Work Text:
About to change it all.
G.
He was crying, once again. In his room, all alone. This has been going on for a while now, maybe more than a month. He doesn't really want to tell why. He is not ready, he doesn't want to be ready.
He's scared of change. He wants to feel like he did six months ago back in London, when all the jokes didn't make him stay up at night, when all of this wasn't starting to be too much.
He only talked about this with Tina, he didn't really know why but it was easy for him to talk with Tina about more “deep” stuff.
“If you don't do it now, I don't know George, maybe you'll never be ready. But that's why all of this is hard. You never know when you're ready, you just have to do it. At the end the answer it's going to be the same one.”
Those words resonated in his head since last week. Tina was actually right, but he felt like everyone was going to see him differently.
He felt like he needed more time.
D.
It's been three hours since George woke up, and still no signal of him around the house. I mean, he was for sure tired after LA, but it's getting too much. Did he even eat?
“Gosh, where the hell is George?” Dream tried to get Sapnap´s attention with those words but he just answered with an “I'm sure he's sleeping or something.”
“Can you go check on him?” Sapnap looked into Dream's eyes after hearing him say that. “It's not that I don't want to go but-” He took a deep breath. “Okay maybe I don't want to go.” Sapnap asked him why.
Why? That was a good question.
Maybe because he felt like he did something wrong. Maybe because he felt like George has been ignoring him (and the rest of the world) for the last few days. He didn't really know why. He was scared of him being the problem, or more like- him not being the solution.
He was more scared of being annoying and making things worse than to actually be the reason George was hiding.
Thirty minutes, one hour.
G.
Now it's been four hours since he has been awake, and still not strong enough to get out of bed to at least eat something.
“-Tina? Are you awake?” He didn't know if messaging Tina once again was going to fix something. He didn't want to be annoying, but he had to try. All the bad thoughts about if it was a bad decision texting her disappeared when after two minutes Tina answered.
“Do you want to call? :)” Tina was for sure the sweetest person ever. She doesn't even think about it when it comes to helping her friends.
— *beep* — *beep*-
“Gogy!” He didn't know why, but her voice made his tears stop right away.
Maybe it was because he actually felt free for once talking about his feelings with someone.
But even though he stopped crying, he didn't answer, his throat was blocked by his lungs trying to escape his body. “Are you okay?” And there he was, crying once again.
At least they were a really good five seconds without tears, he thought.
Tina could hear George crying through his mic, she waited patiently for George to talk, he stayed there in silence until George was ready.
“ What am I doing wrong?” He finally said. His heart shuttered while getting those words out of his chest. What was he doing wrong? He needed answers to why. “ Why am I scared?” Why was he scared?
He continued sobbing, his breath got a little more heavy, and fast. He felt like his lungs, his arms, his legs just stopped working. “ Wh- what is wrong with me?” He repeated.
“ George calm down, its oka-”
“It's not!” He raised his voice. It was not okay, in fact. He was confused. Why was it so hard to say anything? Why was he shaking? This is all stupid, he thought. It's not worth it, he repeated in his head again and again.
“ Why can't I just feel normal around anyone anymore? I feel like I'm betraying them by hiding myself. I feel like I'm betraying myself by telling them.”
His voice was shaky, Tina told him to breathe once again but he was having a full anxiety attack. His body was completely shocked and he lost the ability to talk after letting out all of that. His throat started to close, he couldn't breathe anymore.
“ George?” No answer. “George, are you okay?” Still no answer.
He wished he could say something, but he couldn't. He couldn't move, couldn't breathe, couldn't talk. Everything was spinning, and he thanked the gods to make this happen while he was laying in bed.
“I'll be right back, I'll tell Dream to check on you, dont worry youre fine.”
No, he thought. No, no, no, no. Please. He was screaming those words in his head, but his mouth wasn't following the orders. He didn't need help, he didn't want help. He felt ridiculous, dumb. He had the answers, he knew the solution. But he was still scared.
D.
Dream was looking at his phone, thinking if he should text George or not.
* incoming facetime from Tina* “Tina is facetiming me! Come here Sapnap.” And so he did, the two boys sat next to each other on the couch before answering the call.
“Tina!” Sapnap screamed. But something was wrong, something felt off.
Tina asked them if they were at home, and the answer was affirmative. “ Is something wrong?” Dream asked. Sapnap looked at him after realizing that it was true that something felt odd.
