked at you through rose-colored glasses.
I've mistaken your obsession for love, I couldn't see what a rotten person you really are. I couldn't see that looking into my eyes you only saw yourself. You only loved me when you had a use for it.
And even when you caused me terrible pain, I didn't want to think that it was you who have done it. I was telling myself that you're innocent, I became paranoid, I couldn't think straight about anything, and you took advantage of it. You used my weakness to feed your obsession and loneliness that was consuming you. Because, my friend, without me, you are terribly lonely. I'm probably the only person who was stupid and blind enough to fall in love with you so sincerely.
I know I love you, even as I write this, after everything you've done. I love a monster, a killer, someone who doesn't deserve my love. I could say that I love the version of you from the past, that with your horrible decisions you took away my friend, someone I adored so much. However, I'd lie if i said that, because you've always been rotten through and through. It was me, the person closest to you, who saw you for what you really are. Every day you put on masks to play different roles in front of people. I know you played someone else before me as well, but I was able to see your real face. And what have I done instead of getting rid of you for good? I fell in love.
I love you, that's why I must go. Your presence makes me hate myself for what i feel about you. If I still have any remnants of respect for myself and, most importantly, for my daughter, I have to throw out the garbage, or else I'll start to rot myself.
I'll never forgive you for what you've done, but I resent myself more for standing by your side for so long. I'm probably as corrupted as you are already, complicit in the crimes you committed.
That's why I have to say goodbye. I hope we never see each other again, but hope is the mother of fools, including me, of course. I have a feeling that we will meet again, but I know that I will be a different man then, a man, who's free from your madness.
So pray, pray, my friend, that this meeting never come, because, I promise you, that I will do everything to make sure you don't come out of it alive.
I love you, William. This is the last time i say this before this feeling turns to hatred.
Goodbye, my friend. I hope you'll rot in hell.