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The pace at which time passed since Roger’s departure had been dismal and painful. No gunshot or crass slice of a blade he’d endured over their years together had caused Rayleigh as much pain as going a single day without the presence of the man he had sworn himself to.
Taking command of the Oro Jackson and their Captain-less crew, per the man’s orders, they returned Oden to Wano and set off once more. For many, each stop marked their final voyage together. Plenty of the men began speaking of home–a specific island they planned to return to–but most began to disembark sooner, rather than later. Most agreed it would be safer to travel on their own rather than aboard the most recognizable ship that sailed the seas, and Rayleigh knew they were right.
He wanted to ensure the safety of the crew and that involved acting quickly. They were all wanted men and the News Coos that came only served as a reminder of the danger. It was agreed upon that they needed to part ways and lay low.
Men he had known for years–decades even–stepped from their home and Rayleigh knew well enough that it was likely he’d never see them again. The lot had sailed the world together and there wasn’t a single goodbye that was easier than the last.
All, though, were far easier than watching Roger take his leave.
The wind blew and the sea rocked the same as she ever did yet none of it was the same. The salt in the air tasted more bitter than he could ever remember it being. Every moment with the others, each interaction seemed muted and watered down. He would need to learn all over again how to live. How quickly his world had become colorless without Roger, all while the man still lived and breathed and walked about the world!
The door that led below deck creaked open, pulling Rayleigh from his reprieve. He had hoped that urging the others to get rest would give him time alone that evening–he’d been taking on night watches by himself more and more frequently, ignoring the calls his own body made for sleep, when he could. His grip on the guardrail loosened and once he was sure he’d composed himself, he turned.
There, beneath the stars, Gaban and Spencer, each with a single bag slung over their shoulder, stared at him from across the empty deck, sorrow written across their faces.
“Rayleigh–” Gaban began as the pair approached, but his voice cracked and Rayleigh watched Spencer reach out to comfort him like he’d seen done a thousand times already, his hand squeezing the larger man’s forearm. Spencer whispered gentle and comforting words as tears began to fall from the eyes of the Pirate King’s left hand.
“Everyone else is asleep. We, uh–” Spencer paused, his own eyes welling with tears when he finally met Rayleigh’s gaze and he took a breath. He turned to look for Gaban, but the older of the two had begun walking slowly towards the Jackson’s mast, sniffling with each step.
Spencer licked his lips and put on a sad smile. “We thought it’d be easier without saying our goodbyes to everyone else. For us, anyway.” He managed a lighthearted chuckle and blinked rapidly, sparing a glance towards Gaban. “That one’s about waterlogged the ship. There’s only so much crying one crew can take.”
Rayleigh was silent for a long moment as realization set in. Their numbers had dwindled significantly, only a dozen or so of them left, and now two more were ready to go their own way. He and Gaban had worked side-by-side for so long now–Rayleigh knew, of course, that they’d part, too. The pain of one of the final pieces of Roger he had was being chipped away.
Rayleigh gave a steady smile and he reached out to close the distance, both hands smoothing out the collar of Spencer’s jacket. “Trying to sneak off without saying goodbye, then?” he asked, voice even.
Spencer’s eyes go wide at the accusation and he flails a moment before his hands land on Rayleigh’s forearms and squeezes tight. Even in the dim light he can see the blush on the younger man’s cheeks. “No–no–!! We just–” He looked back to Gaban again, searching for help or confirmation or something, but he still faced away from them and seemed suddenly interested in the ropes that were piled nearby.
With a sigh, Spencer lifted his head again to look at Rayleigh, tears finally falling down his cheeks. “We were going to say goodbye to you, of course. But everyone else…” he sniffled. “It’s been too much. It–it’s hard to look at them all and know you might never see them again.”
Spencer let out a choked sob, releasing Rayleigh’s arms and drawing his sleeve up to wipe his eyes. “Sorry–sorry–I love them all. We both do. It’s just–”
“I know,” Rayleigh said. “And it’s okay.” Rayleigh understood it all too well. It was the easy way out and the three of them had an understanding of that without it truly needing to be said. “I’ll let them know in the morning.”