“ Go check on George, now.” She said with a nervous tone. The boys stood up and started running to George's room. “ Wait what, what's wrong what happened?” Tina started to explain as fast as she could that while being on call with George he started crying, she didn't say why, it was not her choice to tell them or not. Then she said he stopped talking, she also explained how she has been helping George with personal stuff recently, and that she was just worried.
While Tina was explaining all of this, Sapnap took Dream's phone while Dream opened the door, not too fast to not scare the old one inside. Once they were inside, Sapnap ran to open the window to get some light in the room. They saw George with eyes full winded looking at the ceiling, not moving at all.
Tears ran through his cheeks while he tried to do a gesture telling them to leave him alone. But they refused.
G.
No, no, no. George's brain was in a carousel at this point. Same thoughts over and over again, he couldn't escape them. He saw how Sapnap hanged out Tina telling her that they were going to take care of the situation. But he didn't want that, he wanted to stop being annoying, to stop trying to get everyone's attention. He felt like an attention seeker, but he wasn't. This was just the extreme way to ask for help, to ask for answers, to ask for someone. This was how his body was telling him to stop.
“ I'm sorry.” He whispered while watching Sapnap run to get some ice. Dream was sitting right next to him, holding his hand.
“ No, no, George.” He said trying to sound as calm as possible. “ Hey, it's fine, look at me.” But the only thing George did was close his eyes even tighter. “ George, George, look at me. It 's okay. You're okay, I'm here.”
And that made George want to run away even with his whole body paused. He realized nothing really mattered, he just wanted to be okay, he wanted to be with his friends, he didn't want to hide, he never did. It wasn't his intention. He wanted to be next to them, next to Dream.
“ I'm sorry.” He repeated, while opening his eyes to look directly at Dream.
Dream held his hand even tighter. “ It's okay.” He said once again. Because it was okay.
He didn't know what happened to George, he didn't know what George was going through.
Sapnap entered the room with ice, and they both started to put it in George's neck and wrists. The small one started counting to help George breathe while putting his hand in his chest. Dream just stood there by his side, holding his hand, making sure the ice wasn't hurting him.
After two minutes George started to move normally. Dream moved a bit closer to check the ice on his neck and take it off. George looked at him and smiled.
“ What happened?” Sapnap´s voice broke the silence once he stopped counting. “ I know maybe you don't want to talk about it now, but I think it's better if you just let it all out at the same time. It's your choice.”
Dream looked at Sapnap and then back to George. “ It's going to be okay.” He said.
George started to move to sit back in his bed, back laying on the wall this time. He took a deep breath. Dream tried to move his hand out of George's, but the brunette refused, holding him harder.
It felt like hours before he started talking.
“ I'm scared.” He looked at his own legs, waiting for any kind of response, but there was only silence. They were letting him talk, and think. He took another deep breath, closing his eyes this time.
“ I.” He stopped. How was he going to say this? What was the thing he wanted to say, really? “ I feel like I've been- lying?” He looked at Dream's hand holding his. How was he supposed to say that he has been denying for years what just exploded in less than three months?
“ Lying to myself, I mean.” He started. “ I feel like everything is- No, I- I don't know.” His hands were now playing with each other. He could feel his friends' eyes on him, waiting. Not in a bad way, he was just nervous, and like always, scared. He scuffed. “ I've been, how do I say this? Discovering myself?” He tried not to think about how cliché that sounded like.
“ At first, I guess I wasn't that surprised by the feeling of- I wasn't surprised by love? I don't know how to-.” He started to get nervous, legs shaking. He was tired and hungry. In some way he wanted this feeling to disappear, he wanted the word ´love´ to not exist anymore.
“ Take your time.” Sapnap said moving to sit next to George, his back placed into the wall as well. Dream copied his friends and also moved to sit on George's right side.
“I don't feel the need to say this but, I think it's important for... Context, I guess.” He looked forwards, he saw his and his friends' feet on the bed. His were covered by the blanket, and
Sapnap had his shoes on. Dream had the stupid Harry Potter's socks on. He felt like home, for once. He felt like he wasn't scared anymore. I mean, he was. But he knew he was safe here, just like how he was when talking to Tina about it.
“ For context I- I like boys.” He waited a couple seconds before continuing. “ I've never liked girls, I guess I-. I know I've had girlfriends in the past, but I feel like I never really felt, nothing, I don't know.” He started to ask himself if this was really a good idea. He didn't want to confess right now, at least not in front of Sapnap, it would be weird. He laughed a bit thinking about the situation he was in.
