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"So tell me, what did you try to do again?"
Nutty shifted in his seat. "So, I-I.. sawww these, uh, these reeeeeaal pretty j-jellybe-eans, an' wanted to g-gobble 'em up!"
"And you didn't notice the dish washer soap mixed in?" Sniffles says in a disappointed taste.
"Hey! H-hey noww!!! HowwasIsposedtaknow?!" the squirrel squealed in defense. "They look an aaaawful b-b-bunch similar! Hoo hoo hoo!"
Sniffles sighs. Earlier that day, he had been woken from a pin-pointed focus on his newest project, the holofier. It was going to make holograms of those damned ants that live in his house to lure them out, using light-reflecting flames at an intense heat to boil them to a crisp once they were in range. Couldn't backfire in the slightest. But a blood-curdling scream caused the scientist to drop the flame chip, which barbecued him to a crisp as he blindly reached around for any sort of help. A bad call on his part, as all he managed was delving his fingers into his paper shredder. Not fun.
But, what had happened to Nutty was much worse. Not because it was more painful, no. Sniffles would take choking on bleach over having burned fingers ripped apart in a machine any day. No, it was worse because it was self-inflicted. Most deaths in Happy Tree were due to causes out of the victim's control, like volcano erupting, a shoddily-built house, or Mole deciding to take a joyride. But Nutty most often was both the victim and the villain, most often due to his addiction to sugar. It was the fifth time in two weeks that his lime-green friend had dug his own grave, two times involving the same candy cane.
Sniffles was seen as the stoic, left-brained mechanic of Happy Tree, preferring machines over mortal company. But, he had a very soft spot for his candy-loving companion. He produced nonstop entertainment for anyone around, and his jokes were pretty funny if he was sober enough to stop stuttering. So, seeing Nutty basically killing himself on the regular tore the little scientist's cold, beeping heart.
It was time for a solution.
For any problem, there was a solution. No matter how specific, obsolete, or difficult to achieve, every hole has its plug. And for Sniffles, he never met a hole he couldn't plug. It was his thing! So there was no excuse for this perfectionist not to create a device or idea to prevent his dearest friend from following the yellow brick road of death.
"Uh, Shnozzles?" Nutty chirped. It was then that Sniffles realized how quiet he had been.
"Aha! Yes! I am here, and awake!" he assured in the most real way possible. Yep, this is how animals talk. How real, definately-not-robotic animals talk.
He really needed more friends.
"F-f-fanTASTIC! I'm awake too! We-we're BOTH awake! Ahaha! Hoo!" Nutty threw his hands into the air, celebrating their awake-ness. "Tha-that-that's f-f-f-fantastical!!! Ha!!..... now what?"
"Now we conduct a study," the anteater announced, standing up from his chair and planting his hands on the desk separating the two. "We conduct a study using the scientific method. Then, we take these results and compare them to other related studies or experiences. We take this experience, this knowledge, and form it like a fine mold," he made hand motions to accommodate, pretending to mold this knowledge-mold as he paced around. "Then we mold this mold into the perfect plug for this hole. The perfect, leak-proof plug that will prevent this hole from ever seeing the light of day again!"
Sniffles' monologue was interrupted by enthusiastic clapping. "Wooooooo! Yeah!!! Mold!" Nutty cheered, throwing whistles in as he continued to applaud.
The scientist grew bright pink from the notion that not only had he said all of that insanely-nerdy wannabe-cool talk out loud, but....
No, it was mainly that he had said all of that insanely-nerdy wannabe-cool talk out loud.
"Oh my astronomy, I am so sorry that I just said that," he squeaked, tugging on his ears as he cowered back into his chair. Nutty was still shining an awe-struck smile at him, tongue poking out from his cavity-stained teeth. "So, uh, basically, just, uh, try to stay away from candy? Or- no that's stupid, gah! Uh, just... inspect any candy before digesting it, okay?" He felt like such a doctor saying this. Man, he must look so stupid right now.
His audience straightened his back with an eager salute: "Yes siree!". And with that, he bounced out of Sniffles' humble abode. Or, it was more like a rampant jackhammer on a warpath. But, cute, because it was Nutty. A cute jackhammer with a bubbly little warpath. Cutehammer on a bubblypath.
Sniffles will stop thinking these very stupid thoughts now.
AUURRRGHH!!! He has tried EVERYTHING!
Locking the candy store? He tugged on the door until the sign crushed him!
Hiding all the sugar bags? He gulped down concrete!
Putting his head in a steel lock? He ripped his whole face off!
Leashing him like an animal? He managed to choke himself on it!
