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White.
The entire world was an endless sea of white for as far as the eye could see.
In the foggy moments before the pain hit her, Ohn thought that the sight was ominous.
She’d never liked the color white all that much. It was too haunting. Too unearthly.
White just wasn’t a common color in nature. And when one saw white, it was hardly a good sign.
Ohn’s own hair was gray, which was the color that most things people called white . The clouds were a kaleidoscope of colors. White birds and flowers often had a touch of gray or beige to them. Ohn thought of two things when she saw white.
Cold and death.
Snow was white.
Bones were white.
Whenever she spotted something that was a true and pure white, she was uneasy. Even if it were something as harmless as a rose or a dove.
Ohn’s life hadn’t allowed her the luxury of enjoying snow.
Although, for a brief moment, she’d thought that snow wasn’t all that bad. Watching the flakes fall outside of the car as they traveled slowly down the road. Headed towards home. She was warm. She was safe.
The snow couldn’t do anything to hurt her.
She was wrong.
The pain hit her all at once and Ohn let out a soundless gasp. The intensity of the pain was so fierce, so consuming, that it made her vision cloud over and she nearly lost consciousness all over again.
The cracked screen of her phone was the first thing she was able to see properly. The white of their surroundings was stained with the dirty brownish red of blood.
Her pupils shook as she tried to reach for the device, dimly aware that she needed to call for help, needed to find a way out of here.
While her reaching hand managed to activate the screen, one look provided her with the hopeless reality.
There was no reception on the tiny icon in the corner and even more merciless was the blinking icon that let her know she was at 1% battery.
…how long had she been knocked out…?
Ohn’s eyes clouded with tears and she did everything she could to blink them away. The happy photo on her lock screen looked so far away. Her trembling hand dropped back down limply and she nearly succumbed to the pain that begged her to let go and sleep.
Ohn was familiar with that pain.
When the body was so cold that you hardly even felt the cold anymore.
She knew she had to fight it.
The photo blinked away as her phone died and she whimpered.
Cale.
Her concussed mind finally chased after that one person. Cale had been driving.
Cale hadn’t made a sound.
The photo really did feel so miserably far away.
A happy day at a theme park where her and her adoptive father wore matching hairstyles. It was one of her favorite memories up until now.
Now, in the white cold, it felt like an eternity away. A cruel taunt of a life she never deserved to have.
She’d fought so hard her whole life to find some peace and now it had all been ripped away from her on the black ice.
Ohn blinked her eyes and it was so hard to open them again but she forced herself to.
The pounding of her own heart was the only thing in the world that she could hear as she turned to look towards the driver's seat.
Please.
Anyone but him.
She would rather accept her own death than watch her father die.
She’d already lost so much.
She couldn’t lose him too.
Her siblings couldn’t afford to lose him either. They were waiting at home now. They’d never recover if he didn’t come home.
She couldn’t let that happen.
Fear gripped her in the deepest parts of her heart and she forgot how to breathe. She knew she had to be strong though. She had to make sure he survived. Her clouded vision took in a still form in the driver's seat. The tears building in her eyes hardly allowed her to see much more than red.
Red.
So much red.
His hair.
It had to be his hair.
His hair was such a bright and eye-catching red. Blood was brown. At least, it was brown when it was dry.
It was black when it was deadly.
Ohn choked on her own fear and tried to find the strength to wipe away her tears. To speak. To find strength.
Recent memories burned behind her eyes and she wanted to sob but it was too painful to manage even that.
Would her last words to her father really be ones of anger? Ohn wasn’t a particularly aggressive or rogue teenager. She rarely had fights with her father or her siblings. Her childhood had let her know exactly how fleeting time with people she loved could be and she never wanted to squander that time with meaningless squabbles.
But she wasn’t perfect.
She was still only human. She was only fourteen years old and there were moments when her maturity weakened in favor of petty emotions.
Cale was an amazing father. He really was. He’d saved her and her siblings in so many ways that she couldn’t ever begin to repay her.
But sometimes he was so frustrating.
He claimed that he wanted to relax. To live the easy life. To slack his days away without ever lifting a finger to do more than snack.
Yet the stupid selfless bastard was going to work himself into an early grave if he didn’t take time for himself.
“You never listen!” Ohn raised her voice, glaring fiercely at her father.
Cale tightened his grip on the steering wheel, turning to look at her for just a second.
She’d been so angry. So stupidly angry. He was going to work another week full of double shifts and he didn’t care one bit how much it hurt him because he wanted to give her and her siblings the best life he could.
He was so damn stupid sometimes.
They didn’t care if they couldn’t afford the nicest things. They just wanted him to be there, safe and happy, alongside them. She just wanted to make him understand.
Ohn choked on a stifled sob that made pain ricochet through her entire body.
What would she do if the last time she’d seen him was so wretched?
“...Cale…” She managed to rasp out the name and her vision spun from the effort.
She saw movement and hope spurred up into her heart, that dreadful emotion that was one inch away from despair.
In a horrible flurry of movements she realized it wasn’t Cale that she saw move.
It was the car.
Memory provided merciless facts. They had crashed by a cliff side.
That was the last coherent thought that Ohn had before the car began to roll.
Fire was a strange element. All at once it was a symbol of disaster and comfort. Fire inside the confines of a fireplace was a nice and warm thought. Fire spreading throughout a building was not.
Cale had experienced a lot of fire in his life. Both the good and the bad. He’d lost more people than he cared to list and the hole left behind in his heart had felt like it could never be filled no matter how desperately he clung for hope.
The sight of three children happily roasting marshmallows in the fireplace caused him to momentarily forget all that.
It was their first new years together.
