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For the past few months, I had gotten into the habit of going out in the afternoon to this little donut shop.
I enjoyed the ambiance of the cobblestone streets, the ivy climbing the walls and the flowers that people were tending to, they were in big tubs in the sun.
The neighborhood was well kept but quiet, few people knew this side street. I liked the weather and the people who were slowly starting to recognize me. It had become a second home over the months. I would sit at the same table, watching the passers-by and the vendors who gave me inspiration.
I was sitting at a café, outside, under an umbrella. Today, it was the middle of July, the weather was nice and I thought it was a good idea to come and take advantage of these few rays to continue my productions. My computer in front of me, my headphones in my ears and my favorite drink on the table. I was so concentrated, happy to be able to compose quietly. I needed this calm to compose. The apartment, even though I live there alone in the summer after my parents went back to Malaysia for my grandparents. They spend the two months there, and I take advantage of it to advance my work. It's a preview of living alone. But I can't work there, the kids on the floors above scream every day, I feel like I'm going crazy. That's why I couldn't have children, I wouldn't have the patience. And then I'm gay, also a little detail.I was inspired by the passers-by, by what their eyes could tell, by the couples, by the arguments that I can hear in the distance, by the merchants whose bells from their stores ring out in a soft sound. These moments of inspiration, when I feel carried away, a melody, a word, everything follows. In my concentration on this white chair where the sun was reflected, I did not pay attention to a boy who was approaching. Laptop in hand, headphones in my ears, I did not see him leaning gently over me. A shiver ran through me, and I saw two eyes, far too close to mine. I exclaimed, when I heard a sound, his voice.
"Oh, excuse me I didn't mean to scare you..."
"It's nothing" I say, actually it was something but I refuse to believe it.
"I'm a little lost... I'm looking for a bookstore desperately, but it's been so long since I've set foot here that I can't remember where it is."
I linger a bit more on my interlocutor, a simple black t-shirt a bit tight, skinny jeans, black Doc Martens, a black bag and his black jacket on the shoulder. I guess, he likes black. Strangely enough, those beautiful eyes hidden behind those gray hair made me give in. So I close my computer, inclined to accede to all these requests.
"Do you have the name of this bookstore?"
He shows me his phone, and I recognize my favorite bookstore. He climbs even faster in my estimation. I stand up and offer him my hand.
"Jisung, my name is Han Jisung and I can tell you that I like you already. Not many people stop at this bookstore, its mostly remote location is the reason. That's why it's my favorite, not many people so more freedom to hang out there. If you want I can go with you?"
He smiles at me and shakes my hand in return.
"Minho, Lee Minho. Thank you, I was afraid I would run into someone who wouldn't agree to help me or send me off to get lost with some crazy directions. This has already happened to me..."
"Tell me, do you have time?"
"Yes, I guess so?"
"Can I buy you a drink? I just finished my bubble-tea and I have to admit you're pretty charming so would you mind chatting with me before I take you there? I'd like not to lose you in these streets."
He stares at me with a wry smile, and I think that finally the inspiration I needed to finish my latest composition is right in front of me.
"Gladly, you're ahead of my cravings."
I'm hot, very hot. And I'm sure the sun isn't necessarily to blame this time. I get up and signal him to follow me inside. The store is rather small, a rectangle. As soon as we enter we fall on the counter, on the right stands a table against the wall, three chairs. It's simple but friendly, that's why I spend most of my afternoons here.
"Jisung! Another drink? Oh, hello young man, what can I get you?"
"Hello again Naeyoung! For me as usual, Minho what do you want?"
"I don't know, a pumpkin spice latte I think!"
"That's original for the month of July, go sit outside and I'll bring it to you in 5 minutes" she laughed
"Thank you, how much will it be?"
" Nothing, I offer them to you, a customer so usual as you and it's the first time someone accompanies you! I want to celebrate" I saw her wink misplaced.
I think my body temperature will soon compete with the sun's if it keeps bothering me like this. I turn around to see Minho smiling, he should be added to the world heritage. I head out and settle back on my little table, Minho pulls up a chair and stands in front of me, I could swear he's trying to compete with the sun.
"So like this, you rarely invite people over?"
"It's not that, let's just say I like to be alone when I compose. My friends interfere with my concentration, as much as I can adore them, they are hellish. I have no respite."
I saw his head tilt slightly, and his finger went to his lower lip, he is curious. Naeyoung puts down our drinks with a smile, I thank her.
"Do you compose?"
"Yes, rapper, singer, songwriter, lyricist. I touch a little bit of everything, from sound software to musical instruments. I'm at Korea National University of Arts, let's just say I'd like to keep my level."
"Wow, I'm impressed! Multitalented, I'm lucky I ran into you then! It doesn't take just anyone, I guess you must have an excellent level. I'd love to hear all about it sometime."
He bit into his straw, the traitor. He was playing, and I'm happy to play along with his game.
"Why do you want to hear me? Are you planning to dance to my compositions?"
"Here, did you guess my line?"
He looks at me with a smirk on his face, I'm damned, that smile will send me to hell.
"Your card, in the shell of your phone. Then I just guessed from your thighs."
He laughs at my comment. What do I have to do to hear this laughter every day seriously. Jisung you think too much calm down. I don't know if he sees what he's doing to me and to tell you the truth I don't even know why he's doing it to me. I think I'm happy about it though, seeing him smile has brightened my ordinary day.
"So you've been checking out my thighs. He laughed at her question.
"Who wouldn't? I want the same."
