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Aba isn't really sure what to feel about any of this happening.
He isn't sure if it is right, wrong, necessary, or even okay for him to literally talk to Travis about going over their issues despite starting it in a quite probably, awful way.
Now they're just walking outside in the middle of the night, trying to clear their thoughts for a bit, as the breeze blows to their furs, but not in a chilling sense.
More like a sense of chill that sinks you down like a weight, something that makes you unable to feel higher, just only lower.
“Man, that is a lot of information that we know of each other. I am sorry if I made you, no, THAT I made you…. Go through that.” , Aba tried to correct himself
Travis doesn't look at him directly, minding his own thoughts being shaped as he listens to the Otter’s ramblings of his intrusive thoughts
“Honestly, I was pretty uncomfortable with it, until I began talking about myself….. Now, I just feel a bit relieved….. I guess you can consider yourself lucky there.”, He said with not a hint of joy, knowing that the past moment was something to be serious of
“Yeah……….”
Aba, whenever things like this happen, made him unable to help from fearing for the worst, that any negative setback to how someone feels can mean the difference between acceptance or not. As if he is on the thin line that can break at any moment as he juggles various responsibilities around his shoulders.
Mentally eats him up inside, as usual.
“Aba, don’t let that get to you. I know you are worried that it might put a dent into our relationship. Honestly, it almost did, but the important thing is, I knew that I had to face it at some point with someone…….
He stares in the other side, trying to think of what to say about how it came to be hours ago when things were let loose from the belly fat of their emotions
Just….. Did not expect it to go like this….”
“Why are you so supportive of me. I….. I don’t deserve any of this.”, The otter desperately asked, akin to stranger having their change be given back to him after losing it
Travis then looks at him straight, with a disapproved look, staring at him like in headlights.
“ OH my god! You worry so damn much about yourself and how you are to others. It’s killing me!”
Naturally, this triggers Aba’s flight of the shouting
“What do you want me to do?! Not expect what can go wrong?!”, He became defensive, his previous self, emerging from his throat
It's been a few days after all. Aba tells himself that as he recollects his composure, guilty that he has pressed the same mistake
“I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t lash out like that just now.”
Travis softens himself upon seeing his friend's composure down
“No…… no…… I am just saying you shouldn’t be so hard on yourself man. You are so consciously worried about how others feel about you in fear of retaliation that you think of the worst. It isn’t just being defensive or seeing everything as the enemy as Jorgen puts it, it’s mainly that you are afraid of everything, that you can’t even relax yourself because you are so used to tiring yourself that you never learned how to chill out……
That marks me sick…… To see someone who hurts themself like that…… trying to wait it out instead of settling it…….
His softene d expression now is soured into a more depressed manner, reminding Aba of just how much he is putting an emotional weight on……
On…..
Well, what he considers to be the very first person he considers a friend as.
*Sigh* I can’t imagine what it is like…… That’s how much I can’t believe someone would put themselves to that, for the sake of being “rational”, or “making the right choices”…
You, waiting for something to happen, is the kind of shit that makes me do something like, steal a key, or some crap. Trying to hold the image of a family intact even though I want to be more than just….. a mere piece of a group that they call a family.”
“Travis, we literally have gone through that, about our issues just now.”
“But you are still somewhat repeating it just now, right?”, Travis aske d confusingly
Aba knew that he was not being fair, at least that is what his mind is telling him now
“Basically…….”, he quietly- rather almost whispere d
He still can’t believe of the atmosphere of where they are at, no matter how many times he went through here by now, it’s like as if he trespassed into a whole new world where only the “Worthy” are allowed to see
Thing is, there is no such thing as being “Worthy”.
They are here, because of who they are.
As people.
As souls.
As….
Perhaps lo-
“So…… How is your mom? Recently that is.”
“Currently okay…. I guess. We are fine between eachother, but my sister is simply sick of her shit, and the whole Aunt thing is, while not as bad, is still living with her….. I’m worried if it is not going to end or not.”
“All things end at some point.”
“Not when it is in terms of mental misery.”
Reminding them both of Aba’s issue with his own existence, or sense of living, the silence got it’s turn to wash over their lungs, as the hollowness of Aba’s idea of “Mental Misery” still lingers after that just happened, even if Aba himself feels genuinely happy, for what feels like from nearly a decade
He wishes it would last forever.
“Freaking glad I own a car.”
“Hehehehehe…. Hahahaahahaha!”
“Hehehehehehe….. Heh…?”, Aba tried to join in to soothe the mood, albeit with some confusion
“That sounded out of nowhere.”
