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Being the leader of a world famous group hasn’t always been easy, especially when he’s crushing on his own group mates.
Though on screen, their closeness could be attributed to the fact that they’re basically a family at this point, Namjoon feels something entirely different when he’s with Jimin.
Jimin, whose smile rivals the sun, whose eyes form twinkling crescents when he smiles too widely. How fond Namjoon has grown of Jimin.
But it’s not the fondness one would harbor towards a younger brother. No. This feeling whenever he’s able to make Jimin smile, make him laugh, is so chest wrenching he could just lie down whenever he feels like it.
Heart racer. Heart stopper. He’s not sure what to call that feeling. It’s just that his heart is going overdrive at the mere thought of Jimin.
He can’t really name a specific time when he started feeling these things for Jimin. He just knows that one day, he glanced at Jimin and wondered what it would feel like to kiss him.
To which Namjoon had immediately felt guilty. That wasn’t fair to Jimin, especially not fair to their bandmates. Namjoon has a job , a position as the leader of the group. The idea of kissing other members should never have come up in the first place.
Alas, as even the fans say, Namjoon is terrible at keeping secrets.
He doesn’t even say it outright. It’s just right after they finish the production of Jimin’s song Promise when Yoongi notices something in Namjoon’s gaze.
“Careful. Your eyes might jump out of your sockets,” Yoongi had whispered to him when he caught Namjoon staring too long at Jimin.
He’d of course fumbled for an excuse, but if there was anything about Min Yoongi that Namjoon couldn’t budge, it’s that he was a good observer and he didn’t take bull.
So Namjoon gave up and apologized, although Yoongi did assure him it wasn’t a matter worth being sorry for.
“You like him. No big deal. It’s not a crime to like someone else.”
“But he’s a band member, hyung,” Namjoon had reasoned weakly, which has always been something he’s told himself ever since he realized his feelings for the younger.
“So you don’t let your feelings get in the way of work,” Yoongi answered, plain and simple. He was never the type to over complicate things anyway, but Namjoon’s feelings for Jimin are already complicated in and of itself.
Yoongi sighed and flicked Namjoon’s forehead lightly. “Stop staying in your head for too long. You can talk to me about anything that’s troubling you. I’ve always reminded you that.”
Namjoon gave his hyung a hesitant look. “Even this?”
Yoongi nodded with a hum. “Of course.”
Since then, Namjoon had Yoongi as a confidant, and the latter didn’t really seem to mind Namjoon’s gushing about how Jimin’s hands are so small he almost couldn’t catch something being thrown at him, or how worried he was when Jimin fell off his chair after that one Run BTS episode shoot.
But with being a confidant, Yoongi has also taken the role of being a matchmaker.
Namjoon hadn’t realized it at first, but Yoongi had been strategically coming up with ways to get them closer.
Which is the opposite of what Namjoon hoped he was doing. Should he be the voice of reason why dating within a band is a bad idea?
First, it was time at the gym. Utilizing the knowledge of Namjoon’s workout schedule, Yoongi decided it would be a great time to get the two of them alone. This included inviting Jimin to work out with him until he makes up an excuse about leaving something important behind and going back for it.
Leaving Namjoon and Jimin alone in the gym.
Namjoon rubs his hands together, hoping he doesn’t look awkward. He’s already so sweaty while Jimin still looks fresh. This isn’t fair at all.
“Were you just finishing up, hyung?” Jimin asks as he approaches where Namjoon is by the pull up bar.
“N-No,” Namjoon shakes his head a little too rapidly. “Well… kind of. I was just about to…” he points to the handle bar, even though that yes, he’s technically finishing up. But he doesn’t want to appear rude and just leave Jimin behind.
He ignores the voice at the back of his head telling him this is a bad idea.
“Okay then,” Jimin gives him a radiant smile before proceeding to the mat just right across. He picks up a weight bell, back facing Namjoon. “I’ll leave you to it then. Just gonna work on my core strength until Yoongi-hyung comes back.”
Namjoon simply hums and watches as Jimin switches the weight from his left to his right with practiced ease. He wants to stretch out conversation with Jimin, but unless it’s about work or during a live where they’re also talking about work most of the time, Namjoon finds that their conversations often fall flat.
Or maybe that's just him out of fluster.
He hopes his racing heart is because of post-exercise endorphins and not because of the angel whose back is facing him.
Hiding feelings has never been a big deal with him, that is until they have to face a camera.
The time of the year has come when they’re to film content for their fans, just to catch a so-called glimpse of their relaxing time. But truthfully, with cameras around, could you actually call it relaxing?
