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Roman stared at Virgil's door. Focusing on the way the purple paint peeled and flaked off the old wood. Curling like claws. A warning. He bit his lip, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. He knew his fellow side wasn't okay. Virgil often disappeared into his room when things got too much, but as their friendship had gotten stronger, he usually told Roman before doing so, since he knew it caused the princely side to worry.
But this time, there was no warning. No heads up. He had just.. disappeared. What worried Roman most, was that Virgil didn't answer the door when he knocked. Never once acknowledged he could even hear him. And the other sides' didn't seem to care!
They said he was being dramatic, that Virgil clearly just didn't want to see him. They told him it wasn't unusual for Virgil to hide, and that they fought often enough it wasn't a surprise Virgil didn't want to let him in. That stung a little, he thought they were getting better about that.. and Virgil had always let him in before then.
He didn't remember doing anything bad. He didn't think he'd said anything to upset the resident emo. Maybe that was it though, he hadn't apologized yet. But then, that was why he was there, in the dark hallway, staring nervously at the anxious sides' door.
He took a deep breath and knocked loudly. Just as before, there was no response. This time though, he wouldn't take no for an answer. Virgil could be seriously hurt, for all he knew. Mumbling a quick apology for the intrusion of privacy he was about to commit, he forcibly unlocked the door, using his will over the mindscape for an unfair advantage.
Roman turned the door handle and pushed it open. The door felt heavier than normal, almost resisting him, as if the room knew the occupant inside didn’t want company. He heard a small sniffle as someone tried desperately to quiet themselves.
Roman’s face softened, closing the door behind him. “Virgil?” He called the name softly, eyeing the suspiciously Virgil shaped lump under the blankets in the middle of the emo’s bed. He walked over slowly. “Vi? Can you hear me?”
“Go away, Princey.” Virgil’s voice was rough and scratchy from crying, and they both winced. Roman sat down at the edge of the bed. “Would you like some water?” He asked, maintaining the soft, quiet voice.
After a beat of silence Virgil reluctantly pulled the blankets away from his face to look at the creative side. Roman made a gentle cooing sound of concern when he saw the tear stained face of his beloved stormcloud.
He offered a cold water bottle he’d summoned to the other, slowly reaching out to play with Virgil’s hair. The darker side sipped at the water, slowly relaxing into the gentle touch. Roman said nothing as Virgil gradually melted into him, holding the other against his chest comfortingly.
Virgil nuzzled his face against Roman's shoulder. His tears wet Roman's shirt, but the princely side didn't care, simply holding him tighter. After a while Virgil's tears dried and he was left feeling oddly warm. He guessed it was due to the creative side, who often chased away the numbing darkness that so regularly plagued him.
Roman looked down at him sadly. He hesitated a moment before opening his mouth, "how do you do it?" He asked softly, cautiously. He was playing with fire here, and he knew it. Virgil shifted a little, uncomfortable at the tone of Roman's question. "How do I do what?" His anxiety was slowly rising again, supplying him with hundreds of possible endings to this conversation.
"Pretend that you're okay." Roman clarified. His expression was desperate, full of genuine concern and compassion. He had to know, he needed to know why Virgil refused to let others in, why he refused to let him in. Was their bond more one-sided than he realized? Did Virgil not trust him?
Virgil's eyes went wide and he immediately looked away. "I'm not pretending, Princey. Don't be dumb." He mumbled, struggling internally with the weight of Roman's expression. He didn't understand how Roman could care so deeply for him, he wasn't worth that kind of concern, of.. of love.
"Yes you are, every fucking day, I can see it. And it breaks my heart.." Roman whispered, tearing up a little as he looked at the darker man. The man whose whole persona was designed to scare people off and create panic. The man who was tormented by his own mind, trapped in a cycle of self-loathing and an obligation to Thomas to keep going.. The man he was in love with.
"Please, please Virgil, let me in. Let me help you, trust me." He begged. Virgil choked down another sob, forcing himself away from Roman. "I can't Ro, you don't get it! I can't let you see how fucking broken I am! I can't let you love me.." His voice trailed off, turning his face away from the other. "You should go, Princey."
