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Natsu caught the scent of vanilla, lemon, and some type of flower. That could only mean one thing: Lisanna was coming his way.
So he did what he always did in this situation. He ran. He ran and hid like a coward. Because only a coward would avoid someone they deeply cared about because they couldn’t find the words to talk to them… right?
He had hidden in a spare room of the guild hall, slipping into it so fast that Happy wasn’t with him. Only a coward would abandon a friend like that. Only a coward would be so motivated by fear. This wasn’t like him. This wasn’t how he was at all.
The scent of vanilla, lemon, and flower was fading. Natsu tilted his head back against the wall and groaned. What was wrong with him? Why was he acting like this?
Happy must have retraced his steps and heard his groan. He pushed open the door and walked over to Natsu.
“You can’t keep avoiding her like this forever, you know.” He said quietly. He flew up onto a spare table in the room and sat down, somehow aware that Natsu wasn’t planning on leaving just yet.
“I know, Happy, I know, but…” Natsu grimaced in frustration. “I don’t know what to say!”
Happy didn’t say anything. He merely stared at Natsu, like he was waiting.
Natsu jumped up and began pacing energetically, his hands twitching, uncertain of their task. He stopped in front of Happy.
“She was gone!” He started to explain haltingly. He was pacing again.
“She was gone and-“ Natsu’s fists curled up and his face turned down, darkening. “I tried to move on. The whole guild tried to move on.”
He laughed humorlessly. “We might not have always succeeded, but we tried. We tried for her sake, as well as our own.”
“But now she’s back.” Natsu looked up, his fists still clenched, and stared Happy in the face. “Now she’s back and I can’t try to pretend that the last two years didn’t happen. I can’t try to pretend that I didn’t move on. I can’t try to pretend that I looked for her, that I knew she was coming back, that she was alive.”
The tension drained out of Natsu’s body, like he’d realized there was nothing to fight.
He sighed and sat down at a chair next to Happy. “If I can’t do that, then what am I supposed to say to her?”
“I don’t know, Natsu.” Happy replied in that same quiet voice of his reserved for serious discussion. “But I do know that something has got to be better than nothing.”
“Thanks, Happy.” Natsu replied, sounding defeated but sincere.
“Don’t mention it.” Some of the cheer was back in Happy’s voice. He must have concluded that serious discussion was over for now.
Natsu wasn’t one to mope around worrying about his problems, (at least that hadn’t changed), and so eventually he and Happy got up and rejoined the rest of the guild in the main room. But only after Natsu had checked the air for traces of vanilla, lemon, and… maybe it wasn’t a flower after all. Whatever it was smelled sweet and natural, like a flower, but he had thought he’d recognized it for a moment.
To Natsu’s great relief, he didn’t have to avoid Lisanna again for the rest of the day, leaving him free to think about the problem in the back of his mind. Perhaps she was avoiding him now. Despite his efforts not to speak to her, the thought squeezed Natsu’s heart.
He didn’t come up with anything to say to her that day, or the next either. His resolve, already pretty shaky, was crumbling. He just didn’t know what to do.
Fortunately, Happy was up for giving him a nudge in the right direction. Before Natsu could lose his nerve entirely, he found himself outside of the Strauss siblings’ home.
“Um, you know, on second thought, maybe this isn’t such a good idea.” Natsu said uneasily, backing away from the door.
“Come on, Natsu!” Happy insisted. “You said you would give it a try!”
He stopped edging backwards and crossed his arms. “Well that’s easy for you to say! You two made up just fine! It was like she hadn’t even left!”
“That’s because I tried actually talking to her.” Happy replied expectantly.
Natsu groaned and moved so that his scarf was covering part of his face. He probably looked somewhere between comical and grouchy to any passers-by. Opening his mouth to argue, he paused. He had caught sight of movement in an upper room of the house.
If Lisanna had been here, she would have told him and Happy to stop fighting. Thinking about it again, he remembered that if Lisanna had been here, they wouldn’t have been fighting.
The only scent from inside the house was vanilla, lemon, and… was it lavender? It was a calming smell and a familiar one, sweet and organic in nature. Potent too. He wondered what it would smell like up close. Well, there was only one way to find out…
“Fine, you win.” Natsu admitted, hanging to a shred of his grouchiness. “We should do it now, while she’s the only person home.”
If it hadn’t been for the serious nature of the situation, that last comment would have sounded a lot more suggestive than Natsu had in mind. But Happy didn’t say a word, only smiled at Natsu, like he’d done a good thing.
Shaking out his hands and cracking the bones in his neck like he was getting ready for a fight, Natsu knocked on the door. He heard footsteps and took a deep breath.
Lisanna pulled open the door, but she soon set it aside, leaving the door hanging open, when she saw who he was.
“Natsu…” She said quietly. She looked surprised to see him.
The pink-haired man in question smiled nervously. “Hi, Lisanna. Uh, long time no see?”
Happy nearly face-palmed. He flew to Lisanna’s shoulder and said something in her ear. “Don’t mind him. He just doesn’t know what to say to you.”
