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“Napakaganda ng araw.”
It was already sun down when they reached the hill where Sisa’s hut was situated. It was empty. What used to be such a lively and lovely abode, now turned into a place of empty hopes and misery, which pretty much reflects the sun resting on its bed welcoming the dark. Klay felt a lump in her throat as she was visited by the memories of her being in the novel: all the friends she made, the lessons she learned, the pain it gave, and the love she never thought would come.
Her love.
She will have to leave her lover soon just like the sun in front of them. It is bittersweet, she thought. The sunset reminded her so much of the uncanny resemblance of her situation, a beautiful goodbye, only that she cannot think of this as beautiful, it was unjust.
Her back against him, steps back, she replied, “Ang ganda nga.”
“Alam mo ba, sinabihan ako minsan ng aking ina sa kagandahan ng paglubog ng araw. Na ito’y hindi nakakalungkot na tagpo bagkus ito ay isang simbolo ng pag-asa, dahil sa pagsapit ng gabi, may aabangan ka pang bukas.” Fidel told her. He took a few steps, stood behind her, and turned her around,
“Kaya, Binibining Klay, magiging maayos lang ako. Huwag mo akong alalahanin.” Fidel assured her with a smile, which unfortunately, didn’t reach his eyes.
Klay felt her walls crumbling down at the sight of Fidel. She thought she had it all planned out: say her farewell and go into the portal. It was easy. It should be easy. But not with this man. She utter no words but her eyes cloud the emotions she cannot speak. She tries to breathe in his face, memorizing every curve, every line, every single feature in his face lest she forgets.
This man stood by her, accepted her, and loved her more than she could imagine. He protected her and made sure she’s okay. He always puts her first before anything else, and it pains her because things just can’t be easy for them. She hates how she cannot show him that she loves him just as much. That she chose to show her indifference towards him to shield him from any pain once she leaves. That she chose to reject his love because this just cannot be, not in this time, not in this world. That she chose to let go, when all she wanted to do was run into his arms and never go astray. To just love him with no reservations.
She grieves for their love that wasn’t given a chance to bloom.
Fidel wiped the tears that cascaded down her face. She was too absorbed with her thoughts that she didn’t know she was already crying.
“Huwag ka nang tumangis, Mahal ko.” Fidel hushed her gently. “Ako si Fidel Reyes y Maglipol kaya mapanatag ka dahil kakayanin ko ang kahit anong unos.”
Despite the pride and arrogance he is trying hard to show, his voice broke. This gave way for the real raw emotion to take over, and the tears he was trying hard to fight, fell. His head down, shoulders bent, and heart broken on the floor.
“Maraming salamat,” Klay found her voice now “Maraming salamat sa lahat. Maraming salamat sa ilang beses na pagliligtas mo sa’kin, sa pag-intindi, sa pagsuporta mo sa mga kalokohan ko, sa pag-aalaga mo, sa—”
She’s struggling to speak coherently through her tears. She breathed deep, and looked into his eyes, imploring into his soul, she held his face. “Maraming salamat sa pagmamahal sa akin. Ipinakita mo kung paano ako mahalin, na karapat-dapat din pala ako sa pagmamahal na iyan. Maraming salamat … sa pagbibigay halaga sa akin.”
He’s perfect, too perfect even. He was the love Klay never anticipated. The kind of love that made her want to unlearn all the traumas just to love him right. The kind of love that is not obsessive and selfish. The kind of love that makes you fly and be yourself. The kind that makes you love yourself in the process of loving someone. The kind that makes you both grow. This kind of love that is rare, and beautiful, forbidden.
Fidel caught her hand, and placed something beautiful in it, an ornamental comb, a payneta. “ Bai tou xie lao” Fidel uttered.
“Noong sinabi ko sa’yo na gusto kitang pakasalan, hindi ako nagbibiro. Gusto ko.” Fidel takes the stray hair off her face and tucked it behind her ears. “Nagbago man ang daloy ng buhay, nagpatuloy ako. Naisip ko pa nga na hindi ko alintana ang simpleng buhay na malayo sa karangyaang aking nakasayan pagkat nariyan ka sa aking tabi. Gusto kong tumanda kasama ka. Hanggang sa pumuti na ang iyong buhok, uugod-ugod na tayo kung maglakad, o mayamot ka sa’king pagmumukha. Bawat umaga, bawat bukas haharapin ko nang may ngiti sa labi dahil sa’yo. Binibining Klay, ikaw ang naging pangarap ko.”
He heaved a sigh, “Ngayong lilisan ka na, baunin mo ang ating alaala, minsan sa iyong buhay ay may nakilala kang Ginoo—”
“Na minahal ko nang lubos.” Klay cut him off. She was fighting the urge to proclaim her love so it would hurt less, but she realized she wouldn’t get another chance to tell him how she feels.
“Mahal kita, Fidel. Mahal na mahal. Pinipigilan ko ang sarili kong sabihin ito dahil aalis lang rin naman ako. Ayokong malaman mo ang mapait na tadhana ng pagmamahalang hindi dapat, pero sa katigasan ba naman ng ulo ko, minahal pa rin kita.”
Fidel was caught off guard. He knew she was important to her, but to hear her speak the words he longed to hear, made him elated, happy, and he fell harder. He cupped her face, stared into her eyes, down to her lips and back to her eyes again as if asking for her consent. Klay replied with a small nod. The next thing she knew, she felt a soft pair of lips on hers in a kiss.
It was slow, sweet, and yearning. It was messy and clumsy. It was them. As they parted, Klay pulled him to her in an embrace. She savored every moment she could get, engraving all of it in the stone of her memory.
Behind her, Fidel saw a glowing rose light. He knew it was her time to go, but he just can’t let her go yet. He wrapped his arms around her and buried his head in her neck like he’s a child asking his mom not to leave. He wanted nothing more than to suspend time, but he knew way better. He slowly loosen his grip on her.
“Kung sakaling maging mabuti ang pagkakataon, at mabuhay tayo sa lugar kung saan pwede na ang pag-ibig na ito, hanapin mo ako.” Klay asked him. “Hanapin mo ako, at mambwiset ka sa’kin.”
Almost a whisper, a plea. “Hanapin mo ako.”
“Pangako.” Fidel mustered up the courage to make his voice free of wavering tone, “Kaya’t humayo ka na. Narito na ang daan pauwi sa inyo.”
Klay nods. She stepped back, her back on him once again as she made her way to the portal. She doesn’t want to look back because she might just run back to him and never go. She went on, dragging every step that became harder and heavier to move. She can hardly see through her tears, hearts crushing, breathing thinning, one … more … step …
The portal and her became one, leaving everything behind : her life, her heart, her love.
As the light disappeared, along with the love of his life, he fell to his knees. Engulfed in the grief and pain he can no longer fathom, he screamed of anguish, of misery, of raw torment. His last flame of hope. His last thread of sanity. His last straw of life. Just as the sun left the sky, his life was now ruled by darkness.