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”When are we going to get there?” Lee Jihye groans. She and Kim Dokja Company have been walking for the past thirty minutes, and while it certainly doesn’t hurt her stamina, (there’s no way she would be Yoo Joonghyuk’s disciple if it did), it does make her feel very bored. And even worse, she’s stuck in the back with Kim Dokja’s other kids, Lee Gilyoung and Shin Yoosung, who keep fighting over who Kim Dokja liked more.
“Why do you guys even care if that ugly ahjussi likes you?” she had asked once, only to be promptly met with two glaring faces.
“Don’t call Dokja-hyung/ahjussi ugly,” they both said, and then went back to bickering. It was a deeply traumatizing event for Jihye.
“We’re almost at the scenario,” Kim Dokja says.
“How long is almost?” Jihye asks. “You said ‘almost’ ten minutes ago.”
Dokja smiles. “We’ll get there soon,” he says mysteriously. Jihye frowns, irritated. This ugly ahjussi—that isn’t specific at all!
“We’re here,” Jung Heewon announces. Jihye collapses, mostly for dramatic purposes.
“Finally!” she cries. “The long wait is over!”
Jung Heewon gives her an unimpressed look.
[The Overcomer of Late Trials likes your determination]
[The Overcomer of Late Trials has sponsored you 100 coins]
[The Slumbering Lady’s Brocade has sponsored you 100 coins]
[The Demon-like Judge of Fire has sponsored you 100 coins]
Jihye grins behind her hands, doing a mini-dance in her head. Truly, being near Kim Dokja is the best, even if he is an ugly ahjussi.
Jihye and Kim Dokja Company enter a cave. As soon as they enter, a blue screen appears.
< Hidden Scenario — Return to One’s Youthful Days >
Category: Hidden
Difficulty: D
Clear Conditions: Become a teenager for a few hours.
Time Limit: 3 hours
Reward: 400 000 coins, the trust of XXX, one S-class weapon
Penalty for Failure: None
Jihye’s jaw drops, especially at the rewards section.
“Ahjussi!” she says in shock. “How did you find out about such a scam-like scenario!?”
[Several constellations are curious]
[Several constellations are questioning the probability of this scenario]
[A few constellations are looking at the clear conditions jealously]
Kim Dokja simply just smiles. Yoo Joonghyuk glares at Kim Dokja. Good — he’s suspicious of him too!
“So, who will become a teenager?” Yoo Sangah asks.
“The scenario chooses randomly,” Kim Dokja says, “but there is a higher chance of being picked if you are younger.”
Jihye frowns. “How does that work though?”
“It’s the Star Stream, how is anything supposed to work?” Jung Heewon says.
Hmm. That’s a good point.
[The Hidden Scenario <Return to One’s Youthful Days> will now pick the person who will turn into a teenager]
Jihye holds her breath. She’s not even sure why, because she’s already a teenager. She should be immune to this.
[The Hidden Scenario <Return to One’s Youthful Days> has chosen]
[The chosen is…]
And right then, something completely unexpected happens.
Kim Dokja glows, and turns into a beam of light. Several voices shout, and Yoo Joonghyuk reaches his hand, almost grasping Kim Dokja’s arm—
The beam dies down, and turns into a teenager. No, a child would be a better word.
[The chosen is Kim Dokja]
The child is small and skinny. His hair is in the familiar shaggy hair-do that Kim Dokja typically wears (except for when he’s cosplaying Yoo Joonghyuk according to what Jihye is told), but other than that, he seems unrecognizable. His eyes are closed, making his large, dark eyebags more obvious. His skin is pale, sickly almost, and his cheeks look slightly bruised. His clothes — a school uniform, by the looks of it — are tattered and worn.
Overall, he just looks… frail.
Jihye wants to ask — wants to double check if this is really her Dokja-ssi. The signs are there though, it’s him, she just wants to ignore them because of the disturbing image it illustrates.
Jihye never really thought of what Dokja ahjussi was like in high school. She figured he was probably the same as he is usually, the joke-cracking wise guy with no sense of self-preservation. She was ready for anything, just not…
Just not this.