"I'll give you dance lessons if you want, back to my school, yes I've been on a dance journey for two years. I'm enjoying it immensely, I'm one of the best in my class so I'm really looking forward to finishing school to achieve my dream."
Watching him talk about it, those eyes lit up. A flame, a glow, something that makes him glow even more. He talks about it like it's what keeps him alive, no, it keeps him alive. These are the kinds of dreams that make you tick, that make you move forward and for which you make sacrifices without any regrets, remorse. For which you would give, give up everything. He is passionate, a passion that makes him live. I admire that, it's inspiring to meet people who understand you.
"What's your dream?"
He smiles, a tender smile. Sincere, amused, passionate.
"I want people to understand, learn, remember and live through my dance. That it inspires them, that it makes them feel buried emotions or new emotions. Let them rediscover a feeling through a gesture, a movement. I want to be a star, to shine for them and with them.
"Minho, you touch me, sincerely. You are the kind of encounter that makes a difference."
He tilts his head, intrigued.
"The kind of encounter that leaves its mark, that even years later makes us question ourselves, think and act differently."
"I thank you for that, know that you are also one of those encounters."
He smiles at me sincerely and I sincerely believe that this is one of the fastest crushes I have ever experienced. We finish our drinks by discussing our passions, our schools, our dreams, our lives. I could have honestly stayed here, smiling, chatting and debating for hours and never got tired of it. But reality always catches up with us when we least expect it. His voice suddenly brings me down to earth.
"Will you go with me?"
"Yes, but I have to make a phone call first. I had to go see a friend, I have to warn him that I have a pleasant surprise.
He laughs at my remark and moves away while I make my call.
"Felix?"
"Yes, let me guess, you're going to be late? No wait a seagull chased you so you have to run away from it so you will be late. I've got something better! Aliens have abducted you and want to question you about the murder of their sacred totem animal the red sea lion because you're a witness in this case!"
"So not at all already, your cruel and abject lack of confidence in me is hurting me." He laughs at my remark "No but someone needs me to show him a place, he's a little lost so I couldn't come I'll go with him."
"Let me guess, a bg that makes you capsize so you owe it to yourself as a valiant knight with an infallible reputation, that you accompany him to this FAME bookstore?"
"But no more of these more than shady innuendos!"
"You're convenient in the sense that I have a date planned, so I was going to stand you up, so kiss my sugar booby."
" Pardon?! Felix?"
He hangs up on me laughing. I swear sometimes I want to sell him. And this is called buddy? I put my things away and explain to Minho who doesn't mind making fun of me openly. I laugh after him, finally I love my Felix very much and I would not exchange our friendship for anything in the world. I take care to thank Naeyoung for the drinks and we stroll in the streets. The bookshop is located at the end of a dead end. It is an old building between two modern buildings, the contrast is more than obvious. Wooden beams anchored in the facade, the ivy has taken up residence there for a long time. Minho admires the frontage, I turn to him.
"It's been a long time since you've been here?"
"Yes, 10 years I would say? I was just a kid back then, but it made an impression on me."
Strangely, I don't insist. Although I am curious, I know how to set limits. I can see that even if he is happy to see this bookshop again, it doesn't bring back only good memories. He doesn't move anymore, standing in front of this bookshop. I am taken a strange courage, I take his hand and drag him inside. To feel his hand against mine makes me vibrate, if my heart does not calm down I feel that I am going to fail. When I reach the hall, I let go of her hand with regret. I suddenly feel his warm breath on my neck and his mouth tickling my ear.
"I like this initiative Han Jisung"
That's when I knew I was screwed, my heart makes it clear. Its tempo matches that of a caffeinated cheetah.
I try as best I can to pretend that everything is perfectly normal. Except for my heart, my cheeks were not too red for my greatest pleasure. This bookstore is my favorite, it is on 3 floors. When you enter, there are the cash registers on the left and the art and society books on the right. On the second floors it is the floor of languages and philosophical and school books. And in the basement there are mangas, comics, teenage novels and classic novels. Everything is made of wood, from the old stairs to the stone wall. I love this cosy atmosphere. Minho goes directly to the art books, I follow him, intrigued to see his universe. He browses the shelves as if it had been a habit for him, as if he had come here every day. He suddenly stops in front of a book.
"This one I'm going to buy."
"Why? You haven't even opened it."
He looks at me with a smile. Stop, your smile is too much.
"I don't know, a feeling. Then it's for you."
"Why?"
"You want to discover my world . So a book on dance seems quite appropriate to me."
I smile at him, happy for the attention.
"All right then, let's do something, we each choose two books and give them to the other! Each on something we love or are passionate about."
He laughs, and I smile. I am well here, with him. We split up to browse the bookstore for books that match us, our passions or tastes. So I headed for the music books. I took a rather general one, it approached several topics: rap, singing, composition, speech and evolution through the centuries. I liked it, I like music as a whole and to take only one read on a specification would be lying. I went down to the basement in the hope of finding my happiness, I wandered from shelf to shelf. Then finally he went up to the first floor. He went to the arts and more particularly the drawing. He observed the books before finding his happiness. A book on cartoon characters and others of all kinds. I like to draw, but I specialized in fictional characters. Once I finished my research I decided to go down to the basement to hope to find the last volume of the manga I follow. While taking the corridor to go to the manga/bd area I bump into someone. I raise my gaze and smile warmly at the person in front of me.
"Jeongin! I'm glad to see you!"
"Jisung! It's unlikely!" he laughs
"Unlikely? I'm stuffed in here literally half my free time."
"Let me believe it, how are you?"
"Fine, fine. Fine and you? Long time no see! Are you going to Chan's party?"