“It’s as out of nowhere as meeting each other to be honest.”
Silence sprea ds again. Usually when things happen like this, he would’ve just asked what they wanted to say, or ask for an answer to what one said.
But he knew better, he knew about how people are, that silence is what gives one the necessary composure to recollect what one feels or wants to say.
He knows better, so he will follow suit.
“Speaking of that……. I am glad I met you.”, Travis shatter the Silencing ice between their feet
Aba…..
Is unable to recollect himself in that obvious info
Ironic…….
“W……..
What?”
“When I first met you, I simply thought that I would just pick you up, make you not feel as left out, and go on my merry way. I usually tend to do that with a lot of people I met, where I just chime in and be part of something, because of how that is enough to make me satisfied.
When I am with people, I am just the part of a piece that holds others together, makes others feel comfortable while I have some fun with a couple of buddies. I think nothing much more about it.
But you….
You are more than just an acquaintance. You have gone with me into various things just for yesterday and today, still forgave me easily for what happened…..
With what I did….
And are willing to, in your mind, risk our relationship to be forward with the potential issues that we may have.”
“It shows that you care more than just being someone to talk to, because you accept the way I am in a way that I feel comfortable in sharing. I feel a lot better by just being with you, even if we probably still do not know each other as much, and I want to see how far it goes. Even if you may not like my sense of gaming as much.”, Travis smirked at that last line
Aba, on the other hand did not respond to it, instead he looked down to the remnants of the blizzarding layer of land, wondering how he would go forward
He is open with his issues, almost to a concerning degree, but sometimes he isnt sure if he is consciously telling the whole story despite feeling like he is
“Before this cabin….. I felt like there was nothing. Nothing but to just wait and see, while everything around me is seen as suffering in their own views of the world, some who attack, others who instead sink down. When I was in the cabin. I thought it would be the same despite telling myself that it would be different, and that time is running out on me before I lose my chance, to have a better future, to love for.
I am still not sure on what to feel when you came to me first and I did not, but……
I think Jorgen really made me realize just how much I am burying myself over nothing, well I mean like, I knew I was but….. I just did not know it was by that much.”
His issue, at least to how he feels, is that he is not only stuck in his limite d house, but also the entire community that he was raised in for so long, at least country wise to him.
It felt like he was in a bigger cage, stuck by jobs, scheduling, limitations, the worry of how others feel, it made him somewhat believe that he is going to always suffer in this cycle of negativity, to where he would always face problems even inflicted by himself, unless he is rich
What really surprised him really, is that sometimes….
Letting yourself fully go might be the only option.
“Maybe I just need to start anew, or something, to sort of act like I am starting something over from scratch. It is probably how I am relieved in living the way I strive to live for the better.”
“Being stuck in one place does things alright.”
“Oh you….. Hahah…… Heh….”, Aba smile d
“I’m glad you are looking at it that way.”
Maybe Aba really isn’t as flawe d as he thinks he is, maybe just being someone who is realizing what is wrong and what he feels is telling enough, to feel like that his instinct is that he can't do something bad even if told
Or at least, what he deems as bad.
“I wonder about your idea of changing ways when others cannot. Are you like Batman or something?”, Aba asks, worrie d that he might be poor in his wording to Travis’s potencial insecurities
“Hey, Batman fights in the shadows with a bat.”, Tanuki poute d
“Yeah, to help what others cannot.”
“I mean, I don't read as many comics.”, Travis shrugs
“Really? It’s a very simple concept to the character, it doesn't require that much research.”
“Probably….”
“Anyway, who the hell would wield a bat like that anyway?”
“Okay, I feel kind of tired right now. I usually just get up late then go to bed later but…. I would rather feel less sleepy n’ not miss out as much.”
“Yeah, me too.”
Aba moves his hea d to his left over 3 times in a row.
A habit to throw his thoughts in the gutter
“Oh, and I know what you are doing with your head moving, you can stop that.”, Travis concernely sai d as he notices
“Why?”
“Because it’s weird and it shows that you are still worried.”, Travis pouts again in a funnier way
“Maybe I'm so used to it that it goes naturally.”, Aba smirke d
“Yeah, and you shouldn’t do it for so long, it’s going to give you neck problems.”
Aba shutte d his joy for a bit, realizing that it's something Travis is concerned of
The pair decide to go over Travis’s room first, seeing as Aba is usually the one who sticks around a bit more until later, still worried about how their relationship would become.
