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Korra is alone.
Nothing has ever felt so wrong.
At this point, it isn't even that painful anymore, just numb. She's lonely, her parents and her master are in the south pole, her friends are in Republic City and everyone is doing something, is moving on with their lives, is anywhere else but with her, is being useful. These are facts, and that's okay, really, or would be okay if this realization didn't make her want to crawl out of her skin for being weak.
Two years passed and Korra didn't warn anyone but her parents and Katara that she was going to leave the south pole, and she just said it to them so that no one would go after her or worry too much. She just can't stand the constant look on their faces, like she was made of glass and needed to be held close or else she could break easily. She's not like that. She has always been a rock, strong and reliable. Korra didn't want to change that now.
But she did. She has. She changed, changed so much that she almost doesn't recognize herself now, the new haircut being nothing more than a way to symbolize it physically (and take control of these changes in some way, if Korra's being honest).
The avatar has been traveling for weeks and all around the world. From the hot volcanos from the Fire Nation to the freezing ice of the Northern Water Tribe that reminded her so dearly of home. Even the beautiful landscapes of the Earth Kingdom. The only places she found too risky to visit were the air temples, fearing that Tenzin or other airbenders could recognize her. And anyway, she wanted to see different settings, tired of being attached to a certain way of observing the world. Her whole life before Republic City was confined to the Southern Water Tribe, and even after she got out of there, she was always restricted by work.
Before. The concept of existing a 'before' prior to this stage of numbness seems so far right now. Korra misses it, misses the feeling of being unbeatable, unstoppable. Nowadays, this feeling is alien to her.
***
When Korra arrived at the Earth Kingdom, for weeks the only thing on her mind was how the world was chaotic when she left and how it’s kind of organized now. Still sort of a mess but way less than it was back then. Alas, she isn’t filled with numbness anymore, just some sort of bubbling anger.
She feels angry. Angry at Zaheer, for poisoning her, stopping her from helping the world when it needed its Avatar the most. Angry at herself, for being so weak. Angry at everything else, for moving on without her. It's like everyone is doing things and going on with their lives and she just seems to be stuck in one place, no matter how much she wants to move.
And she knows the world is moving. She feels it, sees it, families at the great city of Ba Sing Se, where Korra is passing by, getting their lives improved, talking about how their savior is someone so wonderful. They even call her “the Great Uniter”, the promise of improving their current situation making her figure pretty popular.
Korra knows who the woman is. She saved her father’s life, for the spirit’s sake. It’s just that it should be Korra helping to stabilize the Earth Kingdom. It should be the Avatar and she just can’t shake the feeling that something’s wrong and that she should be doing something, anything.
Because when she sees that silhouette of herself again, she gets angrier than ever.
Because it's humiliating, it's frustrating, it's infuriating, it's-
It's just too much.
Korra’s sick of fighting it, the numb feeling taking over her, making her head spin and black out.
The last thing she sees is that deturped version herself and green military boots running towards her body.
~
‘Ugh, my head hurts’, it’s the first thought that goes through Korra’s mind, followed by ‘Wait, where the hell am I?’.
The Avatar looks around and finds out that she’s in a tent, supposedly a military one, judging by the sterile surroundings.
She barely has the time to think before a familiar woman shows up opening the tent.
“Zhu Li?” Korra says, slightly surprised, seeing the older woman open a reserved but relieved smile.
“Thank goodness you’re alright, Avatar Korra.” Zhu Li says, already making her way to check up on the Avatar. “You’re lucky that Kuvira and her crew only make their leave after tomorrow, or else we couldn’t have helped you”.
“Well, lucky me, then” Korra grunts, having her face turned right and left by Zhu Li, who asks: “What happened to you after all? Two soldiers on patrol just found you on a road unconscious and brought you to us.”
“Just fainted, I guess” Korra says, like it’s a casual thing, hoping that the other woman gets the message and leaves her be. Also, “What do you mean by ‘us’?”
“Why, me, Varrick, Bolin and Kuvira, of course, alongside others” Zhu Li answers, not pressuring Korra, who isn't at all surprised that Bolin is here. Actually, she barely acknowledges it for now, her mind still kind of hazy. “Her crew also includes us, hence why you were so lucky to have fainted today. If it were for one or two days of difference we might not have been here to assist you personally” She says, finishing her check-up. “Well, I think that’s enough for now, you don’t seem to have permanent injuries. Also, Kuvira might want to see you herself later, so be warned” The woman says, making her leave. “Oh, and it’s great to see you again, Korra”. She ends, smiling faintly, closing the tent.
“Might want to see me, huh?” Korra is slightly discouraged by that, but she thinks it’s fair. She kinda gave a fright on some people in Kuvira’s territory, after all. But the Avatar knows the other woman is one to be direct (something that Korra understands), so she thinks it won’t be so bad after all. She hopes so.
For now, all the Avatar wants is a steamy bath and maybe a changing of clothes.
~
When Kuvira arrives, it isn’t the great deal Korra’s expecting.