The other members of Kim Dokja Company are similarly in shock. Yoo Sangah covers her mouth. Even Yoo Joonghyuk stops and looks at Kim Dokja with confusion. Jung Heewon looks upset, nearly angry. The kids hold Jihye’s arms, and for once, she doesn’t admonish them for it. Their surprise is understandable.
Slowly, Kim Dokja wakes up. His eyelashes flutter, and — (has Jihye always been able to see Kim Dokja this clearly?) — and now he’s awake.
Oh, Jihye realizes, and then begins to panic. He’s awake.
What are they going to tell him?
“Where am I?” Kim Dokja asks. His voice sounds so raspy that it physically hurts Jihye just to hear it. He’s up in his feet immediately, and looks around, stopping at Yoo Joonghyuk. His eyes widen.
Yoo Sangah presses her lips together, then almost speaks— but Han Sooyoung cuts her off.
“That’s right Kim Dokja,” she says, meeting his eyes. “This is just a dream.”
She walks closer to him, and whispers a few things. Yoo Sangah looks at her curiously. Kim Dokja’s eyes widen more. Han Sooyoung steps back.
Jihye breathes in. Thank goodness Sooyoung ahjumma came up with a lie so quickly. Though Jihye is a bit bothered by how easily she lied.
Younger Dokja nods. “That makes sense,” he says, and then lets a small smile form. “Still, I can’t believe…”
He looks at Yoo Joonghyuk again, then averts his eyes nervously. Jihye frowns. Does he know her Master or something?
An idea strikes her. “Hey Master,” Jihye says, leaning next to Yoo Joonghyuk. “Did you and that ahjussi perhaps know each other in high school?”
[The Demon-Like Judge of Fire is screaming]
[The Demon-Like Judge of Fire is asking what she missed]
[The Queen of The Darkest Spring is explaining what happened in a sombre voice]
[The Demon-Like Judge of Fire is screaming]
[The Demon-Like Judge of Fire has sponsored 1000 coins]
[The Commander of the Red Cosmos is asking the Demon-Like Judge of Fire to stop shouting]
[The Demon-Like Judge of Fire has pulled the middle…]
Yoo Joonghyuk frowns. “No,” he says.
Jihye’s shoulders sag in disappointment. Really? Then why does Kim Dokja look like he knows him?
But now that Jihye thinks about it, Kim Dokja doesn’t look at Yoo Joonghyuk like how one would look at a friend. It seems more admiring, weirdly enough. Like a k-pop fan just saw their favorite BTS member in real life.
Jihye grimaces, briefly reminded of Na Bori. But now isn’t the time to think about her. Not now, of all places.
“Kim Dokja,” Yoo Joonghyuk growls. Kim Dokja squeaks. Jihye has to bite down a laugh. Usually he’s so calm, so seeing a nervous Kim Dokja is weirdly funny.
“Uh, yes?” he responds meekly.
“How do you know me?” Yoo Joonghyuk demands.
Kim Dokja frowns. “I don’t know you…” Jihye would have almost been convinced, if it weren’t for whatever she saw earlier. That was definite proof that he knew Joonghyuk.
“Let’s hold off on the questions for now,” Lee Hyunsung says. Kim Dokja looks at Hysunsung-ssi like he is his savior. “Dokja-ssi is tired, isn’t he?”
Kim Dokja nods eagerly. Then, he looks at her, or rather, the kids with her. “Who are they?” he asks.
Lee Gilyoung steps out from behind Jihye. “I’m Lee Gilyoung,” he says, “and I’m your favorite.”
Shin Yoosung gasps. “No, I’m Dokja-ssi’s favorite!” she says.
“No I am!”
“No I am!”
“No I am!”
Kim Dokja frowns, confused. “Huh?” he says, drawing both Gilyoung and Yoosung’s attention.
“Yeah?” both say.
“Wait, why are you arguing over who I like more?” he asks.
