Chapter Text
Ava was holding a piece of paper in front of her when Beatrice left the bathroom with her head tilted to the side to reach better the back of her head to dry her newly washed hair. She was so focused that she did not even hear the girl entering the room, completely lost in her little bubble, and Beatrice could not help but wonder what was so interesting about that piece of paper to make the girl pay so little attention to her.
Since Ava came back, they had spent so much time trying to make sure that one was never missing the other that Beatrice found herself almost addicted to the feeling of always being needed by someone. In a way, it gave her a new purpose: be there for the person that needed her the most. In her case, Ava.
"A penny for your thoughts?" Beatrice could not help but ask, incapable of reading the expression on Ava's face.
The younger girl immediately looked up and blushed lightly at the sight in front of her. Beatrice was simply wearing a long oversized t-shirt, and her still-wet hair had left some stains on it. Ava left her eyes to wander, before realising that she was staring and that it was not exactly the best way of welcoming someone back after they have just taken a long comforting shower.
"Oh uhm... Hi Bea,” she replied. She was stuttering, which Beatrice found amusing. Ava always joked about how she was clearly the man of the relationship whenever some random homophobic dude brought up the topic at the bar they were working at, but it was in moments like these that Beatrice knew what Ava truly was: a hopeless and completely useless bisexual that had no clue of how to properly talk to a girl. "Yeah sure, uh... Everything is all right. I just found this again and I found it quite... Interesting."
Beatrice got closer to her but did not reach her side. Instead, she took place in front of the girl and put her right hand on the other girl's waist. She simply wanted her to feel how close she was, despite still respecting her privacy. If Ava would've decided to share whatever was written on that piece of paper, Beatrice wanted to make sure that it was going to be entirely up to her.
Ava knew what that touch meant. She had felt it multiple times before. It was kind of their thing, to communicate without words. Whether it was through a smile, a glance, or a quick squeeze of the other girl's hand, it always managed to give off the right message. It was Ava's favorite part of their relationship: considering the number of times she found it hard to find the correct words to describe things about her life, especially due to how limited her vocabulary had been since she had to rely solely on Diego reading her children's books and on a traumatizing nun, Ava found that having an alternative through which she could communicate was a breath of fresh air.
"I wrote it the day I was... reborn. When I got the Halo and I managed to run away from there." Ava explained. "It's a bucket list." Ava had gone through an entire awakening moment when she realised that not only she was alive, but she could also move. She suddenly realised that she had to complete as many things as possible, possibly in the smallest amount of time imaginable, considering how she could not know precisely how long she would've managed to keep moving. That list, written on a broken piece of paper that she had asked for from a stranger, was the only thing she had left beside her memory of that crazy day.
Beatrice looked interested, but she didn't say much. She wanted to know more, and she already had so many questions about it. For example, how did she manage to take that piece of paper back with her to Switzerland? Did she leave it here at the house or did she bring it with her to the other side? Mostly, she was definitely curious to see what kind of things Ava had been dreaming of doing the day she started walking again, but she didn't want to pry. She definitely knew for sure that she would not be 100% comfortable sharing her own bucket list if she had one, to begin with. If anything, some parts would be definitely too... intimate to share. For now, at least.
"How long is it?" she decided to ask, instead. Everything else could've waited
Ava looked down at the list again, with a small frown. Beatrice would've loved to kiss those wrinkles away. She loved seeing how they created a new pattern on her face based on the emotions the girl was trying to transmit. Two shallow parallel lines at the beginning of her eyebrows to simulate confusion; a million small ones around her eyes whenever she squinted them while she was smiling towards her; a single central vertical line between her eyebrows when she was preoccupied. Beatrice could've gone on forever and she would still have more things to say about the particularities of Ava's micro-expressions.
Instead, Ava interrupted her stream of thoughts. "I think that my original idea was to write 100 plus one, but then I kind of got lost after twenty and then I forgot about it. And anyway, most of these are either very hard to accomplish or I lost complete interest in."
"For example?" Beatrice decided that it was safe to ask.
"Uhm... Well, you're not going to like this, but apparently, number 2, meaning it was kind of important, was to make sure that I was going to kiss a guy in the rain." Ava smiled a bit, looking back at the other girl, that now was not as entertained as before.
"Huh, very deep, past Ava,” she commented, with a hint of sarcasm in her tone.
Beatrice subconsciously started moving her hand away from Ava's waist, but the other girl was quick to stop her by placing her hand on top of hers to keep it in place. "Don't overreact Bea, I didn't even know you back then." The other girl shrugged her shoulders in response. "I also had on my list to kiss a girl, if it makes you feel better. I just did not specify how, when, and where. Plus, I'm still definitely interested in that one, even though I can already check it off." Then, without adding more, she proceeded on placing her free hand on Bea's waist and pulled her in, to close the gap between each other.