Hong was happily babbling to Raon about how to roast his marshmallow to perfection and Raon was huffing back that he was too great and mighty to require any instruction. Ohn sat sedately at the side of her siblings, a small smile that was far too mature for her young age.
It worried Cale sometimes.
It worried him often.
They were good children. They never asked for much of anything and they were always sweet and considerate. More than any child ought to be. But Ohn certainly had the worst case of premature maturity among her siblings.
She was the eldest. Cale knew what kind of pressure that could damage a child with. It was so much worse considering everything they’d been through.
Cale took a seat beside her and patted her head gently. “Don’t like marshmallows?” He asked.
Ohn shook her head and smiled up at him. “I just… never thought I’d be this happy.”
Hearing that from the tiny nine year old girl broke Cale’s heart.
Ohn groaned. There was a weight above her now and she couldn’t move. It made it hard for her to breathe even. The twisted metal around her felt sharp to the touch but luckily none of it had pierced her.
She opened her eyes once more and realized why she felt so crushed.
Ohn was pinned under Cale’s weight. Cale was, in turn, pinned by the twisted metal.
Horror filled her up from her heart and all the way down to the tips of her toes.
The sheer dread that was colder even then the snow that was drifting into the car and burying them alive was momentarily abated when she finally heard Cale speak.
“...Ohn? Are you okay…?”
Ohn swallowed the part of her that wanted to sob. To cry pathetically. To beg for help. Ohn knew better than most that no amount of screaming or crying would grant mercy in an emergency.
“I’m okay.” She lied. Concealing as much of her fear as possible. “I’m stuck.” She said, not as a complaint but as a mere statement.
Cale let out a mirthless chuckle. It wasn’t funny but he still found it in him. “Me too.”
The chilly breeze from outside the car threatened the pair of them with frostbite. Ohn tried not to think about it.
She’d had frostbite.
Those frozen winters alone with her brother. Terror piling up in her heart as she feared that he might lose his fingers or toes. Desperately trying to warm Hong’s hands and finding no warmth in herself.
Ohn wasn’t scared of the snow.
She was scared of what the snow could take away from her.
“Hold on, Ohn.” Cale grunted and Ohn knew that tone of voice.
“Don’t!” She practically screeched, finding it in her to reach out and hold onto his shirt. “Don’t you dare!”
Panic coursed through her all at once.
Cale had used that tone of voice , the one he used right before he did something horrifically dumb.
Cale froze in his movements and Ohn barely held onto the relief from her terror. There was no telling what Cale had been about to do. Perhaps the moron was planning to press himself against the sharp and twisted metal to help Ohn escape. The idea that he might get himself impaled to help her was too nauseating to even consider.
“...Ohn?”
Cale’s voice was quiet and a bit hesitant. Ohn evened out her breathing the best that she could.
Panic would be their enemy now. She needed to remain calm. She needed to be mature. She needed to keep her head on straight.
“...don’t… move. Not yet.” Ohn said slowly. “Not until we figure out how to do it safely.”
It was a plausible reason to keep Cale still. She had no way of knowing how far down the cliff side they had toppled. Perhaps only a few feet. Perhaps all the way to the bottom. But there was no telling if they would survive another sudden drop so they ought not move yet.
Cale nodded and Ohn found some comfort from the simple gesture.
Despite all of her attempts to be mature. To grow up quickly. To become a person that others depended upon. Despite every single bit of knowledge in her heart that related back to being the responsible one, she couldn’t help but rely on Cale sometimes.
Before Cale, it had just been her and her brother. There was no warmth. There was no support. There was no food.
The days spent out in the cold, starving to death and considering cutting off her own flesh so that she would have something, anything, to feed her dying brother. Those days ended the day that Cale saved them.
She couldn’t help but find comfort in him and that terrible weakness inside that she never wanted to acknowledge pleaded for her to give in to her childish impulses.
Ohn wanted to cry like the pathetic child she felt like she was.
The girl had never looked quite as small as she did right now. Curled up in a corner of her bed and hiding her head between her legs as though she could hide from the world.
Cale crossed his arms from the doorway. Ohn rarely ever reached out for help, even when she was completely lost. There was always a risk that she might react poorly when approached about her problems, especially when she was trying to conceal that pain.
Still, he couldn’t leave her alone like this.
Cale knocked lightly on the doorframe and frowned as he saw Ohn flinch.
“...go away.”
Cale definitely couldn’t walk away now. She sounded close to tears. He couldn’t even think of a time he’d heard Ohn cry before.
To his recollection, which was quite reliable, she hadn’t cried once in the time they’d known each other.
Cale took a seat at the edge of her pet, feeling vaguely like he was trying to calm down a skittish cat. “What’s wrong, Ohn?”
He heard a sniffle and she shook her head, as though she couldn’t bear to tell him the dreadful news.
If she actually was a cat, he probably could have lured her out of her cocoon with snacks or toys. As it was, he had no choice but to wait until she was comfortable enough to share.
The pair sat in silence for a time, the only sound in the quiet room being the occasional sound of Ohn sniffling. After a time, she inched closer though, leaning against Cale’s side and allowing him to pat her head.
“I’m not psychic.” He reminded her. The poor attempt at humor earned him the tiniest watery laugh from his daughter. “What’s going on, Ohn?”
“...I’m dying…”
Cale stiffened, the horror filling his heart before he had time to combat it with common sense. Stifling his panic and encroaching grief, he tried to keep his thoughts straight.
It was hard though.
Ohn was his daughter. His little girl. She had already gone through so much and all he wanted was for her to be happy and healthy enough to become a spoiled brat. He wanted to give his daughter the world and make sure that everyone appreciated how wonderful she was.