"Of course I am! I'm not going to miss it anyway."
Jeongin is my junior, a little younger than me and yet. We met in high school in the literature club. The passion of manga brought us together, he is entering his last year. He quickly became part of my rather noisy group, he is very close to Chan, very very close. But neither of them has the courage either to admit it to themselves or to the other.
"What did you come to see Jisung?"
"I am accompanying someone and you?"
"You? Accompanying someone? Who is not Felix?!" He puts his hands on his cheeks in outrage.
"Jeooongin don't start!" I shake him by the shoulders.
"You're hiding something.
"No, I'm innocent."
I hear footsteps at my back.
"Innocence itself?"
I turn around and see Minho with two books under his arm and his little smile. Busted. He turns back to Jeongin.
"Nice to meet you, Lee Minho, I'm the one Jisung is accompanying."
Jeongin turns to me with his eyes wide open. At that moment, I know he's going to come out with something I won't like.
"Wow Jisung accompanying someone who is not Felix and is hot? Jisung who did you save in your previous lives to meet such a handsome guy?"
Minho laughs and I mortify myself. This kid will pay dearly. Very expensive. But Jeongin is obviously determined to make me die of shame today.
"Nice to meet you Minho! I'm Jeongin the squirrel's friend. I'm sorry, but I'm so unused to Jisung talking to people that I'm a little shocked."
"Ah, not very sociable?"
"Yes, too shy"
I turn back to the two who are clearly enjoying talking on my back.
"Okay, neighborhood gossips. I know I'm an incredibly fascinating subject but can we stop there?"
Minho and Jeongin laugh and Jeongin turns to me.
"I like this Minho don't hesitate to invite him to the party, I'll ask Chan"
I'm sorry? But I never asked that but Jeongin does not let me time to answer.
"See you Jisung and Minho!"
He runs back up the stairs and laughs. This kid will get my nerves one day.
"So you're exciting and an angel too. What a quality you have."
"Yes, I know, I've been blessed obviously," I smile.
"You have your books?
"Yes!"
We head to the cash register, preferring to save these books for the last moment. It feels like a bit of a farewell gift and I'm already depressed. I have a really good time with him, there's never any blankness, awkwardness or discomfort. It is fluid, simple. On my way out Minho asks me.
"You invited me earlier so I have to give you the change. Do you agree to go back to the donut shop with me?"
"Absolutely! But is that an excuse not to leave me?" I laughed.
"Totally."
I hiccuped in surprise then smiled. I don't think he or I want this afternoon to end. We walk up the cobblestone streets talking, he tells me about his friends, his family and those cats. I understood that he has a passion or rather a cult for these three felines. I find it adorable. Arrived at the shop we enter and Naeyoung welcomes us, she takes our orders. We wait standing in a corner of the shop.
"You want to walk? There is a very nice place not far away we can settle there ".
"With joy! You'll show me around a bit, I admit I didn't have time between classes, homework."
We recover our drinks and I make him go down a paved street, I fork a little in the adjacent streets. The crowd passes by and by fear of losing him I take his hand, he is startled but says nothing. We arrive in front of an arch that leads to a square entirely paved, in the center a stone fountain. Surrounded by a small park. Stone walls surround the park, and trees and ivy line these walls, a bed of roses at the bottom, and benches scattered on the grass in the shade of trees. We settle on a bench, letting the silence hang. It is not awkward, we just enjoy the time, the presence of each other. Suddenly he turns to me, his mischievous look on his face.
"So this is how the gentleman goes to a party?"
"Yes, originally we were just going to have a little sleepover. Then so-and-so wanted to invite so-and-so and so-and-so until we had to rent a room because there were so many of us."
He laughs, throwing his head back.
"And so, so-and-so plus so-and-so makes how many in the end?
I pretend to count on my fingers.
"Ah, sir, if you knew, I'd say there were about fifty of us.
He chokes.
"What? Sir? Oh, you're making me old. It hurts." He places his hand over his heart.
What a dramaqueen.
"You look like a dramaqueen like that."
"I'm picking up a friend's habits, it rubs off too much."
"On a serious note, if you want to come or invite some of your friends you can."
"That will be gladly, I have a few friends here. They arrived before me for their exchanges, I wouldn't want to be alone or too much."
"Bh su-per, I feel offended."
He grabs my arm and shakes me.
"Because Mister wouldn't leave me alone?"
"No, never! I wouldn't want Mister to get lost among fifty people.
We laugh at our own foolishness and I explain to him.
"We are several to cook, me, Felix that I had on the phone earlier and other friends. Most of us are going to sleep on the spot, we don't want some of them to come back drunk and drive. So most of those who have a license will store mattresses, diapers, comforters and pillows in the cars, we will take them out at the end of the evening. The room is big enough to put mattresses on the floor for everyone, there's a bar and for the dance floor after the meal we'll move the tables to the back."
"It's pretty organized all around, for something that was supposed to be just a sleepover."
"Yes, it is. Even though I'm more of a last minute guy, we did pretty well on this one."
We talk for a while longer. He tells me about his friends, about a certain Hyunjin from whom he would have inherited this dramatic side. A Seungmin, boyfriend of a certain Changbin. It is his group, he does not want more. Few friends but good ones. I understand him, I don't have many but they are also enough for me. Suddenly I think of something.
"So I'll see you in action at the party? Mr. dancing talent."
"Only if I get to see your talents."
"Are you blackmailing me now?"
"Maybe." He winked at me.
"You're catching me off guard here, I have absolutely nothing prepared.