“ There's one person that-” Why is he doing this? “ I feel like it's the first time ever in my life that I've been in love I guess, and now- now it's.. Sometimes it feels like a lot.”
He stopped. Waiting for an answer. His friends were quiet, which made him even more nervous. This whole situation started to feel odd, and weird. “ I told Tina because I feel like she is good at keeping secrets, not like you guys.” He started laughing, along with the boys.
“ Shut up, we are amazing at keeping secrets!” Sapnap said, and George couldn't be more thankful for someone talking instead of him, even if it was Sapnap. He appreciated him more than he could imagine.
“ Sure. That's because you're talking about me, instead of you. You are horrible at keeping secrets!” Dream and Sapnap started a stupid fight around George that lasted eight seconds. George was just laughing and smiling. He felt free for the first time in a long time.
Dream saw how George started smiling, and oh boy he loved his smile. In love, he thought. It was such a strong, powerful word. In love is a lot, or maybe it isn't. Dream realized that being in love could mean a lot of things.
Being in love was how he looked at George. Being in love was staying up with him every night telling stories, and jokes, and just existing with each other. But being in love also meant living together, the three of them. He loved Sapnap, but he wasn't in love with him. What is the difference, then? He started to think.
He looked at Sapnap and then at George. He could feel how his heart started bouncing even faster when George looked back at him. And there he had, the answer.
Being in love meant that it is possible to feel the stars even when it's daytime. Being in love, to him, meant that he could hug the other person even being thousands of miles away from each other. Being in love, how he was, meant George. George was his “in love ”. George was the one that made Dream believe in such a big concept again. He was the answer. George was the answer.
“ I know I say this a lot, but I love you George.” This. This was what love meant, being able to express it was enough.
Sapnap ended the conversation with “ We both love you George.” And then they hugged.
It felt like their first hug, all of them together. And now, George was finally himself.
Part of him wanted to explode with happiness and freedom. Tina was right, of course she was. But he hasn't told the whole truth. If only he could be alone with Dream right now.
Now that he feels like this he doesn't want this opportunity to go away, not again. He's trying to think of a plan while they get up off the bed. Sapnap helps him get up while Dream takes the ice to the kitchen again. This was the moment.
“ Sapnap wait.” He stops the boy with his hand. “ I- I need to be alone with Dream but I don't know how.” He took that out of his chest as fast as he could.
What kind of way was that to tell one of his closest friends that he desperately needs to be alone with another one of his closest friends? And all of that after coming out and saying he's in love with someone.
“Why?” Oh come on, he can't be this stupid, George thought. Sapnap just asked the most ridiculous question and the only response George could get him was silence.
“ Oh- Oh.”
Seems like silence was enough. “ Don't worry, stay here.” And he ran off. He literally, Sapnap himself, ran off after that. George was internally panicking. What was Sapnap´s brilliant idea? What if he just ran off to tell Dream? No, he wouldn't do that. But what if he did?
George sat back down again, waiting for something. He didn't know what he was waiting for, but his ears were analyzing every small sound he could hear from down the kitchen. All of a sudden he hears his door crack. Scared to look back he waits for who knows, probably Dream to talk about whatever Sapnap just told him.
“ Sapnap told me-” Oh my god, he did not.
D.
“
Sapnap told me you wanted help to go down the stairs.”
He stops when he sees George sat once again in his bed. “
Everything alright?”
He said making his tone a bit more sweet and delicate. He goes and sits next to George.
He hears how George, while looking down, takes a deep breath and laughs afterwards. “ That's what Sapnap told you?” Was the sentence that followed that stupid grind he gave to the tall one. And yeah, that's what Sapnap told him. Sapnap said he would get the ice back to the fridge, using as an excuse that he is not strong enough today to help George go downstairs. Such a stupid reason, but it worked.
“Yeah, he did tell me that.” He looked at George's eyes. They were still red from crying. He felt his heart falling apart. Watching his favorite person in the world like that was too much, but he couldn't do anything more than just be there with him.
The fact that George still laughed and gave him the most precious smile after all that he had thought made him feel good enough. He knew something was still inside George wanting to come out, and to be honest Dream was also very curious. But he was respectful, and he would wait a hundred years if that's what it takes to George to open completely with them, with him.
George has never been the one that talks about feelings, or anything personal at all. This was such a big step for him, and Dream couldn't be more proud.
