Chapter Text
"Alright you two, it's time for your first disclosure. Dont be intimidated, why dont you tell us about the time you first thought you might be a....a..." Putty gulped.
"Lesbian?", Stephanie arched an eyebrow at him.
Kimberly looked at Putty then at Stephanie, dumbfounded by the question. "Im not, everyone just thinks I am! Like, cant you take a joke?"
Stephanie was used to the routine. Kim would lie and say its a prank, theyd walk home, she would do that cute laugh that gets caught in her upturned nose, then finally a reunion with Closeface. Only difference being it was usually the same boys having a less formal talk about it. This on the other hand was the first time good ol' Reverend Putty caught them.
"It's not like we're bothering anyone..." Stephanie mumbled as she sank in her chair.
"Not botheri-- do you hear yourself?!" The two girls straightened up as Putty exclaimed.
"Just the act of watching two girls kissing messes up my whole day! Think of all the men you're disappointing right now, buncha sorry saps that cant score a date all because the ladies decide to get frisky during girls night. Cmon! It's just not fair." he groaned as he pinched the bridge of his nose, exhausted already.
Stephanie turned to Kim for some kind of sympathy in this situation. Sometimes she'd imagine Kimberly standing up for her, throwing her pom-poms into all the disapproving gawking faces that passed them in the halls. Only Stephanie knew that Kim really did care in her funny way. Todays way of showing it was by asking if they could leave. Putty not being able to put up a fight, allowed them to go.
Stephanie promptly held the door for her blonde friend, eyeing her seat to make sure she didn't leave anything. As the two left she could have sworn she saw empathy on Reverend Puttys mopey face. Huh.
----
The fleeing sun left behind trails of amber over each building. Kim hated sunsets because it meant the day was ending. Stephanie saw it as an escape from oppressive fluorescent lighting. Plus, the orange hues was always her personal signal to spend time with Kim without unwanted company. After the events of the Arms Length dance, all Stephanie wanted was to talk. Everyone else thought they could have a word in about their relationship, or rather, about Stephanie ruining a good girl like Kim. Its true that there was an uneven amount of blame but it hardly bothered her in comparison to previous comments made about her best friend. Bestfriend. What did that word mean anymore? She wanted to call it what it was, end all the false labels, go steady with her.
Karma had its ways she would think. Lost in her own head, the bubbly blur of blonde stepped in front of her.
"He-lloooooo, are you even listening? You've been like, really spacey recently! It's totally freaking me out.", Kim popped her gum before Stephanie could respond properly.
"No... sorry I.. I was thinking about something." Stephanie stammered.
Kim gasped in the way she usually does when she feeds on drama, "Don't tell me Reverend Putty made you all nervous! He's probably INTO that sort of thing Steph." she giggled. Stephanie knew how to respond, she just didn't know how to get it out. She gave it her best shot regardless.
"What about you?", Stephanie looked up at her. "Are you into it..at all?"
"What about me, what?" Kim blinked. Stephanie knew that face. She loved to play dumb, and it worked so well in this town. Her heart was sinking deeper into her chest knowing Kim really did care. She did. This wasn't another case of 'keep telling yourself it so its true', this WAS true. So why was she being so cruel about it?
"It's just us here, Kim....Be serious with me. I cant take it when you act like nothings different-- Do you still like me?" Stephanie's expression was as lost as the words she really wanted to say. Maybe halfway on the walk home wasn't the right time to bring it up.
Kim pursed her lips, she knew she had to save-face but how could she? This was the girl that hurt her, and by a turn of events, she hurt back.
"I like you as a friend, yeah. I mean...That's what you said to me, right?", Kimberly kept eye contact as she replied. It wasn't getting any darker outside but confrontation always made Kim feel dizzy.
She stared at the floor as she continued, "But as far as friends go, honestly, I feel like you don't really listen to me half the time....Um...Y'know?"
There was something lodged in Stephanie's throat that kept her from speaking. Her mouth was open but it took the furrow of her eyebrows to get words out.
"So that means you can make a fool out of me in front of everyone? Pretend you like that loser, and for what??" her face was a type of red that was mixed with humility, guilt, and frustration.
Stephanie's head lowered as she continued, afraid of the baggage eye contact would bring, "YOU said you liked ME, and I get it--I hurt you by saying no, I just didn't think...I didn't think anyone could possibly have feelings for me and I was stupid but I--"
"I can walk myself home tonight. I'm sorry about the Dance...and stuff", Kimberly interrupted without a trace of her usual perky tone.
Somehow, they both felt they deserved this.
Stephanie couldn't say a thing as her best friend got further and further away from her. Nothing except turn into a statue beside the slanting rays of the setting sun. It felt just the same as the fluorescent lights today.
Karma had its ways, she thought, while dragging herself home.
----
“Pathetic…this is just pathetic…”, She muffled through hiccups. The poor pillow beneath her was soaked in snot and teary-eyed memories that set her self-described homely face ablaze. There Stephanie was, crying over a girl atop of the same bed they recited bible verses together on. There was nothing fair about this kind of Karma, it was cruelty of the iciest caliber. Not to be mistaken as cool, something Stephanie never was, but frozen and halted before the next pulse of her poor heart.
For the first time she thought there was a real feeling between them, something they could’ve mended after all those awkward years of cheer practice and giggling at the way Kimberly nearly cried when she got failing test papers returned to her. Then there was Karl, that idiot. Stephanie had never liked Karl, even though she’d known for such a short time. Karl was one of those outsider kids whose family moved to escape the big city life, of course, a diverse environment cant cure testosterone driven idiocy of that degree. He was hardly Kimberly's type, Stephanie thought. Why him? What made him so great? Kim hardly knew him! He didn’t know a thing.
Not about her favorite song, what kind of ice-cream flavors she hated together, the skirt that makes her feel like a granny, how she still needed help with the way she did her lips with her mothers lipliner. Karl knew none of it, and he didn't deserve a second of her, and yet…
Kim was just as horrible for this--all of this. She was calculating, cold, conniving, cool, even her wrists were cool actually, which were never quite as warm as her little palms and…There it was again. No matter the logic she tried to use against Kim, nothing could shake how that girl made her feel. All the knots twisted in her gut wouldn’t let her eat tonight. Luckily, Stephanie's Mother punished her to her room for coming home so late. Wiping off her face, she used what strength she had to pick herself up from her newfound depression. Maybe newfound wasn’t the word.
She scooted to the corner of her bed, close enough to quietly open her drawer.
Bible, watch, notebooks, Jesus figurine, Bible (second copy for safe measure, her Mothers choice), and there it was again.
Hidden under the wooden panel of her drawer was a compartment for a young girl's secrets, and in this case, Stephanie's young shame. She gingerly lifted the faded pink envelope covered with glitters that gave up their hold on the letter, latching onto Stephanie's fingers instead. She hated glitter since the stuff had a way of staying on her for months. The front had the curliest handwriting one could ever find at a middle school for girls.
TO: CLOSEFACE
“You think If I close my eyes hard enough we could go back in time?”, She mumbled through her hiccups.
“O-Or maybe if I stopped caring, you know, how it works in chick flicks…heh, you’d think I was cool again.. like…”
Stephanie flipped the envelope over and carefully opened it up.
FROM: KIMMY <3
*"Like how you used to"*
It had been nearly three years since she opened this panel. Four years since she opened the envelope for the first time. Twice, however, she would break her heart in a single day.
Knowing this was the only way to understand what went wrong, she had to try. A long sigh left her shaky mouth.
She read.