Actually, when Kuvira arrives, Korra is alone and eating the (surprisingly good) soup near the campfire, and the Avatar almost mistakes the other for a soldier before seeing the tell-tale braid and different uniform (people were talking about a complete change on the uniform, about Kuvira wanting it to be more organized and ranked, how it would be patterned to spite what's left of Zaofu's army. Not that Korra was paying any attention to gossip, obviously).
When Kuvira speaks, though, she's as clear as spiritual water.
“Honestly, when a bunch of my soldiers came to me saying that the Avatar had passed out near my camp, I almost didn't believe them. Then Zhu Li confirmed it was you, so I had no chance but to.” The Great Uniter pauses, examining the Avatar's face. “I can't help but feel a little curious, so please indulge me. Aren't you supposed to be healing at the Southern Water Tribe right now?”.
Korra can't help but feel a little stiff. She was waiting for this inevitable question, of course, but it's still hard to answer.
The Avatar doesn't expect to sound so honest, though. “Yeah, well, I had enough of feeling helpless and waiting for a miracle to happen so I needed a time off. The world needs my help more than ever anyway”. She didn't mention how hard it was to even dream of going out in public and feeling the pressure of everyone's expectations again, how she felt she couldn't bear it, how she felt weak and useless, how she felt like throwing up at the mere thought of handling all of it alone.
Kuvira seemed to study Korra meticulously after said words, like she's waiting to catch something, and when she doesn't, her expression softens just the tiniest bit. “Well, I'm no stranger to the feeling of not wanting to wait for a miracle”. She doesn't mention the helpless part. “That's why I'm doing what I'm doing in the first place. If you want my advice,” Kuvira says while picking a bowl of soup for herself. “You could be a great help here, as part of my team, especially while the Earth Kingdom is so fragile. We're leaving tomorrow, after all”. She finishes talking, giving priority to her food.
"Do you want me as your ally?"
"I want you as my partner"
Well.
Korra suddenly starts to ponder over what the other's saying. The sentences 'you could be a great help' and 'I want you as my partner' are ringing in her head, making Korra wonder.
“I'll think about it”. It's what she says for now.
Kuvira smiles. A genuine smile. Almost satisfied.
“I'm glad”.
They eat in silence for the rest of the night, Kuvira too tired to say more and Korra too thoughtful to think of saying something.
In the end, they say their farewells and go to their respective tents.
But Kuvira's words still ring on Korra's head.
“You could be a great help here”
It's a line and a feeling Korra's been missing for two years.
---
Korra is still thinking about her brief conversation with Kuvira and wondering whether she should follow the other's advice or not when she opens her tent to try and get some sleep, but she sees someone already waiting for her there.
Bolin.
Oh dammit.
Ok. Listen. It's not like the Avatar hadn't known Bolin was here, working for Kuvira, or that Bolin was here, probably worried for her. It's just that she genuinely didn't remember or process it, millions of thoughts running through her head and not a single one actually wondering: 'wow, I think Bolin might want to see me soon'.
Well, of course he wanted to. He's one of Korra's best friends, after all.
Even though she hasn't replied to him. Yet.
'My bad'.
“Korra! Oh my spirits, I missed you so much!” Bolin exclaims animatedly, already jumping to hug Korra.
“Oh, Bolin, I missed you a lot too” She says awkwardly, hugging him back, still a bit stunned.
“Have you read my letters? And Mako's? And Asami's? Oh but I have so much to talk about since my last letter! Also, how did you end up here in the first place? Aren't you supposed to be at the South Pole?” He snapped once he finished hugging Korra.
Oh right, the letters. Uhhhhhh.
Also, the big question.
“Bolin, I'm so, so sorry. Although I didn't reply to you, I read all of them with love, I promise”. She didn't mention she did reply to Asami though. Didn't seem appropriate. She also purposefully avoided the South Pole question. Korra hoped Bolin wouldn't notice.
“Don't worry, it's okay, I'm just glad to see my best friend again, especially since I'm going to work on campaigns around the Earth Kingdom for Kuvira and probably won't see you or my other friends or even Opal for a long, long time” Bolin perks down a bit at mentioning his girlfriend. Korra wonders if this is a sensitive topic between them. She doesn't ask.
She also wonders if she should tell him that Kuvira practically offered Korra a place in the big team. In the end, the Avatar doesn't have to make a choice, because Bolin yawns and pats her shoulder.
“Well, I would really like to catch up with you but this was a really rough day and this guy really needs some rest. Changing the world for the better comes with a price, you know.” Bolin says while passing through her, before pulling the Avatar to another hug. “I missed you, Korra”. He says again, before leaving the tent.
Korra sighs, Kuvira's and now Bolin's words ringing over and over in her head.
“Changing the world for the better”,
“You could be a great help here”.
Korra is slowly coming to a final decision.
That she wants to help, wants to change, wants to make a difference.
And wants to have a starting point.