The idea that she might be torn away from him so soon suffocated him.
“Why do you say that?” He asked finally, doing his best to sound calm. He couldn’t let his panic show. If Ohn was sick or injured, he needed to be the calm one for her. To be a person she could rely upon.
She looked up at him with tearfilled eyes and snot rolling down her chin, an expression of absolute despair on her face. “I’m bleeding.”
Cale’s panic doubled and he looked her over, cursing himself for not checking her for injuries sooner, he couldn’t see any signs of blood though and confusion knitted up his brow.
Ohn curled into a ball and mumbled out the next words in a pitifully small voice. “I’m bleeding from down there…”
Ah.
Shit.
Now that he thought about it, Ohn was twelve years old this year. It was a little early but around that time. Ohn had never had anyone in her life that could explain these things to her. Of course she would be scared.
Cale felt like a fool for not talking about it with her sooner. He could have spared her all this grief.
Steeling himself for a horribly awkward conversation, Cale patted her head gently. “You’re not dying.”
The hope that shined in her amber eyes at his words made it easier to explain, even with how awkward Cale felt about it.
He would do just about anything to keep his children happy and healthy.
“Ohn?”
Ohn stirred, she’d almost lost consciousness again and the only warmth came from the weight pinning her down. “Yes?”
“I’m sorry.”
The apology shouldn’t have torn up Ohn’s heart so much but it did.
“You don’t have to apologize.” She said, feeling wretched.
“You were right. I should have pulled over and I shouldn’t have worked myself that hard.”
It hurt so much.
Ohn couldn’t put it into words.
Something about Cale finally admitting she was right. Finally acknowledging his faults. Finally agreeing that he was human and needed to rest…
All of it.
It sounded wretchedly like a goodbye.
“Don’t apologize to me now.” She said, her voice raw with emotion. “Apologize to me when we get home.” Her voice was firm and full with as much conviction as she could muster.
Cale chuckled and the sound made her relax a bit. Cale sounded okay. Cale had always been reliable, no matter how bad the situation, something as stupid as a car accident wasn’t going to stop him.
Darkly, Ohn knew that simple and stupid things killed incredible people all the time. That Cale was a master of bravado in the face of danger. That the way she was slowly losing feeling in her legs was an incredibly bad sign.
They would die out here if they couldn’t get out.
They would die caged in snow and twisted metal and no one would even find their bodies until the snow had melted away into spring.
Ohn didn’t even want to imagine how her siblings would react.
She needed to survive for them, if nothing else.
“Remember when you asked me what I wanted for my birthday and I said I wanted money?”
Cale sounded amused. “Yeah?”
“I changed my mind. I want you to stay home on my birthday and bake a cake.”
Birthdays were a funny thing in their household. Cale was the only one among them who even knew when his exact birthday was and he was strangely shy about it.
They had decided to choose when their birthdays would be. Ohn had spent a long time deciding exactly when to have her birthday and she really liked the day. It wasn’t hers because she was born that day, it was hers because she had chosen it.
She had also chosen to live a long and happy life with her family.
She couldn’t die now.
Ohn bit back tears.
Cale let out a strained laugh. “Okay, I can do that.”
“It has to be a good cake too.”
They both knew that they would probably die.
Neither of them were willing to give up yet, even as the searing pain of that knowledge coursed through them.
“I’ll make you the best cake.” Cale promised and for the first time in her life, she thought she heard Cale lie to her.
Cale lied a lot but he never lied to his kids. He might avoid the truth or tell a lie by omission, but direct lies were a line that he wouldn’t cross.
The fact that he was lying now broke her heart.
“You’re not allowed to die.” She said, anger giving her strength and she reached down numb hands to find her seatbelt to unbuckle it despite still being pinned down. She winced as the movement caused a sharp piece of metal to cut into her hand. “I’ll never forgive you if you die.”
“I won’t.” He promised.
He was a liar.
Ohn’s fingers trembled on the icy cold metal of the latch and she tried to find the button.
“...why don’t you treasure yourself?”
Her question was weak and pained, full of the growing despair that swept around her heart.
Cale flinched and she sniffled.
“Please, Cale. We need you. Please take care of yourself.”
She was going to cry. It was so shameful and foolish. Crying would do anything. Wouldn’t fix anything.
Cale shifted slightly and his hand brushed an icy tear from her cheek. “Okay.”
She couldn’t tell if he was lying anymore or not but she held onto that little bit of hope with all the strength she had left.
“If you die, who’s going to eat Raon’s terrible apple pie concoctions? I’m not sacrificing my taste buds for that. You have to be there.”
That elicited a real laugh from Cale, although it became a pained cough shortly after. Ohn struggled with her seatbelt again.
How much time did they have left? She didn’t know.
“You said you liked his pies.” Cale teased, attempting to hide his pain. He was doing a good job of it too. Ohn wouldn’t have noticed if not for his agonized cough from a few moments earlier.
“Would you tell a four year old that he’s no good at baking?”
“He’s not four anymore.” Cale pointed out.
A smile twitched onto Ohn’s lips.
He wasn’t. Raon was getting older. They were all getting older.
One day, they would be old enough to take care of Cale. The three of them had made a pact that they would do so. As soon as they were able to become independent enough, they would make sure that their father was well cared for and force him to live his slacker life if they had to.
They couldn’t do that if Cale and Ohn died here.
“He’s probably worried.”
The words escaped before Ohn could stop herself.
A heavy silence overtook the pair of them. The people they loved most in the world would be waiting at home, hoping for them to come home safely, full of excitement for the future to come.