Maybe for the others, yes. Seokjin looks particularly excited about the prospect of no studio work for a good five days. Hoseok and Taehyung are also already talking about water gun fights they can have while they’re In The Soop. Jungkook is also talking about bringing his dog Bam while Yoongi wonders if it’s cool to bring unfinished work on what is technically vacation time.
“You excited, hyung?” Jimin asks him in a small voice, amidst the growing chatter of the meeting room.
Namjoon hums and gives him a small smile. “I just hope they’ll have books there.”
Jimin giggles, and it’s the sound of angels descending. “I feel like you’ve read every book available in Korea at this point, hyung.”
Namjoon shrugs. “Maybe I have.”
Jimin’s giggles last a little longer until he clears his throat. The smile never leaves his face until the meeting room falls silent to listen to more of their producer’s words.
Arriving at the new location for In The Soop was so draining, most of them immediately crashed on the bed upon arrival.
Namjoon, especially, didn’t even bother with checking out the rest of the buildings. As soon as he chose the place he’ll stay in, he simply put his bags to the side and climbed up the stairs to his room.
To his surprise though, Jimin was already there laying out some blankets for him.
“Ah, hyung,” Jimin smiles. “Sorry if I intruded. My room is downstairs but I noticed I had extra blankets. Maybe you wanted them. I know you’re a pretty light sleeper, especially since this isn’t your bed…”
“N-No, it’s fine,” Namjoon waves a hand in front of him. “Thank you for this. I appreciate it a lot, Jimin-ah.”
The smile Jimin gives is bright then he pats the surface of the bed. “Well, here you go, hyung. I hope you have a good night’s sleep.”
Namjoon nods and approaches the bed. It’s quite unusual for Jimin to tuck him in, but he appreciates the gesture. Not only that, but his heart races in his chest as well that he’s worried it might jump out anytime.
Jimin leaves with a small “Good night” and turns out the lights.
In the dark, only Namjoon can feel how red his face is.
The first day goes by without much of a hitch. He does get to read a few books. Over the years, ignoring the presence of cameras has made it all easier, and he is able to give his authentic self to the fans in these types of content.
That is until he’s with Jimin.
So he tries not to spend some time alone with him. When he’s with Jimin, he’s always with the other members, which makes hiding just a tad bit easier. He just hopes his stolen glances will be read as something else, especially when they’re playing.
Then nighttime comes and with the lack of anything to do, Namjoon decides to wander the forest just a bit. He assures the others he won’t be out too late nor will he go too far.
He does make his way to a cliff where the house could still be seen from behind. The cliff also has a pretty view, with the full moon clear in the picture.
He breathes in the fresh air, not something he can come to appreciate always as a resident of Seoul. Also, there are no cameras here, only the emergency light installed by a tree that makes the path visible.
“What are you doing here, hyung?”
Namjoon jumps a little at the voice but is relieved when he turns to see it’s only Jimin.
Oh… it’s Jimin.
“J-Jimin. What are you doing here?”
Jimin blinks before a giggle escapes him. “I asked you that first, hyung, but I’ll answer. I just noticed you left alone. Others are doing karaoke. Don’t you want to join?”
“In a bit,” Namjoon avoids meeting Jimin’s eyes and turns back to the scenery before him. “I’ll join you. Just… wanna take this in for a moment.”
Jimin must think he’s talking about the scenery, but what he doesn’t know is that Namjoon is trying to calm his racing heart.
Namjoon tries not to look like he’s frozen when he hears the leaves on the ground crunch under Jimin’s footsteps. Then the younger is standing right beside him. He doesn’t glance at Jimin, eyes on the moon instead. Jimin should be looking at it too, right?
“Are you looking at the moon, hyung?” Jimin asks.
Namjoon hums.
“It’s pretty, isn’t it?”
He wants to glance at Jimin and say that nothing will compare to his beauty. But he forces the feeling down. He can’t have Jimin run away from him all because he’s selfish.
So he takes a deep breath in. He is curious about how Jimin is looking at the moon. Perhaps he’s looking at it the way Namjoon wishes Jimin would look at him.
So he glances to the side to see that expression just once, even though it’s not directed at him.
But to his surprise, Jimin isn’t looking at the moon.
Jimin’s eyes, soft and star-like, are trained on Namjoon.
He’s looking at Namjoon the same way night’s lover would look at the moon.
It feels like their eyes stay on each other’s for a long time until Namjoon blinks, feeling a flush creep up on his face.
And Jimin–sweet and lovely Jimin gives Namjoon the smile he’s loved since the first time he saw it.
“Wh-What are you–” Namjoon swallows, eyes never leaving Jimin. “What are you looking at?”
