Work Text:
„Why did you never write me a love letter? “
“What?” Niall looks up and sees Harry standing in front of him, arms crossed above his chest.
“How come you´ve never write me a love letter? Isn´t that like the ultimative romantic gesture you can make?”
Niall is still staring at Harry. They have to be on stage in 10 minutes and Harry wants to discuss Niall´s romantic gestures now?
“Harry, babe, can we please talk about that later. If you want we can skip the group thing with Liam and Louis and talk in your hotel room about it, yeah?”
Harry looks still a little bit angry, but still kisses Niall on the check and whispers his: “Good luck, love”, like always.
During the show Niall forgets the topic quickly and only when Harry talks a couple into publicly declaring their love to each other, he wonders if Harry feels unloved.
The couple finally kisses and because Niall feels kind of responsible for their embarrassment he makes an apologetic gesture in their direction.
After the show Harry decides he really needs to fly to London right now to have a highly secret meeting with Nick. Niall can´t believe it.
Harry can´t just confront him with something like that and then leave. Sitting alone in his hotel room in Chicago he has no idea what to do. Harry is his first serious relationship, he thought they were doing well, but what if he has made a mistake. What if Harry leaves him? Niall breathes and calms himself down. He needs to call Liam and talk with him about that. Louis just broke off with his girlfriend and talking with him about grand romantic gestures would be a little cruel, Niall thinks. Also Liam is insanely romantic, kind of like Harry, so he probably will know what to do.
He dials Liam´s number.
“Please pick up, please pick up.”
Somebody got to have a kind day, because Liam immediately picks up the phone.
“Hey, we just saw each other like 15 hours ago. What is the matter?”
“Harry wants me to write a love letter?” Niall blurs out instantly
“What?” Liam´s confusion is audible.
Niall sighs.
“I don´t know. He came up to me last concert and asked me why I’ve never written him a love letter? Do you think I am not romantic enough?”
“Do you want a tactical silence or are you being serious?”
“Come on, I am not that bad”, Niall tries to defend himself “I´ll call him like all the time and stuff.”
“But when was the last time you told him you love him?”
Niall has to think about that. He actually doesn´t know.
“I told him last week that I love his hair“, he whines.
“Niall!” Liam sounds annoyed now.
“You know Harry. He wants to know that you´ll love him. I don´t think he doubts your love; he probably just wants a reminder. It´s as hard for him as it is for you not being able to show your love. Remind him that it´s not a Harry against the world stunt, but HarryandNiall.
“But I don´t even know how to write a love letter.”
“Just try it and it will come to you.”
“Ok, thanks.”
After he hangs up, he is not really more optimistic. Liam didn´t really give him advice how to start writing the love letter. Against better judgment he opens goggle and searches:”How to write a good love letter.”
After some pretty crappy advice like
4. Make it super personal and super specific.
Niall finally finds one note he kind of likes
6. If you don’t know where to start, make “past, present, and future” the outline of your post.
He can do that. He always had an amazing time with Harry and telling Harry how he imagines their future can´t be too hard either.
The next things are also useless, just the last one
12. Know that it’s OK to ask for a love letter, or suggest exchanging love letters.
makes him think of Harry and that he maybe also visited that website.
The whole next day Niall has nothing planned and therefore should be enough time writing this love letter.
He takes out some nice paper and sits down at his desk. After 20 minutes he still has nothing written on the paper. The paper just sits there and stares at Niall like some kind of monster who knows about his inner struggle.
The letter reaches Harry 5 days later.
Dear Harry
You never told me that, but I know that you always wanted to have a love like in the movies with fights and tears and drama. Like Romeo and Juliet or Anna Karenina and Count Vronsky. I watched both movies for you and I still don´t know what you see in them. Their love is like a forest fire, bright, wild, flaming and completely out of control. There is a reason all the great love stories have a tragic ending. You can love somebody too much. Too much to let them go. Too much to let them their free will. Why would you let your happiness depend on a thing, what could be taken away from you?
But I am not writing this to explain Romeo and Juliet to you (Although I should, because you dropped out of school before you discussed it).
I am writing this to tell you, that you are the love of my life. Instead of the flames, I love you more like the ocean. You are my home, you calm me down, when I am sad and you are always there. I am not good with words, hell I attempted to write a poem, but failed miserably, but when I say home I hope you understand how much I really love you. When we first met, home used to be my house in Ireland, with my family and friends. Then our life became so crazy, we made so many good memories together (do you remember when we both were really drunk the first time and tried to prank Louis, but managed to lock ourselves on the roof.) I made 4 amazing friends, I got the job I ever dreamed of, but sometimes I felt lost, because I didn´t know where home was anymore.
You were always by my side, trying to cheer me up, even when times were rough for you. You were the only person who saw my insecurities and you didn´t laugh, but said “Who am I to judge? What doesn´t kill you might kill someone else. So be careful with the urge to say “It could be worse” (and yeah, I remembered and wrote it down, because that was the first time I fully realized what a kind and wise heart you have).
You became the person I first told about Theo´s birth.
Despite all my relationships I’ve never been in love before. I loved the idea of being in love. It was easy telling them I love them and show the world. Then you came along and I wanted to protect you from everything. I was scared of my own feelings. There were so overwhelming. Oh darling, I am still sorry for all the pain I caused you. But you just waited for me to come back and then you held me. Do you remember the night we first kissed? Zayn actually talked some sense into me, before I showed up at you house in L.A. He told me there was no reason for you to keep waiting and forgive me, because you deserved peace and happiness.
And in this moment I realized there was no way I could let you go. Maybe that makes me a tiny bit like Romeo, although I never wanted to depend on a person, but I guess it´s ok when the person is you. Because you showed me that holding a hand and chaining a soul are two different things. And that company doesn´t means security. So when I call you my home it is the highest compliment of which I am capable.
I am probably never going to be the most romantic person. I will never bring you roses or light up thousand candles, but I hope that my love is enough for you.
Love,
Niall
Crying, because Niall actually wrote him this letter and opened up to him about his feelings, Harry pulls out his phone and texts Niall.
Yeah I don't like to go too far – otherwise it edges away from romantic and towards sacrificial. There is such a thing as too many candles y'know.
And then a few moments later, he adds.
Home is where your heart is. And my heart is always going to be with you.