Lee Gilyoung and Shin Yoosung pause. “Because we both like you?” Shin Yoosung says eventually. Gilyoung nods uneasily, not sure where this is going.
Kim Dokja looks even more confused. “But why does it matter?”
Shin Yoosung and Lee Gilyoung look down at the floor guiltily. Jihye feels awkward being next to them. It’s like being with two sad puppies.
“I mean, it’s not like my opinion matters that much anyways,” he continues.
And the air goes still.
Han Sooyoung curses quietly. “A bit of trauma my ass,” she mutters.
Jihye isn’t sure what context Sooyoung is saying this under, but it was probably about something dumb Kim Dokja said in the past, so she fully agrees.
“Your opinion matters,” Yoo Sangah says softly. Kim Dokja turns pink under the unexpected gaze. He blushes.
“Who are you?” he says in response. “You aren’t from Ways of—“ he stops, and looks at Han Sooyoung for a second before diverting back. “Uh, I mean, who are you?” he finishes lamely.
Jihye looks at Han Sooyoung suspiciously. So that ahjumma is also in on Kim Dokja’s secret. But what exactly is it?
Jung Heewon sighs. “Regardless of who we are,” he says. “You shouldn’t undervalue your opinion. You are a very important human being, do you understand?”
Kim Dokja blushes again. “I—I’m not—“
“You are important,” Jung Heewon stresses. “Don’t be mean to yourself. You have people who care about you.”
Lee Hyunsung nods. “We would all be very sad if something bad happened to you.” And at that, he grimaces, and so does everyone else. “So please value yourself!”
Kim Dokja’s face is completely red now. “Okay,” he says quietly. He seems happy though, judging by his smile.
Yoo Sangah sighs. “Actually, Dokja-ssi,” she says. “This isn’t a dream. This is real life.”
Kim Dokja’s jaw drops.
Han Sooyoung gapes at her similarly. “Why would you tell him that?” she hisses furiously.
“I’m not sorry,” Yoo Sangah says stubbornly. “I just can’t stand keeping this a secret from him. Kim Dokja deserves to know that people in real life actually care for him.”
Han Sooyoung groans. “Yeah, but not like this!”
“W-wait, this is real life?” Kim Dokja repeats. Han Sooyoung shakes her head, but everyone else nods.
“But how am I here?” he says. “I don’t remember…”
The adults in the room wince, with some shifting their feet and staring at the floor. The tension in the air gets heavier by the second as a question looms over their heads: who will tell Kim Dokja?
Finally, Jung Heewon steps up.
“This is the future,” she says, scratching the back of her head awkwardly. “We are currently living in the apocalypse, and we have to complete ‘scenarios’ in order to survive. Future-you is our leader, and you were summoned while we were trying to clear a scenario.”
Jihye watches Kim Dokja’s reaction carefully. She doesn’t know why, but something feels off about him. He has a strange familiarity with Yoo Joonghyuk, even though Joonghyuk claimed to have never met him, and he seems to know Sooyoung well. What exactly is he hiding?
And here’s the weird thing.
Lee Jihye isn’t an observant person, in fact, she’s often been teased by Na Bori for being the complete opposite. She jumps to conclusions quickly based off of little to no evidence, she’s too impatient to think about things seriously, and most of the time her theories are wrong. But if there’s one thing Jihye can rely on — one thing that probably contributed to why Yoo Joonghyuk picked her as his disciple, it’s her gut instinct. And something is telling her that the ugly ahjussi (ahjussi?)’s reaction will tell her something important.
So she watched Kim Dokja’s reaction. It definitely reveals a lot.
Kim Dokja was surprised, yes. He was surprised about the future part, as any normal human would be, and he was especially tense when Heewon-ssi mentioned the apocalypse starting, but…
…is it just her, or did it seem like Dokja-ssi actually relaxed when Heewon mentioned scenarios?
Jihye sighs and puts this on her mental checklist of things to figure out, right up there with the Joonghyuk-Dokja-relationship mess, which might actually be linked to this now that she thinks about it.
“So what is it like, to live in the apocalypse?” Kim Dokja asks.