"You should have thought of that before.
"Like I could plan on running into someone lost who would blackmail me into showing up at a party."
He laughs, and leans in toward my ear.
"That's all the magic of fate."
I blush much too quickly for my taste. He steps back satisfied with his bullshit. Then he starts again.
"Can you give me your number? I confess that I am beginning to appreciate our moments a lot.
"Mister thinks it's easy to get my number?"
"Yes?" He laughs "What do you want in exchange, tell me everything? He tilts his head, amused by the turn of events.
"I enjoyed this afternoon with you. I would be lying if I told you otherwise, but I think I want more? I'll only give you my number if before the party you ask me out on a date. A real one."
At the end of my monologue I realize that the overconfidence that has taken me. I don't know if I am amused by the fact of this excess or completely embarrassed by my confession. Suddenly, I feel something brush against my hand. I look down and discover that he has grabbed my hand between his two hands. I look up and meet his eyes, so intense.
"Jisung, I promise to take you on a date before this evening. And I should thank my near-nothing sense of direction for losing me near that shop."
He gives me a sweet smile to which I respond. For once, I should thank Felix for getting his date and standing me up. I pull out my phone and we exchange numbers. I'm looking forward to this date.
We talk for a while more before I drop him off at the nearest metro station so he can join his student roommate and I can join mine. Arrived in front of the doors of the subway, he turns around, takes me in his arms before moving away in the subway. I stay 5 minutes, there, before realizing what happened. While going back up the streets to find my roommate, I realize that this afternoon is really strange. A bit like the romances that we can read on these platforms. I suspect that arriving at the apartment Felix will assail me with questions. So I take all my time, outside, to savor this soft heat which is still present. The benefits of summer, I love them. I feel my phone vibrate several times, I read the name of Felix, I put it away and go up the streets towards my apartment.
Just in front of the door, this one opens on a small blond in fury.
"Han. Jisung. You come home at this hour?! You owe me an explanation!"
"Felix it is barely 21 hours you abuses." I say while blowing.
I enter the apartment, take off my shoes, put my bag on a table and my jacket on a chair. Our apartment is big enough for two. Neither too big, nor too small, we could not afford more anyway. The entrance leads directly to a sofa and a TV on the right, on the left a table. The kitchen opens onto the same table and a corridor that leads to two bedrooms and a shared bathroom. I slump into the couch to undergo this interrogation. If he hadn't been in that dance specialization, I swear he would have been a detective. He jumps on me and settles comfortably on top of me as if I were an armchair.
"Who were you with? Jeongin called me! How handsome is he? A model?"
"Felix, relax."
He pouts, making it clear that he won't let go until he gets more. So I tell him the story in broad strokes. He doesn't need to know about the date, he'll find out soon enough anyway.
"What about you? Mister I date without telling his twin at heart?"
"Oh if you knew! I met him at one of our classes together! His name is Hyunjin!"
"Hyunjin?"
Why does that name sound familiar... Hyunjin? Wait, Minho is in dance, he doesn't have a buddy named Hyunjin. No ? Does he?
When I woke up, I saw a face on my left. Obviously Felix had fallen asleep next to me. I got up and made breakfast for two. Felix came in a few minutes later, still sleepy.
"Thanks for the breakfast."
"You're welcome, I'm making myself a coffee to go I'm running a little late."
"Don't forget tonight! No way I'm going to be late Jisung!
"Yes, Mom."
I went to wash up under those grunts, dressed simply and quickly with the idea of not being any more late than I already was. I grabbed my coffee and bag and headed out of the apartment. Since the university was not so far away, I could afford to walk there. This was quite convenient for me, avoiding the subway and its crowd. The sun was out again today, it was neither too hot nor too cold. An ideal weather for a walk and an evening in the softness of the season. Just thinking about this outing makes me anxious, Felix is already embarrassing enough when he crushes, so finding myself in a spare tire with a complete stranger doesn't really thrill me. I see the big front of my university and look for Chan with my eyes, I see him against a wall discussing with Changbin. So I slowly approach them.
"Hi you two!"
"Here Jisung, not late, a feat I must take note."
"You are abusing, I am not late all the time..."
"No, just five times a week every morning when we have classes six days a week, but hey..."
"Chan, it's not cool to post me like this."
Changbin laughed and told them it was time to go to their class. The three of them sat in the back of the auditorium and diligently followed the class. Jisung thought that he was actually lucky to be able to follow a course of study that he liked. Not everyone had this opportunity. The lunch break came quickly and the three friends headed to the cafeteria, where they bought some food and went out to the nearest park. Eating in the sun in this beautiful weather was a godsend. In a small circle, they began to discuss their future desires and plans.
"It would be nice to have a sound bite this summer, people are going out, seeing each other and having parties. We could take advantage of that," began Chan.
"That's true, but our exams are coming up so it would be better to start that after. I can't see myself managing my exams and our sleepless nights at the same time," said Changbin.
I nodded slowly.
"I agree with Changbin, but we have to prioritize our studies. Even though I like our desire to make a group, I would like to do well this year. Then, I think we will have plenty of time to make our sound before the end of this summer."
"Let's do that then, let's finish our exams and get started. I can't wait to start the creative process." replied Chan to us.