***
When the following morning came, she already made up her mind.
“Zhu Li, Varrick, could you please tell me where Kuvira is?”
“Avatar Korra!” Varrick exclaims enthusiastically. “Zhu Li told me you were here but I honestly didn't believe you would stay around for long”. The woman in question lifted her head from the clipboard she was writing on, nodding at Korra for a brief moment. Korra answered with a short wave. It's only 7 am but almost everyone seems to be up already.
“To answer your question, Avatar Korra, Kuvira is at the main tent right now, making the last arrangements for our boarding and planning to make a big announcement soon, so I would go talk to her right now if I were you” Zhu Li says, still writing on the clipboard.
“Yes, yes, let's not delay her Zhu Li, come on, you have to finish packing my things!” Varrick says loudly, passing through Korra and pulling Zhu Li with him.
“Oh, and it was great to see you again, Avatar Korra!” He says finally, leaving Korra to follow Zhu Li's directions.
Korra, left alone, hurries to find the main tent, quickly greeting everyone who recognizes her on the way.
When she arrives, two guards promptly and sort of aggressively inquire what she's doing there. Before Korra can respond, a young woman opens the tent, getting the situation immediately and turning to the soldiers.
“It's ok, Kuvira called her here guys, you can drop the guard”. The woman puts an end to their intimidation, going out of the tent and gesturing for Korra to enter, while the Avatar nods to her in a grateful gesture.
The guards let the Avatar in and she had the sudden urge of looking around, only to find out the tent was almost exactly like the one she was sleeping in, the only difference being the desk beside the bed.
Not that she was expecting something extravagant coming from a war tent.
“Avatar Korra, didn't expect to see you so early in my tent.” Both of them knew it wasn't early at all for the military schedule. “So, have you thought about what I said?” Kuvira asks while turning back from her desk, facing Korra.
“I did, and my answer is yes, I accept becoming part of your team, with the condition that I'll not be the figurehead of your campaign across the Earth Kingdom.” Korra pauses, thinking about how she really didn't want to deal with the pressure of being the main picture of something, someone to remember when talking about the goal. “I don't wanna be a figure or a token for anything right now, just help the people”.
“I never said you would be the figurehead of anything”. Kuvira seems slightly surprised, though amused. “I don't wanna make propaganda, Avatar Korra, I merely want to help the people of this nation as much as you do”. She sounded sincere, and Korra relaxed a little. “But you have my word that you will be treated as any member of my personal crew would, that I can make sure. So, do we have a deal?” Kuvira extended her right hand to Korra, waiting for the definitive answer.
“We do”. Korra takes Kuvira's hand and shakes it firmly, both smiling cordially.
~
“Soldiers of the Earth Kingdom!” Kuvira begins, “I have wonderful news for all of you”.
Everyone is paying attention to their leader right now. “Today, we are celebrating a new chapter in our journey, as me and my crew are about to travel around the Earth Kingdom, doing what others were too cowardly to do. Stabilizing and uniting our nation again!” As she said this, everyone was already cheering for Kuvira, and as she smiled she also gestured for them to calm down for a bit. “To mark this glorious day I'm introducing my brand new crew member, someone you probably already met, Avatar Korra!”.
Korra was at the front of Kuvira's palanquin, the idea was that when Kuvira mentioned Korra she would go up there and stand at Bolin's side, who was beside Zhu Li, Varrick and Baatar Jr and gesture at the crowd, showing she was a part of the Great Uniter's crew as well as any other person without saying anything. And that's exactly what she did.
Everyone was stunned for a moment before erupting in cheers and claps, watching Korra take her place, next to a very happy (and totally surprised) Bolin and a very satisfied Varrick.
As Kuvira continued her speech, saying something about the army's uniforms and the great plans she had for the future, things finally seem to be working for Korra after a very long time.
***
It's been over a week since Korra is working with Kuvira and the rest of the crew.
They already made it to one of the nearest states, called Jhen Sin, and were planning to free it from some rascals soon. They started their planning some days before Korra joined the team and then finished it with some insights given by her. Kuvira was more than pleased while Bolin had the "yeah, that's my best friend" look on his face.
The one thing that worried Korra about all of it though, was the fighting.
The Avatar played a small part in the plan, considering that Kuvira and her team of metalbenders would do most of the work, but it still made her nervous. She didn't mention the flashbacks or hallucinations to anyone and wasn't planning to until this thing got out of her system.
Korra should know hiding these things would go wrong.
Because it did. When a bandit went straight to her, she couldn't do anything as she saw herself chained and hesitated, giving them the perfect opportunity to hit her, making her fall down.
If it wasn't for Bolin's and Kuvira's perfect timing, Korra doesn't know if she would've made it.
“Korra! Are you alright?” Bolin asked, looking concerned, as if Korra was some fragile thing that needed to be handled carefully.
She loathed it.
“I'm fine!” Korra exclaimed as she got up hastily, catching Kuvira's analyzing look, the one she wears when she's looking for something, or figuring out someone. Kinda intimidating, in Korra's opinion.