[The Demon-Like Judge of Fire is encouraging her incarnation to speak]
Instead, Lee Hyunsung smiles and gives Dokja the child-friendly version of it.
It’s almost been two hours when Lee Gilyoung asks a question.
“Hyung,” Gilyoung starts, and Kim Dokja immediately listens, having gotten used to the title already, “what are the bandages on your legs and arms for?”
Kim Dokja hums to himself as he flips through the pages of a book. He’s been reading it for the past hour, seemingly immersed in it. It’s at times like these when Jihye can understand what Yoo Sangah meant by Kim Dokja being an avid reader before the scenarios. He reminds her of a classmates she once knew in middle school. It was a shame the classmate moved schools though. Na Bori liked her.
“Oh, well that’s because of my suicide attempt,” Kim Dokja says, and then turns a page.
And if before was silent, now was silence on a completely different level. Before, it was a shocked silence. But now, Jihye feels like the air is quite literally being taken from her chest, like someone punched her in the stomach.
[The Queen of the Darkest Spring is extremely alarmed!]
[The Demon-Like Judge of Fire is extremely alarmed!]
[The Prisoner of the Golden Headband is extremely alarmed!]
[Secretive Plotter is frowning in shock!]
[Several Constellations are shocked]
[The Grim Swamp Monster has sponsored you 100 coins]
[The Dog Who Sacrificed Himself for his Owner has…]
[…]
Jihye closes her window.
“Your what!?” Yoo Joonghyuk shouts.
Kim Dokja startles, and puts the book down.
“Oh,” he says, fidgeting with his hands, “did he not tell you?”
His eyes widen. “Uh wait,” he laughs. “Geez, you guys are a tough crowd. I didn’t actually try to commit suicide! It was a joke.”
Jihye frowns. Even though there are a few big differences between younger Kim Dokja and her Kim Dokja, they both have the annoying trait of laughing serious matters off. It’s a recognizable trait, one that Jihye so desperately wishes it wasn’t.
Shin Yoosung clutches Jihye’s leg. “You’re lying ahjussi,” Yoosung sobs, and raises a hand to wipe her tears. “You’re lying! Why would you try to do that?”
Lee Gilyoung looks at Yoosung, and then begins crying too. Yoosung and Gilyoung stumble over to Kim Dokja and cling to him, burying their faces in his waist. Kim Dokja freezes, and looks at Yoosung and Gilyoung bewilderedly.
“Don’t kill yourself, hyung,” Gilyoung says, his voice wobbly.
Shin Yoosung nods slowly.
Damnit. Now Jihye wants to cry too.
This is so unfair. Why did ahjussi have to suffer so much in his teenage years? Why can’t he have had a normal, nice childhood like anyone else? What made him feel so meaningless that he thought—
Jihye chokes on the thought, blinking furiously as she tries to keep tears out of her eyes. What made him feel so meaningless that he tried to take his life?
The tears roll down her cheeks, and they don’t stop. Yoo Joonghyuk glances at her, then turns away.
This is so unfair. With all the unjust, horrible living conditions the world is in now, Jihye consoled herself with the thought that at least in the past, the world was a better place. The world before scenarios was a good one, a world where Lee Jihye got to walk to fifth period with Na Bori and was picked up from school by her parents — where she could be a kid! It is the world she’s fighting for, the world she’s trying to bring back through ending all scenarios. Jihye herself only dreamt of the idea through Kim fricking Dokja, who gave her with the idea in the first place — by reaching the end of scenarios, by going through all the laborious, mentally-taxing and quite frankly exhausting work, by learning how to deal with her survivor’s guilt for just a few moments, just until her survival becomes worthy of Na Bori’s sacrifice — by reaching that point, the world would revert to the old, normal ways. That was what Jihye was counting on.
But if the old world was cruel enough to make a teenager try to kill himself, then is it really worth it — to try to fight for the end of scenarios?
“Dokja-ssi…” Yoo Sangah says, her voice trailing off. Jihye can’t see her face well because of the tears, but its probably a sad expression. Not something Jihye needs to see now, or else she’ll just cry harder.
