Work Text:
“Elliot..” she sighs. “I want to. I want to but I can’t.”
He looks confused.
Wait, he looks confused?
She’s wanted to so many times throughout the years. She wanted to when they first became partners, when they were first getting close. But she couldn’t. She wanted to when he was married. But she couldn’t. She wanted to when he was separated. But she couldn’t. She wanted to when he left her. God, she wanted to so badly then. The more her heart ached, the more she dreamed about him running back into the squad room one day, rushing to her to apologize and pulling her into him. She’s wanted to during the quiet moments after he did came back, all these years later. But she couldn’t.
Not being able to isn’t new. It’s practically a reflex at this point.
What is new, however, is allowing herself to lean into his space, to lean into him. To lean into him for support, to ask for some reciprocity on how much she cares, and to feel him leaning back.
She lets herself lean into his shoulder, feel his cheek against hers one more time before she pulls away.
“I’m not ready for this,” she says, backing up and leaning against the refrigerator, a poor replacement for his soft cheek and firm shoulder and beating heart. She sighs.
Not yet.