It doesn't last long anyway, as Kuvira and the soldiers get on with taking care of the bandits, getting the grateful governor to sign the contract in a promise of protection and peace.
Korra felt guilty for being too weak to properly handle her part on her own. Bolin and Zhu Li (and strangely, Varrick, in his own way) reassured her there was nothing wrong with needing help once in a while.
Kuvira wasn't in the room at the time, as she was discussing things with the governor and all, but when she saw Korra again, she gave the Avatar a significant look and a nod of acknowledgement, as if she was a regular soldier. As if she wasn't the Avatar and Kuvira didn't expect anything more than what she could bring to the table.
That spoke more than words could ever do.
‘You weren't a disaster’. It's what this says.
***
It's been over two weeks since Korra is working with Kuvira and the others.
She's glad she's not on the camp fighting with anyone (she's not sure if she could handle it) but the strategies and endless reunions are making her more anxious and thus more susceptible to nightmares.
Korra has made a habit of going around exploring the train when she's awakened by these nightmares. It's a way of making her body active and her mind running.
She doesn't expect to find Kuvira up so late, though.
This time, Korra was going around the kitchen's wagon when she spotted the other woman there searching for something.
“Trouble sleeping?” Korra asks and Kuvira jumps almost imperceptibly, turning around and facing the Avatar.
“You could say so.” The Great Uniter holds a bottle of wine. “Care for a cup of this?”.
“Sure, why not?” Korra was not one to drink alcohol but Raava knows how much she's been needing some kind of distraction lately.
“Let's go to my side, then, Avatar Korra. It's much easier to drink a cup or two over there.” Kuvira seems to wonder. “Or even a whole bottle”.
Korra lets a small smile appear, following the other woman.
"Oh, by the way, just call me Korra"
~
When they reach Kuvira's wagon, the Great Uniter opens the wine bottle with ease, both her and the Avatar drinking while sitting on the ground. It's more comfortable this way, somehow, as they're not in the mood for 'respectable' drinking.
“You know, considering everything, you did quite well last week” Kuvira says while taking a more relaxed tone, looking directly into Korra's eyes, seeming perfectly sincere and genuine.
Korra’s body goes stiff.
“You don't need to lie to me like everyone else does, you know” She says, looking over at Kuvira while she takes a large gulp from her cup of wine. “I can take criticism and I know I did a terrible performance last week, I’m nothing like I used to be, not the girl who defeated Amon and certainly not the almighty Avatar who managed to defeat Unavaatu”.
“I don't think you did a terrible performance” Kuvira also looks more sober right now. “I mean it, you did it quite well considering the residual mercury still inside you and all” She says, as if this sentence alone didn't shake Korra's whole world. "Besides, I'm not one to do fake praises and-".
“Wait, Suyin took all of the mercury on that day, I'm pretty sure of it”, Korra interrupts her, startled.
“Did she, now?” Kuvira looks skeptical. “Because I sensed something off about your body ever since I saw you on camp that day and it took me that incident last week for me to pinpoint exactly what was shaking me off, and I'm pretty sure it was residual mercury”.
“Suyin may think that she took it all but my metalbending skills say otherwise'', Kuvira continues, looking like she enjoys proving the Beifong matriarch wrong somehow. “Korra, to be honest, I don't think another metalbender can take that mercury off except yourself, or else someone would've done it already.” She doesn't mention Suyin, but Korra knows Kuvira is talking about her, as much as she doesn't want to admit it.
“Well”, Korra says, determined, as she gets up, forcing herself not to stumble. “How do I do it?”.
“First, we need to get you and me sober, because I reckon this won't work while we're both pissed”
“Good thinking”
Korra's starting to feel a little nauseous anyway.
~
When they both sober up, Kuvira is back to her usual smooth self and Korra is concentrating on the mercury still inside her, trying to find a way of getting it out.
“Are you sure you can’t just get this thing out of me?” Korra asks for the eighth time, to which Kuvira answers a ready “I can try, but it’s probably gonna be useless”.
“Well then, try it”. The Avatar looks up to the Great Uniter, determined.
“If you insist”
Korra gets in the position as Kuvira puts her hands just above Korra’s arms.
“I’m gonna try to get it out right now”. The earthbender says, and Korra nods.
What follows is excruciating pain.
Korra screams in pain, to which Kuvira promptly stops trying to bend.
“I told you so”, Kuvira says, but her tone is mildly concerned.
“Yeah, I guess you did”. Korra’s not happy to do it alone, though.
“I’m right here if you need my help, but I think this is something you should do on your own”. Kuvira says, starting to make her way out.
“Wait”, Korra says, grabbing Kuvira’s wrist. The thought of doing it alone terrifies her. “At least be here with me while I do it”, she has to hold herself to stop her voice from cracking. “Please”.
“Alright” Kuvira agrees quietly, and Korra swears she could see the other’s eyes softening.
