Chapter Text
Kokomi could not believe she actually did it! Her fingers trembled, threatening to drop her pristine smartphone for the first time.
She finally asked Ayaka out!
Her nervousness reminded her of that fateful moment on a snowy winter day, when Ayaka noticed that she had carelessly left her gloves at home.
That day, Ayaka had invited her to the park where they first met. Kokomi had assumed it to be a platonic date, just like the multitude of dates they had gone on before as good friends. Friends —it was a word that once left a bitterness in her heart, until the arrival of spring melted it away like snow on the hearth.
At the central plaza, where the surrounding trees and busy streets had been tucked into a blanket of quietness, soft snow fell upon their coats and their woolly hats as they sat and enjoyed each other’s company shoulder-to-shoulder. It was anyone’s guess why her crush had invited her out while the city was covered several feet in snow, but Kokomi would never refuse an opportunity to hang out with her “good friend”. She did wish that she had not forgotten her gloves though—the frost had begun biting into her fingertips.
Kokomi had shoved her hands into her coat, as far as they would go, but it was not enough. She could still feel herself getting colder and colder, but she did not want to stop whatever was going on between them, even if there was nothing more than the chill and her own wishful thinking.
It made her feel ill-mannered to do so but, as discreetly as she could, Kokomi leaned into Ayaka, who simply looked oh-so adorable with specks of snow caught in her hat, her hair, and her long eyelashes; her cherry-tinted lips lifted with the apples of her reddened cheeks, as though she were enjoying herself as well. The freezing temperatures did not seem to be bothering her as much.
Though, to be fair, Ayaka did not forget her gloves like Kokomi did.
For someone who always planned ahead and made sure to have backup plans for the backup plans of at least three different game plans, it did not make sense how she could forget that she could keel over and die from the weather simply sneezing in her direction. Kokomi felt sorry for herself and towards everyone and everything that had to witness her in such a pathetic state, and she could only hope for Ayaka not to mind her leaning a little closer than usual. Just for a bit of warmth.
However, to Kokomi’s embarrassment, her discreet little shuffles were noticed almost immediately.
“Is it too cold, Komi? We can head indoors if it is too much,” Ayaka had asked her then but Kokomi shook her head stubbornly, despite her nose dusted bright red like a reindeer's.
“N-No, I’m alright! I’ve merely left my gloves at home, that’s all!” That was what she had said, wasn’t it? Kokomi recalled trying to reassure her crush or justify herself; just so that they could spend a little more time together, even if only for a minute.
On a snowy day like this, very few people would willingly step out of their homes, let alone wander about outdoors.
On a snowy day like this, it was as though only herself and Ayaka existed in the world of powdered snow. As long as Ayaka stayed by her side, Kokomi was fully at ease.
Or well, as fully at ease as a panicky baby lesbian could be while leaning into her crush.
When it felt like they were seated close enough (read: too close for her poor stuttering heart), Kokomi had foolishly thought she could finally settle down. Maybe release some of those exhales she had been unintentionally holding in when she forgot how to breathe, wiggle her sweaty little toes snugly tucked in her boots, blink twice for help if need be etc.
Not that there had been any reason for her to call for help but… Y’know! Being giddy in love for her good friend had not been doing wonders for her heart. The way it squeezed in her chest would sometimes make her squeak.
Kokomi had thought she could pull up her big girl socks and be fine for now at least, until something warm and smooth brushed into her wrist and glided into her pocket. To her embarrassment, she had cried out in shock before she could cup her mouth shut.
She blinked more than twice.
“Wow, your hand is really cold, Komi,” Ayaka had murmured as she brushed bare knuckles into the back of Kokomi’s hand, before intertwining all ten fingers tightly together. “You shouldn’t have endured it!”
At some point while Kokomi was busy being startled, Ayaka had peeled off one of the gloves she wore and deposited it onto Kokomi’s lap.
“A-Ayaka!” To Kokomi’s embarrassment yet again, she stammered. “It’s fine, I swear!”
She would have continued making her unsubstantiated point if not for the stern look she received.
“I wouldn’t like you to risk hypothermia just to be with me, Komi!” Ayaka had squeezed Kokomi’s hand for emphasis, to urge her stubborn babygirl into action. “Quick, wear it on your other hand before it gets cold!”
The emboldened girl wore it in a heartbeat, but not only because she needed the warmth.
It may have been an ordinary, mass produced woolly glove sold by a certain Japanese franchise known for its 100-yen products, but this was Ayaka’s glove.