Changbin and I nodded slowly. We then discussed everything from classes to our current solo projects. I told them about my desire to create a new one on my favorite film. They loved the idea and immediately wanted to help me, but this project was really close to my heart and I wanted to do it alone. Our break passed quickly and we headed back to the lecture halls. The afternoon passed quickly and soon it was time for me to leave my friends. I waved to them and headed back to my apartment. With my music in my ears, I was already mentally preparing myself for the long evening that I was going to have to face, alone, holding this beautiful candle between Felix and his crush. I think we should allow candles on our resumes. How many times did I have to accompany Felix on these pseudo dates. He once had a crush on Chan, before he was brotherzoned. Then on Changbin, when Changbin comforted him after Chan's brotherzone. I honestly thought it could work, before Changbin announced his pairing with someone else. Who we still haven't met under the pretext "I don't want you to throw your files on me". I hope that one day we will be able to meet the lucky one. All we know is that he's a boy my age, in the humanities and social sciences, but that he was considering changing his major to something he liked better.
On the way back, with music in my ears, I was sincerely wondering who Felix was going to introduce me to. I've never been comfortable with that idea. I love Felix with all my heart, but I'm never comfortable with these meetings. And yet he's taken me on several.
There was that Yuta from his Japanese class. A nice guy sincerely, but he was clearly more interested in his phone. Afterwards he admitted to me that he already had a crush on someone but he wouldn't say no to Felix. (Honestly, who would say no to Felix.)
Then there was this Yeonjun, a fellow dancer. He was pretty interesting I'm not going to lie. There was only one problem. After admitting to me that they don't have a couch in their living room, because when they went to buy one they bought a snake instead of a couch. I can't date someone who buys a snake instead of a sofa. I love snakes, but the priorities here are questionable.
There was also this Taeyang, still from his dance class. I feel like they are all single there, help. I am their victim. He was nice, but nothing more, we remained friends. Felix in his desperation made me swear that he would find.
I liked my friend very much, but I was praying inside that the person who was going to accompany us to this outing would be nice, and that I wouldn't spend my evening doing the contest of who is the most invisible with the cactus in the corner of the bar where we were going to go. Arrived at the apartment a wild Felix jumped on me.
"Sungie sungie quick quick I refuse to be late tonight!"
"Felix slowly, I just got home let me settle down for two minutes."
He pouted but let me breathe, I went to put my course bag in my room before jumping on my bed to breathe a little. After 5 minutes I got up and plugged in my phone, if I'm going to be bored I might as well have some battery power. I headed to the shower, and out of the corner of my eye I could see Felix on the couch, already ready. He was obviously very excited to see his date tonight. His skinny jeans in imitation leather, black boots, a black sleeveless turtleneck that let us see his finely muscled arms and that molded his abs to the millimeter. This black enhanced his chestnut hair, topped by a half ponytail half high.
"Felix, are you pulling out all the stops? Your eyeliner straighter than my future & your golden eyeshadow brighter than my grades I'm jealous."
"I intend to put the odds on my side tonight and don't worry you'll shine too, word of aussie! Diiiis, sung, you let me choose your outfit & do your makeup? Please please please please!"
I let out a sigh, knowing full well what was going to happen to me. But I didn't want to spoil his mood so I let myself be fooled, again.
"Okay but nothing extravagant Felix! I'm not the one who's supposed to be seducing tonight, I'll remind you that."
"I promise."
He gave me a big smile, I was in trouble. I slowly made my way to the bathroom, taking my shower and finishing spreading my creams and other products. Never put aside your skin routine. You can be a boy and take care of yourself, there's nothing wrong with that. I put on a robe and went back to my room, sighing in anticipation that Felix must have exaggerated again when clearly we weren't going to a 4-star hotel. As I opened the door to my room, I was already bitterly regretting having allowed Felix to dress me up tonight. Why had I agreed to go in the first place? Oh yes, I am the best friend he could have. On my bed, was spread a dark blue jean pants, tight of course. A black leather belt just above, my shiny black Doc Martens at the foot of the bed, and I sincerely wondered if he was planning on making me go topless.
"Felix? What do I wear in hate?! Don't tell me you're planning to make me go shirtless?!"
"But no, the raccoon! On the closet of your closet."
I slowly turned around, in the name of the milkmaid why did I say yes? On its hanger sat a fishnet crop-top, with only a black band for fabric that was supposed to hide the chest, leaving my belly exposed. Everything else was shiny from this fishnet, right next to it, a black leather jacket with an embroidered rose pattern on the back. So the only fabric that is supposed to cover me is this strip of fabric? I want to believe I'm going to the gym for something but still?!
"Sungie hurry, I need time for your makeup."
"Yes, yes."
So I got dressed, without stopping to curse Felix and those two-bit ideas. I then went to join him in the living room where he had already installed all his paraphernalia.
"Well, I'll keep it simple, your outfit does the rest anyway.
"No kidding, what idea did you have in mind again?"
"Nothing serious, I promise, just that you're having fun tonight."
"Yeah, yeah don't worry about me."
He started to apply what pleased him, some glitter, eyeliner, gloss. We kept chatting while he played with these products.
"Are you planning to do your blue sung again this month?"
"Actually, I like my current blue. But I think I'll go back to black? How about some white highlights with it."
"I love the idea! Plus, it would be a nice change for you."
"What about you? Are you keeping your chestnut?"
"Yes for now. I'll let them breathe a little before I try anything else."
"What time did you tell them?"
"Seven o'clock, by the time we finish and get down there that should do it! I told them to meet us out front, I don't want them to take seats in a corner of the bar that I don't like."
"All because you like having the benches."
"Yes, and ? it's comfortable okay."
"Felix, you still have the booths anyway, your uncle by affiliation runs this bar."
"Shh, imagine someone can hear you! No need for everyone to know I'm privileged huh."
"We're at the apartment, no one will hear you," I laughed.