“Hey!” Natsu said indignantly. Just because it’s true doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt. He thought.
“I’m just telling it like it is!” Happy said before turning back to Lisanna. “Can we come in? Natsu wants to talk to you.”
That was also true, but it wasn’t helping him any, was it?
Lisanna had a complex expression on her face, one part nostalgia, another part puzzlement, another part something Natsu couldn’t name. But she stood aside and let them in.
“Yeah, of course.” She said with that same look still on her face. “Right this way.”
Natsu stepped into the house for the first time in what felt like ages. And indeed, it didn’t look quite how he remembered it. A table moved here, a painting disappeared there. Nothing was willing to let him pretend that time hadn’t passed.
She led him into the living room, seeing as no one else was home. Happy settled on arm of an over-stuffed armchair. Natsu remained standing for once, not feeling comfortable making himself at home while Lisanna was still standing.
“So what did you want to talk about?” She asked him curiously.
This was it: the moment of truth. If he couldn’t talk to her now, then he really was a coward. She was waiting for him to speak, to explain himself. He had to say something. He had to try. If he didn’t even attempt, he didn’t deserve what it was he wanted. And he didn’t deserve her forgiveness.
“I wanted to talk about,” Natsu struggled to begin, “why I’ve been avoiding you since you came back.”
Natsu wasn’t sure what he was expecting in response, but a smile and a slow nod wasn’t it.
“You’re right.” Lisanna said, only her eyes betraying her worry and confusion. “We should talk about that.”
She was gazing at him openly and Natsu thought that maybe she’d been wondering why he was avoiding her somewhere in the back of her mind. She truly wanted to know, which could only mean that she wasn’t certain of the motive behind his recent behavior. He could tell her that.
“You were gone for two years. But now you’re back.” Natsu smiled briefly before looking down at the floor. “But… it isn’t as simple as that, is it?”
Lisanna looked wistful. “No, it’s not. Things rarely are that simple.”
Natsu nodded, still looking down. He was glad she understood. He silently took a deep breath as he thought about what else he was going to say.
“The trouble is that, even though you’re back, your years in Edolas still happened. And,” Natsu paused, releasing a shaky sigh, “we all thought you were dead. And I had thought I’d accepted this, but it turns out I was wrong. Because you’re alive! And…”
He trailed off before finally saying, “I didn’t look for you.”
“Natsu-” Lisanna began, but he interrupted her.
“You were alive and I didn’t find you!” He growled, suddenly angry, his posture straight and tense. “It was dumb luck that we made it to Edolas and two whole years had still passed! Maybe if I’d looked for you, if I’d done something, then you could have gotten home sooner. Maybe this wouldn’t have happened.”
He glared at his feet again and murmured. “Maybe things between you and me would have stayed the same as they were, instead of this.”
“Natsu, it’s not your fault.” Lisanna insisted. She’d just been standing there, absorbing his outburst, but now it was her turn to talk. “You can’t possibly blame yourself for this. There wasn’t anything you could do! And you did find me in the end, dumb luck or not.”
She put her hands on her hips, the way she used to when she was being stern.
The sight resonated with Natsu nostalgically and his anger with himself returned. He’d missed seeing that sight for two years and despite what she’d said, he was certain there was something he could have done. There had to be because if it wasn’t his fault, then whose fault was it? Someone had to pay for what had happened.
“There must have been something I could have done!” Natsu said furiously. “I could have asked more questions about what had happened! I could have gone to the site and investigated! Hell, I could have gone with you in the first place!”
“You could have done all those things and more and it still might have happened, Natsu. Everything could have still turned out the same way.” Lisanna replied firmly. Her voice was gentle, but left no room for disagreement.
His fury was turning into desperation. “But… if there was nothing I could have done, if it was always going to happen, then whose fault is it?” He needed to know the cause of his heartache, of the pain of the last two years. He needed someone to blame.
Lisanna smiled wistfully at him again. “It’s no one’s fault. These things just happen sometimes. There’s nothing you can do about them, but keep moving forward. You have to keep living because it’s no fun being stuck in the past.”
Natsu collapsed onto the Strauss siblings’ sofa and put his head in his hands. Lisanna sat down beside him and placed her hand on his shoulder. After a while, Happy moved to be on Natsu’s other side. He had been a silent observer for once, knowing that this wasn’t his problem to work out.
Finally, Natsu spoke.
“You’re right, Lisanna.” He admitted. “It’s no fun being stuck in the past.”
He lifted his head out of his hands and looked at her. He could scarcely believe she was real.
“Do you want to build a new future instead?” Natsu asked, hardly daring to hope.
“I would love to, Natsu.” Lisanna beamed at him, looking genuinely happy.
He grinned in amazement and hugged her. Then suddenly, he pulled away a bit and looked over at Happy.
“Do you want to come along for the ride?” He said, still grinning.
Happy jumped up and soared towards Natsu and Lisanna’s heads to join in the hug.
“Aye, sir!”