Romans heart shattered in his chest. "Virgil ple-" Virgil grit his teeth, cutting him off. "I SAID LEAVE, ROMAN." He yelled. Roman flinched, but stayed put. "No! Virgil stop pushing me away! I lo-" Again, Virgil cut him off. "YOU DON'T FUCKING LOVE ME!" Virgil practically screamed, turning to shove Roman off the bed, away from him.
Roman hit the floor with a muffled thud, looking up at Virgil in shock at how this situation was playing out. "YOU CAN'T LOVE ME! DON'T YOU GET IT!? I WON'T LET YOU! I DON'T WANT YOU!" Virgil screamed, not paying attention to what he said, just aiming to hurt. "THIS MEANS NOTHING TO ME, THIS-" He gestured wildly between them. "IS NOTHING MORE THAN YOU WANTING TO BE THE HERO AGAIN." He panted slightly, anger blinding his judgment. "You mean nothing to me."
A choked sob broke through the red haze clouding his senses, snapping him back to reality. Cold horror seeped into his bones as he watched the creative side roughly scrub at his face, trying to stop the well of hot tears streaming down his face. "I don't give a shit about being the 'hero,' Virgil." His voice was wobbly, strained. He stood up abruptly.
"All I wanted was to help. Not because of some fucking savior complex, but because you're my best friend. I fell in love with you, like it or not, because of who you are as a person. I wanted to help because I could see you struggling and I hate seeing you shut people out." Virgil tried to say something but Roman ignored him, blowing past whatever stupid excuse he wanted to make.
"I accept your rejection, and I'll respect your desire to not be friends, but don't think for one fucking second that I believe a word you said. You need help, and I'm going to help you. If that means leaving and getting someone else, then fine." He took a shaky breath. "Despite what you like to believe, even the protector needs protection sometimes."
Roman turned to leave, feeling like he conveyed his point well enough. Virgil watched frozen as Roman tried to leave, and his panic returned tenfold. "Wait!" He cried out, lurching forward to grab the other side's arm. "Wait please, I'm so sorry, I'm so, so, sorry! I didn't mean it, I didn't-"
Roman pulled his arm away. "It's fine, Virgil. I'm not mad at you. I don't think I could ever truly be mad at you, not anymore at least.. But I'm going to go for now, I'll send Patton up so you aren't alone."
Virgil's shoulders sagged, that numb feeling creeping back up on him. He'd just made Roman cry. He'd made fucking Roman Creativity Princey Sanders, the brave dashing hero with the stupidly bright smile that was practically glued to his face, cry. He'd just chased away the one person who always cared.
Who always checked on him, checked if he'd eaten, checked his wrists after bad days, sat with him through panic attacks, held him. More than that, the one person who saw him as a person, and not just Anxiety. He'd really, really fucked up. And he didn't know if he could fix it. His day just kept getting worse and worse by the minute.
.
.
.
"Virgil? Virgil, baby, wake up!"
Virgil sniffled, the words piercing through the haze of sleep clouding his brain. Wake up? What did that mean, where was Roman, where-
"Shh, shh, my love, oh you sweet thing.."
He was so warm.. he relaxed, a small contented hum leaving him. He was pressed against something soft, and so, so, warm. Slowly, groggy chocolate eyes blinked open to meet concerned emerald ones. "Ro?" He slurred, voice thick with sleep.
"Yeah, hey baby, are you feeling a little better?" Roman cooed softly, gently wiping away the tears on Virgil's face. Tears? Oh, he was crying.. why was he crying?
"Did you have a nightmare, stormcloud? You were shaking and crying, calling for me in your sleep.." Roman pulled him closer into that mind melting warmth.
He hummed blissfully. "Mm, no, was a mem'ry." Roman sighed softly. "Was it that day again? Sweetie, you know I don't blame you for any of what you said, it was a heat of the moment thing." He gently brushed Virgil's hair out of his face, looking into those beautiful eyes that he adored so much.
"Mmh." Virgil made a non-committal response, snuggling closer. "Too early for feel'ns." He grumbled. Roman laughed quietly. "Alright, we can sleep more, but we will talk about this later." He relented, pulling the blankets up more and holding Virgil close. "Goodnight, my love.."