Raon would get angry. Cry large bubbling tears that streaked down his face as he denied the truth. Attempting to fight anyone who dared to say his father and sister were dead.
Hong would get quiet, curling in on himself and shutting off his heart from the world as he slowly sank into despair.
Ohn bit her lip.
“We have to get out of here alive.” She said, flexing her fingers as she went for the seatbelt one more time. “We can do it, right?”
The fear shaking her otherwise confident voice was further disturbed by the shivering cold.
“Yeah.” Cale said, awkwardly attempting to hug Ohn from the strange angle. “We can.”
Cale did his best not to let it show.
The kids didn’t need to carry the weight of his burdens. Not after everything they’d already endured.
He thought he’d done a pretty good job of it. Every year when that time cropped up all over again, he tried to keep his thoughts hidden and his emotions suppressed. He especially tried to keep his little rituals a secret.
It wasn’t even a conscious move on his part. Cale was far more used to hiding how he felt than expressing it. Something that they used to tease him about a lot when they were still alive.
Cale normally visited the memorial while the kids were at school, or if the date landed on a weekend, he might ask Mary or Eruhaben to babysit for a day.
He wasn’t prepared for Ohn to stay home sick from school. It would be hard to ask anyone to babysit on short notice and besides, he didn’t want to leave Ohn alone while she was sick. They would definitely understand.
There was no way he could leave his sick daughter alone.
Cale sat by her bed and checked her temperature again. It wasn’t a severe fever, just enough to make her uncomfortable but not enough to put her in danger. She’d already taken her medicine and she was dozing lightly.
Cale almost fell asleep himself when he heard her.
“...sorry…”
Cale snapped awake. Ohn had curled onto her side and she was hiding her face into her pillow.
“What are you sorry for?” He asked, feeling a bit unnerved that Ohn felt like she had anything to apologize for under the circumstances.
Ohn tucked her head beneath the sheets, as though trying to hide. “I know todays important to you.”
Cale’s heart dropped.
It was a blind spot of his. He spent so much time observing others that sometimes he would forget that they could observe him as well.
He was so surprised that it gave Ohn the time to continue.
“I’m sorry… I didn’t want to burden you today…”
Like a slap to the face.
Cale felt pain and clarity all at once.
His kids weren’t stupid. Ohn was particularly observant and conscientious. They knew there was something about today and they knew that Cale was keeping it from them.
And they chose to feign ignorance in order to provide him privacy. Stifling any curiosity and even trying to hide sickness.
Ohn had tried to go to school. Cale noticed her fever and insisted she stay home but she’d argued back uncharacteristically.
He’d just thought that she wanted to see her friends or didn’t want to fall behind in class.
Cale let out a heavy breath and rested a hand on her head. The child flinched but then melted into the touch.
They were all like that. Unexpected touches made them anxious and when they realized it was Cale, they would calm down.
It sickened his stomach to think of all they’d endured.
“Tomorrow.” Cale said with conviction. “Tomorrow we’ll all go together.”
And he’d tell his new family about the family that he had lost.
Ohn turned over and looked at him, her lower lip trembling and guilt shining in her eyes. “...you don’t have to…”
Cale cut her off, smiling affectionately at his daughter. “I want to.”
It was a far overdue introduction.
“Cale…!”
Ohn’s sharp voice caused the man to stir. He’d nearly fallen asleep. Ohn felt her own feelings of coldness begin to fade away as the danger of death drew ever closer. “Don’t you dare fall asleep.” Her voice shook with agonized conviction. “Don’t you fucking dare. I’ll never forgive you.”
Ohn said that a lot. I won’t forgive you , she’d never said it very much before, but something about their current circumstances dragged the words out of her.
As though forgiveness was something that was remotely valuable in their current circumstances.
Cale shifted his position and stifled a pained grunt. Ohn took solace in it.
If Cale could still feel pain, he was still alive, right?
Her fingers had gone numb.
She couldn’t feel them at all anymore.
She didn’t dare tell Cale for fear that he’d do something really dumb but she was scared. She was so scared.
What if she didn’t even have fingers anymore? How could she do anything to protect him? To escape? To make it home to her brothers?
The painful reality that she was becoming more and more powerless with each passing moment filled her with dread.
She couldn’t even tell if she’d managed to unlatch her seatbelt. It was all foggy and painful.
It wasn’t fair.
Ohn had never expected life to be fair. She’d endured far too much to ever be so unbelievably naive as that. But somewhere in her heart, she’d allowed herself to fall into a sense of complacency. To think that things would be okay. That she could live a happy and normal life with her family.
Go to school, make friends, fall in love, do homework, get a job, play video games, write in a diary, all sorts of silly little things that most people took for granted but Ohn had always been hyper aware that they were privileges that could be snatched away from her at any moment.
Or at least she had been.
Lately, she’d allowed herself to feel secure enough that she didn’t worry that it would all be taken away. To become foolish enough that she believed the lie that life could be fair.
“...please don’t fall asleep…” Ohn whimpered, fearful that Cale had.
“I won’t.” He said and his voice sounded distant. Ohn couldn’t tell if it was because of his own pain or because her pain had numbed her hearing as well. “I’m right here, Ohn.”
“Talk to me.” She sniffled. She had to be strong. She had to be logical. She had to think of a way to save them both. But she was so scared. She needed her dad. She needed this to be over. “Please.”
Cale touched her head. Or she thought he did. She might have imagined the familiar comforting sensation in her foggy state of mind.
“How’s school been?”
It was such a stupid question that it actually made Ohn laugh.
“It’s been okay.” She tried to think of anything notable about her school life to mention. “My music teacher said I’m tone deaf.”
Cale sounded affronted. “They what?”
