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“This is hopeless, I’m going to fail.” You groaned, laying your head on your desk in frustration. You had been studying for your exam that was tomorrow morning and you had been at it for so long that your brain felt like mush.
You had been a complete wreck all week, it was exam season and you had so many tests and final projects due. Between that and your regular duties as an Avenger, you were reaching your breaking point.
“Kid, why are you torturing yourself like this? You’ve got a career.” Tony quipped as you snapped at him for bursting into the sound-proof room that he didn’t know you were using as a study. Normally it was used for top-secret briefings, but the noise of the compound was getting to be too much for you.
“Listen, it’s hard to explain.” You sighed, turning over your textbook. “This is something I always wanted and maybe some day I’ll have a normal job.”
Tony raised one of his eyebrows, “From fighting the forces of evil to working a 9-5?” he smirked, “I didn’t realize that you had such wild dreams.”
You snorted, “Not everyone wants constant excitement, Tony.”
“Some of us are destined for it against our will. Actually, most of us don’t really want to be here, but we don’t have a choice.” Tony said, reaching into his pocket and fishing out a fifty-dollar bill. He slapped it on the desk, “Order yourself some of that fancy coffee you and Maximoff always get. On me.”
“Thanks Tony,” you said, picking up the bill.
He nodded and left the room, leaving you to your books. Perhaps he was right, was it really so pointless to continue your education if you were expected to continue being an Avenger for the rest of your life? You tried to remember if anyone had actually successfully retired from this job, but you couldn’t think of anyone.
You shook your head at your negative train of thought. “Coffee. Coffee will help.” You said to yourself as you pulled out your phone to order. You may have gone a bit overboard, ordering three coffees and a box of sugary treats but you needed a boost to push you through until you were done studying. While watching your phone for the delivery status you felt your eyelids grow heavy. “Maybe a small nap while I wait for my coffee would be nice.” you mumbled, laying your head on the desk.
You couldn’t get comfortable; it was covered in your books and papers. Instead of moving everything, you gave up and laid on the floor, it was carpeted, and would do fine for a short nap. You probably looked ridiculous but desperate times required desperate measures. You curled up in your oversized hoodie that you were wearing, placing your phone beside your head to listen to the delivery alert. “Just a few minutes.” You assured yourself.
***
“Are you alright?!” a voice called from above you. You barely squinted open your eyes when you felt someone’s hand on your arm, lightly shaking you awake.
You groaned, slowly opening your eyes to see a mildly panicked looking Loki. A look of relief crossed his face when you sat up. “Sorry, I was just… having a nap.” You looked at your phone and saw that the delivery message had appeared about ten minutes ago, “oh crap, my coffee.”
“I took care of it,” Loki assured you, “It’s in the kitchen.” You mumbled profuse apologies to him and tried to hand him the money Tony had given you, but he refused. “That’s quite alright, Thor gave me more Midgardian money than I have use for. It’s probably the first thing I’ve bought in months. I thought it was odd when you weren’t coming to the door when the delivery came, so I just paid the driver and went looking for you. Why are you sleeping on the floor?”
You smiled sheepishly, “I was just taking a break, I’ve been studying for so long that my brain feels like it’s broken.”
Loki cocked his head to the side, turning to examine your desk area that was covered with all your books, notes, pens and crumpled up pieces of paper. “Should I also be studying?” he asked, clearly confused. “I didn’t know Stark gave us examinations.”
You laughed, “No need to worry. It’s for my university classes.”
He picked up one of your textbooks, reading the cover. “Oh, I do remember you telling me that you were pursuing other education.” He looked back at you, “fascinating.”
“Most people here think it’s stupid.” You said, echoing Tony’s sentiment from earlier. “No one stops being an Avenger. Not really.”
“Can’t you be both?” Loki asked thoughtfully, skimming through the textbook pages. “Saving the world but also being an active participant within it? I don’t see why you would limit yourself.”
You sighed, standing up and smoothing out your sweater. You felt a rush of gratitude towards Loki for his words. Not that you needed your dreams to be supported by others, but it felt nice to have someone not think you were completely insane for wanting to do other things besides running into dangerous battles and save the world from mortal peril. “Thank you, Loki. That means a lot.”
He nodded curtly; Loki didn’t appear to be one for sentiment. At least that’s what you had observed about him since he joined the team. He never seemed to be rattled after brutal missions, always was composed at team meetings even when everyone else’s emotions were running high, and even if everyone else was bawling their eyes out around him, he never so much as shed a tear during the sad parts of the movies for group movie nights. Others would comment behind his back, saying that it was weird that he was so composed and that anyone who acted so stoic all time was not to be trusted.