The Avatar breathes deeply, trying to find exactly where the mercury is located.
When she does, though, she’s quick to calm her mind and try her best to get it out of her.
It takes a few tries, and she admits she's getting kind of impatient, but when Korra is successful, she’s just ecstatic.
“Fuck, I did it! Kuvira, I did it!” She almost cries from emotion. “Does that mean I can finally stop needing help all the time and stop having these weird visions?”.
“Indeed you did” Kuvira is smiling, looking like she’s happy as well. “And there’s only one way of trying it”. She says, wondering something. “In three days, we’re going to stop by a small village in this state which needs our help more than most. It’s not that hard of a mission so it’s something I think we both can handle on our own, even if something goes wrong and you falter” Korra can almost see Kuvira’s brain cells working when she’s plotting something. “Yes, I think that’s your opportunity”.
“Great, then we’ll do just that”
They both chat about the details of the mission and about other unrelated things as well, drinking again and enjoying the small moment of peace.
It's something Korra missed more than anything. The carelessness of having harmless and normal fun. Chatting mindlessly about everything and nothing. Having someone by her side who isn't overly cautious about her as if waiting for her to show a sign of weakness.
A thing that Korra doesn't miss though, is feeling a hangover. She is cruelly remembered about that in the morning, as she crawls to Zhu Li and Varrick for a hangover medicine and discovers Kuvira is asking for the same thing.
It turns out that Varrick's smirk is even more annoying than Korra remembers, too.
---
“I thought we were going to do this alone”. Korra whispers to Kuvira, glancing at the woman and two men who were going to accompany them at the mission.
“Well, we technically are, since they're only going to be on camp for support, it's the procedure, you probably won't even see them, don't worry, if anything goes wrong I'll cover for you”. Kuvira whispers back, smiling a bit and going back to discuss tactics with the young woman from Korra's first day, whose name she learned is Jiaying, along with her twin brother and another guy who seems to be introspective all of the time, who Jiaying introduces as Anik and Jiao, respectively.
Korra's not so sure, since apparently everything in her life needs to be catastrophic. Perks of being the Avatar and all.
***
True to Kuvira's words, Korra doesn't even see them in camp.
But it doesn't mean they're not there, walking in the shadows.
Korra gulps. This certainly doesn't bring up happy memories.
The plan is simple: there's a group of rogues, so while the others distract them, Korra and Kuvira go and do the ambush, with the goal of returning the stolen goods to the locals. If anything goes wrong, the three people left in the place go and help them, preparing a trap so that even if the two women fail (highly unlikely but possible), they manage to at least get the stuff.
The train stopped at a place in which it's not easily seen. They went out and walked on a road in which the trees were so thick that no one could be seen from the skies. It's strategic, of course. The enemy camp is surrounded by trees, so the supporters stay on the high ground, waiting for a signal if they fail or succeed.
The bandits are gathered all in one place, some of them guarding the area around, the stolen goods scattered around the camp, which makes the situation slightly more complicated, but nothing the team can't handle. Korra and Kuvira are stepping softly near it, waiting for a moment of weakness.
When the rogues are distracted by a loud sound coming from apparently nowhere, they know what to do.
Korra is the first one to act. She starts with a strong airbending move, literally sweeping some of them out of their feet. The rest is handled by Kuvira's quick and efficient earthbending. Together they make an excellent team, both women knowing what to do and doing it well, like they were meant to work with each other, their moves flowing like second nature.
This pace is only broken when a certain bandit decides to attack Korra by surprise, which makes her flashback and stumble, lowing her guard and making way for the outlaw to attack Korra and try to flee, promptly being interrupted by Kuvira, who handled the criminal and when finished, immediately turned to Korra, brows furrowed and lips pursed, like she’s more than mildly concerned. It’s a strange look on the other woman and Korra would wonder more about it if she wasn’t feeling shameful.
~
It’s Kuvira who silences the others with a look when they look like they’re about to ask questions about Korra’s state or how the mission went for her, to which she promptly answers: “it was successful”. It’s also Kuvira who doesn’t ask questions to Korra herself, knowing she needs space. Kuvira is the one who is there, silently supportive, not demanding anything but also stubbornly not going away, looking at Korra like they have all the time in the world.
It’s also Kuvira who is there when Korra snaps.
“Why am I such a mess? Why can’t I do anything right? Why is my mind and body falling apart right in front of me and why do I feel helpless to do anything about it? I don’t know what to do with myself after everything that he’s done to me and that’s making me crazy!” Korra screams at once, angry, emotive and impatient, tears almost falling. She’s so tired of crying, so tired of feeling down all the damn time, the feeling of uselessness that was fading within the last month coming back in full force.
Suddenly, Korra's crying and Kuvira just walks towards her, enveloping the other almost awkwardly in a tight embrace, which happens to be the exact thing she's needing right now. Silent and selfless support, not trying to make it about what Kuvira is thinking or feeling, just what Korra needs. And right now, all she needs is a hug.