Ohn laughed again. It was painful to laugh but it kept her awake. “She didn’t use those words but that’s what she meant.”
Cale made the grumble that normally meant he’d be making a call to the school. Ohn would normally protest but in the moment, the idea of her father being overprotective and ridiculous actually offered her a bit of comfort.
“What about you? How’s work?”
It was surreal. A casual conversation that probably belonged at the dinner table or lounging around at home but here it was at the edge of death.
Sleep meant death and if they didn’t talk, they risked falling asleep.
And so they talked. About little things. Stupid things. Normal things.
It made Ohn want to cry all over again. She wanted the normal things. She wanted the normal life. She wanted to live and she wanted her father to live.
She didn’t want them to die like this.
“So, how was school?”
Ohn hesitated, looking a bit cagey and reluctant to answer. Cale just continued pouring her a cup of hot choco while he waited to see if she was willing to talk about it.
It was obvious that there was something bothering her at school for a while now but she’d been completely reluctant to bring it up in front of her brothers. Raon and Hong were both out at a sleepover tonight so it was just father and daughter time for the evening.
Ohn accepted the mug cautiously and held it close to her face as though debating what to say. Cale entertained himself by thinking how similar the little gray cat on the mug looked to his teenage daughter.
She was a teenager now, even if only barely, so he was expecting things to start changing for her a bit. But that made it all the more important that she knew he was always there to talk when she needed to.
After a long pause, Ohn took a sip of the sweet drink and gathered her guts. “There’s this girl in my class…”
Ohn hesitated again so Cale prompted her along. “What’s she like?”
To Cale’s surprise, a bit of pink blossomed on Ohn’s cheeks and she attempted to hide behind her mug. “She’s… really cool.” Ohn’s voice was hardly a squeak, a far cry from her normal confidence. “She’s really good at sports, especially kumdo, and she has this smile…”
Ohn hesitated again and Cale patted his daughter's head gently. It was a bit unexpected but he didn’t care either way.
Soothed by his touch, she continued. Describing her beautiful blue eyes and the way her wavy brown hair framed her face perfectly, the time she complimented Ohn in gym class, and that time they were partnered up together and Ohn couldn’t find the words to speak because being so close to her just stole Ohn’s breath away.
Cale listened patiently, replying with the appropriate “that’s great” and “oof, that sucks” as Ohn opened up further and further about her hopeless crush on the girl who might as well have hung the stars in the sky judging by the way Ohn talked about her.
Despite a slight spark of overprotectiveness, the strange impulse that no one could ever be good enough for his little girl, Cale found that he was rather happy to hear about it.
Ohn didn’t get attached to people easily. She rarely made friends and even when she did, she had a bad habit of keeping them at arm's length. As though constantly preparing herself for the inevitable separation to come.
To hear her opening up her heart to another person with such pure admiration was a relief. One day, Ohn would find a person who deserved her. Not because anyone could ever be good enough for his little girl but because Ohn was so amazing that she would only select the best of the best. Because she was so wonderful that anyone near her would become better just for knowing her.
Cale was a complete and utter sucker for his kids.
And from the sounds of the stories she was telling, Ohn’s first crush might just like her back.
Cale sipped his own hot cocoa as he considered what it might be like to meet his daughter's girlfriend if it all worked out.
Ohn’s vision finally focused. What she saw made her pupils begin to shake as dread paralyzed her from head to toe.
Cale was so pale.
She could just barely see his face from her angle and he looked like death frozen over.
He was still breathing, but she could see a thin trail of dark blood falling from his lips. Cold sweat making him look clammy and his own desperate attempts to regulate his breathing made him look all the worse.
Despite understanding the reality of their situation from the very beginning, it struck Ohn right then and there that she might really lose him.
If nothing was done, Cale would die.
She forced her numb fingers into movement and by sheer coincidence finally managed to unbuckle her seat belt. The freedom of movement didn’t do much however, she was still pinned under Cale’s weight and surrounded by twisted metal.
She couldn’t let her dad die.
Not him.
Ohn bit back the pain when one of the sharp pieces of metal cut into her hand and touched Cale’s face.
He was burning up.
Cale’s warm brown eyes were glazed over. “Ohn?” He was trying to sound normal. Trying to sound like nothing was wrong.
That stupid bastard.
Dammit.
She knew her father had a tendency to hide his weakness but she hadn’t been prepared for it in this case. She hadn’t been ready and now she was terrified that she would lose him for good.
“You look like shit.” She bit out, trying to find a way to wiggle out from under him without hurting him.
“Who taught you language like that?” Cale said but his attempts at sounding nonchalant rang hollow. She saw another stream of dark blood making its way down his chin.
He probably didn’t even notice or he would have tried to hide it.
Dammit.
Ohn wiggled again but stopped when she heard Cale let out a pained hiss. “You taught me.” She said. “And you have to teach me more shit so stay alive.”
“I will.” He promised.
He was lying.
She could tell he was fading away.
Ohn had seen people die before. Watched as life left their eyes. Watched as the strength was dragged away from them until there was nothing left.
Cale was an exceptional actor but he was still only human. He couldn’t stop mortality.
The more her thoughts cleared, the more panic began to sear through her like red hot poison.
Cale had a gash on his forehead. It was mostly concealed by his unruly hair but the blood had matted his hair and fell down the side of his face. Every inch of him appeared to have some bruise or another and his left arm was twisted strangely.
It struck Ohn for the first time how strange it was for Cale to be pinned over her.
He’d been wearing his seatbelt while they were driving.
He’d been wearing his seatbelt when she first woke up and reached for her phone.
But he wasn’t now.
Ohn’s eyes darted to the twisted metal around them as her heart dropped down to her toes.