He finished my makeup and then we put everything away. One of the positive points in the fact of living with Felix, it is that our apartment is always niquel, even our rooms. This was one of the most important things about living with him. Even though I'm a very messy person by nature, Felix helps me to improve this point on a daily basis. We put on our shoes and closed the door of the apartment before running down the stairs, Felix well ahead, much too eager to see his date.
"Felix don't go so fast you'll break an ankle!"
"Sungie move, I refuse to be late!"
We headed to the nearest subway station, Felix still hopping around. Exiting the metro, quite sulky at this hour, the wind hit our faces. Fortunately I have a jacket, I'm going to catch the evil with his crop there. We arrived in front of the bar first, Felix pushing the door and heading to his red VIP bank.
The bar is quite small, its green front with those faded gold writings gives it an air of confidence, a cosy little place. Inside, the bar is rather simple, with a bottle-green color, sand-colored brick walls and a ceiling made of big oak beams. Opposite the bar, a small room filled with chairs, with paintings of unknown painters on the walls. At the end of this room, in the corners, two red benches. Half walls separate them from the room. Leaving a little intimacy but these half-walls allowing all the same to let the atmosphere of the bar impregnate us.
"Hyunjin sent me a message they are outside, I let you go get the aperitif trays in uncle's kitchen?"
"Yes I'll do that for you."
I headed behind the bar, waving to Felix's uncle as I passed. I greeted the cooks, with whom we were familiar from hanging out here on weekends. I took the two large trays, filled with all kinds of food. I came out of the kitchen, and when I glanced towards the bench I could see Felix smiling at what must have been Hyunjin, given his slightly long chestnut hair, which had been pulled up into a comforter too. From behind, another man was facing them. Hearing my thick soles slamming on that wooden floor, he turned around, facing me.
"Minho?"
"Jisung?"
I stood on my ass. It was indeed Minho in front of me, accompanied by his eternal smile. When he saw me, his eyebrows furrowed and then a huge smile came on his face. He stood up under the astonished eyes of Hyunjin and Felix.
"If I had known you would be here, I would have looked better Jisung."
More handsome? I stepped back to detail his outfit in more detail. High top converse with soles one white and one black that matched his tight black and white plaid pants perfectly. The whole enhanced by a shirt identical to that of Hyunjin. Black, satin with a totally transparent back. He had left that hair as when I had seen him, with one difference that his mane was now approaching a very dark green, which could almost look black.
"What do you mean more beautiful? You want to knock everyone off their feet with your outfit?"
"You have to look in a mirror Jisung."
I blushed violently. He stepped forward to take a tray from me in one hand while grabbing my freed hand in his so we could head to the benches. Once seated Felix couldn't help but ask questions.
"Care to explain, how do you know each other?"
"He's the lost guy from the bookstore."
"Ah the one I was going to stand you up for that day!"
"Yes, yes."
I looked back at Hyunjin, detailing him. He also had that same shirt on, but it was tucked into black flowing clip-on pants, with the same converse.
"So you're Hyunjin? Felix's crush, the one he was going to stand me up for."
Hyunjin turned back to Felix, the latter was not looking too good as he gave me the stink eye.
"Yes I guess? Except for the crush part, I didn't know about that."
The conversations started, quite fluid and without any embarrassment. It felt like a double date, if only we were couples.
"I never thought I'd find you here."
"Neither did I, I was terribly afraid to end up like a cactus with someone unknown while Felix was flirting."
He laughed and walked over to me. We were on the same bench, sitting side by side. He put his arm behind me and turned his body to my side. Then I decided to turn toward him too, to be more comfortable.
"I've had that fear too! Besides, do you mind if I take Hyunjin back to the party you told me about?"
"Not really, but I think Felix will have already done that."
He also glanced in their direction. They were in the same position as Minho and I were, with the only difference being that Felix's legs had gone over Hyunjin's.
"Yes I think so too. Do you need help by the way?"
"I don't really know, to tell you the truth it's always a bit last minute on these nights. I'll text you if we really need it. But you're a guest, you're not supposed to help."
He pinched my cheek as he took his drink.
"I'll help if I want."
I looked at him outraged.
"If you what? I decide."
He laughed at my affront.
"How do you expect me to take you seriously when you look like a squirrel with the petit fours in your mouth?"
"I won't let you!"
I slapped her hand as I directed my gaze to the future-couple.
"Hey you two, how did you meet?"
They both looked back at us, judging each other with their eyes to see who would speak before Hyunjin spoke up.
"At a class together, actually Felix came in late and he hadn't seen the trash can by the teacher's desk. So when the teacher called him to ask for an explanation when he was leaving the office, he took the trash can to his feet, the trash can that was next to the desk. He broke his face on the floor."
We laughed at his story while I snapped at Felix, looking at him with a look of betrayal on my face.
"And you didn't tell me anything Felix? I would have paid to have a video of that scene.
"But I filmed it, I'll send it to you if you want!"
Felix turned to him and shouted.
"You didn't dare! And why were you filming?"
"I'm filming every class for an absent student."
Felix crossed those arms over his chest, visibly sulking. I thanked him with a nod that Felix didn't see.
"Otherwise Hyunjin, are you in the same curriculum as Minho?"
"Yep, but I'm heading more towards classical. I prefer it and then I feel better in that style."
I nodded, a sign that I understood. I took my glass back from the table and took a sip. When Felix spoke up.
"And you, Minho, do you have a particular style?
"Not really, maybe hip-hop, but still. I like to be a jack of all trades, it allows me to evolve. What about you ? "
"I'm in dance too, but I'm a year behind you, which is why I only run into Jinnie.