With a sigh, Spencer drooped over in relief, finally shaking Rayleigh’s arms from him. The older man chuckled, but even as Spencer composed himself again, the distraught look upon his face remained. He looked back at Gaban once more, who had placed a strong hand against the Jackson’s mast and rubbed his palm against the wood in small and soothing motions the way one would when comforting a friend. He’d been helmsman of her since she’d been built and had been kicked out of Tom’s workshop more times than any of them could count–desperate to watch her be built and to see the process. It had frustrated everyone involved endlessly.
Spencer cleared his throat.
“The boys?” he asked suddenly. “What’s gonna come of them?”
With the load of his own worries lessened, Spencer’s mind turned to his other concerns. The two cabin boys who currently slept below deck. Though he hoped it was a peaceful sleep, he doubted it. Spencer had observed them since Roger’s departure whispering and, seemingly, comforting one another.
“I’m sure they’ll be fine. They know how to take care of themselves–and each other,” Rayleigh answered. His brows were furrowed and he glanced towards the closed door almost expecting the two to make an appearance. They were wanted criminals as well, though the World Government hadn’t managed to get a photo of their faces. Yet, anyway. For a while longer, they would have the safety of anonymity, but Rayleigh doubted it would last long. “I’ll keep both of them with me as long as I can and make sure they’ve got a dinghy. Dropping them somewhere safe is all–”
“Rayleigh?”
Both turned towards Gaban when he spoke. He hadn’t looked up from the mast, but his movement had slowed. “What’ll you do with Her? Once we’re all gone?”
Silence settled amongst them at the question and when Gaban finally turned to face them, tears ran down his cheeks. Spencer pulled his jacket tighter around himself as though the temperature had fallen, but Rayleigh found himself greeted by the same sorrowful breeze that was biting at his cheeks all evening. He took a breath and looked from Gaban, to the mast and the railings, the decks that he’d swabbed himself and ordered the cabin boys to over the course of many years, to Spencer, and finally back to Gaban.
“I’m not sure yet,” he said. The quiet seemed to go on forever. Spencer looked away, hiding his eyes beneath his bangs and the two took hands when Gaban came to his side–both of Spencer’s taking hold of one of Gaban’s. “Once everyone’s disembarked,” a task he suddenly found himself realizing would be over sooner than he’d expected. “I may sink Her somewhere.” He wasn’t sure in which manner yet–but he didn’t want anyone to get his hands on her. The thought of the Jackson falling into the World Government’s hands or the Navy setting foot aboard her was enough to make his blood boil, as though all of their memories would be tainted by such a thing. He wouldn’t let it happen.
“She deserves a good send off and I’ll make sure she gets it.”
The answer, however feeble, seemed to have given both some form of closure. Spencer squeezed Gaban’s hand, pulled him closer to his side, and looked up again. “And what about you, Rayleigh? Where will you go?”
“I’ve got my eye set on a few places,” he said easily, reaching up to adjust his glasses. He took a few steps back to lean against the side of the ship and crossed his arms over his chest. In truth, he’d done more than narrowed it down. He knew where to go. It was a place he and Roger had discussed a few times in the past–somewhere his captain would be able to find him, if the need arose before Roger truly left him.
“You could come with us.”
“Spence–”
“He could!”
Spencer unwound himself from Gaban, giving the older man a gentle pinch to his side. “You’re no help!” he scolded before he turned his attention back to Rayleigh, eyes wide and brimming with hope “C’mon. We–we’ll let you know where we’re headed and you can meet us there once you’re done.” He gave a little chuckle and gestured towards Gaban. “I’ll never be able to handle this big lug on my own. It’d be good to have someone with the experience.”
Spencer smiled, gaze flickering back and forth between the two men, seeming pleased with the solution he’d come up with. However, neither of the other two seem as impressed. Gaban sniffled off to the side, Rayleigh mustered a smile, and Spencer’s optimism began to wane.