Why would Cale be pinned over her like this when she was surrounded by sharp and dangerous objects.
“Cale…”
He didn’t answer.
Ohn felt hot tears slide down her cheeks as she tried to get a better angle. She needed to get them out of here. If she didn’t, he would die. She couldn’t lose her father.
She couldn’t.
“Cale…!”
He protected her.
He’d always protected her.
From the very first day that they’d met, Cale had always prioritized protecting Ohn and her siblings. He had always taken great care to make sure that they were happy and safe.
He always cared so fucking much and he never fucking took care of himself.
Ohn shook her head and tried to find a sign, any sign, that Cale was still breathing.
He’d protected her.
While they fell down the cliff.
Ohn struggled with new desperation. She couldn’t breathe. She couldn’t even sob. Her body didn’t want to listen to her. Numb and painful and she couldn’t find Cale’s breath.
She couldn’t find his breath.
No.
No. No. No. No.
No. He couldn’t. He had to live. He had to.
Hyperventilating, Ohn lost her balance and fell towards the razor sharp metal.
Cale let out a sigh.
He worked hard. He didn’t have a lot of money and he didn’t have anyone to fall back on so he worked hard.
With his hard work, he’d managed to get a nice little home for him and his children. He’d even managed to get a nice enough place that each of his kids had their own rooms.
So why was it that they always snuck into his bed at night?
Cale felt the familiar weight of three children cuddled up beside him and he knew that tonight, like many other nights, he would be subjected to snoring, kicking, blanket stealing, and other shenanigans that came with having three rambunctious children.
The crazy part was that he really didn’t mind.
At this point, he’d almost be more worried if the brats didn’t sneak into his room and kick him in the face while they tossed and turned.
He really wouldn’t have it any other way, even if he sometimes sent a silent prayer to any god that might give two fucks to let him go one night without a child inflicted bruise.
Especially from Raon. That boy was surprisingly strong for his age.
Each kid had their own favorite spot too. Hong and Raon liked to cuddle up at his sides, sometimes on top of him or across him, and Ohn always curled up by his feet.
That part concerned him a bit.
Ohn was always considerate to her siblings. Sometimes too much so. She was only about ten years old. It was a lot of weight for such a small kid.
Cale tried to peek down to where the girl was curled up but all he could spot was a mass of unruly gray hair.
It bothered him.
Was that the spot that she preferred or did she just choose there to allow her brothers to have the other spots?
Cale decided he should buy a bigger bed. Just in case.
Raon tossed in his sleep and sent a perfectly aimed kick straight into Cale’s stomach. Cale winced and repressed any sound of pain. Damn, Raon really was a mighty and powerful child.
As though sensing her fathers pain, Ohn cuddled up against his leg and unconsciously hugged his legs.
Not the most comfortable position but Cale appreciated the thought.
He really didn’t know how he’d be able to sleep without these damn munchkins. Especially when he heard Hong begin to snore loudly right next to his ear.
Despite how grateful he was for Ohn’s mercy, Cale sort of wished she’d be a bit more selfish. It would be even more hellish to have all three of them tormenting his sleeping hours but he wanted her to feel comfortable being a brat.
One day, he really wanted the day to come when Ohn absolutely demanded something in the most selfish and cruel way possible.
When morning came around and he started making the children breakfast, he gave Ohn an extra piece of bacon.
It was worth it to see the way her face just lit up at the small sign of favoritism.
He’d definitely have to buy a bigger bed.
“Ohn. Calm down.”
Ohn clenched her fists.
“Ohn.”
She felt the metal.
It was sharp and damp and cold.
And it was sticking out of the side of Cale’s stomach.
How long had that been there?
“Ohn. Look at me.”
All this time. All this time he’d been hiding it. All this time he was dying.
The sharp realization that he’d been trying to move earlier despite his injury made it impossible to breathe.
“It’s okay. I’m here, Ohn.”
The jagged piece of metal was so close to piercing her body too. If he hadn’t protected her, she would be the one bleeding to death.
Why.
Why.
Why was it always like this.
Why.
Why was he such an idiot.
Why.
Why did it have to hurt like this.
Why.
Why couldn’t–
“Ohn.”
Ice cold hands cradled her face gently and forced her to look up into the face of her father.
The undisguised pain on his face that he couldn’t hide any longer was too much to bear. Her pupils shook wildly as her heart pounded wretchedly in her chest.
Why.
“It’s okay. We’ll get out of this.”
He was still trying to be strong for her. Even now. He wanted her to be okay. Dammit. Why wasn’t she stronger? Why had she gotten into that stupid fight? Why hadn’t she made him pull over sooner?
“...I’m sorry…” Her voice warbled miserably as the last bit of her composure was buried in the snow. “It’s my fault…”
“It’s not.”
“It is!” She wailed, sobbing in terror and pain and loss as her world finally collapsed around her. “I did this–!”
“You didn’t.” Cale’s voice was deceptively calm but even through her tears, she could see the blood and bruises, the agonized pain, the way her strong father was starting to cry as well.
She couldn’t handle this.
It broke her down to her very limit and beyond.
“ I’m sorry… ” Her voice shrank as she closed her eyes and as the pain overtook her, she wondered if death would really be that bad.
Anything was better than this pain. The guilt. The horror. The cruelty of it all.
Why Cale? Why couldn’t she have been the one who was dying? Why did he always always always always protect her?
“Ohn.”
Her heart and soul broke as she opened her eyes and looked into the too pale face of her father.
“It’s okay.”
“It’s not.” She argued, a hiccupping sob making it nearly incomprehensible.
