Work Text:
Yaku liked to keep lists. He wrote lists about all sorts of things: Homework To Do lists, his volleyball goals for a school year, new releases from his favorite band that he wanted to save up for in a year... He had once before kept a list of everything that got on his nerves about Kuroo—Kuroo had found that very list, which at the time had spanned over two pages in Yaku's neat handwriting.
First, Kuroo had gone through each item and added a counterpoint about what he didn't like about Yaku. Afterwards, they had made out rather vigorously in the club room. A memory that still brought a blush to Yaku's face and might have given him a clue about what it meant that he had started keeping such a list in his head about a certain overgrown disaster.
After all, Yaku had learned from his mistakes with Kuroo and only made lists about people at home or in his head where no one could find them. Kuroo liked to affectionately refer to Yaku as a neurotic, to which Yaku called him a controlling sadist and they both briefly thought about that one kiss. To Yaku's chagrin, Kuroo never blushed in the face of that memory.
Depending on his mood, whim, and the occasion, Yaku's lists also had subheadings—if you were already being called a neurotic by one of your best friends and team captain, then you should live up to that reputation, right? Haiba's list, for example, had sub-items in several places and sometimes it was quite challenging for Yaku to remember them all. However, to avoid a repetition of the Kuroo drama, he would better not write down this particular list.
However, after Haiba had caused Yaku to be hit in the face by a ball during practice on a rainy Tuesday and got a severe nosebleed from it, and when Haiba then also tried to carry Yaku to the school nurse bridal-style out of sheer overprotectiveness, the barrel was simply overflowing. Late in the afternoon, after finishing his homework, Yaku pulled out a pen and a piece of paper and began to write his frustration with Haiba Lev off his chest.
He jotted down the heading "Things I can't stand about Haiba Lev" and contemplated it contentedly for a moment, then began listing.
1) Haiba's size
Yaku wasn't simply outraged that Haiba was so outrageously tall and had an advantage in the sport Yaku had been working hard on for many years for that reason alone—no. Yaku was also outraged at how Haiba implied at every available opportunity how much bigger than Yaku he was, or for that matter how small Yaku was. Yaku went to great lengths to list several example occasions he remembered in this regard. Which also led Yaku directly to his next point:
2) Haiba definitely doesn't have enough respect for the older students
Yaku didn't necessarily insist on being addressed as 'senpai', even though he himself had always done so in the lower grades. But Haiba's tone, his constant disruption of Yaku’s explanations, and his lack of attention when important things were described to him, infuriated Yaku. Several sub-issues followed in the form of examples. In the meantime, his mother poked her head in the door and inquired if Yaku had finished his homework and wanted something to eat.
But Yaku wasn’t hungry.
Inevitably, Kuroo's grinning face slid in front of Yaku's inner eye and his lips definitely formed the word "obsessed." Yaku growled into the silence of his room and wiped the image away.
3) Haiba's bad posture
Yes, Yaku also got upset about things like this. If Haiba was a model teammate aside from his miserable attitude, Yaku probably wouldn't judge such trifles so harshly, but once he got really fired up with rage, he would notice five hundred annoying tiny things that he probably would have otherwise generously overlooked. Kenma, for example, also had a terrible posture, but Yaku wasn't bothered by it in his case. The fact that Haiba was standing around like a sip of water on a curve—and with his size, see point one—drove Yaku crazy.
4) "I am Nekoma’s Ace"/"I will be Nekoma’s Ace!"
This sentence from Haiba's mouth was an insult to Yaku's ears, and it was a direct result of the following two points:
5) Haiba's unfounded, naive arrogance
and
6) Talent instead of hard work
That Haiba had gotten a permanent spot in their team's starting lineup simply by sheer luck, his size, and raw innate talent, Yaku thought was unfair. He knew they needed Haiba, even if he wouldn't say it out loud in his lifetime—but it was unfair that many of the players who sat on the bench trained so hard, implemented tips, and were reliable team members, and then... Yaku himself had worked hard to earn his libero skills. Points four and five were especially outrageous considering point seven:
7) Haiba messes up even the simplest basics when playing
and when he did do something well, which was mostly by accident, it led Yaku straight to the next point.
8) Haiba has to be praised like a dog all the time for every simple thing
Yaku had deigned to praise Haiba for something a few times, and they had been the worst ideas of his life. Not only did he have to look at Kuroo's stupid grin, which was so obnoxious that Yaku would have gladly jumped in their captain's face, no. When Yaku—or anyone else, Yaku wasn't paying constant attention to Haiba, after all—praised Haiba, something downright nasty happened.
9) Haiba gets a terrible gleam in his eye because of praise and grins so stupidly that it is hardly bearable
Yaku recalled the aforementioned twinkle and grin for a moment, promptly felt his face turn scarlet and hot, and cursed softly before hastily bending over the page again and adding another 27 points, including the way Haiba ate and the sub-point that he often talked with his mouth full and the fact that he always stayed much longer than necessary, that he always stood around in the locker room dressed only in his underpants for much longer than necessary, telling everyone how great he had hit balls today, along with a sub-point about how this boasting was often grossly exaggerated, because Haiba not infrequently hit only three balls out of ten that Kenma set for him.
He considered his work of 36 points he couldn't stand about Haiba Lev and pondered for a full two minutes, heart pounding, before Yaku decided that no one would get to see this list anyway. Hesitantly, he put down his pen and wrote:
37) I have an embarrassing head-over-heels crush on Haiba Lev
He crossed out the sentence awkwardly, though not thoroughly enough for anyone to recognize and read, and sighed softly. Kuroo's laughter in his ear, he pushed the list aside, piled his finished homework on top of it, and got up from his desk. Soon, his senior year at Nekoma High would be over, and then he wouldn't have to deal with this embarrassing and unnecessary feeling.
