Work Text:
Humans were...
Tricky
That's as simply and graciously as Terezi could put it.
She thought she and John had a good blackrom back and forth going, but lately he seemed... Well, kind of tired of it?
It wasn't like how it was with Karkat, who seemed to flip back and forth between red and black (she thought Dave was a really good match with him for that), it's just that the flirting had gone from being pretty even to more like John was just accepting whatever Terezi said.
Normally this is the part where she, or most trolls, she figured, would get bored and find someone else to be pitch with, but she really like the chemistry they had and maybe she was just missing some sort of nuance of human relationships. I mean, they didn't even have a black quadrant, right?
She decided to go ask Kanaya for her advice.
---
"Well," Kanaya said after a period of thought, "Rose and my relationship is much more flushed. Though there was some pitch leanings at the beginning." She considered this for a moment. "From what I understand of human psychology from Rose, a constant negative back and forth, as they might see it, especially combined with the hardships we've been through lately, might be a bit too much to bear. And John has seemed a bit more withdrawn than usual, which seems to indicate he is not in the best of mindsets."
"So what do I do? Give him some space?"
Kanaya shook her head. "That will not help his withdrawn state. Perhaps you simply need a lighter touch?"
"Hm."
Terezi wasn't sure how she felt about that.
"Thanks, Kanaya."
Strapped into her jetpack, Terezi began flying back home then, after some reflection, changed course.
----
John was sitting on his couch watching TV. Or, he appeared to be watching TV. He would claim to be watching TV. But if someone were to burst in right that second and ask him what he was watching, he would have no idea.
Suddenly, Terezi burst into his house.
"Hey lo--er-- babe? Yeah. Hey, babe, whatcha watching?"
This confusing series of syllables gave John an entirely different reason to not know what was on TV.
He just made a confused sound at her.
"Uh. Right," Terezi said. "Anyway, I just thought I'd check up to see how you were doing and..." She swiped through her sylladex then yanked something out and threw it at him. It was a t-shirt. "Since you only seem to have your wind pajamas and that spectral goo shirt."
John caught the shirt and clutched it, but continued to stare at confusion at Terezi.
She looked uncomfortable. "So. There's that." She glanced at the TV. "I'll leave you with what seems to be another absorbing episode of English's ass, I guess? Just call if you want to hang out or something. Babe."
And with that she left.
John continued to stare blankly at the spot Terezi had been occupying for a few moments, then looked at the shirt.
It had an image of Nicholas Cage and Matthew McConaughey making out.
He noticed a little piece of paper had fallen out of the shirt. On it was a poorly scribbled heart.
"RooOOSEEE!"
----
Rose, of course, was not actually in the house with him, but was at home with her wife when she received a phone call.
"I think Terezi has gone crazy!" John said as soon as Rose picked up the phone. "Or maybe she's dying? I don't know! But something is wrong!"
"What do you mean, John?" Rose asked calmly.
"She gave me a shirt? And a heart? And she-- she called me babe?" John said in a panic.
"So Terezi is... being nice to you?" She looked at Kanaya questioningly as she said this, whose face twitched for a second, then she put a finger over her lips. "That seems. Odd, I suppose."
"Odd? It seems ludacris!"
Rose sighed. "John, I'm sure there's a perfectly reasonable explanation for this."
"Like she was replaced by an evil twin? Or would it be her good twin?"
"I am sure there are no twins involved."
"That's the most reasonable explanation I can think of!"
"John, calm down. Have you tried talking to her about this?"
"What am I supposed to say, Rose? 'Hi Terezi, just wondering, have you recently gotten a concussion or been diagnosed with a terminal illness?'"
Rose shrugged, then, realizing her error, said, "It's a start."
It was John's turn to sigh. "Fine. I guess I'll try that? Just tell me if you see any flying pigs, okay?"
"I will be sure to."
Rose hung up. Then she turned to her wife. "So, what is going on?"
---
Terezi had received a text from John asking her to meet him at a nearby cafe. For coffee, presumably. She had been worried her attempt at a 'gentle touch' hadn't worked, but this seemed promising. She arrived a few minutes earlier than the agreed upon time and waiting for John.