“I’m serious! It’s a joke guys,” Kim Dokja says nervously.
Han Sooyoung frowns. Her face is uncharacteristically upset. “Are you really going to lie to the kids again?” she spits.
Kim Dokja flinches.
Han Sooyoung sighs, and runs a hand through her hair. “He’s just a kid…” Jihye hears her mutter. “Shit.”
“Dokja-ssi,” Lee Hyunsung says, mournfully. “Why would you try to do that?”
Kim Dokja makes the mistake of looking at Lee Hyunsung’s face, and flinches again. He looks down at his feet.
“It’s not that big of a deal,” he mutters. “It’s not like anyone cares.”
“We care!” Han Sooyoung snaps. “All of us care for you! And I’m sure there are people in your time who do as well!”
“No they don’t!” Kim Dokja shouts.
He winces, and draws back. “I never should have said anything. Just, please ignore what I said.”
[The Demon-Like Judge of Fire is crying]
“We can’t just ignore this,” Jung Heewon says. Jihye admires her ability to sound calm in this situation. She ignores the tears rolling down Heewon’s cheeks.
Kim Dokja stays silent. Jung Heewon huffs. “Okay, why do you think no one cares about you in your time?”
Kim Dokja shifts awkwardly, looking at the floor. After a few seconds, he speaks. “Because it’s true,” he says. His tone is oddly dead and monotonous. “My relatives and cousins hate me, and school is basically a living hell.”
Yoo Sangah’s expression saddens. “What about your mother?” she asks.
Kim Dokja has a mom?
Kim Dokja snorts. “She doesn’t care about me,” he says, and now he sounds spiteful, angry. “If she did, she wouldn’t have killed my father and published a book about it.”
Jihye gasps, as do others in Kim Dokja Company. Gilyoung and Yoosung cry harder. Kim Dokja winces, trying to awkwardly pat their backs as they cry. Jihye almost wants to join them.
Shit. Kim Dokja’s life was really messed up. If he was this bad in his teenage years, how bad was he in his adulthood?
“I’m sure it’s a misunderstanding,” Lee Hyunsung reasons. “Maybe she does care about you, and you haven’t realized it yet?”
Kim Dokja shakes his head. “It’s pretty hard to see that when my mother is in jail a whole city away from where I live.” His eyes land on Yoo Joonghyuk, and his eyes curve up in a smile. Han Sooyoung follows his gaze, and frowns.
“But I’m fine now,” he says, and lets out a small smile. “I’ve gotten over it. I found a reason to live.”
Han Sooyoung’s eyebrows furrow, and then her eyes widen. She curses again. Jihye would really love to know what is going on in Han Sooyoung’s mind, but she feels like it’ll probably depress her even further.
“Have you really?” Yoo Sangah asks, imploring deeply into his eyes. “Are you okay?”
Kim Dokja nods, making eye-contact with Yoo Joonghyuk and then looking away. “Yeah,” he says.
Jihye’s had enough of this weird eye-contact thing.
“How do you know Master?” she asks abruptly.
Kim Dokja’s face turns pink. “Uh—I don’t! I mean— wait, who even is Master?”
“My master is Yoo Joonghyuk,” Jihye says. “He’s the tall oppa you’ve been staring at for five minutes.”
Kim Dokja blushes harder. “I wasn’t staring!” he protests.
“How do you know me?” Yoo Joonghyuk says, repeating his question from earlier.
“I—I’m just a fan!” Kim Dokja waves his hands frantically in an attempt to explain himself. “Uh, I mean, I don’t know him or anything — Yoo Joonghyuk looks really cool!”
Jihye gasps. Finally, someone with good taste! Everyone else either said that he was an emo bastard, or they died (proof: that weird apostle cult about Yoo Joonghyuk and Nirvana), so. Not many options.
“I know right!” she gushes. “Master is the coolest.”
Kim Dokja nods excitedly. “He is — he looks very cool! Tell me more about him!”