The younger giggles. “You’re very pretty, hyung.”
Namjoon doesn’t think he’s ever been associated with that word: pretty . It feels so gentle, so small. Everything Jimin is.
And for Jimin to see him in the same light has his heart racing faster than ever.
Namjoon quickly looks away, releasing a shaky breath from how overwhelming Jimin’s stare at him is. He hears the younger giggle again before he lightly bumps his side with Namjoon.
“Are there any cameras around, hyung?” Jimin asks in a small voice, meaning he doesn’t want to be heard by any microphones in the area.
Luckily, Namjoon has taken his off before coming here.
He shakes his head, slowly turning to face the front again. He hears Jimin release a long sigh of relief.
“Good. That means I can say what I want then.”
Namjoon blinks. Jimin sounds pleased with the fact that nobody is bound to eavesdrop on them. He turns to the younger, curious eyes meeting Jimin’s sparkling ones under the moonlight.
“What is it you want to say then?”
His heartbeat covers the seconds in between waiting. Then, Jimin says–
“I like you, hyung.”
Namjoon blinks. He first processes what Jimin’s words meant. But when the library inside his brain can’t find a different reason other than the words meaning what they actually meant, he feels like all the shelves topple down before fireworks blow off.
Jimin likes him.
The feeling is mutual.
But he must have stayed silent for too long because Jimin’s expression suddenly turns worried. He draws back, stuttering out an apology as fast as he could.
“I-I’m sorry. That was… Maybe I shouldn’t have said that. You might… This made you uncomfortable and I should have thought about it–”
“No.” Namjoon takes Jimin’s wrist to keep him from leaving and pulls him back. The younger looks down at where Namjoon’s hand is then up to meet Namjoon’s eyes. “Don’t go.”
A surge of courage comes to Namjoon and he takes both of Jimin’s hands in his. He forgets about his initial worries, about how this can all go south with one wrong move. But when he looks at Jimin, there’s a certainty that they can make this work. Maybe stopping his thoughts getting the best of him is the first step to that. Jimin had obviously already taken it.
“I like you, too, Jimin-ah,” he says, thumbs rubbing over the back of Jimin’s hand affectionately. “And to have you say that first… feel more than just a dream come true.”
Jimin sucks in a deep breath before a blinding smile takes over. He steps closer, stands a little on his tip toes, so that their foreheads are pressed together. “I’m so happy, hyung! I feel like the luckiest person on earth now.”
With a fond smile, Namjoon shakes his head. He lets go of Jimin’s hand to press it at his lower back. He leans down so that Jimin stands right again, not wanting to strain him. “It’s the other way around, Jimin-ah. I’m the luckiest, to have you feel the same way I do.”
The sky does not do the stars justice, because all of them are a beautiful constellation in Jimin's eyes.
And just as night's lover is drawn to them, Namjoon leans closer until the stars disappear and what replaces them is the pleasant kiss of love worthwhile.
Jimin's lips are soft, everything Namjoon had believed them to be. The hand on Jimin's waist pulls him closer and arms come to wrap around Namjoon's shoulders until there's no space left in between them.
With the moon as their witness, two lovers find each other.
The next day comes relatively quickly, but perhaps that's just how time is when you're under the influence of pure bliss.
Everyone also seems to notice a change in him, Yoongi especially. The older rapper raises a brow at Namjoon the moment he lightens up when Jimin walks into the room.
But he doesn't voice the obvious, and he subtly shakes his head at the other members who see the shift between their other two members as well.
Other than the way the space in between them has practically disappeared, they spend the day the way they usually do when they're on a break such as this. Read, play, eat, a pleasant routine of relaxation.
Come afternoon, just short of sunset, Namjoon finds himself lying down on one of the outdoor beanbags, watching clouds pass by in the lilac sky.
At some point in his cloud gazing, he hears the other bean bag beside his crunch and as he turns, his lips curl up in a bit of a goofy smile when he sees that it's Jimin.
"So, what should we do tomorrow?" Namjoon asks as Jimin makes himself comfortable. Where they sit, their sides are pressed together and like magnets, their hands find each other, fingers intertwining.
(But later, by luck or whatever force in the universe, they would find that the camera angle obscures this little secret of theirs.)
"We ask the same question at home everyday," Jimin answers with a chuckle. It's an honest answer, because despite the obvious change in where their relationship stands, not much has changed.
And that's something Namjoon is thankful for and will cherish for as long as Jimin's hand fits perfectly in his.
Because even when this break is over, when they eventually return to the urban paradise that is Seoul, Namjoon and Jimin are never changing.
They're the same people.
They're the same love.