She spotted him before he spotted her, but as soon as he did, his entire posture changed. Several times, actually. He went from relaxed to stiff to overly proper to overly relaxed to just kind of resigned.
Maybe this was not promising.
He waved awkwardly as he approached. "Hey."
"Uh, hey?"
He just stood there for a moment, staring off to the side.
"Are... you going to sit down?" Terezi asked.
John looked startled. "Oh! Right!"
He sat down.
"Is everything okay.... babe?" she asked.
"Uh," John said.
"Hm."
"Is everything okay with you?" John asked, his face suddenly seeming intense and... worried?
"Yeah? What the fuck wouldn't be okay."
John resumed staring at the spot in the distance and Terezi resisted the urge to sniff in that direction. She knew there was nothing there.
He shrugged. "You were just acting kind of weird today?"
"Weird?" she repeated.
"You know," John said, gesturing vaguely. "With the heart and the.... 'babe.'" He said the last in a near whisper.
"Do you... not like 'babe?'"
John's face scrunched up in a way that was not quite a frown but was not quite anything else. His eyes were wide.
"OH MY FUCKING GOD."
The pair jerked toward the sound of the shout.
"WILL YOU TWO JUST MAKE OUT ALREADY?"
It was, of course, Karkat. He was sitting two tables away and shouting through the carpacians sitting in between them. The carpacians desperately tried to appear as though they were anywhere else and definitely not listening in on drama between their gods.
John flushed. "What are you talking about, Karkat? How could you even hear us?"
"I CAN SMELL ROMANTIC MISERY LIKE YOURS FROM A MILE AWAY DUMBASS," Karkat said.
Terezi frowned. "My romantic life isn't any of your business!"
Karkat rolled his eyes so hard his head rolled with it. "APPARENTLY IT'S EVERYONE'S BUSINESS! SINCE YOU'RE DOING THIS IN A PUBLIC PLACE AND ALL."
Terezi started to say something else, but Karkat interrupted with a raised hand.
"LISTEN, THE LAST THING I WANT TO DO IS GET IN THE MIDDLE OF THIS ABSOLUTE FUCKING MESS YOU CALL A RELATIONSHIP, BUT AS THE RESIDENT ROMANTIC EXPERT--"
Terezi snorted.
"AS THE RESIDENT ROMANTIC EXPERT," Karkat continued, "IT'S PRETTY FUCKING CLEAR WHAT'S GOING ON HERE."
He turned to John. "JOHN, JUST TELL HER WHEN YOU NEED SOME FUCKING SPACE OR MAYBE DON'T BE A FUCKING SHUT IN AND ACTUALLY INTERACT WITH OTHER SENTIENT CREATURES THAT EXIST OFF OF YOUR TV SCREEN."
Terezi's turn. "AND YOU, GOD, SOME AWKWARD FLUSHED FLIRTING IS THE FUCKING LAST THING THIS AIRHEAD NEEDS. DIDN'T YOU LEARN ANYTHING FROM OUR DISASTER OF OUR RELATIONSHIP? THAT'S JUST CONFUSING! JUST PUNCH HIM OR MAKE OUT WITH HIM OR WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU TWO GET UP TO--AND NO THAT IS NOT AN INVITATION TO TELL ME WHAT YOU TWO GET UP TO! JUST FUCKING TALK TO EACH OTHER HOLY SHIT ARE YOU TWO STILL FIVE SWEEPS OLD OR SOMETHING?"
And with that, Karkat dramatically stood up from the table, violently enough that he pushed the chair back until it hit the chair behind him and fell over, slammed a few boonbucks down on the table, and left.
John laughed sheepishly. "So... you're not dying?"
Terezi rolled her eyes, her trademark grin back on her face, "No, dumbass, I'm not dying."
John visibly relaxed. "At least I'm not the only dumbass here today."
"Watch it, Egbert," Terezi warned.
"Or what?" John challenged.
Terezi just smiled wider.