"And you come here often?" added Hyunjin.
"I do, Jisung less he doesn't like to go out much."
I rolled my eyes. Why would I show myself off like that? Just because I told Hyunjin that he had a crush on him. Frankly, I could have said worse.
"But if we have to go out, we always come here. So sometimes we have little privileges, which is very pleasant." I added
Hyunjin and Minho laughed.
"We will also be entitled to it if we come back?"
"Only if we come with you, don't get too comfortable. I can't wait to see you struggling with the boss to get some," I said as I put my glass down.
"Niquel, I like a challenge."
Minho winked at me. Suddenly he stood up under our curious gaze. And without warning he made me stand up too, pulling on both my hands.
"What are you doing?"
"There's a dance floor, I want to dance."
"But can you go by yourself?"
"Where is the fun in dancing alone when the person I like is there?"
I didn't answer, a soft pink color stormed my cheeks. I let him drag me onto the dance floor where soft music hung in the air. He put his hands on my hips as if they were always meant for this spot. I placed my hands on his shoulders. Letting him lead me in this little dance. We didn't say a word, preferring to let our eyes do the talking for us. The music became just background noise, I could only see him, the rest around fading away. I didn't know how long we were there either, just gliding along to the scrolling music.
Around us, pairs were dancing too, in pairs of friends or lovers. Everyone was enjoying the moment, no need for love to enjoy the music. It was soft, without rush, without knowledge of these feelings which were slowly born in them at this precise moment. No need for a precise definition of what was going on. Each was aware that the other could take a place in the life of the one. But there was no need to rush. That evening, they did not discuss feelings, there were no kisses, no wonderful scene under a soft rain for a first kiss. Just two people, two futures that crossed paths. That night, they both went home with memories in their heads and above all a sweet indescribable feeling in their hearts.
When I arrived at the big room for the party, the facilities were still pretty sketchy. We were clearly going to have some work to do if we wanted to get everything ready for tonight. I went through the locker room to put my bag down with my change of clothes. I clearly wasn't going to prepare the room with the possibility of getting my beautiful outfit dirty. The room was rather large, to avoid any accidents mattresses would be provided for those who would have the good idea to drink too much tonight. The tables would be pushed to the back to set up the mattresses on the floor. In the meantime, they would remain in the cars. I headed to the kitchen where Chan was already making those mixes for those cocktails. A guy named Bambam joined me. We finalized some of the appetizers that would go with the cocktails. I learned that he was a close friend of Chan's from the same school. We chatted to pass the time while we continued to work on getting everything ready on time. Chan was starting to panic, running around, screaming, it wasn't going to be able to go on properly if he was stressing us out. I walked over to him and put my hands on his shoulders.
"Chan, everything will be fine breathe."
He looked at me and took a deep breath.
"Everything will be ready in time but there's no point in stressing us and especially you. We are here, the food is almost finished. There will only be the tables to set up, it will be fine. Go take five minutes outside and we'll manage."
"Thank you very much, but I'm afraid it's not enough, I'm afraid it's not going to please."
"You rented a hall. A Hall, Can! Everything will be perfect no need to panic. And on top of that you stress us to panic. So please take a tea or something but breathe please"
He silently nodded at my answer and took me in those arms. I watched him leave while I went back to my business. With the meal finished, we set about setting up the large tables that would be used for the meal. Forming a U shape, the tables were draped with white tablecloths with a blue silk centerpiece. On the ceiling, small balls of blue paper of all shapes were hanging.
Embellished with white tulle that hung. We set the table in a good atmosphere. Most of the people who were there to help, I knew them by sight or closer. When the time came, we went to change. I still had my docs on my feet, a pair of black flowing pants that hugged my waist and a white lace shirt for my upper back. I had rolled up my sleeves and left two buttons open, preferring to air out the crowd tonight. I was going to sleep here, so I went to put my bag back in my car, to leave room for the coats in the dressing room. When I saw the people arrive, I knew most of them. By sight in my previous schools, or from Chan's close family that I knew more or less. Felix was supposed to bring Minho and Hyunjin since I couldn't pick up the second one. We had been chatting by message since then, always until late in the evening. Light conversations, or sometimes deeper ones. There was never a blank space, never any uneasiness, it was fluid. I had really feared that everything would become strange, that neither of us would dare to go towards the other. Everything was so simple, I was really enjoying those moments. I saw Jeongin come through the door and I jumped on him.
"Ready for the night of your life?"
"Jisung get off my back!"
"You're no fun!"
I got off his back, giving him an outraged look.
"Where is your Romeo anyway?"
"Don't you have anything else? They have a very tragic end."
"Uh, where's your Gabriella's Troy?"
"Really? High-School Musical?"
"It's pretty good already."
We laughed and started a light discussion. We secretly hoped to finally know the name of Chan's boyfriend, to know who Changbin was going to take as Cactus for tonight. He had been avoiding his boyfriend for a few days for some unknown reason. One day, maybe, we'll have answers to our questions. I suddenly saw a Felix walk through the door, this one ran to jump on a totally lost Chan.
"Chan! That's hot! I hope you let Sungie cook I'm so hungry."
They laughed at this little ball of energy that already looked ready to party. I turned around to see Hyunjin and Minho, detailing the large room with interest. He hadn't noticed me yet, I was sitting on the ledge of one of the windows with Jeongin. From the door, we could not be seen. Watching the arrivals, their reactions but also the party groups forming. Bambam greeted the arrivals with a big smile, wanting to put them at ease.