The thought of sharing it had caused Kokomi to heat up more than ever, like she was curled up in front of the cosiest fireplace ever. She had felt her heart threatening to burst out of her chest in elation. Deep down, she had even wondered whether she was being weird for reacting like this.
Her fingers had trembled from the cold and something else , but she eventually managed to put the glove on. There was still a little bit of heat lingering near her fingertips; Kokomi had felt her ears light up in the colours of love.
“It’s not much, but I hope it could help you feel less cold.” Ayaka had given her a look-over, then giggled like she had noticed something amusing. “Hehe, you’re all bright pink!”
Like early sprigs of cherry blossom sprouting above us, Ayaka added, before leaning into her terribly flustered girl friend. Just a second ago Kokomi was freezing to the bone, but now it felt like the frost around them could just melt away from all the heat she was producing.
“Just as easily as your hands become cold, they warm up quickly huh, Komi?” Ayaka’s hand—all but forgotten—readjusted and gripped even more snugly into Kokomi’s own. The latter would have said something if not for the butterflies in her stomach fluttering and tickling incessantly.
“I-It’s…”
‘Because they’re your hands, Ayaka,’ is what Kokomi would have liked to say, but she could not bring herself to.
“Is it because I’m here with you?” To her embarrassment, however, it was as though her crush had read her mind.
Growing up with an avid interest in military tactics and wartime stratagems, Kokomi was no stranger to a wide plethora of vocabulary. Neither had she ever shied away from the vernacular language, not when she had always been pushed to serve her community and ensure its welfare, as one of the daughters of the esteemed Sangonomiya Clan. However, Ayaka always managed to find a way to leave her tongue-tied; grasping at frays of neurons for any sort of clever answer to her innocuous queries.
‘Was my mochi to your liking? I tried adding a bit of my own little twist to it.’
—Kokomi had nearly choked back then when she found out that the snack, delicately pink and unlike everyone else’s, was made specially for her. She promptly expressed her gratitude, bit her tongue twice in the process, then forgot to tell Ayaka what she liked about it.
‘Thank you, but why did you tell him that I already have a girlfriend? And a girlfriend too, rather than a boyfriend?’
—It had been a slip of the tongue, but even more careless words blurted from her lips before Kokomi could swallow them back down.
“So that I could pretend to be your girlfriend if he didn’t back off!”
Kokomi had wished to smother herself with a pillow that night. Tonight, she might want to do it again.
“U-Uhm, Ayaka, I uhm…” Like how Kokomi’s soul had left her body, the years of public speaking under her belt suddenly seemed non-existent.
“Take your time, I’m listening,” Ayaka had reassured as she brushed a thumb into Kokomi’s, causing her breath to hitch like a silenced scream.
(In hindsight, Kokomi wondered whether Ayaka had already known then about the feelings she had secretly harboured.)
“Ayaka!” Besides repeating her name in shock as though that would somehow give her an answer, Kokomi had conjured no effective strategies to deal with the conundrum before her. It seemed like the perfect opportunity to give voice to her feelings and speak of them; to allow them to exist in the world between her and the love of her life, rather than letting them stay a nagging voice from the depths of her heart. “Ayaka…”
She knew that Ayaka loved her back, but she was also painfully aware that the love she returned was different. It was more romantic than platonic, more annoying than laidback, and perhaps even a little possessive. It was the sort of love expected between a man and a woman, except they were both women, and Kokomi had not known whether Ayaka was capable of accepting such affection from her “good friend”. After all these years of knowing Ayaka, Kokomi had no clue. It had scared her to find out.
“Uhm… Y- Yes, it’s because you’re here with me and I really appreciate you being here and—”
“Kokomi,” Ayaka’s voice lowered to a whisper that burrowed into her neck; behind the ear; muffled into the softness of her jaw, “was there not something else you wished to inform me?”
“I-I… Yes, your presence is highly reassuring and lovely.” The overheating girl reverted to her most basic style of speech: formal and distanced. Just like how she wished there was a bit more distance between her crush and her throat, where all her smarter and sweeter words had been barely held back. For the safety of their friendship(?).
“Reassuring? It sure doesn’t seem that way to me, Komi…” Ayaka pulled away just enough to look her cute “friend” in the eye. “You always seem a little nervous around me, I wonder why?”
“Uh… Um, Ayaka, I—!”
Kokomi snapped out of her reverie when her phone finally fell from her slippery hands. It smacked her squarely in the face, then vibrated on her cheek with a notification tone. The one that reminded her of Ayaka each time she heard it.
“Sure, I’d love to. Let’s decide on an activity when we meet later!” The reply she received was elegant and sweet, just like her girlfriend.
Her girlfriend.