Chapter Text
11/23/2002
Sehun picked the quietest day of November to present his most thoughtful gift to Junmyeon. Not that other gifts Sehun had given Junmyeon were lacking thought, but the younger knew that this would be something his best friend would cherish for years to come. He would remember it. He’d have to. The whole gift took months to put together and Sehun’s careful attention to detail only made the present much more special.
Sehun’s heart was racing with each step closer they took to the location of his gift. Junmyeon had been laughing at how tense Sehun was since his hands would never unbundle from its fist form. Junmyeon had to reach out to hold his best friend’s hand in order to ease him. The action didn’t help Sehun at all, but it was much appreciated. If only Junmyeon knew what Sehun’s heart could never reveal. Maybe it would make Sehun’s feel much less burdened.
“I need you to close your eyes.”
Sehun gave a shy smile to Junmyeon, a silent sign that he was about to show a personal side to his friend. Junmyeon nodded and squeezed his eyes shut. These small moments were what made their friendship so perfect. They had learned each other’s habits so well that they began to move like a wave in journey to the same sand. Sehun lingered in front of Junmyeon for a couple seconds, admiring the beauty of his best friend. Junmyeon had the face of a cute bunny, something that Sehun had loved from the first moment he saw him. As he drew himself back to the ground, Sehun gently reached out to place his hands over the eyes of his friend. Junmyeon scrunched his nose in delight.
“Hey, I said they’re closed!”
Sehun chuckled, “I know, Myeonie, but I just wanted to make sure.”
Sehun slowly walked Junmyeon toward a secret corner of his backyard. The blood in his veins pumped with even more force with every step he took closer to the gift. The gift he was about to present to Junmyeon would showcase every desire of his heart. Every deep crevice that he had yet to show anyone in this world. But Junmyeon was deserving of it. Of all of it. Sehun wanted to say everything yet nothing at the same time with this gift. Once Junmyeon was in front of Sehun’s present, Sehun carefully removed his hands from the older’s eyes and giggled.
“You can open them now, Myeonie!”
What Junmyeon saw was beyond what he could imagine. Presented to him was a small tree house painted both blue and red (his and Sehun’s favorite colors) and a bunny and chick carved on the front of the door. A sign on the top of the door read ‘Best Friends House’ and there was a badly drawn heart next to it. Of course, Sehun drew it. Sehun was the only person in the world who could not draw a proper heart. Junmyeon had tried to teach him, but it was no use. The small inclusion of that detail was enough to touch his heart.
“You…you did all of this Sehunnie?”
Junmyeon was in shock, but out of pure happiness and glee. The dedication…the devotion…all the time spent to make something like this for him was so…unbelievable. How could another person do such a thing for him? Before he knew it, he was crying, and his lungs were struggling to breathe in air. Sehun slowly patted his friend’s back, both in worry and confusion to Junmyeon’s reaction to the gift.
Was it too much? Was the tree house not nice enough? Sehun could fix it if it wasn’t to Junmyeon’s liking…
“No Sehunnie, it wasn’t too much…” Junmyeon had stated between sobs, “It’s just perfect, but…”
Sehun shook his head in an attempt to quiet down his friend.
“You can tell me later; I just want to make sure you stop crying and are okay.”
Junmyeon nodded and reached out to hug his best friend. He placed his ear right over Sehun’s heart and steadied his breathing to its beat. Sehun was still in the embrace. There were only a handful of times Junmyeon would initiate such affection, but any and all of it was welcomed by the younger. Sehun wished he could stay in these moments for eternity. They were filled with such warmth and love that each second he spent comforting his friend, healed his own heart.
Sehun should have confessed at that moment. He should have spilled his heart out to the older boy in an attempt to release the secret he had been withholding for so long. It was a couple seconds too late though, as the warmth that the hug had given him was taken away by Junmyeon’s next words.
“I’m moving.”
It should have not hurt as much. In fact, if Sehun was paying attention like Junmyeon had pointed out, then he would have noticed all the signs of Junmyeon’s departure. Junmyeon would leave school early to help his parents pack, he had given Sehun some of his stuff back and even had withdrawn from all the officer positions he was in from the clubs they were in together. Sehun instantly curses himself for his selfishness. He was blind to all these changes due to the fact that he was too busy pouring out his heart in the tree house.
The gift seemed insignificant now. What was supposed to be a cherished hideaway for the friends to chat and hang out, turned into a hollow and empty house with no purpose.
Sehun felt the same in that moment. Without Junmyeon he was empty and hollow and felt there was no purpose for him in this world.
At age 8, Sehun knew what it was like to feel your world crumbling down. His older brother called him dramatic, and his parents reprimanded him for no longer putting in the same effort into his daily life. But none of them understood it. To have your first love ripped away from you in the blink of an eye was painful. Sehun didn’t want to get up in the morning. He couldn’t even go to bed without crying about how he’d no longer be able to hear his best friend teasing him about drawing bad hearts…
Maybe he did them on purpose. After all, there were no greater sounds that the laughter of Kim Junmyeon.
Sehun replays the last moment he spent with Junmyeon before bed every night. Junmyeon came over to his house with a small wooden box filled with all the small things they had created together: paper airplanes, origami hearts, even their badly drawn portraits of each other. Sehun choked back a sob and took the gift gracefully (as he could without showcasing Junmyeon how he really felt). Junmyeon had looked at Sehun’s eyes with a little too much hopefulness that Sehun thought he would have his first kiss right then and there. Junmyeon slowly leaned in and Sehun hitched back a breath. Junmyeon must have changed his thoughts last minute because instead he embraced Sehun and placed his head over his friend’s heart.
It was Junmyeon’s favorite thing to do. To hear the fast yet comforting beating of Sehun’s heart as it made his soul feel at ease. Only Sehun could do that. Only he had that effect on him.
When Junmyeon finally let go, Sehun noticed a tear had streaked down his face. Junmyeon never cried. At least for as long as Sehun knew him, he had never seen the older boy cry. Instinctively, Sehun reached out to brush the tear away. Junmyeon presented to him the saddest smile he had ever seen anyone give. It hurt his heart. Sehun wished Junmyeon had never shown up to his house before he left. The last memory he would have had of him would have been the hug they shared when Junmyeon had came over for dinner. Not this. This was too painful to endure. Sehun had to watch Junmyeon slowly break down in front of him. And for the first time, too.
They both cried a lot that day. Sehun probably the most out of the two. He opened the box as soon as he was alone in his room and cried over every moment the two spent together over the years. If the world was so cruel, why did Sehun have to be thrown in the midst of it? If love was such a beautiful thing, then why did Sehun feel like he’d never see the light of day again?
From that moment forward, Sehun vowed to never think about Junmyeon again. For the young boy only brought him heartache and longing for a future they could never have.