Jihye grins, ready to talk about the Incident a few months ago, when she stops. Oh, right. The suicide thing.
“You’re not going to uh, try what you did last time, in the future right?” Jihye says carefully.
Kim Dokja pauses, then shakes his head. “No,” he says. “I’m better now, I swear!”
Jihye bits her lips, then sighs. “Promise us you won’t do it again, okay?”
Kim Dokja frowns. “How will a promise make any difference — I won’t even be able to meet you in my time.”
Jihye groans. “Just do it,” she says.
Kim Dokja sighs. “Alright,” he says. “I promise I won’t try to commit suicide—“
“—or hurt yourself—“ Jung Heewon adds.
“—or try to sacrifice yourself—“ Lee Hyunsung says.
“—especially sacrificing yourself—“ Yoo Joonghyuk grumbles.
“—or neglect your health—“ Yoo Sangah continues.
“—or hurt myself, or try to sacrifice myself, or neglect my health,” Kim Dokja finishes. He smiles. “I won’t do this in the future.”
Jung Heewon, Lee Hyunsung and Yoo Sangah sigh, satisfied.
“Hey,” Han Sooyoung says, crouching down to make eye contact with him. “You know you have to hold on to the promise even if that stupid webnovel ends, okay?”
Kim Dokja’s eyes widen. “You know—?”
“Yes,” Han Sooyoung snaps quickly, “I’ve also— well, that doesn’t matter. Just make the promise.”
“Fine,” he grumbles. “I will still uphold my side of the promise, even if the webnovel ends. Happy?”
Han Sooyoung gets up from her crouched position, nodding in what seems to be relief.
[Several constellations are interested in the use of filters]
[Some constellations are frustrated by the filtered conversation]
The conversation halts, because now everyone has forgotten what they were going to talk about in the first place.
What was Jihye going to talk about? It had something to do with Yoo Joonghyuk…
Jihye snaps her fingers. “I was gonna tell you about the Squarefish Incident!” she says, looking at Kim Dokja.
Kim Dokja’s eyebrows part, and his mouth relaxes into an excited smile. There’s a stark contrast from when she first saw him; before, his eyes were as dark and murky as the bottom of the ocean, but now his eyes are lighter, freer.
“It all started off when Master and I entered an A-class sub-scenario…”
Kim Dokja wakes up to a pile of sleeping people hugging him. Lee Gilyoung and Shin Yoosung have their hands hugging his waist, and the rest of Kim Dokja Company are sleeping around them. To Dokja’s surprise, even Han Sooyoung is sleeping. One person is missing though.
Dokja groans and looks around, his limbs aching for some reason. His eyes find Yoo Joonghyuk, who is standing solemnly against a wall.
Kim Dokja’s mouth goes dry. Ah.
He smiles. “So I’m guessing I was the one picked for the hidden scenario?” he says.
Yoo Joonghyuk nods. Kim Dokja sweat-drops. “Do you know if I said anything…questionable?” he asks.
Yoo Joonghyuk stares at Kim Dokja for a few seconds, searching for something, evidently, and then turns away.
“You should value yourself more,” Joonghyuk says randomly.
Kim Dokja’s smile becomes teasing. “Wow, I didn’t know you cared for me this much?” he pokes fun. Internally though, he is panicking. Just what exactly did younger-him say?
Yoo Joonghyuk huffs. “Just sleep, you fool.”
Judging by Joonghyuk’s lack of murderous intent, whatever Kim Dokja said probably wasn’t too bad, so Dokja obliges to Joonghyuk’s request.
“‘Night Joonghyuk,” he says, and drifts off to sleep. It comes easier to him than it usually does. Maybe it’s because of the scenario. Or maybe it’s because he’s surrounded by his companions, people he knows he can trust with his life — except for maybe Han Sooyoung and Yoo Joonghyuk; it really depends for those two— and people he would give his life for to let them see the end of this story.
[ G oo d nI g h t kIm d o k ja]
Kim Dokja manages a smile. Goodnight to you too, Fourth Wall.