Chapter Text
Taeyong had been asking him for a while now. No. Taeyong had been begging him to go to therapy. ‘seek some help’ He’d always say. And Mark always said no. The thought of some complete stranger playing as some sort of fixer , as if he hasn’t tried everything under the moon to make himself better, easier to love, easier to manage just sits with him the wrong way..
But alas. He couldn’t say no forever and he finally gave in. Taeyong could be very persistent when he wanted to be and that was one of the many things Mark found himself endeared by. The sparkle in his eyes and little pout on his lips whenever he wanted something he had to bargain for. But Mark loved him. Loved him so much he’d give his life for him in an instant if he ever asked for it. Taeyong didn’t even have to ask nicely. He’d just had to ask.
So here he is. Staring down the woman in front of him with Taeyong waiting patiently outside the door. He waits for her to introduce herself.
Eventually after a couple of ticks went by she broke and looked away from his intense gaze and introduced herself.
“Hello Mark-ssi, i’m very glad to finally meet you. Your partner had been telling me how he’d been trying to get you to come in and i’m happy you’ve decided to take this step. My name is Kim Taeyeon and i’m at your service” she said with a small smile.
Mark eyes fleeted away from her to stare at the window without bars. He wondered if he’d die if he jump through or would just sustain a very serious injury. Or maybe he’d get lucky and break a rib that would puncture an important organ and take him out before any help gets there.
He looks back at her.
He sighs.
“I’m going to be honest with you ma’am. We both know if i truthfully tell you what goes on in my head you would send me to an institution and i can’t blame you. Professionally, that would be a solution to further solutions, but for starters i’m way too dependent on my boyfriend to function to be separated from him for a long time. You’d probably think you’re helping me lose the tendency but you would be taking me back miles away from the progress i’ve tried to make myself”
Mark looks at her with a blank expression resting on his face. He feels rather empty today but maybe that’s a good thing.
“Well…it’s a good thing you realise your dependency on your partner is unhealthy cause atleast that means you’re self aware enough to be able to go through this healing process with a somewhat clear slate and a probably unbiased state of mind. As long as you give yourself that little push, and with a lot of hard work you’ll get to a stage where you’d be proud of the version of yourself you would have become”
“ would you let me say my thoughts without interrupting?” Mark asks
“ of course! go ahead” she responds and rests her hands on the table in front of her.
“i’m very exhausted. i’m tired all the time no matter how much i sleep. every waking moment of my life feels like i’m living in a haze where i can’t even tell what is real or not. i have to rely on Taeyong to tell me it didn’t happen or it did because i can’t tell when i’m awake. the only moment i feel truly alive and feel anything with a semblance to happiness is when i’m with Taeyong. I do everything i do because of him. i want to make him happy and keep him happy. But there only so much i can do without feeling more burnt out than i already do on a minutely basis. I feel insane more times than not. It’s like a million emotions go through my mind at once and instead of processing them one by one my brain tries to process them all at the same time and i’m exhausted . I’ve been actively suicidal most my life because i thought of everything affecting me too much but now i don’t think about anything at all. And i prefer it that way. I still want to die but not because of the circumstances i’ve faced but simply because i don’t want to live anymore. Hours pass by, days, months, years and i feel nothing. It’s like i’m living for no reason and i think after all this time and failed attempts. i’ve finally gathered enough courage. I left my Taeyongie behind that door happy and so fucking elated for finally agreeing to coming here and i think that’s all i’ve ever wanted. For all the memories he has of me to be happy memories he can hold close to his heart.”
He puts his hand inside his jacket pocket and brings out a blade as he takes his hands out. Squeezing it in his palms in an attempt to hide it from Taeyeon lest she tries to take it from him.
He looks her dead in the eye.
“tell Taeyong i left a note for him under his pillow and i love him and will always love him in life and through death”
Mark unclenches the hands he hid the blade. Taeyeons eyes widen as she scrambles to reach him.
“Mark-ssi!” she screams
But Mark was to fast for her. He pressed the blade down and quickly slashes through his wrist. Blood squirts out from his wrist as he’s body grows limp and he slides off the chair.
Taeyeon rushes to him and immediately starts applying pressure to it and trying to tie a thick cloth around it to slow the bleeding.Slapping his face to keep him awake with her free hand. She grabs her phone and calls an ambulance.
“TAEYONG!! TAEYONG!!TAEYONG GET IN HERE RIGHT NOW” she yells
Taeyong bursts into the office seconds after and takes in the sight in front of him.
He feels his heart drop to his stomach. Mark.
On the floor.
Eyes barely open
Blood.
Mark is on the floor.
Bleeding.
Fuck.
He rushes to Marks side on the floor and takes his head between both hands. Lightly slapping the side of his face and cradling him to his chest. Sobs racking through his whole body, the world blurry from all the tears rapidly falling down his face.
“Mark this isn’t funny”
“Mark you promised”
“You promised me Mark!”
“Mark wake up”
“Mark wake up right now i’m not playing with you, THIS ISN’T FUNNY MARK“
“HOW COULD YOU LEAVE ME HERE”
”you can’t do this to me!”
Taeyong keeps rambling as he cries hysterically. He feels like he’s losing his mind.
No.
He has lost his mind. Marks bleeding out in his arms. Mark is going to die
Oh god
Mark is going to fucking die
He cries harder. Holding Marks head closer to his chest. Tighter.
He doesn’t register the medics bursting into the office. He feels someone trying to take Mark from him and he fights back.
“Let him go! he can’t leave me! you can’t take him from me!”
“Taeyong-ssi if you don’t let them do their job, he is going to die! He still has hope so please . Let go”
They don’t get it.
He doesn’t want to let go. But his common sense kick him into rapidly pushing Mark onto the bed and moving aside so they can help him.
If he wasn’t already dead by now.
Luckily, the hospital building is right next to the building they are in right now.
He stands in the middle of the office, with tears still streaming down his cheeks. Trying to process the jumbled thoughts in his head. Where does he even start from? Mark was bleeding in his arms. Mark was dying in his arms. How does he even process that? What will he tell Marks parents? What will he tell their friends? How will he continue to exist without Mark? Where does he even start.
A hand on his shoulder startles him and brings him back to earth.
It was Taeyeon.
“He wanted me to tell you he loves you and he will love you in life and through death. He also said he kept a note for you underneath you pillow”
He doesn’t know if the face she’s giving him right now or the hand on his shoulder is supposed to comfort him but right now? it makes him sick to his stomach.
He shrugs her hand off of his and turns to her.
“What did you say to him?” he looked at her with hatred and pure anger running through his veins.
“He wouldn’t do this just by himself. He wouldn’t do this to me spontaneously so i’m asking you again. What. did. you. say. to him!”
“i understand you’re in shock right now Taeyong-ssi-“
“You don’t understand shit!” he cuts her off
“i didn’t say anything that would trigger him. as a matter of fact he asked me to keep quiet and let him speak. he wouldn’t have left a note for you before hand if he just decided to- to do this out of nowhere” she tries to him calmly.
Her calm facade only seems to piss him off even more
“Oh please, Mark writes more suicide notes than he writes lists for the fucking groceries! He would just do this to me! and so help you if i find out you caused this! if i find out you took him from me! i’ll make your career a living hell. And that’s a promise”
He throws her one last glare as he rushes to the ICU waiting halls.