However, things become different once his room is reached
“So, here is the room, you’re room that is.”, Aba state d the general obvious, although he usually likes it that way
“There isn’t as much to say about it.”, Travis chime d
“Really? You at least have game stuff to use.”
“Mostly portables, nothing console related unless we go to one of the main rooms.”
“Yeah….. Actually….. I have a question.”
“What is it?”
“Uhh……. I know this is gonna sound really, really weird.”, Aba begrudgingly asks
Travis smirks with a sly grin
“How weird?”, he quickly asks
Aba blushes
He actually fucking blushes
What the hell.
“Like, touching tails weird?”, the Tanuki restates into more specification as he makes that “Uhh what?” eye movement, the ones you see in memes
“Ummmmm.”
Aba is fearing for the worst again, but his talk with him is giving the necessary strength to take his next paw print forwar d
Maybe it's print step number 112203 or something.
“I mean, what I am trying to say is……
Aba looks to the si des, noticing nobody is near
I remember someone told me when I was in a choir trip to a popular theme park back at high school, when they hugged me from behind as I was sitting down watching the fireworks, she said along the lines of “You are so huggable”.
So the question is………
Can we relax on the be……d? So we can, see how huggable we…..
Are?”
Travis looks at Aba in the eyes, going at a surprising pace, blinking exaggeratedly two times, before laughing quite hard as Aba looks in confusion
“W-What? Was it something I said?”
“Ohhhh, oh jesus….. How many people other than your mother told you how cute you are?”, Travis asks, recollecting his thoughts
“Uhh….. I think maybe around 3 to 5?”, The Otter is really uncertain with his number, its like he doesn't know a math problem out of laziness
“Wow, that’s an underrated number.”
Aba blushes har der, making him lose more of his stern composure that he usually holds
“Wait, this somewhat implies that it’s a yes but….. Are you really comfortable with this at all?”
“Aba, I barely get too along with people around this cabin, not even Mikko despite of……
That…..
Other than you, if anything, I feel like a nice ol’ cuddle is a nice change of pace, especially with only 2 days left.”
Aba’s embarrassment (Something he once saw as a weakness) soon cleanse d into a concern about how much he can make things right with his relationship of him
“Oh……. Right, two days.”
Travis notices his worry about it, as he ma de it obvious before, as he moves his head forward to his sight
“We are not disconnected forever once we are out of this trip, just be sure to call me, or I call you, as we get along, I don’t want it to end as a ghost or something.”
Maybe the Otter nee ds to give him better credit to what he says
“Okay…..”
The little quirky raccoon smirk rises from its ashes again
“So, what are we waiting for.”
Aba blushes….. Again.
He can’t believe he is being accepted into this
Yelling out “YOU TANUKI CUTE FUCK! YOU MAKE ME FEEL THINGS!” on the inner sanctums of his enigma
He wonders what an enigma actually is
They slowly walk to his room, looking similar to most of the other rooms that he was been into, just that he has multiple bags hanging around on the side of the room. One can assume that they are mostly game stuff, but he wonders what is with the bigger bags considering that he thought two big ones are enough, not three.
He slowly removes his jacket, going to the bathroom to replace his pajamas as the Tanuki looks at the door.
“It’s okay for you to change your pants here. I am not as easily embarrassed in regards to that.”
“It’s out of habit. Sorry.”
“Don’t be.”
As they settle on their clothes for the night, Travis gets into bed first, moving himself on the bed’s left side as he looks towards the other, waiting for the other's next move.
As if he’s making a trace for anyone to join in.
Possibly.
Aba stares at him in embarrassment as his body is further realizing what he has gotten himself into
“Don't be a shy man, it’s just a cuddle.”
“I’m not really used to cuddles; I rarely see anyone do that. It feels too personal to me.”
“Maybe to you, but I believe everyone would like one at some point.”, Travis explains as he repeatedly pats the mat wanting to feel the warmth of a wider-than-average-otter
The wide otter, still slowly, but surely, gets into the bed as he shuts the light off, silently whimpering in surprise as he feels the wrapping of two cuddly arms around his potato sack waist. Holding him like a baby, or akin to one.
Ribbons of Sunshine walking around his stomach, the scars of his weight holding tight, once cold from its fat, now being warm by the sun's glow.
The warmth, is too much for him to handle,
Seeing his face, reflected by the Lunar light, having what little natural light is had to his eyes and snout.
Deep within its cavern, his cavern.
It’s making him feel so right, he thinks, or not, he doesn’t know for sure.