Sniffles was seriously running out of ideas! This knowledge-mold is falling apart in his very hands while the hole tears itself more territory! Maybe he's looking at this all wrong? Maybe outside feedback is necessary?
"Hey, bud! I-it's nice to-that- it's nice seein' ya again!! Heehe!" Nutty greeted above the hospital bed Sniffle lay in. It was the seventh time he met him I there. This time it was because the tracking device he snuck into Nutty's mouth sent an explosive signal to Sniffles' tracking sonar once he combust via widly-expanding-bubblegum.
Sniffles usually loved seeing his friend. He'd respond and then say something stupid and geeky. Now? He was simmering in frustration. It was like a puzzle made of only corner pieces! Is he not making the right connection? Is he glossing over other easily-solvable areas that would help him put together the big picture? Or were there simple pieces missing? Did the puzzle maker make this puzzle incomplete simply for Sniffles' endless and relentless torture?!
"SnoozY?? I, uh, I found y-your glass-glasses?" he held the anteater's prescriptions in a shaky hand, pointing to it nervously with the other. "Hehe?"
"Nutty, how do you color a rose without any red?" Sniffles asked, devoid of all life and hope.
"Uhh, he, what? Uh, you- uh... you can't??"
"Exactly," the cool blue critter responded. "You can't. It is impossible." He elevated himself further off of the hospital bed, seeing grey and black. Metaphorically, of course. There would be much cause for concern if he awoke with sever color-blindness. But, back to the life-sucking failure.
"There is no red, Nutty. None at all. Why, there's yellow, and blue, and even green. But not a hue of red. Have you ever seen a non-red rose? A yellow rose? A blue rose? No, that's a dandelion, a forget-me-not. Impressive, but not enough. It's never enough, Nutty."
"Sniffles, wh-what's wrong?" he felt a hand on his shoulder. It was trembling, but controlled. Nutty even lowered his voice, and tried to muffle stutters.
"Candy!" the scientist hollered. "I can't keep it from killing you! Every. Single. Thing! Leashes? Locks? Steel?! Surgical steel, Nutty!"
And he let it all out. His anguish, his grief. He might detest his friend for managing to fool his foolproof plans, but he watched him die. Every single time. Sniffle witnessed his twitching body get dragged through road spikes and saw his organs get sucked out from his nostril(courtesy of a knockoff Lifty & Shifty candy piece). Every cry for mercy and deranged strain for sugar tore another hole in Sniffles' heart. And Sniffles didn't think he could take many more holes.
"That.. oh," Nutty went quiet. As the pair walked to Sniffles' home so the anteater could labor over another doomed preventive measure, Nutty hadn't said a word, aside from non-intentional chirping. His stirring hand kept its place on the scientist's shoulder. Hell, even his normally-everywhere eyes kept a stationary target as he watched Sniffles rant. "Y-you'd coulda.. coulda t-t-told me."
"What? No, this is my problem, Nutty, I hav-"
"'We c-conduct a.. a-a studyyy... usin' the-the scientif-fic method. We take this, uh, th-this knowledge, and-uh, uh... form! Form it like-like a-a fine m-m-mold," Nutty said. Wait, no. He didn't say that. He recited it. He recited Sniffles' lame words from earlier. "I-I don't... I don't remember th-the words-uh- word 'I" in-IN! In there. It was... it... it was 'we'."
"...it was," was all the stupid, brain-dead moron of an anteater could say. Nutty just said the most sentimentla thing any animal in Happy Tree could conceive of, and all Sniffles - the smart one, remember? - could say was 'why, it sure was, bud'
"So, why don't we, uh, we do this-THIS! HOO!- sorry, uh, we... we do this together! Together!" Nutty flashed him a smile. He's smiled before. Hell, he smiles all the time. But, it's usually gum-showing and delusional. This one was closed-lipped. It was genuine.
Sniffles was all out of words. He used them all on complaining and ranting and raving like a child. So, he dipped his head onto Nutty's shoulder. He stopped their walk to just cling to the squirrel. It was a limp hug, and a wordless action, but it was all the anteater could give at the time. His hole-filled heart was still trying to process this new shipment of plugs, and it was a little overwhelming. But, maybe it could all be plugged up. Not all at once, but crack by crack, over time. Baby steps. And each one would feel easier than the last.
Nutty broke their embrace to reach into his pocket and hold his hand out to Sniffles. "H-here. I do-don't think I-I neeeed this." It was a singular jellybean. An active choice to not give in. A plug just barely big enough to start the filling of a hole.
It was stupid, but Sniffles' glasses fogged up with tears as he received the candy and popped it into his mouth. Baby steps, and this step seemed promising.
And then he tasted dish washer soap.