“Korra, I hate to ask it, since it's usually my last resort" the earthbender says when the Avatar calms down, voice tone filled with just the right amount of softness. It's unusual for her. "But are you down to a spiritual journey?"
The statement confused Korra.
"Why, are you a spiritual guide now on the top of everything?"
"Well, no, not a bit." Kuvira chuckled. "But a friend of mine is. I usually don't like using spiritual guidance, or going to a mind healer, but there were some times in life where it gave me the exact amount of motivation I needed"
"Then, by all means, please introduce me to your friend"
"Actually you already know her"
~
The friend in question was Jiaying. Indeed, Korra already knew her. The help isn't any less welcomed, tho.
“Oh, I wasn’t expecting to see you again so soon, Jiaying” Korra says, kind of baffled. Jiaying was a fighter and a spiritual guide?
“Well, I can’t say this meeting was in my future plans either, Avatar Korra” The other woman says, bowing her head slightly when she sees Kuvira, “It’s nice to see you again, General”.
“No need to be so formal with either of us, Jiaying” Kuvira says, making the other relax a bit, while also sparing Korra the typical ‘just call me Korra’. The more she hangs out with Kuvira, the more the Avatar feels that the earthbender is reading her mind. Strangely, she doesn’t feel uneasy at all, it’s like it’s only natural that Kuvira knows what’s going on with her, like they’re two parts of a whole. It’s a nice connection.
“Well then sit down and tell me, what brings you two to my side of the train?” Jiaying questions, eager, golden eyes shining, hands moving to tie her blond hair.
Kuvira doesn’t answer, letting Korra do the talking. This isn’t about her, after all.
“I heard from Kuvira that you are something akin to a mind healer and it isn’t a secret that I’ve been struggling with my health lately, so I thought that asking for your help would be the wisest thing to do”
“I guess you could say I’m a mind healer, but I mostly work with the spiritual world and I think that itself brings a lot of things about yourself that you’re afraid to look at. I’m just the guide.” Jiaying says, calmly.
“I think that’s an understatement of what you really do” Kuvira finally talks, directing herself to Jiaying and then Korra. “What she does is guide you to the spiritual world and ask you the exact right questions you need to answer. It doesn’t sound like a lot but believe me, it is when you’re lost and confused.”
"Never took you as a sensitive woman, Kuvira"
"I'm usually not, Korra"
“Well, I have to warn you the experience is quite a handful if you don’t know what you’re looking for.” The blonde says, looking at Korra sternly.
“I’m ready”, the Avatar says, “I can’t wait to finally end this terrible chapter”
“Well, then let’s do it”, Jiaying says, smiling.
“I’ll wait outside, just call if you need me”. Kuvira excuses herself.
∆∆∆
Author's note: the trip to the spirit world and the healing part of it is basically what Zaheer did with Korra, but kinder. I'm not gonna write it because first, I suck at writing these kinds of scenes and second, there's nothing new to add to it so yeah.
∆∆∆
~
“How did you know Jiaying would help me that much?”
Korra has come back from the spirit world, and Jiaying proved just how clever she is, even if it made Korra uncomfortable.
Here, talking with Kuvira in her room, both bathed by the moonlight pouring out of the window, it also made her wonder.
“Well, there was this time, you see, when I started to doubt myself and my choices, and that obviously started to affect my performance” Kuvira answered, looking out of the window, gaze clouding. “Jiaying made me realize how attached to my earlier banters and traumas I really was, which made me get some perspective and actually focus on what my goals were supposed to be.”
“And they are?” Korra asks, almost whispering.
“Help. And protect. In any way I can. Help my people, never abandon them like my parents abandoned me, do my best to stop others from usurping them, protect them from all harm, even if I have to use unusual or even immoral ways to do it.” Kuvira said the last bit with a hard tone, like she was certain it would come to it. “I don't think there's anything inherently wrong in wanting to do the right thing by questionable methods. Suyin is always shifting the responsibility out of herself and look where it got her. Denying help to your own nation because of what? Selfish reasons? I don't know how she can live with herself. Someone had to do something, you know? I was just the one who stepped up. And someone who steps up never backs down.”
That last sentence stirred something inside Korra. That. That is a feeling the Avatar relates to, way too much.
It's also at that moment that Korra's thoughts wandered to a place they've never been before, like it awakened something in her.
'Right thing by questionable methods'. It's funny. Korra's mind and morality has always been set. Good and wrong, nothing in between. But the way Kuvira talks about doing wrong things for the right reasons makes her wonder if all of this is bullshit. Maybe there is something in between after all. If this woman, who seems to get Korra's deepest needs and thoughts, thinks there is, could Korra start to wonder this question as well? They're kindred spirits, they're warriors, they relate to each other, understand each other. They have this connection Korra hasn't felt before with anyone, ever. It's refreshing. It’s new. It’s comfortable. Korra could get used to this.