“ I just. I actually wanted to talk with you.” George broke eye contact, making Dream come back to reality. “ Well, I'm here now.” He answered.
He didn't know why, but all of this felt like the most beautiful moment in his life. Even if the room was messy and the floor was covered with George's tears, he could see the lights that came from the window reflect into George's hair and skin, making him glow.
He's the most beautiful person in the world, he thought.
G.
He's the most beautiful person in the world, he thought after breaking eye contact. How was he supposed to say all the things he wanted if Dream kept being like this? Perfect.
“ I think it's kinda obvious.” What a stupid way to start, he blamed himself for that. “ I mean, I don't know if it is but.” He was thinking of a better way to say all of this without sounding like an idiot, or without making a mess out of it. Even if he wasn't sure if his friend felt the same way about him, he had to at least try.
That's when he realized how Dream just made this easier for him. George moved and faced Dream. They were close, but not in a weird way. Dream kinda jumped by how fast the brunette moved. He was decided.
“ You know what you said before?” He looked up, connecting his eyes with the emerald ones once again.
“ What- What did I say?” He could feel Dream getting nervous. It was funny in a way, but he wasnt there to torture him. He just wanted to realize it by himself so he doesn't have to say it.
“ Before the hug. What did you say?” George sounded clear and soft at the same time. His heart was slowly melting waiting for the other boy to realize. “ The thing you said- That's what I wanted to tell you.”
D.
Oh.
Oh. He realized.
Dream smirked, he wasn't going to let George go away with this. If he wanted to say it, he had to say it.
“ Mh, let me think.” He rolled his eyes as if he were actually thinking. “ Nope.” He looked back at George, this time putting his face a little closer to him. “ I don't remember, I guess you have to remind me.” He closed his eyes as if he won the war, with such a stupid smile.
“ You said that you loved me, Dream.” Dream´s eyes opened to find the other boy looking right into his soul. He did not just say that, right? What was he doing? Was he trying to murder Dream or something?
“ Uh, yeah-” Dream moved his face, making the space between them grow. He felt his stomach full of butterflies. He didn't know what to say or how to act. Is this real?
“I'm sorry for making this weird.” George admitted, which made Dream confused. Weird? This was being perfect. Maybe Dream isn't showing it, but he was enjoying the moment. Truly enjoying it.
“ What? You're not making anything weird.” Dreams hands started moving on their own. He completely lost the control of his own movements and reached George's chin with his hand, moving him so they could be face to face again. “ George.” He said.
G.
Oh, it definitely was the end for him. He felt how Dreams cold hand hold him tighter after saying his name.
“ Clay.” He replied, almost whispering. Their breaths were getting slower, heavier, closer.
“ Tell me.” Dream said, letting George's face get out of his grip. “ Tell me you love me, George.”
They were both looking at each other's eyes. George looked down to Dream's hands, grabbing them. “ I do love you, Dream.” He said without looking at Dream, it was too much. The butterflies were now all over the room. He could hear every sound coming out of Dream's body. How his eyes blinked every now and then, and how his shirt touched his skin.
All of a sudden George started to feel how the “I love you”´s were not enough.
Of course he loved him, he loved him a lot. More than anyone else. But, he was in love with him, he needs to tell him that the person he told them about was and always has been him.
He looked into Dream's eyes, again. “ It´s you.” George admitted. “ It is you.” He reaffirmed. “ You are the one I was talking about.” He let it out.
“ I am?” He had a smile on his face, such a stupid, beautiful smile.
“ Tell me again, George. Am I that person?”
“I'm in love with you, Clay.” George got a bit closer. “ You are that person.”
Dream once again grabbed George's face, this time by his cheek. Slowly, being gentle.
“ Can I tell you something?”
“You can tell me anything.”
“I'm in love with you too, George.”
They kissed.
They kissed.
His heart was faster than the light, and even if their hands were cold they felt as if they were in the middle of June. The sun was bright.
The sun was bright. And the stars.
Oh, the stars. They were able to see them. All of them.
And with all of them they melted together. Once they took a step back to breathe, they laughed.
They laughed as if a joke of a spell was casted on them, as if all of this has never ever been a secret.
Because it has never been.
It has never been, for any of them. Because all the jokes were real.
All the jokes were desires,
they were dreams.
And that's how it started, or how it ended.
Or maybe it has always been there, existing with them.
The connection.
Their connection.
This was, either way,
about to change it all.