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Aki wakes up in the middle of the night from a nightmare and can’t fall asleep again. His bed is hot and the sheets are wet from cold sweat. This happens, so he is already used to it. Even though his heart is beating like crazy, his mind is blank. He puts a hand on his chest, feeling hectic thrushes inside of his ribcage calm down. It’s no use in staying in bed now, so he sighs and throws the blanket to the side, lowering his legs down. The floor feels cold against his bare feet. He stands up, stretches and checks the time on the luminous clock on the bedside table. It’s three in the morning, so today he managed to get two hours of sleep, which is one hour longer than yesterday.
Going for a smoke in the middle of the night has become a habit, so Aki doesn’t change himself and follows his almost everyday routine. Living room is opening to the balcony, and he casually walks out of his bedroom and past Denji’s room, grabbing a pack of cigarettes from the coffee table. He isn’t afraid of waking the man up as he used to before. They’ve been sharing a flat for quite some time now, and Aki learnt almost by heart all Denji’s habits and routines. Good thing about the blonde is that he always sleeps like a dog and it’s impossible to wake him even if you drop the whole stock of plates in the kitchen.
Night air is fresh and cool, Aki takes a deep breath before lighting a cigarette. Denji doesn’t like the smell of smoke. One time Aki tried to offer him a cig purely out of politeness but he refused, adding that Aki himself should give it up because he reeks of it. At that time Aki just shrugged indifferently. Everybody has flaws. For example, Denji champs while eating but he isn’t complaining. At least out loud.
Usually, smoking helps to soothe the nerves, but this time it doesn’t seem to work on him. Some strange feeling is rising up his chest. It’s not sadness. It’s not loneliness. It’s just… something. Something that cannot be quenched.
Aki tries not to think about it much, yet he misses lots of people. Mainly his family. And his brother.
A sudden gust of wind ruffles his loose hair, long black locks fall on his eyes and he shakes his head. Now he starts to feel cold, standing here in no more than a plain shirt and underwear. Probably he’s going to look ridiculous if an accidental passer-by sees him. Not that he cares about it anyways. Another wind blow the goosebumps going, making Aki wrap himself in his arms. It doesn’t really help but brings back unnecessary memories. He misses lots of things and one of them is definitely the warmth of his brother’s embrace.
Enough.
He flicks the cigarette butt from the balcony and turns to go back to the room. Just as he closes the balcony door, something flashed on the corner of his eye. He instantly tenses, ready for a fight with whatever this is, but then his eyes get used to the darkness and he realizes that it’s just Denji’s door opened. Aki stands there for a couple of seconds but nobody comes out of the room. Sighing, he goes to check it out, just on case. He peeks into the door gap and just at that moment, a strong wind gust hits him in the face, throwing the door completely opened. Aki manages to catch the handle just before the door can slam into the wall. The window is wide open as well and the entire room is cold.
Aki gives out another sigh. He’s been sighing pretty often since Denji moved in. Walking inside, he quickly glances at the man in question. The blonde lies on his back, half-covered by just a sheet, his mouth agape, and it seems like he’s having the best sleep in his life. For a couple of seconds Aki stands here hesitantly, looking at Denji’s naked torso and contemplating if he really should close the window. The man seems fine with the wind. But he can get sick. Aki shakes his head, shutting the window.
Should be fine now.
He can go back to sleep. Even though he knows that he won’t be able to fall asleep today feeling like this. So Aki sighs. As if he could hear him, Denji rolled over to his side, throwing the thin blanket away to the floor. Aki sighs once more, walking up to pick it up. Without thinking, he covers the blonde with the blanket. Denji looks so peaceful when he sleeps. For some reason, Aki doesn’t want to leave this room. Just tonight, he needs somebody by his side. Even if it is Denji. Anyone will do. He doesn’t want to be alone tonight.
Aki takes a seat on the bedside, watching as Denji’s chest rising up and down. He realizes that it’s strange to watch somebody in their sleep but can’t help it. Tonight it brings him some sort of comfort.
Aki carefully lies down next to the man, barely breathing in an attempt to be as discreet as possible. Denji’s breathing is calm and deep, he is fast asleep for sure. Probably, it’s for the best. Aki’s not sure if he really wants to talk to somebody this night or just be with someone for a little while to feel okay again. Denji’s not the best communicator, even though he’s nice to be around sometimes. He always has that chill and carefree aura surrounding him. Aki is jealous.
A few minutes passes and Aki starts to relax slowly, letting his body sink into the warmed up bed. He closes his eyes, trying to release his head from unnecessary thoughts, to the accompaniment of Denji snoring. His head is empty. He is somewhere else. Somewhere where he can be happy and careless. Probably at the sea. Yeah, it would be nice to be on the beach now. And not worry about anything anymore.
Suddenly, he feels the bed shake slightly and the next second a hand is placed on his waist. Aki swiftly opens his eyes, his first intention to jump from the bed and run away. But he doesn’t. Opening his eyes, he finds himself almost face to face with Denji. How embarrassing, a voice tells him at the corner of his mind.
Whatever.
Tonight is a strange night. Think about it as a fever dream.
Aki reaches his hand to hug him back. Denji is warm. His breathing touches the skin of Aki’s cheek. He smells like cheap shampoo and sweat, and somehow Aki finds it quite comforting.
Aki really wishes he could fall asleep like that. And yet, he has to remain reasonable. He closes his eyes once more, trying to absorb the feeling and keep it inside, just for a couple of minutes. Then he quietly frees himself from Denji’s arm and stands up, taking the last long look at his sleeping face.
He almost steps over the threshold when a sleepy hoarse voice calls him from the back.
“Aki?”
He leaves the room without turning back. If Denji asks in the morning if he had been to his bedroom, Aki will call him dumb and will tell him that it all was a dream. Maybe it really was.