“I think I’ve done my part between this one and Roger.”
The younger shook his head, ponytail swaying behind him. “Don’t start that. You–you don’t need to be alone. You shouldn’t be.” Now he was the one getting emotional–tears pricked at his eyes and Spencer looked away from Rayleigh’s steely gaze and took in a shaky breath.
Gaban rested his hands on Spencer’s shoulders and squeezed before he looked to their Vice Captain. “It’s not about being alone now, Spence.”
When he looked up Spencer was met, not by the gaze of his long time friends–the man who he’d always turned to for advice and the man he’d fallen for whilst sailing the seas–but by the eyes of his superiors. They had never left much room for doubt in all the years he’d known them. Especially with a man like Roger as their Captain. Watching them, there was no doubt they could do the impossible.
Together the three were as sure as the tide, the moon, and the stars: the lifeblood of any sailor. Apart? –Spencer didn’t know what would become of them.
He would have to learn to be content with only helping one of them through life without the other two.
“It’s dangerous, Spencer. You know that.” The younger man’s face crumpled and he bit his wobbly lower lip before looking away–first to the waves that he could barely make out in the dark, and then up to the stars above them. He loved the view of the stars from this ship. Again, tears pricked at his eyes.
Rayleigh was right; he did know that. It was why they had agreed to leave with as little commotion as possible. If it were up to him, they would all stay together, like they were meant to. He had seriously considered stowing the boys away into his knapsack–if only they had stayed small enough.
“You two may attract enough attention as is–”
“We’re going somewhere quiet.” Gaban said firmly, in an attempt to put Rayleigh’s mind at ease. “Nice place in the North.”
“Good.” Rayleigh gave a nod and moved from against the ship’s railing to close the space between them and he reached out, guiding Spencer’s face back down until their eyes met. The younger man let out a sad whimper and tears spilled over. Neither looked away.
“Thank you for thinking of me.” He dropped his hand back to his side and looked up to Gaban. “Thank you both.”
Gaban shook his head, waving a hand at Rayleigh’s words and stepped around Spencer to take the smaller man into his arms, his own voice shaking once more. “Dammit, Rayleigh,” he choked out, sobbing and sniffling and leaning down to bury his face into the man’s shoulder. “Thank you for everything. You’ve done so much for all of us.”
Rayleigh placed a comforting hand at Gaban’s back and patted it gently. “Come on, now, no need for–”
“There’s plenty of need!”
Gaban straightened, looking offended that Rayeligh would even suggest a thing. “You were the one who helped me when we found out Roger was sick! He’s a wonderful man and for so long, I thought I’d be able to serve him til my death, but that bastard is beating us both to it!”
As was his style. Rayleigh laughed and shook his head. “He’s always got to be the first.”
Gaban nodded and cupped Rayleigh’s face in his hands. The man’s hair was askew and his glasses rested atop his head and Rayleigh watched as the man’s face broke into despair yet again.
“He–he does, dammit. But you! You’ve been taking care of us and Roger this whole time. You’ve been nothing but strong for us and I can’t thank you enough for it, my friend. We’d all have been lost without you long ago. ” He sobbed again, letting go of Rayleigh’s face to step away and wipe his own tears. “Th–thank you, Rayleigh. For everything.”
Spencer patted Gaban’s arm before he stepped forward himself, wrapping his arms around Rayleigh and pulling him into a tight embrace that the older man returned. For a moment, Rayleigh allowed himself to rest his cheek on the top of Spencer’s head, letting himself feel the sorrow that hung thick in the air since Roger announced the crew’s disbandment. “Thank you, Rayleigh,” he murmured. “I’m sorry that we’ve added more for you, even now.” Even at the end.
Rayleigh cleared his throat, straightening, and Spencer pulled away. They all lingered, none wanting to be the first to truly part.