"Are we staying here?" asked Jeongin.
"I'm fine here, then I like to observe."
"Mater you mean?"
"Yes and?"
Suddenly a new boy walked through the doorway, catching Jeongin's eye.
"Yes, you're right, let's watch."
I suddenly laughed, his interest had obviously been focused on the person who had just entered. A young boy, whose name we did not know. His flaming orange hair was eye-catching, as was his soft yellow satin shirt. Cute, but not as cute as a certain someone. The room was soon filled, people were helping themselves at the bar. Chatting with each other, without any trace of embarrassment. Although it was crowded, everyone seemed to fit in perfectly. Jeongin and I were a bit apart, enjoying watching the people too much. Suddenly, Chan spoke up.
"We're going to move to the table! We'll let you seat yourselves however you want, just some of the names have been placed to make it easier for them to move between the kitchen and the table so make sure you don't sit in the designated seats!"
I already knew my place had been assigned, but by no means where I was placed.
"I'll meet you later, I'm going to help in the kitchen!"
"No worries, I'll try to get alongside my beau."
"Your? Don't make it your own too quickly, you don't even know him!"
"One night will be enough for me, learn."
He disappeared into the crowd, I huffed. He clearly didn't waste any time. I headed for the kitchens. There I found Bambam and those who had helped us this afternoon with the preparations. We had decided to do this in dishes rather than on the plate. It was too complicated to make by seeing the world, and the tastes of each one. There was enough of everything to satisfy everyone. I carried several dishes and we started to dispatch them on the big tables. I felt a look on my back, I didn't pay attention. So we followed several trips back and forth between the kitchen and the tables. When everything was well distributed and installed I looked for my place with the eyes. One, next to Minho. The guys, they had done it well. I went to settle down, he was chatting with Hyunjin who was right in front of him while I was in front of Felix. Between Minho and Jeongin, the latter far too absorbed in his discussion with his beau who was in front of him. When I sat down, Minho turned to me.
"Hey, are you avoiding me?"
"Hey, I had work to do."
"You don't even greet me, I feel outraged."
"Awn, pretty men, dont feel outrage by me"
He laughed.
"I'm glad to see you, really."
"Me too."
We smiled at each other, and started chatting as we helped ourselves. I'm really glad I invited him.
"Did you cook all this?"
"Not all of it, we divided the dishes to go faster."
"So much talent in such a small person."
"Am I your size?"
"I wasn't talking about that."
I hit his shoulder with my fist. Me ? Small intellectually? No, i dont think. We chatted on and on, the meal going without any particular hitch. Sometimes I left my seat to change them, to check that no one was missing anything. There was a family atmosphere, even though there must have been about 50 of us. Felix didn't leave Hyunjin, Jeongin seemed to genuinely like this handsome guy whose name I still didn't know. Changbin was still running away from his boyfriend, but this time he seemed to be laughing with another boy, a dancer I think. Around 12:00 am, everyone helped clear the dishes, fill the dishwashers and move the tables to the back. We piled them up to save space, the windows had been opened so much we started to die of heat. The dance floor was eventually invaded by everyone. I was serving some drinks at the bar, observing Minho absorbed the looks with these dances, just like Hyunjin. But the latter was far too busy capturing Felix's attention to see that he was the center of attention. A few hours later, I went outside to clear my head. I went to the coat check to get my jacket. The music, the crowd, the sweat, I needed some quiet after all the rush. I looked at the porch, then walked around it to lean against the wall, avoiding the smokers and their smells. The night was clear, despite the spotlights in the room, one could easily make out the crescent moon and its fellow stars. Even in Winter, always in a light jacket outside, you don't change a winning team anyway. I was just watching the sky, fascinated by its clarity. I could just hear the music, like a distant echo. Minho arrived with just his shirt on.
"Aren't you cold?"
"No, I'm warm-blooded. If nothing else, give me a hug and I'll feel better."
"No."
We laughed and he settled down next to me, our arms touching. I turned to him, looking into his eyes. His face was lit by the moon and those eyes were probably sparkling from the little bit of alcohol he'd been able to drink at the table.
"Are you dancing more?"
"I've danced enough, I'm resting. Then, the guy I want, he doesn't even admire me dancing."
"What a shame."
"See, I'm not lucky."
"Have you been drinking?"
"A little, I'm still perfectly lucid. I don't need alcohol to have fun."
"I understand."
I rested my head on his shoulder and turned my eyes to the sky again. Admiring it again, like it was the most wonderful thing I'd ever seen. We spent a moment in silence, until he broke it again.
"If you were to be reincarnated, what would it be?"
"You're asking me these questions at 2am... I don't know... And you?
"A star.
"A star? Why?"
"So that you admire me as you admire them now."
I felt a hot flash come over me.
"Don't say things like that..."
He turned to me, placing his hands on my cheeks.
"Tell yourself that with a look we can understand each other, learn each other and I want to be the one you always look at with that special glow. I would like to shine by your side, to make you feel fulfilled with me every day. Admire is probably not the right word, it may sound pretentious, but it's probably the best word to describe the way you looked at them tonight. I would like you to look at me, not as the lost boy in the bookstore, but as the one you could guide, guide to a future where you would accept me as the one who would take you from an I to a we with me by your side."
He didn't have time to continue, that I made our lips meet. Our first kiss was simple, just like us. There were no fireworks, it was just the two of us and our intimacy. Maybe he was lost, a fate that made this bookstore our meeting place. A story to be written in a book, which perhaps one day will be in this bookstore on the corner of this street.