“That “someone” was right, you are very huggable.”
“She was my classmate….. My very first crush in my life. Was a girlfriend of one of my High School friends, funnily enough.”
“In your life? You didn’t have any crushes beforehand?”
“No, I was mostly concerned with family, friends, and my life in general.”
“Yeah, I guess coming from you, I could see that…. Say, have any new crushes?”
“Wa- Why?”
“Just curious, since your last one is from high school.”
“My crush……. New crush…….. I never had one ever since, but I think I…….
For a long while, he thought his sexual desires ultimately meant that he was simply straight in terms of his relationships with others.
Even after discovering his bisexuality, or rather fully accepting it to himself, he still felt like it was solely to porn
But he soon realized that sometimes feelings of wanting to fuck, will never ever replace the feeling to be with someone, because of who they are, no matter how strong these, lustful feelings were to him or how he embraces them in action of his home.
A coping mechanism of his loneliness, is slowly fading away from his consciousness, or so he feels.
He doesn't know….
If he is worthy to be a guy's love. If looking at the naked men during his one time at a public shower was the only reason, or something more.
But his heart is telling him that he feels not alone with someone closer to him than just family.
So he must try.
No……
To himself,
He HAS to try
I might have one, recently.”
Ba dum……?
“Ooooh, really? Who that might be?”
You
You
You
You
YouYouYouYouYou
A ray of sunshine that rolls aroun d me, and is more than just joy.
Someone who shows me the world like an outsider showing a prince of what the world is like
Able to connect and pass through intellectual talk even for someone not into the kind of books a certain Bat likes
Someone who not only makes me feel like I have more of a purpose in life, but also someone who…
Who…..
Makes me realize my own limits as a person, who knows how I feel…..
Instea d of being clouded by judgment and negative sorrow
Not even my sexual desires keep me from falling over y-
“Now I think about it….. It’s probably just a desire rather than a crush.”
“Awww, that sucks.”
“It sure is, I guess.”
He knows one thing,
That time is not ready.
He and him, have gotten over the crux of their presenting issues, ones that almost, to his mind, hampered their own relationship by going into them straight away. It was risky, and socially dangerous.
They need to reflect, recover, and perhaps……
Need to adjust a new part of their interaction, before he could face his sense of love straight to the face, one he feels to.
A sad, but necessary step, to help one another in need
It was why their warmth is being done.
But,
He should be the one who gives it back to him, for how much he has done for him, while he himself did not as much, with his only action being this one event of mental sharing for the day.
Aba looks at the Fluffs relaxed look as the reflection of the mixture between light and dark stare into his soul.
He embraced him,
So, he will embrace him too
He wraps his normal but wide-ish arms around the light, covering more and more of the brightness as it becomes dimmer than the next
Sun reacts with a shock an d a flare back, as the moon puts its top onto their top of the head being embraced by the Moons softness that hides under its grey skin
“You are so adorable….. No, you are…..
Just nice……. Really nice, smells nice too…..”
Travis partly can’t believe what he is hearing, something other than being known as someone cute.
Handsome isn't a part of his vocabulary. Or maybe it's not handsomeness, but rather himself, his own inner mind
“Th-Thanks…….”
“You okay?”, Aba, being concerned over his sudden stuttering
“Oh, don’t worry, I am…... I am just…… Uhhh…. Surprised, that's all.”
Aba can’t help but feel somewhat down about this, being praised more than just his cuteness, he almost regrets saying how adorable he was……
Almost.
But, it makes him get an idea.
“We can hug eachother? It might not be much….”
“Heh, I knew you were gonna say that.”
The two balls intertwine into form, flowing their own way of showing their affection of their feelings in a few ways.
Aba, the careful, slow, but methodical wrapper, who, while trying to be tense and solid, almost craves affection, like a hungry earth-bound seeing a feast at a long table.
Travis is gentle, but forward, showing just how he feels, not wanting to hide anything noteworthy about his emotions, while covering the other on all fronts as he shows him the ways of life.
Together, one understands the reason for what they are, being accepted into one box.
The more Aba thinks about his little d escription, the more it feels that it has merit.
Merit that might seem it is what it is.
He is the Lunar Moon, slow, stern and cold, being embraced by the Eternal Solar Light of the Positive Sun.
After which, the Moon gives its light back to the sun, reminded of its night and their side of the world that isn’t shined with brightness
Together, they hold to one another to show a beautiful reflection that shadows over the world where people can notice. The obvious yet poetic form of the synergy between two planets working the role of the growth, and history of time itself.