Ava's expression had shifted once more, and this time Beatrice knew that it was a kind of shift that nobody could have ever recognised if not her. It was the kind of look that Ava had shown only to two people in the entire world, but Beatrice also knew, deep inside, that, in the end, JC did not get it as intense as she did. No, she was sure that the way Ava was staring at her was completely different.
She was looking at her with want, a bit of joyful shyness, and her face was completely relaxed. Ava knew what she was doing, what she wanted, and what she was going to receive. There was no anxiety whatsoever, and no expectations to meet. It was only the two of them, and whatever they had between each other. It was the kind of look that everybody dreamed of receiving, and when the moment comes you can't help but feel it stare into your soul, feeling it everywhere all at once.
"We can arrange that." Beatrice barely answered, and to be honest she surprised even herself by doing so. She knew that her voice would've cracked and would not have managed to live up to her expectations because her mouth was suddenly dry and her throat felt like it hadn't seen water for at least a couple of days spent under the burning sun of the desert. She felt every word rasp the back of it, in a painfully pleasant way, and she couldn't help but wonder how she ended up in that situation.
How did she, Beatrice, once upon a time nun, find herself in the living room of a two-room apartment, wearing only one large t-shirt after taking a shower, still barefoot, flirting with what must've been the prettiest girl walking on the Earth, Ava? How did she find herself inches apart from her, longing for the moment in which they would've finally reduced them to zero? How did she find herself looking at the other girl's eyes dropping to her lips, and instinctively licking her bottom lip already savouring the moment in which she would've felt the other girl's teeth grasping it and biting it softly in the kiss that they were about to exchange?
Since Ava had come back from the other side, Beatrice had decided that it was better not to ask some questions. Sure, sometimes it still happened that she found herself looking at the ceiling of their bedroom, while she was holding a lightly snoring Ava in her arms, but they were not obsessive thoughts as before. They were more "How did I get so lucky?" thoughts, and Beatrice thought that she could live with those.
Since Ava had come back from the other side, they had also been kissing quite a bit. They shared all kinds of kisses: the small pecks, like the one you share with your lover when you wake up in the morning before they do, and you get to stare at their relaxed face for a couple of minutes, before feeling the sudden urge to cover every inch of their skin with kisses; deeper kisses, the ones you exchange when you feel a deep wave of love for the other person hitting you with such force you realise that there is no way you can ever put it into words and that you have to kiss the feeling away; the mundane kisses, that you share while you're making breakfast and you ask your lover to move, and you thank them with a quick kiss that you haven't put much thought into. But no matter how many kisses they had shared, both Beatrice and Ava felt them everywhere in their body.
That kiss was no different from the others. It made both girls’ knees tremble a little, just because the moment their lips met they were suddenly aware of the fact that they were, in fact, able to kiss. They did not have to wait to kiss each other, because they had already been waiting for enough and now it was the time to simply sit back, relax, and enjoy the consequences of their hard work. Sure, it had not been an easy ride until that moment, but the awareness that they were able to exchange that small kiss in the middle of the bedroom, their bedroom of their shared apartment, amplified the force behind the kiss by at least a thousand.
Beatrice felt Ava's tongue pocking her lower lip, and even though she really wanted to go back to the bucket list topic, she decided that it could've waited a couple of minutes longer. After all, kissing Ava was her favourite activity and she definitely was not going to be the one to interrupt it. Actually, she was definitely disappointed when Ava pulled back a little, and instead of simply letting go she raised her left hand to cup her face and pull her in for another kiss.
"It tickles!" Ava pulled back with more force and started giggling, and with a hand, she pushed Beatrice's left hand away. The other girl looked a bit puzzled, but then she looked down and she realised. She was so entranced by their kiss, that she forgot about the towel she was holding with her hand, that by trying to grasp Ava's face, she had brushed against her cheek and neck.
Beatrice laughed too, definitely entertained by the situation. Then, determined to get that one last peck, she threw the towel on the bed and reached again for Ava's face. She stroked her cheek with her thumb for a couple of instants, while looking at all the small details that characterised Ava's delicate face, and smiled a little. Then, when she saw the other girl's eyelashes flutter shut, she closed the small space between them and pressed their lips together in a much softer kiss than the previous one.
"You're beautiful,” she murmured against her lips, and she felt Ava's smile against her lips. That was her favourite kind of kiss: tasting your lover's smile on your lips is the best feeling in the world, and Beatrice knew that if it wasn't for the fact that they still needed to live their own life, she would've spent the rest of her time making the girl smile just to be able to kiss it and taste it against her own.
