Work Text:
June 13
Do you know…
You know I love you so
You know I love you so….
The melody played in my ears again and again, the sweet voice that fulling my ear, making my heart beating crazily. I never been so in love like this, not even once. But when I decided to, I’m in love with someone that already has a girlfriend.
Kim Namjoon
The school smartest student, he’s having so much achievement, you couldn’t even count by your own finger. He’s tall, athletic, and also the most gentleman I’ve ever meet. Unfortunately, he’s already had a girlfriend… Yoo Seonha. Unlike Namjoon, she’s the average student, she goes to art club, and the worst… she’s one of my friends.
It’s not I don’t like her, but every day, I pray for them to break up. I don’t hate her but at the same time I do, very much. And it irritated me that I can’t have the Kim Namjoon as my boyfriend. I mean, what did he see in her?
“Yuka! you will come right? Namjoon is about to perform” I snap from my thoughts after my friend, Jimin sat In front of me. “eh, what are you thinking hmm…?” he said as the smirk plastered in his face. I punch him slightly.
“Nothing, let’s go”
Do you know…
You know I love you so
You know I love you so….
Namjoon singing at the stage, all the attention was focusing on him, but he only look at one person next to me, Seonha. Seonha smiled as she waved a little to Namjoon, and I could see an automatic smile flashed, poking out his dimple. I was jealous of her. He could make the Kim Namjoon attention solely on her. Seonha becoming shy after Namjoon wink at her, she grab my hand and hiding behind it. I rolled my eyes mentally.
Namjoon continue to performing until the end of his stage. Seonha ask me and Jimin to come with her and congratulate his boyfriend at the backstage. I want to reject, but it was too late when Jimin already dragged me, I have no other choice but to get along with them. With Seonha happy face and Jimin that follow her right behind, I can only sense my jealousy and hatred towards her growing more and more.
“Joonie!” ugh, that nickname… I wasn’t exactly happy, I should be the one that calling him that not her. “You’re so cool! Also when performing your new song, trivia love, oh- I’m so in love with that”
Namjoon hug her, I look away, my heart already breaking apart with that interaction. “Thank you, I made it while thinking of you”
“ew, cringe, could you stop it both of you, there’s two person that single here hello” Jimin shout loudly, while having a playful grin. Seonha and Namjoon laugh as they saying sorry.
December 10
Seonha talking about her park-date with Namjoon yesterday, her eyes spark while speaking. I could see much love she was with Namjoon. And I couldn’t stand it, the growing pain in my heart, and I feel like I become more and more toxic not only to myself, but to people around me too. Eventually Jimin knows about my crush on Namjoon and said how much he disappointed at me… we fight and it got escalate, because I’m in love with a guy that in relationship.
I ended my friendship with Jimin that day, and we haven’t spoke in a month.
“And Namjoon suddenly drop the ice cream, he’s saying sorry so many times, even as far taking me back to ice cream parlor, he order the same exact menu and give it to me. he’s cute” Seonha sipping the citron tea and look at me. “and how about you? I know it’s not the right time to ask, but I notice that both you and Jimin grew distant… are you both fight?” She ask me, her face once joyful, become concern.
“No, I’m not friends with him anymore”
“WHY?! Is that bad?” I looked at her. If I tell her, would her reaction be the same as Jimin? Or she will take it as a joke?
“Yeah, he know something that wasn’t supposed to, and got disappointed at me. but it wasn’t my fault for feeling like that… it’s just, I hope he’s more understanding rather than saying those thing” yeah, like how I tell him that he’s a bitch for not understanding my feelings.
“What happened Yuka?” Seonha put her hand on top of mine. “mind, telling me what happened? I probably could help” god, I hate her.
“Could you take it then?” confused plastered on her face. “if I told you the reason why we both fight, it’s because I love your boyfriend”
“what?!”
“I love Namjoon, since a long time ago. Hah, I don’t even know how many years I’ve been crushing him. But I love him, and it making me sick to the stomach when I found out you both are dating. At first I thought maybe You and Namjoon are just a good friend, but one day Jimin said that you both dating and my whole world crash. Since then I hate you every single time, I hate the fact you’ve got to be his girlfriend rather than mine. I mean look at you! You’re so much different from Namjoon, you’re not that special but he still choose you!, I don’t get it!” I spill everything I’ve been kept for so long. I could see Seonha tried her best not to cry infront of me. I was about to speak again, but got cut off when Namjoon suddenly came to her and hug her.
I was shock, to see him. How long he's been standing there… is he hearing all of my confession?
“you’ve got no shame really. You can’t just hate her because she’s mine! Also don’t speak so low of her, you’re the one that making a mess out of yourself, I don’t care if you love me or what ever. I love Seonha and she was my everything, you could never be her!” Namjoon drag Seonha out, but before both of them could really out of my sight Namjoon look around me again. “Consider this is the last time we’re being friends, don’t go near me or Seonha ever again! I’m ended our friendship here” Namjoon then drag Seonha out of the café. Leaving me alone with the stares of other customer.
July 23
It’s been a year since the accident, honestly the first week was rough. Namjoon didn’t even spare a glance at me, and being all lovely dovey toward Seonha. Eventually after 3 weeks, I grew apart from the three of them. I was hurt, they could be laughing while I’m still in my agony. But it was all in past. I sigh then look at the podium where Namjoon giving a speech in front of thousand people.
It was the graduation day
As Namjoon finish giving up the speech all of us were asked to stand up to throw our hat. This was supposed to be a happy day. Instead I feel pain, whenever seeing everybody smile with their friends or lovers. I probably think I was stupid too, if I never said those thing will everything stay the same? But if I hadn’t let out my feeling would I still feel the same as now?
“Jimin let’s take a photo!” Seonha and Namjoon shout Jimin’s name, the three of them huddle together so they fit on the frame of polaroid camera. I saw them from the distance.
I smile painfully, knowing I know it was over for me. there’s no way they would forgive me, even when I just stand on my ground. And with that I left the place. Leaving them and going to different direction.
Do you know…
You know I loved you so
You know I loved you so….