Chapter Text
Many people would like to blame Iron Man for the Avengers breaking up. They would like to blame him for the Accords itself. Not everyone could see the truth.
Iron Man knew that.
He knew the accords weren’t the best solution, but it was the only solution at the time. They would have been amended until both parties had come to an agreement.
Yes, it might have taken a few months or even a year to come to an agreement, but at least the world would still have the Avengers.
They would still have their greatest protectors.
But now?
Now half of the Avengers were considered enemies of the U.S, and the other half were still reeling from the break.
It was a losing situation for either side.
And everybody wanted to blame Iron Man.
He wasn’t that big of a dick that he couldn’t admit he had made some wrong choices, trying to get Cap to surrender.
Spiderman was at the top of the ever-growing list.
The guilt still ate at him, it didn’t matter that the kid had the best protection he could ask for in the form of a Stark-made suit.
He was still a kid, and he brought him into a war where he had no idea whose side was good or bad. He just went along with whatever his hero had told him.
The kid was bright, and soon enough, if he already hadn’t, he would figure it out.
No one was the winner here.
Iron Man knew that.
The senators who came up with the accords knew that.
Ross knew it too, even if he couldn’t admit it.
Yeah, Iron Man had a lot of regrets, but letting Cap screw him over blind?
That was all Tony Stark.
Tony Stark, who Steve Rogers had somehow fallen in love with, and now he was left in the dust while Captain America had run off with the man who killed his parents.
The same Steve Rogers, who had fucked him over and over again, even though he knew this.
Sometimes, Tony wondered if the guilt ever ate at him.
If he ever regretted it, If he could turn back would he?
If he had the chance to put their makeshift family back together, would he take it?
Truth is, Tony didn’t want to find out.
He didn’t want to feel that horrible pain he felt, during the first few months without them, without Steve.
It all hurt too much
The knife Steve had wedged in his back was still there, he could feel it. He didn’t know if it would ever truly stop hurting, but it didn’t hurt as much now.
Did that mean he didn’t love Steve anymore? Was that love turning into hate?
Tony’s heart hurt just thinking about them in that way.
But isn’t that how they felt about him now? Didn’t Steve hate him?
He didn’t want to find out that either.
He didn’t know if he could take it, if he could live with knowing Steve hated him.
Because, even though the man had screwed him over, and left him with a hole bigger than it has ever been, Tony still loved him.
Even though his mind was screaming at him to hate him, and his heart was beyond shattered, he couldn’t deny it.
Maybe that’s how his mom felt about Howard, even after all the shit he put her through, she still stayed with him and loved him, more than he deserved.
Yeah, Tony didn’t know if he’d ever truly heal, but he’d just have to keep moving on, keep pretending until he couldn’t anymore