You however, found that Loki’s demeanour had the opposite effect on you. It was peaceful to be around someone so steady that you found yourself gravitating towards him when he was in the same vicinity as you. Plus if the others had really paid attention, they’d know that Loki wasn’t the emotionless, calm robot they assumed he was. Sometimes when reading, emotions would flash across his face and it made you want to creep over his shoulder to read what was making him react like that. He’d let little bits of frustration out at the training gym when he thought no one was watching, and the thing you found most hilarious was his barely contained annoyance at Thor. How he’d roll his eyes and grumble at almost everything his brother did. People would have to be paying attention to Loki to notice these things, but not many people did.
You suspected that he kept himself composed because everyone was looking for half a reason to think he was still the deranged, madman who destroyed half the city during the battle of New York. Maybe it was the fear of outright rejection or being ostracised that kept him from wearing his emotions on his sleeve. But you never had the courage to ask him about it.
Sometimes you’d find yourself staring at him, hoping to catch a glimpse of his carefully concealed emotions on his face. He was beautiful, and your traitorous mind often daydreamed about a time where Loki would trust you enough to get close to him. Loki would catch you staring at him on occasion and you had to quickly look away and pretend to be absorbed in something else to stifle your embarrassment. He’d never see you as anything else than a Midgardian, and everyone knew the disdain he had for humans.
Loki cleared his throat, “I believe that your coffee is getting cold, perhaps you could extend your break to refuel?”
“That sounds nice, actually.” You smiled, turning on your heels towards the door. “Hey, I ordered a lot. Do you want to join me? Three coffees are probably bad for the health anyways.”
“I wouldn’t want to impose,” he said, giving you a polite nod.
“Please, honestly having a conversation with someone would probably be refreshing after isolating myself all day.” You insisted, “Well, I did talk to Tony earlier but that doesn’t count.”
“I’d hardly call that pleasant conversation.” Loki said dryly, holding the door open for you as you walked out.
You laughed, saying a remark about how funny he was. You thought you saw a hint of a smile appear on his lips at your words but it was gone in a flash so you could have just imagined it. Loki had brought your textbook with him, and you spent the next hour with him quizzing you on facts which you managed to answer with ease as you happily drank your coffee and ate your sugary treats. He even tried to trip you up on the wording on his questions, but you caught it each time.
“I think you’ll do just fine tomorrow.” He said, taking a bite of a small pastry.
“I feel so much better after this,” you sighed with relief. “You’re a lifesaver, Loki. Honestly, I could kiss you.” You joked, closing your textbook.
Loki froze, swallowing the bite that was in his mouth. He looked almost shocked. Your eyes widened in horror when you realized what you said. A flurry of apologies started to spill from you. “Oh my god I’m so sorry Loki, I didn’t mean it. I’m so exhausted and it’s a human expression, it just means that you did something really nice for me and I’m really grateful.” You stammered, picking up your coffee and book, preparing to make a quick escape.
He stood up, quickly wrapping his arms around you and stopping your retreat. “Please don’t go.” You paused, letting him turn you in his arms so that you were chest-to-chest. “Look at me,” he said softly, cupping your cheek with his hand. His thumb stroked your cheekbone and you found yourself unable to resist leaning into his gentle touch.
You mustered the courage to finally meet his gaze which was full of softness. “I’m sorry.” You said, voice barely above a whisper.
“Did you really not mean it?” he asked.
You tried to stutter out a response, but nothing coherent came out of your mouth. Loki’s touch combined with your exhaustion made your brain feel like static. “While I have you here,” he began, “I’d like to confess something.” he kept his one hand holding you firmly against him while the other began to trace the lines of your face, gently exploring your features. “When I first came here, I never thought I would become attached to anyone. I tried not to. That’s why the others think I’m cold. But you don’t feel that way.” It wasn’t a question.
You shook your head, still not able to speak. He grinned, “You’re not afraid of me, you never have been. Please don’t start now.” he pressed his forehead to yours, “because I would very much like to kiss you.”
Your heart thudded in your chest, and you wondered if he could hear it. Words continued to fail you but you didn’t need them as you pushed yourself up on your tiptoes and brushed your lips against his. He let out a contented sigh as he continued to kiss you back, running his fingers through your hair as you gripped his shoulders tightly.
When he finally pulled away, he looked at you with such fondness that your heart could have melted right there. “I’ve been waiting so long to do that.” he kissed your forehead, “But it’s getting late, you need rest for tomorrow.”
You laughed, completely having forgotten about your exam. “how am I supposed to sleep after that?”
Loki kissed both of your cheeks, “I could tuck you in, if you want?” he winked.
You laced your fingers with his and pulled him from the kitchen and towards the hallway leading to the bedrooms. “I’d love that.”