Cale tried to speak but he coughed up blood instead. One cough turned into two, and then three, and Ohn reached to hold her father in terror as he coughed up more and more blood. She held his head in trembling arms, praying to gods she didn’t even believe in if she just held onto him tight enough, he would stay.
His arms were weak, weaker than she’d ever felt them, but he hugged her back gently and for a horrible moment, she was scared that this truly was it.
That there was no tomorrow. Not even a next moment.
This was how they would die.
Alone and scared in the cold.
Again her last words to her father would have been ones of anger while she spiraled into guilt ridden despair.
Ohn had never hated herself more than this moment.
“It’s okay, Ohn. I’ll make it okay.”
Cale nearly missed them.
He hadn’t been paying very much attention. He was on his way home from work, yet another draining and meaningless day at the company, and he’d been walking the familiar path home. He spaced out as he walked, nothing much on his mind but going home and getting some sleep.
So he’d almost missed them.
In the years to come, the idea that he might have walked on by without ever noticing haunted his nightmares.
The skinny children were hardly breathing. Curled up as tightly as they could, hidden away in the mouth of an alley, clearly at death's door.
Cale didn’t hesitate.
When he tried to reach for the younger boy, his phone already pressed against his ear as he called for an ambulance, sharp nails scratched at him and batted his hand back.
He met with amber eyes full of anger and mistrust. Despite their dire situation, the little girl was ferociously defending them. “Don’t touch my brother…!”
It was obvious how defenseless she actually was. She was breathing heavily and her hands were trembling. She didn’t have a lot of time left if they were left out here.
It was cold too.
Cale shrugged off his coat and offered it to her silently. The girl blinked, reeling back from the offering as though it were poison and giving Cale a suspicious glare that said more than words ever could.
Whatever these children had experienced, it was worse than he could currently imagine. Cale suppressed the anger he felt at the thought. Whoever had mistreated these small children would suffer. He would make sure of it.
For now though, he gently placed down his coat beside the pair of them while he told the ambulance their location.
The little girl didn’t look away from him the entire time. She hugged her brother protectively and her eyes shone with the determination to do whatever it took to save him.
Despite everything, Cale was a bit impressed. When he’d been chased by his own demons as a child, all he’d been able to do was run away.
She was a really brave child. So brave that it hurt to see.
No child should ever need to be that brave.
“I’m Cale.” He said, his voice belying none of his internal emotions. “What’s your name?”
She didn’t answer, just hugged her brother closer with a shiver. Whether it was from fear or the cold, he couldn’t know.
Well then. Only one thing to do.
“I’d like to make a bet with you.”
Her face wrinkled up with confusion and he could swear she was ready to hiss at him.
“If I win, you have to take my jacket. If you win, I’ll do whatever you want.”
Her lips peeled back in a snarl. “I want you to leave us alone.”
Cale shrugged. “Fair enough.” He dug through his pocket and found the sour candies he’d been gifted earlier. “I bet I can eat these faster than you.”
It was a ridiculous bet and it clearly made her even more suspicious. But her eyes were locked onto the candies hungrily and he had to wonder when the last time they’d had anything to eat was.
He really wished he had some food on him instead of candies.
“Tell you what, your brother can play too.” He said, arranging it so that it seemed he was giving them an advantage instead of trying to give them something to eat.
She reached out a hesitant hand before rescinding it as though burned. “...what’s in them?”
Cale’s heart clenched.
The idea that someone had given these kids poisoned or spiked candy before was horrifying.
“Nothing bad. I’m planning to eat them too.”
She shook her head.
“Adults lie.”
It was that moment, scared and waiting for help to arrive, that Cale promised himself never to lie to this child.
Cale never broke his promises.
Ohn knew that.
So he couldn’t break his promise now.
“Stop– please stop !” Her hysterical pleas fell onto deaf ears as Cale moved to unpin her. The sharp metal piercing deeper inside of him with each movement. “Please! Please, stop, please I’ll do anything, please don’t !”
“It’s okay.” He promised and it wasn’t . He was as pale as death and he was bleeding more than ever. The way his vision shook was proof of how close he was to losing consciousness. “It’ll be okay, Ohn.”
“It’s not!”
She wiggled out of her spot and brought a numb leg up to kick the metal pinning down her father. His eyes opened wide and she grit her teeth. She felt something pierce through her shoe and she didn’t give a fuck.
She glared ferociously at him, her heart slamming in her chest and her eyes blazing with rage. “I won’t lose you!”
She grit her teeth, forcing strength into her legs and pushing the metal up.
Ohn could hear Cale telling her to stop but she didn’t.
She couldn’t.
She wouldn’t let Cale hurt himself more. She wouldn’t.
Ohn refused.
“We’re both going home!” She screeched, her voice full of desperation and determination. “So you can’t hurt yourself!”
The metal bent.
For the first time in however long it had been, they had freedom of movement.
Cale was still speared through but he had options that didn’t involve causing even more internal damage.
Ohn crawled out from under him and assessed the damage the best she could. The movement and exertion was making her vision swim but she couldn’t succumb to the pain just yet.
She needed to survive.
She needed to protect those she loved.
Ohn hadn’t felt this much desperation in years but it welcomed her like an old enemy. Ready to embrace her and tear her apart from the inside out.
If she broke through that window, she could pull Cale out of the car. About the only luck they had was that the damn spear wasn’t attached to anything else. The metal had already broken apart so she could take him out without risking his guts spilling everywhere.
“Ohn–”
“Shut up!” She glared at her father and the raw pain filled her as she saw how truly wretched he looked.
She’d never seen Cale look so small. So weak.
She sniffled.
“I’m going to get us out of here.”
She grit her teeth, clenching her fists.