It's also funny how she idolized some people and their morality, but this never applied to Kuvira. The way they met helped that, but there was also this mysterious air around her, like anything you would like to assume about her would probably be wrong, like she's unpredictable, like she's a force to be reckoned with. Korra thinks that, in another life, this could probably make her uneasy around the other woman, even make them antagonists instead of allies, but on this one they’re in sync with each other, the way only two reckless, fearless, smart and sensitive people can.
Later that night, the Avatar is still wondering about these things while Kuvira takes her back to her side of the train. “You need sleep”, the Great Uniter says, “it’s not fair of me to hold you back”.
Korra chuckles, amused, “you could never hold me back, not really.”
Kuvira slows her pace, mildly surprised. “Well, I’m glad you think that way, Korra”, she says after a moment, “you really are a force to be reckoned with”.
“I’m glad you think I’m not one to be underestimated”
Kuvira smirks, smug, mole getting prominent, and that sends unexpected shivers down Korra's spine. “I would never”.
As Korra closes the door of her bedroom and stares at the small bed frame, she acknowledges something.
‘Oh, spirits, I’m kinda into her.’
***
'I mean, it was kinda inevitable, right?' The Avatar reasoned with herself while watching Kuvira spar with some soldiers. 'Look at this woman, she's smart, and helpful and has this strong willpower and it's oh so gorgeous, how would I not eventually fall for that?'
Korra feels like a fool for only noticing that now. All of these thoughts about the other woman in the name of admiration and respect and all this time she was unknowingly falling for Kuvira.
'It's just a crush, a temporary setback, it'll pass,' Korra tells herself, but she's not so sure, not when her heart leaps everytime she sees Kuvira and how in the middle of the conversation she catches herself enjoying it more than she should be, mind going blissfully light every time they're talking to each other.
Well, maybe this won't be just temporary.
It's strange how you don't actually realize you're falling in love with someone until it's almost too late. Yes, almost. You somehow have a choice of indulging in your feelings, letting them harbor, not wanting to repress them. Of course, it's almost impossible to choose not to.
If there was a thing Korra definitely wasn't good, it was at suppressing her feelings, especially the romantic ones. (Mako could definitely agree with her on that)
The statement proves itself when Korra and Kuvira have one of their sessions of drinking and talking (mostly talking) in the earthbender's room. It's just so… intimate. Kuvira talks about her childhood in Zaofu, memories of a lonely girl isolated from her supposedly adopted family coming to surface. Korra talks about those last two years, memories and feelings she felt she couldn't express to anybody else except Kuvira, who just listened intently, like Korra was the most interesting person in the world even when she was a mess. At other times, they just talk about sweet nothings, indulging in little conversations that just make Korra fall in love more intensely. Talkings about seemingly irrelevant things about childhood, like Kuvira's favorite doll when she was a child or her first metal to bend as a teen, or the time Korra played such a big prank on her teachers that she got grounded for two entire months.
The topics come and go easily, and every night feels like a dream.
Korra doesn't want this to end.
***
It's winter in the earth kingdom. This causes a few problems, like the fact that fighting is more difficult in the cold and they can't be out of train for too long, making it more complicated to reach out to the villagers in any significant way.
There's also the fact that half of the team dies of boredom.
Varrick and Zhu Li are, of course, always inventing whatever. Kuvira, being the leader and all, also often finds herself with stuff on her hands to do.
Korra, Bolin and Jiaying, however? They're dying slowly while the activities have ceased, especially because the new year's celebrations are coming, thus the crew was forced to have a short sort of vacation (much to Kuvira's distaste).
"Ok, that's enough." Korra slaps the big desk in the center of the room, claiming the attention of everyone to herself. "We need to get out of here. We're nearing the new year, for the spirit's sake!".
"Well, I agree with Korra, if we're not doing anything particularly significant for the community, we may as well enjoy the time off for ourselves" Jiaying says, receiving a vigorous nod from Bolin.
"I guess some break would do good for the nerves of our crew" Zhu Li agrees, eyeing Varrick, who's cursing the device they're working on, which failed again for the tenth time in five hours.
"I don't know if I feel comfortable walking around the city when we're not helping the people there". Kuvira looks skeptical, even if a little tired, reports resting on her hands.
"Come on, Kuv, everyone needs a bit of a vacation once in a while, besides, we're already helping them for the time being, the contracts and papers can wait until after the new year's celebrations. Also, I heard that they have really great restaurants around this province". Korra assures her, earning a somewhat soft look and defeated smile by Kuvira, who finally puts the papers down.
Honestly, Korra never thought *she* would be the one trying to convince someone of taking a break.
"Just this once"
"It'll be worth it, I promise"
The expression she gets from the earthbender in return makes Korra feel like her stomach is floating.
~
The group decides to go to one of the fancy restaurants in town. It was hard going out of the train in good looking attire, but the change of scenario was worth the cold.
(Also, Kuvira is pretty good looking in a suit. Not that Korra was noticing it, of course.)