Ava blushed a bit and decided to hide her face in the crook of the older's girl neck while pulling her in for a hug. She wasn't big with words anyway, and Beatrice knew that her actions spoke louder than her words. They stayed in their embrace for a little bit longer, simply enjoying each other's presence. Ava could hear Bea's heartbeat against her ear, and it was so fast yet so calming at the same time that she realised it could easily become her favourite song.
"I have an idea about that list,” Beatrice said after a while. The room was in complete silence, filled solely by their breaths and the noise coming from the street outside their apartment. It felt nice, it felt as if for an instant it was only them. No past, no future, just them, there, living in the moment simply because, for once, they could.
Ava pulled back from their embrace, without ending their hug. She was listening, intently, and wanted to know more.
"Since 100+1 things can be hard to make, especially considering how you literally have no clue of what are the things that you like and which ones you don't, maybe you can start easier. 10+1." Beatrice smiled gently at the girl in her arms. "Then, I will help you realise those wishes. What do you say?"
"I'm saying that number one has already been checked off my list."
Later that night, when they were getting ready for bed, Beatrice found on the desk the new piece of paper with the 10+1 bucket list. Ava had already asked her to read it twice that day, already, but between her work and making sure she was paying enough attention to the girl, she still hadn't yet had the chance to. But now, Ava was in the bathroom taking a shower, and Beatrice had nothing better to do anyway. So, she picked up the piece of paper and quickly went through the list.
The first thing that Beatrice noticed was the calligraphy. She couldn't help but smile, seeing the progress the girl had made since the first time she saw a message she had left for her and all the other Sisters: "I want to live." Beatrice remembered how she felt incredibly disappointed, and she thought that the reason why she felt so sick in the stomach it was because her purpose was suddenly lost, as the Halo had disappeared with the new mysterious girl, but looking back now, she knew it was much more. Now, a couple of months later, her calligraphy was still scarily similar to that of an 8-year-old, but at least she could manage to stay within the lines and it was not that hard to interpret the sentences.
After reading it once, Beatrice breathed loudly, but in as a sigh of relief, both as an unrecognisable sound that you release when you're hit with a wave of excitement. The kind of exhale you release the moment you receive the purchase confirmation to the concert of your favorite band. Yeah, the list was manageable and not at all impossible to complete, which was a big plus for her. But it was not the things that were listed that made her heart pick up the rate and made her feel warm and full of happiness she could not put into words. No, it was the way Ava had already crossed the first sentence, the list’s first row. Most particularly, it was what was written in those six, very simple yet meaningful words.
Beatrice put the piece of paper back down and started mentally preparing herself a well-organised plan to manage the following weeks in order to make sure that Ava would've been able to complete her list as soon as possible. She wanted to have everything ready for the girl, and she did not care how much effort it would've taken her. For Ava, it was more than worth it.
When Ava reached her in bed and snuggled into her just to move away again to give her a quick kiss before resuming the cuddling position, Beatrice felt like her heart was literally roaring. Between Ava's actions and Ava's list, she was not sure anymore she would've been able to survive all of that. She probably would've laughed, if it wasn't for the fact that Ava was already half asleep and she did not want to risk wearing up the sleeping girl in her arms. No, she could've screamed in joy tomorrow. One night longer would've not killed her. Instead, she decided to follow Ava's steps and closed her eyes to drift off to sleep as quickly as the other girl did.
What Beatrice did not consider, however, was that one crossed sentence on the piece of paper. They had never really talked about it again after Ava had returned. Beatrice didn't even know whether Ava had heard her, the moment she went through the portal, but she still hadn't had the chance to ask especially because Ava had not brought the topic up either. One overtaking session too many later, Beatrice thought that Ava's love confession was solely something said out of desperation, and not because she actually meant it, and that's why she did not bring it up (Bea already had known for a while, she definitely loved Ava with all her heart).
But after reading that list, she knew that things were about to change for the better, and the excitement of not knowing made her adrenaline reach the stars. She had to start focusing on her breath to start calming herself down because it felt just too good to be true. Then, when she finally managed to get her breath and heart rate under control, she thought once more about the piece of paper and smiled.
On the desk, a couple of feet away from their bed, the piece of paper was still lying neatly in the same position Beatrice had left it in a couple of minutes before Ava reemerged from the bathroom. The first line, anticipated by a simple tick, was shining in all her glory and it was illuminating their room with a new aura, not visible to a human eye but clearly palpable regardless of its physical presence or not.
Finding the love of my life.
Beatrice smiled, one instant before finally drifting off to sleep as well. Yeah, everything was going to be all right.