“And you’re not going to give up!”
With all of the strength her anger could muster, she smashed through the broken glass.
The icy cold wind of the storm burned her face but she forced herself out into it, reaching a hand down towards Cale and bracing her feet on what little support she could find. “Take my hand!”
Cale’s grip was so weak.
She didn’t know if he’d make it.
She didn’t know if she’d make it.
But she pulled with all of her remaining strength, muscles burning and her consciousness momentarily blinking away as the pain overtook her.
White.
Ohn looked up into a white sky, flakes falling down onto her and no longer feeling cold at all.
Red.
There was red staining the snow beside her and the distant sound of Cale’s breathing growing weaker.
Ohn closed her eyes.
Black.
A world with nothing.
Cale ran the brush through his daughter's hair. She was more than old enough to do her own hair but she still asked for his help.
He indulged her requests and when he was done styling her hair, she’d normally return the favor and do his in a matching style.
On more than one day, he’d come to work with his hair braided up ornately and he made no effort to conceal or undo it.
He wore the style that Ohn chose for him with pride.
“...I talked to Lilly yesterday.” Ohn said in a small and shy voice.
“Yeah?” Cale asked, finding a tangle in her locks and gently untangling it so that she wouldn’t feel any pain.
Ohn nodded ever so slightly and in the mirror, he could see her elated smile. “She invited me to come over next weekend. She wants to show me how to better wield a sword.”
Wow. Ohn’s potential future girlfriend was a bit scary. Cale winced at the idea of two sword wielding teenagers running amok.
“Are you going?”
Ohn bit her lip and looked down. “...should I?”
One day his daughter would be unrestrained and selfish. He would make sure of it.
“If you want to, I’ll drive you there.”
Ohn’s face lit up at the suggestion but then she deflated again. “They live a bit far… Lilly’s staying in the dorms but she’s going home for the holidays.”
“That’s fine.” Cale said, mindlessly brushing her hair and happy that Ohn was so excited about this. She was trying to hide it but it was obvious. “We’ll make a road trip of it.”
That brightened her up quite a bit and she turned to face him, her eyes lit up with joy. “You’ll take time off work?”
Cale hesitated. It was an important time at work and supporting three kids was not a cheap endeavor. Especially when one was a person like Cale who sent them to the best schools and gave them everything they wanted.
“I’ll pick you up after work.” He said.
Ohn deflated.
“...I wish you wouldn’t work so much…”
It was so unlike Ohn to make a comment like that, it struck him by surprise. He was about to answer when she changed the topic quite abruptly.
“Did you know Lilly’s brother is also named Cale?”
“I thought you said her brother's name was Bassen?” Cale asked, letting her change the topic while he started braiding her hair up into twin buns.
“She has two brothers. Like me.”
Cale smiled softly. More and more with every passing day, Ohn seemed more like a normal teenage girl. The trauma of her childhood would forever haunt her, he knew that well enough from his own experiences, but she would be able to move forward.
He would make sure that she wouldn’t ever face strife that made her suffer like that again.
He didn’t want her to have to be strong. Ohn should be strong because she was a wonderful and bright person with a shining inner strength. She should never be strong because she had to be again.
Ohn glanced out the window as he worked, a frown overtaking her happiness. “It’s snowing again… I hope it doesn’t snow next weekend.”
The distant sound of beeping caused Ohn to stir awake. She felt warm and that made her panic, just for a moment, feeling warm in the snow was dangerous. It meant death.
Was she dead?
What about her dad?
“...Cale…!” Her voice was ragged and it caused a stirring of noise to erupt around her.
She was barely able to open her eyes but when she did, she saw familiar faces gaunt with worry. She swallowed thickly. She felt horrible but… better…
White.
The world was white. White ceiling. White sheets. White walls.
Blearily she looked around, trying to catch her bearings, it looked like a hospital.
She was in the hospital.
What about Cale?
Panic seared through her and she nearly jerked upwards.
Hong read her movement before she even tried and placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. “Dad’s okay. He’s right next to you.”
She blinked and looked over.
On the hospital bed next to hers, there he was. Two of his friends were fussing over him and lecturing him for his stupidity and he was looking over at Ohn with a faint save me please smile.
It was peaceful.
Tears pricked her eyes.
She wasn’t dreaming, right?
Raon spoke up from her other side. She could tell by the matching nests that he had been darting between beds to keep an eye on both her and Cale. “He insisted on being in the same room. He was worried.”
Ohn cracked a watery smile.
“...how…?”
One of her fathers friends approached her bed and patted her head gently. “When we noticed you guys were late, we tracked your phone. My stupid dongsaeng installed one of those stalk your kids type apps because he’s an overprotective idiot .” He tossed the last comment over his shoulder towards Cale. Cale winced at the criticism.
Ohn smiled and closed her eyes. She was still so tired.
It was good though. Distantly she could hear more people coming into the room. Fussing over her and her father. There was the warmth of love comforting her in a time when everything had felt so wrong.
She was safe. Father was safe.
Everything was okay.
Tears pricked her eyes and she let out a muted sob.
The overwhelming relief hit her and she couldn’t stop the tears.
Tears that turned into laughter when she heard people lecturing Cale for needing to get rescued by his fourteen year old daughter.
Tears that were wiped away gently by the people that loved her.
She was never ever gonna let her dad live this down. When he was ninety years old and getting wheeled around from place to place, she was going to spend the entire damn time calling him out for being an overworking moron who needed to take better care of himself.
Ohn trembled as the emotions overwhelmed her and her siblings hugged her gently.
They were all going to live long and happy lives.
No matter what.
She wasn’t willing to give up on her family one bit.