The restaurant is beautiful indeed, the indoors looking like one of the richest houses of the Fire Nation, windows closed, showing the light of the moon outside, candles on the walls, its bright losing greatly to the beautiful chandelier at the center of the roof, tables made of dark wood finally giving the room some of the rustic vibe of the Earth Kingdom.
The dinner goes on pretty smoothly. Everyone is way more relaxed out there in the city than inside the metal walls of the train. Korra is sitting in between Kuvira and Jiaying, the firebender seemingly engrossed in a conversation she’s having with Zhu Li, who’s right in front of her, leaving Bolin and Varrick to their own shenanigans, while Kuvira and Korra discuss about their order. It’s peaceful. Right now, eating delicious food with her friends, who happen to be some of the most important people of the Earth Kingdom nowadays, it almost feels like they are devoid of any major responsibilities.
Of course, the responsibilities never actually leave them. Even so, it’s quite nice being able to enjoy their free time like normal people, the rush on their heads derived from their work not lurking in the corners of their minds, for once not feeling the urge to move on to the next most important thing.
After some time and some wine, Bolin, who’s yawning, is supporting on his right arm a very drunk Varrick, while bidding his goodbye’s to the rest of the group.
“Well, now that the guys are gone, do you want to go to a bar? I heard that the ones around this area are very cheerful” Jiaying said.
“That’s a very good idea, actually, I think I need to wind up a little without Varrick”, Zhu Li seems relieved.
“I think we’re just going to take a stroll around the city, maybe visit the lake nearby”, Korra says when she notices Kuvira’s discomfort at the suggestion. “You know, get some fresh air, see some decorations, I think after that much time indoors it would do some good for us.” Well, it’s not exactly a lie. Korra was always someone who likes to stay outside even in some of the wildest winters in the South Pole. Staying indoors for so long *was* making her a little restless.
Jiaying and Zhu Li look at each other, then shrug.
“Ok then, see you tomorrow!” the firebender says, taking the scientist's hand and walking back towards the city.
“Thank you, Korra”. Kuvira says when the pair disappear from sight.
“You’re welcome”, the Avatar smiles, “I wasn’t kidding about the stroll, though, being inside these metal walls for so long was unbearable, I need to get some fresh air.”
The Great Uniter chuckles. “Well, lead the way, then”.
~
Korra is far from the awkward lovestruck teenager she used to be.
Some may think that a stroll around the city with the woman she's been thinking about for weeks makes her nervous, but it's far from it. In fact, she's actually satisfied. Not quite, obviously. They're not touching each other like Korra wants to, nor are they on the same page, but it's relaxing to talk to each other without all of their responsibilities knocking on their doors for once.
When they arrive at the lake, the moon is high on the sky, its glow reflecting on the beautiful azure waters. Korra is dazed. Kuvira looks more relaxed than she ever did ever since… forever, it seems. They sit on the pier, side by side, and admire the fish below their feet.
"You know, I don't think I need to tell you how much I needed this break", Kuvira says, chuckling.
"I know! It feels like we're working non stop for such a long time", Korra agrees.
"Also, don't get me wrong, obviously I consider everyone in the crew important, but some of them were making me stressed as hell"
"Oh, I get what you mean, Varrick was driving me crazy with all the shouting", the Avatar yawns, then teases: "But hey, if you wanted to get rid of me for a while, just say the word".
"Don't worry, I don't think I can ever be truly bothered by you", Kuvira says, sincerely, unexpectedly. "You're one of the few I actually look forward to talking to, even when I can't stand looking at anyone".
"Well, you're also one of the few I enjoy talking to on my worst days", and trust me, there are many, is what goes unsaid.
Korra's heart is beating faster and faster.
‘Would it hurt to just say it already?.’
"Actually, you're the only person I talk to when I feel like my world is falling apart. I admit that I've never had this kind of connection before, not truly, at least." Korra's hands start to sweat, so she cleans her palms on her skirt. "It's crazy, you know? Talking with you is easy. It never was that easy with others, measuring words can also become very tiring very quickly. You were the first to treat me again like someone who is capable of handling herself, and for that, I am truly grateful.
Also… You're really handsome, so that's a bonus for you", she chuckles, anxiously, as Kuvira stares directly into her eyes, mouth curved upwards.
"I think… I may be in love with you".
A beat of silence.
"I think I may be in love with you, too, Korra", Kuvira says, finally, diverting her eyes off Korra, and into the water again. "I never had a person that I could trust completely, not really. The Beifong family never really understood my upbringing and as for my biological family… Well…" a dark chuckle, "you know the deal. So, imagine my surprise when I found myself actually opening up to the most powerful person I've ever met". She looks up again. "I also found myself falling for her, for you. It felt right. For the first time, I felt like I had someone by my side that truly saw the world through my lenses."
"Kuvira, do you want me as your partner?"
"I want you as my lover"
They smile.
And slowly, lazily, their lips are moving together against one another. Suddenly, Korra realizes she isn't alone, not anymore.
Nothing has ever felt so right.