“We’ll leave the nicer boat for the boys, then, yeah?” Rayleigh nodded at Gaban’s question and Spencer bounced his weight from one foot to the other before he held out his hand for Gaban’s bag and slung it over his other shoulder.
“You’re sure they’ll be safe? The kids…?”
“They’ll be fine, old friend. Worry about yourselves for now.”
The three headed towards the ship’s side in silence, where there were once three dinghies. One had been taken already, and with Gaban and Spencer taking another, that would leave one left. For the cabin boys. They’d be fine as long as they stuck together.
Spencer tossed their bags inside as the others prepared the boat. “You’re sure you’ll be okay on your own, Rayleigh?”
“Spencer–” Gaban interrupted before their Vice Captain could answer. “--get in the boat so we can end all of our suffering.”
A brief look of annoyance crossed the younger man’s face, but he obliged–hugging Rayleigh once more before he stepped up and into the boat. “Sounds like you’ve got your work cut out for you,” Rayleigh said with a chuckle.
“Oh, he’s been doing fine this far,” Gaban muttered, rolling his eyes with an exasperated and over dramatic sigh. He lifted the two oars that were in his hands. “‘Sides, I’ll be doing most of the work and we all know it.”
Spencer scoffed from his spot in the dinghy, but he bit his tongue, and a silence fell between Rayleigh and Gaban. The taller man swallowed thickly, his gaze darting to Spencer, who seemed suddenly preoccupied with adjusting the straps on his boots. His hair obscured his face, though Gaban could see his chest rising and falling deeply. He was taking deep breaths, no doubt hiding more tears.
Gaban blinked back more of his own before he turned to look at Rayleigh again.
“This is it then….We had a good run.”
“I’d wager the best so far. –Roger’s sure someone will come along to finish what we started.”
“Oh, I‘d love to see that. Sounds like a good time for a reunion, eh?”
Both men chuckled, but the sound quickly died from their lips. A question lingered between them, unspoken: would they see each other after this parting? After a brief hesitation, the two embraced, and Rayleigh took comfort in being wrapped in the warm arms of his friend. Gaban’s shoulders shook and he tried to stifle his sobs, but it only made them cling tighter to one another. Rayleigh, too, felt a sting in the back of his throat as he held back his own tears.
He’d already had a private cry in front of Gaban after they had returned Oden to Wano, and held onto hope that he wouldn’t shed a tear until he was back in the safety of his own quarters. The crew didn’t need to see him breakdown–he wouldn’t allow it. Not when they were so vulnerable themselves. The way Roger had turned to him, Rayleigh had turned to Gaban and he was fearful he’d never be able to repay him until now.
They clung to one another until Gaban pulled apart, but their hands lingered upon the other’s arms, as though they could avoid the inevitable. Until finally, finally, arms dropped to their sides.
“Give the rest our love, would ya? –tell ‘em we’re sorry.”
Rayleigh nodded, with a soft, “Of course.” Gaban turned and lifted the line that would lower his and Spencer’s boat with shaking hands, but Rayleigh reached out to take it from him, hands as steady as ever.
“Get in–I’ll handle the rest.”
“Thanks again, Rayleigh.”
“Maybe we’ll meet again someday?” Spencer asked, giving a hopeful smile, but the tears spilling from his eyes said he already knew the answer.
Rayleigh gave a nod and returned the smile and began to lower them down, calling out, “Maybe we will.”
Over the rushing waves, he heard the familiar sound of the small boat being unlatched, and Rayleigh took in a deep breath and pulled the gear back up. No departure was easier than the last. No goodbye either, but this one took his breath away. He lifted his hand to wave a final bid of well wishes, though if they returned it, he wasn’t able to make out much in the dark.
He leaned against the railing, pain heavy in his chest. Rayleigh knew he should attempt to sleep and, lately, the fear of dreaming of times passed–the joys and sorrows associated with this ship–would keep him rooted in place. Tonight, though, he longed for those memories to envelop him.
He had a ship to take care of, love to pass on, and a few crew members left to see off safely.
Morning would come soon and with it, another farewell.