*
Unfortunately, Yaku hadn't counted on two things: His own absentmindedness in the morning and Haiba's incredible ability to always show up at the wrong place at the wrong time (item 29). He had headed to the cafeteria after math class with a few classmates to buy a melon roll when a loud "YAKU-SAN!" rang out from behind him, making Yaku wince. He didn't even have to turn around to know who was booming like a madman halfway down the hallway, and he immediately felt an angry vein pulsing at his temple that seemed to be reserved exclusively for Haiba for the past few weeks and months.
Yaku whirled around to call Haiba to order in a stern tone, but at that moment he was already standing in front of him and Yaku stumbled back a step, losing his balance and landing on his butt. His first thought was that Haiba had naturally crossed the corridor so quickly with his three meter long legs, then he became angry because Haiba had made a fool of him in front of his classmates. His school bag had slipped off his shoulder and his things had scattered across the hallway. He heard people whispering and felt his tailbone throb painfully. Great.
"I'm sorry about that, Yaku-san!" said Haiba, busily starting to gather up Yaku's things. Yaku hastily scrambled to his feet and signified to his friends to go ahead without him already and grab him a melon roll, then he put his hands on his hips and took a deep breath to give Haiba a thorough telling off. Until the air he had just inhaled escaped him like a balloon punctured with a needle. Haiba held in one arm the school supplies he had gathered, and in the other a piece of paper that looked eerily familiar to Yaku.
Haiba was still crouched on the floor, now staring at the list Yaku had put into his schoolbag along with his stack of finished homework. Although Haiba was kneeling, he was still obscenely tall, and Yaku's heart slipped when he saw Haiba's expressionless face.
Inevitably, he thought of how Kuroo had started insulting Yaku back then, but Haiba didn't seem the least bit motivated to say anything negative. He just squatted there like a lost puppy in the rain, and Yaku felt like the worst person on earth. When Haiba looked up at him, Yaku had to gulp.
Son of a—.
Haiba straightened up and pushed his school supplies into Yaku's arms. Yaku felt panic rising inside him.
"Read that last point!" he barked at Haiba from below, and Haiba blinked in confusion, looking like he wasn't really in the mood to read one more point about what Yaku found obnoxious about him. Yaku's heart was pounding a tattoo against the inside of his ribcage. He was the third grader, he was supposed to feel emotionally superior and keep his cool. Unfortunately, he hadn't really been able to think rationally for quite some time when a certain bean-stalked someone was standing in front of him or even within a 500 meter radius of him.
Haiba's eyes darted down the list.
"Number 36: Haiba's habit of sucking out drink packets for an unnecessarily long time, causing an eternal bubbling sound."
Yaku was about to stamp his foot.
"The crossed-out one! The one after that!" he croaked, stuffing his school supplies back into his bag. People whispered as they walked past them, and Yaku was way too close to just turn on his heels and run. Maybe he could talk Kuroo into burying him somewhere in the school garden.
Haiba had become very quiet. Yaku wasn't even sure if Haiba was still breathing.
"Yaku-san..."
"Yes, fine. Give it to me!" grumbled Yaku, snatching the list from Haiba, crumpling it up into a ball, and ramming his hand with the crumpled paper in it into his pocket. Bright red in the face and with legs that felt like pudding, he turned on his heel and marched down the hallway without a glance back at Haiba. He should have realized that Haiba would follow him. Lion, my ass. Dog. Definitely dog.
"Yaku-senpai," Haiba said when he caught up with him.
Damn him.
Yaku felt a very definite tugging in his stomach area. His life was in shambles.
"Actually, I was going to ask if your nose was better," Haiba said surprisingly quiet, and Yaku picked up his pace. If he could only reach the cafeteria, he thought, he might be safe. A silly idea.
"Thanks, my nose is doing great," Yaku grumbled. His face was still glowing with an embarrassed heat. Darn it all.
"Yaku-senpai?"
"Stop calling me that!"
"But point two..."
Yaku didn't quite know what had gotten into him, but he hastily reached out and put his hand over Haiba's mouth to stop him from speaking. His skin began to tingle where Haiba's lips touched his palm. Haiba looked at him out of wide eyes. Now if Yaku would spontaneously throw himself out the window next to him, he could escape this terribly embarrassing situation.
However, Haiba did not give him a chance to jump out of the window. He reached outrageously gently for Yaku's wrist, pulled his fingers from his mouth, and regarded them for a moment. Then something absolutely unheard of happened. Haiba kissed the back of Yaku's hand. Yaku was sure his head was about to explode.
"If you want, I'll stop bubbling in drink packs, Yaku-senpai," Haiba said with a serious face, and Yaku was just taking a breath to reply when a familiar voice said behind him:
"Finally! It took you forever to get here! Did he find your list? Ah, Yaku-san, some things just never change."
"Find a room!" boomed Yamamoto's voice, and he, Kai, Kenma, and Kuroo strode past them. Kuroo's expression was so smug that Yaku would have liked to strangle him. Haiba let go of Yaku's hand and ran it through his hair in embarrassment.
"I can try standing straighter, too," Haiba suggested. Yaku wiped his eyes with his palm and groaned. His heart had swelled to about three times its normal size and was clearly pressing on his vocal cords, as he couldn't get a decent word out. It sounded more like a desperate gurgle. He fished the list out of his back pocket and tossed it into the nearest wastebasket.
"Just don't ever talk about that list again," he instructed Haiba sternly. Haiba smiled mischievously.
"Not even about item 37, Yaku-senpai?"
"Especially not about item 37! And stop calling me that!"
"You're cute, Yaku-senpai."
"Gah!"